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A/N: Sorry for the long wait but here it is! Thank you for the reviews and please don't hesitate to do so again! I love hearing from all of you. Tell me anything that pops in your head! Thank you for reading, so here is the next chapter:
It Feels Like My Life's Not My Own
Home. That same word went through my head every single second. In fact, it was all I could think off. I wanted to go home. Right now, I didn't care how we would figure out a way to go home, but I wanted to go home. Immediately. No pun intended, no jokes, the plain, simple truth. My wish, right now, I want to go home. However, I was the only one thinking about that. The only one that seemed to yearn for home. The Pevensies were more distraught and shaken up by the fact that Cair Paravel was destroyed. If there was someone who would understand how it felt to be away from home, it would've been them. Because they had lost their home and were standing in the dais, surrounded by what was left of it. It was like the Blitz all over again.
But I didn't care. Call me selfish, but how could I possibly care since they were familiar with both worlds. I wasn't, I didn't know where Narnia was, what the language was, the origin, the culture, everything. I couldn't say where we were if I got a map of Narnia and had to locate myself. Basically I was lost between familiar people. I was the stranger here, forced to follow another road while I my mind was set on something else. How was I going to ask them to bring me home?
"Susan." I muttered quietly. I wondered for a few second if the brunette had heard me but when her ice blue eyes turned my way I knew she had. Her face was scrunched up in sorrow and her eyes were portraying a certain meaning of pain. Of course, Cair Paravel. Their home. It was destroyed; of course she would be hurt.
"What is Ana?" She asked gently, trying to keep the hurt she felt inside, even though her face was easily readable. I suppose that's the way it was with Susan. Hiding emotions, hoping nobody would recognize something, while in fact everyone around her knew how she felt. The more she held in, the more the others knew. It may sound strange, but it felt logical.
"I was wondering, uhm, I don't want to be rude or something…" I was ridiculously careful around Susan. I took a deep breath and realized that I still had the apple Peter had given me in my hands. I wasn't that hungry anymore.
"Yes?" Susan waited patiently and I decided to leave the matter. Why would I bother her now while she was obviously busier with her own feelings? I was indeed very selfish.
"Never mind, I'll ask you later." I murmured and with a strange look in my direction Susan turned her back on me again and sat down on a rock which was served as a little bench.
"What are we going to do now Pete?" I heard Lucy ask. Her voice was drenched in sorrow and she was turning to Peter for comfort. Her older brother. Her protector. It was obvious he loved his little sister a lot. I suppose it was because she was so young and he felt a certain need to protect her. He was with her every single second. Busy with keeping her from danger, making sure she wouldn't stray away.
"I'm not sure Lu, Ed and I are going to look around a bit more, we'll call you if we found something. Just stay here and I mean it. No wandering off." Peter said with a stern look on his face. He looked in my direction and saw that he was looking at Susan with a pained expression. Something was going on here and it was obvious it wasn't my business. Peter made that quite clear.
"I don't want to stay Peter. Let me come! We could go together. It'll be much safer." Lucy replied. She stood with her arms crossed in front of him and her eyes glistering with a certain kind of fire that she used on him quite often apparently because he gave in only a matter of seconds. He opened his mouth to say something when he was cut of by a yell. Everyone turned to the source of the volume and saw that it was Edmund.
"Peter! You have to see this!" He yelled and he beckoned him to follow him. He went immediately and Lucy, Susan and I followed. What else could I've done?
We saw Edmund crouching in front of something which was blocked from our view. He stood up carefully and eyed Peter, he was already there.
"Catapults." He stated and he looked at Peter, whose face was looking awfully pale.
"What?" Lucy asked, I was glad for Lucy or else nothing would be cleared out for me to understand.
"This didn't just happen." Edmund said. "Cair Paravel was attacked by catapults."
"But who would want to attack Cair Paravel?" Susan wondered. Peter shrugged coolly but it seemed like he was boiling from the inside.
"Did you have any enemies?" I asked carefully, hoping I was saying the right thing. Peter's face turned to be so abruptly I was scared he would have a whiplash, he was free from that though but the evil look he gave me was enough for me to shut up. I could hear Susan tell Peter off in a manner it reminded me of my aunt. Peter didn't look at me after that.
"No, at least, not that we know of." Edmund answered. "We left Narnia in peace last time, I can't imagine anyone who would be responsible for this." I nodded in understanding though I didn't grasp the entire meaning the concept was clear. Narnia was supposed to be in peace. Yet something happened which disturbed the balance.
