Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be.

Story Summary: Tag to Requiem. Tony's dive into the bay doesn't work out too well for him.

Author's Notes: Here's Chapter 3. Again, I was blown away by the amount of reviews I received from Chapter 2. Thanks guys. This is the chapter that worries me. Gibbs is a little OOC, but I wanted to show him reacting to something. Anything. So if you hate it, at least try to read the rest.

Reliving the Past
By: JnnLuvsU

Chapter 3: Gibbs
Summary: He needed to throw something. Anything. Preferably at himself. This was his fault. His. There wasn't some unknown person, some perp that he could blame this on.

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Gibbs glanced up from the doctor checking him over as a gurney was wheeled past the ER. He could see Tim running next to it and frowned, catching the younger man's eyes.

Tim didn't stop and that – more than anything else – terrified him. The junior agent he'd trained would have stopped, given him a report. Unless there was something that scared him more than Gibbs.

And then Gibbs knew who was on the gurney and he shot to his feet. Without a second glance at the doctor or Maddie, he headed after the gurney. He knew Maddie would be fine. He'd already talked to her doctor. Now he had other problems. He fought briefly with the doctor at the double doors he was sure the gurney had disappeared through, but quickly passed him.

He automatically knew which room to head for. Had a feeling it was the one with all the doctors and nurses running into it. He jogged to it, his worst fears confirmed. Tony was lying in the bed, shivering so violently there were two nurses holding him down as his clothes were cut off.

Gibbs' eyes sought Tim, knowing there was no way the younger man had gone anywhere else. He found his junior agent to the left of the doorway, being talked to by a nurse. Tim didn't seem to be listening, staring in horror at Tony. Gibbs quickly slipped up to him, wrapping his arms tightly around Tim's chest when the man started forward. He knew Tim wasn't here; wasn't aware of what his meddling could do. Gibbs had to stop that. That was his only thought. To calm down Tim. To keep him from interfering with Tony's care. To keep himself from interfering with Tony's care.

Tim fought his hold at first, and Gibbs' leaned down to his agent's ear, tightening his hold, "It'll be okay, Tim," he whispered, hoping his use of the younger man's first name would get his attention. "He'll be okay. You have to stay back, or they'll kick us out." He didn't know if his words were getting through, but Tim did stop struggling.

Gibbs kept his arms tight around the younger man, more for his sake than Tim's now. He knew the fear had come through in his words. Hoped Tim wouldn't mention it. His arms were shaking; he couldn't get them to stop. He was having flashbacks.

Tony gasping for breath. Kate's tears. Ordering Tony not to die. Those god awful blue lights. Gibbs had gone home last time and thrown away everything that color blue. He couldn't deal with that color anymore. His hands stayed clenched around Tim long after the doctors stopped moving so frantically.

Then Pitt was there, giving them sympathetic glances as he explained what the cold November water and air had done to Tony's already damaged lungs. Gibbs finally let Tim go, pushing the younger man onto the couch in Tony's room. "Sleep," he demanded, seeing that Tim was dead on his feet. He turned back to Pitt. He led the doctor out of the room, stopping in the hallway. "Is this going to be a repeat of last time?" he asked, his heart constricting in his chest.

Pitt grasped his shoulders, telling him that the hospital stay wouldn't be as bad, but that the consequences could be much more far reaching. He was forcing Gibbs to look at him, telling him that he wasn't sure if Tony would be back on active duty after this.

Gibbs stood in the hallway long after Pitt had gone back into the room. He looked in through the window. Pitt was checking Tony's machines. Tim was sitting on the couch as Gibbs had demanded, but wasn't sleeping.

He needed to throw something. Anything. Preferably at himself. This was his fault. His. There wasn't some unknown person, some perp that he could blame this on. This had happened to Tony because the younger man was trying to save him. He knew his anger at Tony was misplaced, but he couldn't help it.

How could the younger man have been so stupid? Didn't he know that his life was worth more than Gibbs'? But he was mostly angry at himself. He should have taken Tony as backup. His senior field agent had proven himself countless times over the years, yet Gibbs had overlooked him. Because it wasn't work. It was personal. And Gibbs hadn't wanted to get him involved. You'd think he'd have known his team better than that.

He managed to walk back into the room just as Pitt was leaving. The doctor murmured something to him about visitor's hours, but Gibbs ignored him. He watched Tim pale at the very thought he might be kicked out. He knelt in front of his junior agent on the couch, "We're going nowhere," he promised, squeezing Tim's shoulder. "Get some sleep, Tim."

Tim still looked terrified, but did lie back on the couch. Gibbs didn't hold his breath that the younger man would go to sleep, but stood none the less. Gibbs walked to the bed, seeing his unconscious agent. For the first time in years, tears came to his eyes. This was because of him. He didn't know if he could deal with that. He heard noises at the door and turned, unsurprised to see Ducky standing there.

He stood still as he watched Ducky take in the scene. His glance fell briefly on Tim and Tony before focusing on Gibbs. Then he started talking.

Gibbs could see Ducky's mouth moving, but couldn't bring himself to make sense of the words. Tears were falling. How could he have done this to his agent? To his team?

He saw Tim sit up, saw him stand. Saw Ducky wave him back. Tim heeded Ducky's wishes, but continued to watch him carefully. Ducky approached him slowly, looking as if Gibbs was a bomb that was about to explode. Which, Gibbs told himself, he probably was. He focused on the ME approaching him slowly. "This is my fault, Duck," he whispered, surprised at the amount of anguish in his own voice. "My fault."

Gibbs started when Ducky's arms went around him. He didn't speak, merely hugged Gibbs. Gibbs hugged him back, wrapping his arms around the ME's waist. He caught Tim's eye over Ducky's shoulder. Could see the fear for Tony. Could see the concern for him. He let go of Ducky and walked back to his junior agent.

He didn't hug Tim. Because he knew that would scare the younger man more than anything.

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Ducky's up next. Like it? Review!