Hey guys! :) Ever since I have looooots of ideas, I thought I should write a little bit more in every chapter, even though it would be even slower this way – but then you could read more at the same time and I could write more so I wouldn't have to keep all my ideas in my head in fear of loosing them, haha. So if I'll be updating less from now on, that will be because I will write more in each chapter.
I don't own Victorious!
"I don't know, Elly. I really don't know." I sighed, as I looked up at Elly. She was a quite short, blonde-haired, but really nice and pretty girl, and she was my best friend – at the moment, we were sitting at a pub around 9 PM and drinking some cocktails while talking about our lives' big problems. Well, Elly didn't really have any, so our talks about them was mostly like I talked about my ones, she listened to them and then tried to give me some advice, which never really worked. She had been dating her boyfriend for 2 years already then, and they had plans about having children, too, so I could understand that she thought her life was just simply happy.
"Aww, come on, you are still so young, I'm sure love will find you sooner or later, you just have to wait for the perfect man to bump into you and make you fall in love with him at first sight!" she exclaimed, a little too loud, in her characteristic British accent. She also sounded a bit poetical, but that's what I loved the most in her. With her girly, childish look, no one would expect her to say such things, and when she did, it sounded like it was a song, ever since serious words told in her high pitched voice sounded pretty unusual.
"Yeah, but who is perfect?" I asked, sighing again. I took a sip from my cocktail – it was pink, and I had no idea why, because it wasn't strawberry, or any else pink-or-red-colored-fruit flavoured, but it made some really, really old memories come up to my mind.
"Hey, why is it pink?" he asked, with the glass in his hand, looking at it.
"It's pink lemonade." I answered simply.
"I've never seen any pink lemons." he looked at me with a confused expression on his face, which I always found cute – but of course I never told it to anyone...
"There are no pink lemons."
"...so what makes it pink?" he asked again, slightly raising his eyebrows. I just stared at him for a moment, then I had to answer, but I couldn't think of any proper response.
"Well... you know, it's... shut up!" I said, and I felt quite awkward.
I looked down on my glass as this conversation played in front of my inner eyes again and again, and I was probably lost in my thoughts, because I almost had a heart attack when Elly waved a hand at my face.
"Hey, Tori, you awake?" she asked, and I nodded yes, swallowing.
"Yeah, I just got lost in my thoughts. Sorry."
"I see." she mumbled, looking at me from my head down to my feet and then back to my head again. "You have some problems which you don't talk about." she told me, like she just informed me about what will the weather be like tomorrow.
"No, I don't. I'm just tired. You know, I have some really exhausting patients, with not usual problems, and..." I started to explain, but she interrupted me.
"Don't lie to me, Tor!" she now begged, and I had to stay silent for a few seconds to keep myself from telling her my other problems. Her puppy eyes always made me admit everything...
"I'm not lying. I'm absolutely okay, just tired. And sleepy. And tired." I said. She chuckled a little, then brought her deadly serious face back.
"C'mon, it will be better if you tell someone." she continued to try to convince me about telling her my secrets.
"Ahh... fine. But not here." I said, as I drank the last sips of my cocktail. She did the same, then stood up.
"Then come to my house and stay over tonight. We can have a cool girly sleepover, Alec isn't at home this week. Some business crap..." she said and offered me her arm to help me up. We quickly paid, then left the little, hot, and kind of smelly pub which we always spent Friday evenings at. It had never been too crowded, and they had amazing cocktails and food, even though the prices could be pretty high sometimes.
While walking on the busy Friday-night-streets of London, we both stayed silent – I mean, I did, Elly babbled, and I just nodded some times, other than that, I was deep in my thoughts again. The awkward moment, when the psychologist needs a psychologist – I thought, and I seriously started to think that I should go and see a doctor with all my love problems. I already had some ridiculous cases with boys in highschool, but I never thought I will have those when I will be almost 10 years older, too. I met so many men who only used or abused me, and none of them loved me for who I really am, and that just made me lose faith in love... and basically in every men. That was probably one of the reasons why I didn't call André, Beck or Robbie anymore after a while, but they didn't seem to want to talk to me that much either, since they never tried to contact me.