Peter moved to a wall and started to move it, revealing a wooden door behind it. We girls trailed behind them. As the door was fully in view Peter ripped off a part of his white blouse and picked up a stick. He started wrapping it around the upper part of the stick. He looked at Edmund.
"I don't suppose you have any matches in there, do you?" He asked looking at the bag Edmund was carrying. Edmund looked inside and retrieved a torch.
"No, but would this help?" He asked with a grin, holding up the torch. We all smiled with him as Peter threw the stick away.
"You might've mentioned it a bit sooner." He said and he opened the door. He stepped back and let everyone in. Wasn't he the perfect gentlemen? Edmund went first with Susan right behind. Lucy moved after that and than his gaze settled on me and he gave me a pointed look which obviously said 'get inside'. How was I going to tell him? I took a cautious step and peered inside the dark. I didn't see anything though when I looked at my feet I saw that there was a staircase leading somewhere. I felt a little push and realized that Peter was waiting for me to get in. I took a step back and managed not to collide with Peter.
"What are you waiting for? Get in!" I shook my head.
"No thank you! I'd rather wait here. Where it's not dark and stuffy." I murmured the last part but it was obvious Peter had heard. He gave me one exasperated stare but I wasn't going to budge. I didn't want to go inside. What would I do there? He suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me in the tunnel behind him while he was mumbling incoherently, though I managed to pick out something like: overreacting and something like utterly adorable. I didn't understand that last part.
"Where does this lead?" I asked hoping I would sound casually but as the dark of the tunnel was closing in on us I couldn't remain calm. I was thankful for Peter that he was leading me even though I'd rather go back.
"Just stick close." He replied. Now that's a clear response. Sure makes things easy to understand. Hope you're noting my sarcasm.
"Okay." I mumbled. I just gave in to the most conceited prat I've ever met and I'm even liking it. Now you see, that is a problem.
We walked as I would collide with him often enough which caused some awkward moments from my side. I wasn't so sure how he handled it because I couldn't see his face in the dark. Suddenly his pace quickened and I had no other choice but stumble behind him in the same pace.
"I can't believe it's all here." He muttered when we entered a round chamber room with four chests and golden statues. They all rushed to each one while Peter stayed behind and grabbed a round shield which was covered in sand. He blew bits of the sand away and looked at it sadly. I couldn't help but wonder that there was more to Peter Pevensie than he let through. I felt like I was imposing and sat down on the last step of the staircase and watched all of them pick out things out of their chests like dresses, helmets, arrows.
"I was so tall." Lucy gushed as she pulled out a lavender coloured dress. It was far too big for her. Susan looked at it whiles she held a crossbow in her hands.
"Well, you were older than." She pointed out and I frowned, forgetting for a moment that she was older when she left Narnia a year ago.
"As opposed to hundreds of years later…when you're younger." Edmund confirmed my thoughts and I held in a laugh as he had a helmet which was far too big for him on his head. He was practically swimming in it.
"What it is it?" I looked up at Susan and saw that she frowning while she was looking fervently in her chest for something.
"My horn." She clarified. "Must've left it on my saddle the day we went back."
As Susan went through her chest again I saw Peter walk towards his own chest and pulled out a sword. It felt strange seeing them with medieval weapons. Weapons we wouldn't use back in England. Yet they were so comfortable with holding them, I wouldn't want to know how they would look like using them. Peter's sword suited him. In fact, a sword in general suited him, and somehow I felt this strange longing ignite in my veins and spread throughout my body. Suddenly Peter looked at the blade and I could see a description written on it. Even though I could only see it very faintly.
"When Aslan bears his teeth winter meets his death." He spoke.
"When he shakes his manes we will have spring again." Lucy finished. "Everyone we knew. Mr Tumnus and the Beavers, they're all gone." The heartache on Lucy's face was hard to miss as I got on my feet and moved to the Pevensies. I didn't ignore the painful look Susan gave me and as I was in no state of offering comfort as I needed my own I still tried and wrapped my arm around the sniffing Lucy, whose shoulders were shaking while silent tears fell.
"I think it's time we found out what's going on." Peter replied and he turned back to his chest and grabbed some clothes, or so it seemed and moved to Lucy. I pulled away from her as he kissed her head brotherly before beckoning Edmund to come with him.
