Chapter 3: Memories 2009-03-29 – 2009-03-31

Noah pulled Bella to the sofa and sat down, he tried not to look at her so instead he looked at his hands.

"God, I really don't know where to start" Noah mumbled

"How about from the beginning, that's usually a good place to start from…"

Noah smiled when the memory came back to him; it had been so long since he had thought of Luke like that, to see pass all the pain and trying to see the good things that they had shared together.

"Well, we meet when I was doing this summer internship at WOAK, Oakdale's news station. It was a change for me to escape my father so I took it.
Anyway, I was late that day, which pissed of Luke incredibly, or that's what it seemed like."

Bella looked at her dad with amusement in her green eyes."You were late dad? That's something I really wished that I would have been able to see!"

"Ha-ha, really funny sweetheart! At first I didn't have feeling for Luke, hell I didn't even know that I was really gay before meeting him.
He was the one how made me realize how I truly am, and when I was with him, I never had to hide myself. Like I had to do with Maddie at first, she was my shield from myself before Luke helped me, but in the end she and I remained great friends which I will always be more then grateful for."

"You never mentioned her at all, why? You said you were great friends, what happened?"

Noah looked at her daughter for a moment, should he really tell her this?

We are supposed to be honest tonight, so Mayer get a grip!

"She died sixteen years ago after a fight with her ex-boyfriend Casey. The police think it was suicide. I was the one, who found her, but I came too late, the doctors weren't able to save her, but she left a note for me and something else." Said Noah and looked down at his hands, it was almost like he could still see the blood on his fingers. Even if it hadn't been his fault, but every time he thought about what had happened, he wished he could have done something to prevent it from happening.

"What was it she left behind?" Bella whisper, but somehow it felt like she already knew what he was going to say.

"You" Noah answer with a shaking voice. He didn't dare to look at his daughter; he knew that he should have told her sooner, that he shouldn't have kept it to himself.

"Was that why Luke and you broke up, because of me?"

Noah laughed bitterly and looked deep in to his daughters eyes; he could see the confusion there but also guilt.

"Oh Honey, I almost wished that it was the reason but we had already broken up a long time before that"

"So what happened to mess everything up?"

"We had problems long before Maddie even got pregnant with you, but when she did, that was when I really understood that Luke and I were finished, once and for all…

First there was my dad, then Ameera The election, Kevin, Brian, Reg and Damian, the list goes on forever but somehow we always seemed to get through it together, it seemed to only make us stronger, but then.. Then came Casey and after that I was done with it..."

He glanced at Bella who waited painterly for him to continue.

"Well, it seemed that Casey turned out to be Gay to, and for some reason he decided that it was Luke that he wanted, no matter what the price was, so to do that he had to get me out of the picture.

I know that he and Luke had pretended to be a couple but this was different, it was like Casey was possessed by the thought of Luke, and the worst part is that Luke never saw it.

He claimed that Casey was only joking around, and of course Casey went along with that idée, until one day when I found them in bed together" Noah paused for a moment to think a little.

"And then you left him right? Bella said and looked at her dad who looked away. "O my god, do not tell me you stayed with him after that??!!"

"I did, I knew that it was stupid but I loved Luke with my heart and soul at that point, he was my first love, my true love, so I wanted to give him another chance. I thought that it was a mistake finding them together but after a while I got proof that told me otherwise. I once again found them in bed together so I told Luke that he had to make a choice, me or Casey"

"He chose Casey didn't he?

Noah nodded. "He did, so I decided to left town, but then something happened that made me stay for a little longer "

"What did?"

"Maddie got pregnant with you and she was my best friend, she had no one on her side, so I stayed. Of course that didn't make Luke or Casey happy, the both thought that I had gone back in the closet again"

"I am sorry dad, I know that you loved Luke but he sounds like a jerk" Bella said in an angry voice.

She had thought that this was a decent guy but then had turned out to be someone else, she had never been a violent girl but right now she wanted to find this Luke as literally kick his ass.

"It's okay sweetheart, I now that by know…" Noah answered in a sad voice. "I know that how things ended was a mistake, but Luke helped me in so many ways and I have him to thanks for who I am today. I wouldn't have had it any different, what we had was special, but that was what it was."

"But I can see why you did tough" Bella said after a while and pointed at the photo. "He has beautiful eyes just like you dad"

"Yes he does" Noah said with a smile.

"Dad, do you know who my biological father is?" Bella asked seriously.

"No I don't Bella, but I have a pretty good guess who it might be. Why, do you want to try to find him?

Bella shook "No, I was just curios, and why would I want to have found a new dad, when the world's greatest dad is right in front of me?"

"You really think that I am the best dad in the world?" Noah asked a little surprised but at the same time relieved.

"That I do dad that I do." Bella said with a smile before getting up from the couch. "Dad, can you promise me something?"

"What is it Bells?" He asked, turning to his daughter.

"Please stop running away from you past."

Noah nodded; he knew that she was right.

The past is my future. If my past hadn't happened as it did, I wouldn't had Isabella in my life… No matter what has happened in my past, I wouldn't change it for the world.

"O, one more thing dad." She walked to the table where they had the family photos and placed the photo if her dad and Luke on the table, right in the middle. "No more hiding, okay?"

"Sweet dreams Isabella" He said and pulled her in for a hug.

"You to dad"

She was right, he would have very sweet dreams that night, he would be dreaming about a very special blond, brown eyed guy, with one of the wonderful smiles in the whole world.

That was the very first night he dreamed of Luke, the one of many more that would come. He might convince his mind and body that it was over, but in his dreams they were defiantly not…