We arrived at Elly's flat about ten minutes later – thanks God she lived really close to the pub. There she gave me an oversized T-shirt and some jogging pants, so I could change into them, and she dressed into her pajamas, too, so we had a real, girly sleepover. While she made some popcorn, I chose a movie to watch; it was unnecessary, though, because the film couldn't even start when she turned the sounds off and looked me, waiting for me to tell her what I've been hiding from everyone else than myself. And finally, I opened up and I told her everything, starting off with Ryder Daniels from Sherwood, continuing with all the guys at high school and university, and finishing with my last boyfriend, who broke up with me two months ago because of another girl.
"You see you're feeling better now!" she cheered, and threw some popcorn at me. I didn't hesitate for too long, and I threw a pillow straight into her face – and that was the beginning of the real pajama party, after leaving all the worries and problems behind our backs (mostly mine).
I was at the shower when Amanda broke in to the bathroom, screaming my name and calling for me desperately – she scared me so much that I almost fell, but luckily, I could catch the towel hanger.
"What's that?!" I yelled back, quickly wrapping a towel around my waist.
"Your girlfriend is in the news!" she shouted, making me sigh.
"You know she's a singer, it's totally normal that she..." I started, but I couldn't finish my sentence, she grabbed my wrist screaming „no" and dragged me to the living room, where the news channel was turned on, showing a kind of apocalyptic street with so much blood, bodies lying on the ground, crashed cars, firemen, policemen, the ambulance and some fire. I was always sad when an accident like that happened, but back then, I didn't know some more important information.
"That's what you wanted to show me? An accident?" I asked, adjusting the towel.
"No! Just listen!" she yelled. And I listened.
"Horrible accident happened in Los Angeles, near the airport. A car ran into a streetlamp, and another one crashed into that, causing fire and a blast from the spilled gasoil catching the flames. Twenty people got injured, the police found three dead bodies so far, including Jade West, the famous singer and songwriter's." The reporter said, and they showed a picture of Jade – it was taken about a week ago, she smiled widely as she hugged a bunny –, but I couldn't care anymore. I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and they didn't take too much to flow down my face. I know, men don't tend to cry, but I couldn't help it... I ran back to the bathroom and closed the door, then sat down on the floor, not caring about anything around me, not even about first only Amanda, then Amanda and Eric, and then the whole family knocking at the door. I buried my face in my hands as I tried to understand what had just happened, but I couldn't. I simply wasn't able to. I couldn't imagine my days, my weeks, my life without her, she was my everything, and I didn't know what was I living for anymore.
"Beck! Please, open the door! Let me talk to you!" I heard Amanda begging, but I didn't answer. Eric called for me, too, and I heard Kirsty asking what was happening again and again, but none of them answered. Even Robert said some words to me, and if I wasn't in a horrible pain, I would have probably replied, but at that moment, even the little boy's slow and childish encouraging sentences couldn't make me smile.
Almost three hours had passed until I finally managed to get up on my feet again, get dressed and go to bed, or at least leave the bathroom. Amanda and the others went sleeping after an hour, the children were probably sleepy, and I heard Eric telling her that I needed some time to be alone and understand and accept everything, so after wishing me good night, they left.
When I finally went back to the guest room, I took my phone out of my pants' pocket, and clicked on the gallery button as I lay on the bed and dragged the blanket over myself. It took a little time until all my pictures loaded, and then I wasn't exactly sure if I really wanted to watch them or not. The last one was taken on the day when I left Los Angeles, Jade asked a stranger to take a photo of us with both of our phones, so we both could stare at it all day – she was sometimes really addicted to love, and it annoyed me pretty much when we went to see a beautiful place, and on all pictures, we were in the middle kissing, hugging, holding hands or anything else, and then nothing was visible of the sight, only some at the edge of the photo; but thinking about it some time later, I would still rather bear having myself on every picture in my phone than being alone, without her and not able to see her anymore. I tried to fight my tears back, but I didn't success: before I could put my phone away, I already saw a teardrop staining my pillow. I wiped my eyes as I turned the lamp off and let my head fall to the sheet... I wished to fall asleep fast, but dreams didn't come for a really, really long time. I could already see the first sunlights illuminating the sky when my eyes finally closed and a slight slumber reached me; it turned out to be a horrible nightmare, though.