"We're going to change upstairs; we will see you upstairs in a bit." He said, his voice was strained as he kept it all inside. He gave me one lingering look of which the meaning was unknown to me.
I always wondered what in heavens name made Peter so attractive, I stopped wondering now, because I was attracted now. Obviously. I still wished I knew why. I don't fall for boys, I don't. I'm no Cecilia who sees the best in every single male, I don't feel obliged to. She however did, which was of course the reason why she was so popular. Popularity was a luxury for me, a luxury I didn't crave. The whole thing with Peter made me feel so dependent. Dependent on his reaction and it was something I avoided.
I hadn't realized that Peter had left the chamber room along with Edmund when suddenly Susan handed me over a dress. The dark blue colour contrasted well with my slightly tanned skin and my dark hair. I looked up at Susan and she gave me a smile which I returned. As I looked more closely to the dress I saw that it was cut that deeply and I was thankful for that. Lord knows how that would look like.
"Uh Su? May I call you that?" I asked carefully. Susan turned to me and nodded, she was holding a purple dress that looked similar to mine in her hands.
"Are we supposed to wear these dresses, as in right now?" I gulped nervously and I realized I was clutching the fabric of the dress a bit too tightly than necessary.
"Yes, these dresses are common in Narnia, seeing as we can't go in our school uniforms, that would look a odd, wouldn't it Lu?" Lucy laughed in response and I laughed along side with them, even though I didn't understand the pun.
We all got dressed in silence and as I tugged off my dirty clothes and shrugged into the dress Susan gave me I wished for a bath. Wouldn't that be splendid? A warm, nice, long bath to relax my muscles. That was exactly what I needed to feel at ease again.
"That dress looks wonderful Ana, doesn't it Su? Look at her." Lucy cried out enthusiastically and I was waken from my reverie. Susan was done and she was plaiting her hair. I wondered how she could do that. I never plaited my own hair; my aunt always did that for me, or Cecilia.
"Amazing Ana, you look wonderful, I wish you could see it on your own." Susan said. I shrugged and tucked the loose strands of hair behind my ear to hide the fact that I was feeling flustered.
"Are you done?" Susan asked and I nodded. There was much for me to do and I pulled the ribbon out of my hair and wondered why I took the effort to look nice. Ah, Peter. I almost forgot. Almost. I quickly ran my hand through my hair to look presentable and I took lead while Susan and Lucy followed me up the stairs.
Susan's dress looked lovely; the colour was exactly the right colour that suited her and accented her features. Lucy looked adorable in her red and golden dress. I than saw the little dagger sheathed at her hip. I than turned my eyes to Susan and saw the bow. I was almost certain that Edmund and Peter both had their swords. Suddenly realisation dawned on me, I was the only one without a weapon, and seeing that even Lucy has a weapon it meant that Narnia wasn't safe at all! How would I manage when I didn't even know how to defend myself?
As we manoeuvred through the narrow stairs back to the sun I suddenly wished Peter was here again, to help me with every single step. I know it sounded pathetic but I hated the dark, ever since the Blitz. I shivered and took a step when suddenly my left foot gave away. I let out a shriek and was ready to fall in the abyss when I felt two arms pull me back. I fell back on my behind on the step before and I saw that Susan and Lucy had pulled me to safety. I could hear the thumps of my heart in my ear pump louder and more erratic.
"Are you alright? That was a close one." Lucy cried out and I shifted away from the black none existing step. I nodded and pressed the palm of my hand to my heart rubbing it anxiously. Susan cried out her brothers names and they appeared looking frantic and anxious. I didn't blame them. I slowly got on my feet again and looked at the steps in front of me. Three of them were missing. How could I have not seen?
"Bloody hell." Peter cursed. I winced and saw Lucy move closer to me, clutching my hand. I clutched just as hard back.
"You alright there?" Edmund asked and we all agreed, I didn't say anything though, still shaken up. I suppose I understood the seriousness of the whole situation, and I wasn't talking about the missing steps. I was stuck here. With noting to protect me.
"Ana?" I looked up startled and saw that Peter was holding out his hand for me to take. His blue green eyes stood determined and I felt some parts of my anxiety fade away. I hadn't realized that Susan and Lucy were standing behind him and Edmund. I hadn't felt Lucy dropping my hand. I swallowed the big lump that made it hard to breathe and reached out for his hand as he pulled me close to him while I jumped the distance.
His hand never slipped.
A/N: Let me know how it was, a few words are fine to!