It was a sunny morning in Los Angeles when I woke up – to my biggest surprise, in our room, in our flat, not at Amanda's house. I opened my eyes to see the clock said it was only 8 AM, so I was sure Jade was still asleep then. I warnly turned around, trying not to wake her up, and I was glad to see I could do it, she was still sleeping calmly. I stared at her face for long minutes, but she seemed a little paler than usual, and I couldn't see her chest raising and falling.
"It's just the blanket covering her, I'm sure." I thought, trying to calm myself down before I could think about the worst possibilities. After a few more minutes, I couldn't help but had to touch her to check if she would wake up or not, so I reached out and took her hand. It was cold like ice, so I immediately jerked my one back and stayed still for a few seconds. Then I reached out again and gently pulled her arm to myself, then placed two fingers on her wrist to check her pulse. I tried to find it desperately for long minutes, but I couldn't, and it almost scared me to death.
"Jade! Do you hear me? Please, say something! Don't do this to me! Please! Answer me! Jade!" I stuttered, and as I talked, my voice became louder and louder until I was basically shouting, but she didn't answer. She lay on her back still, without showing any signs of being alive, and I had to prop myself up to check her pulse on her neck, too – I couldn't find it there either.
"Please, Jade... you can't die... you just can't!" I screamed again, desperately trying to wake her up. After a few minutes, I thought I should try to make her breathe with mouth-to-mouth, but just at the moment when I leaned down to her face, she opened her eyes and stared at me viciously, her cold blue eyes looking ever colder than usual. Her eyes were bloodshot and there was a weird spark in them, and she let out a cracking noise as she grabbed my wrists and roughly pushed me down on my back. Even a second couldn't pass until I was laying on the sheet and she was on top of me, with a kinfe in her hand.
"D-Do you hear me, Jade? Put that thing down, it will be okay! What did I do to-" I started, but I couldn't finish my sentence, 'cause she cut me off as she stabbed me with the knife, right in my chest, right in my heart.
That was the moment when I suddenly woke up, panting heavily, almost screaming. I quickly sat up in my bed and wiped the sweat off my forehead, then I got out of bed and slowly walked out to the kitchen. I didn't really know what did I want to do there, but in the next moment, I found myself on the terrace, sitting in a comfy armchair under the roof. I had a bottle of beer in my right hand, and I was so surprised to find myself smoking – because there was a cigarette in my left hand. I couldn't help it, though, it just felt so good to smoke and drink, and it felt like all the pain suddenly sublimed, and I could only see the sunshine.
About half an hour later I heard footsteps and Amanda's voice quietly calling for me. I wanted to answer, but I wasn't strong enough to speak up; probably because I was way too drunk then, in that short amount of time, I drank another two bottles of beer. I groaned slightly, and I think she heard it, because a moment later she knocked on the glass door that lead to the terrace, and she peeked out and looked around.
"Oh, good morning, Beck! How had your night been? Could you fall asleep?" she asked, then her voice trailed off and she squeaked silently. "What... what happened here? What are these? Why are there beer bottles around you?"
"Amanda, I... I'm sorry..." I pressed out as I tried to stand up, but my body's weight felt too much and I fell back into the chair. Amanda ran up to me and grabbed my arm to help me up, but it still didn't seem to be enough, I could barely take a step until I had to stop and rest.
"Why did you do it?" she asked. Her voice sounded rather sad and disappointed than mad, and even being widely drunk, it made me disappointed in myself, too.
"I needed something... to make me stop... thinking about the... accident... and Jade..." I mumbled, and propped myself on the wall.
"I hope you know you can't go on this way." she started, and she probably wanted to tell me a whole speech, but I unintentionally interrupted her.
"I'm taking a plane back to... back to Los Angeles... I need to see her... and stuff..."
"You're drunk now, so don't make decisions what you will regret later. You should go back to bed and sleep, that's all you need now." she said dryly. I was about to say something, but it seemed like my vocal cords gave up and I could only groan one more time before we reached the guest room and Amanda let go of me, so I could go back to bed. I leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, then stayed there for quite a long time, just like I did the day before in the bathroom. That time, I was only miserable, and later in the guest room, I was drunk, I had nausea and I felt like the room was spinning around me, though.
A few hours later, I woke up still sitting there, and my head hurt like never before. I slowly stood up, but only to walk up to the bed and lie on that; then fall asleep into a dreamless slumber again. My thoughts were all over Jade and the life that we could have if this accident didn't happen or if I was there to protect her... and from that moment on, I started to blame myself for everything that happened.
I woke up around 10 in the morning, feeling a little dizzy. With the first move I made, I could feel something poking my stomach, ribs and face, so I propped myself up and touched my cheek where the little thing hurt it – I soon figured out that it was some popcorn. I opened my eyes and looked around: the whole room was covered in it, and I surely wasn't at home.
"What happened?" I asked, hoping that someone will answer. I soon heard Elly's voice coming from the opposite corner of the room, so I turned my head there.
"We had a sleepover with popcorn, movies and... some... well, wine." she admitted as she stood up from the chair she was sitting on. She already dressed up into an American flag printed sweater and some jeans; it was kind of funny, because I was the one from America and I always wore stuff with the British flag, and she was the British one, wearing stuff with the American flag.
"Then that must be the reason why my head hurts." I mumbled, pushing my hair out of my face.
"I have some painkillers, if you need them." she told me, and she immediately walked up to the cupboard, where she probably kept medicine.
"Some would be nice." I nodded and sat up on the couch. I watched her getting some water, and I couldn't help but felt a little bit jealous of her: she had a really good sense of fashion, a loving and caring boyfriend and a comfy flat – that was all that a woman in our age could wish for. Yet I always wore what I first found in my wardrobe, I was a failure in love things and my flat was everything but comfortable.
"Here you go." Elly basically dragged me out of my thoughts when she said these three words and put the painkillers and the glass of water on the table in front of me. I thanked her, then took them and drank the water, and without saying a thing, I stood up to find my clothes in the messy living room.
An hour later we were having early lunch – fish and chips, we could never get bored of that –, when it started to rain heavily again. Elly quickly jumped up to close the window, but a few raindrops still landed on her face.
"Now I look like I'm crying." she said laughing as she sat down again and wiped the water away from her cheeks.
"Kinda." I admitted chuckling. We stayed silent for long minutes, then she put her fork down and looked up at me.
"Do angels cry, too?" she asked suddenly. I stopped eating, too, and thought about it for a moment before asking back.
"Why do you ask?" I raised an eyebrow.
"I saw the news this morning on the internet while you were still sleeping." she said, and made me roll my eyes – of course everything happens when I'm asleep. "Man, one of my favorite singers died yesterday... I couldn't believe it... there was an accident in Los Angeles where two cars crashed into a streetlamp and into eachother, and the gasoil spilled out and they exploded... and then there was Jade West, and she also died there and..."
"Wait, what did you say?" I asked again, almost choking. "Who did die?"
"Jade West. You know her, the singer..." she mumbled, poking her fish.
"Of course I know her! Did she really die?! How is it possible? I... I... how?" I screamed, suddenly freaking out. I haven't talked to her in almost two years, and since that, she was very busy with her career so she probably forgot about me – but that didn't change the fact that I used to be her friend in high school and that I knew her for a really long time.
"Calm down! I said it was an accident and stuff..." she explained. I sighed and tried to calm myself, then, when I thought I could make it, I spoke up agian.
"How does it come to angels and crying?" I asked.
"When I was a child, my mom always said it was only raining when the angels were crying, but now I doubt it a little bit. But if I knew for sure that angels do exist, I would probably say Jade West is sad now..." she said and glanced over the window. I looked there, too – raindrops were running down on the outside of it, and they blocked me from seeing the sight.
"You didn't know her... She had never been acting like an angel... but now it doesn't matter anymore... how could this happen?" I still couldn't understand it. Jade West died in a car accident... how is this even possible? A celebrity always have bodyguards and stuff... I thought, and buried my face in my palms.
I missed her so much, even without talking to her in the past few years, and I felt an excruciating pain in my chest whenever I thought about her – back then, I didn't know there was someone, actually really near me, who was ruining his whole life right at that moment because of this accident...
Ah well, it turned out to be that I wrote even less than usual... I hope you still liked this chapter, though. I know it was sad and everything, and like, it will probably never be a comedy, but it's in hurt/comfort category, and I would say it's a little bit of drama, too... whatever. Please review! :) And sorry for all the spelling, grammar and every other mistakes I made, you know English isn't my first language :/