Phoebe and I get to the bar and order two drinks before sitting down.
"I really needed to get out," I tell her.
"I know, when was your last date?" She asks me.
"Probably a month ago by now, maybe more," I try to count the weeks.
She shakes her head.
"I know it's getting bad, last night I had a dream about Joey," I suddenly admit to her.
"Oooh really, what about?" she inquires.
I realize I can't tell her what really happened in my dream.
"Oh nothing too exciting. I don't know, we were in the apartment and," I start to make up a dream, but two men walk over to us and introduce themselves. I'm happy to escape the conversation I stupidly started with Phoebe.
We are talking with the guys for a while. I'm looking at my guy, his name is Craig. He's really cute, he is, and he seems sweet, although they all do at first. We're laughing and Phoebe seems really into her guy. I watch her laugh and playfully hit his shoulder. I look back at Craig. I should be into him, I should be excited about him. I think about whether I would like to kiss him and I just don't want to. I don't know why.
After a few hours, Phoebe says they are going to another bar. She invites me, but I tell her I think I'm going to head home. She and Craig seem upset with this decision. I tell them I'm not feeling well and they let me go. Craig gives me his number, but I doubt I'm going to call him. I take a cab ride home by myself.
The next day, I spend the morning at the coffee shop with Monica and then walk back up to my apartment around noon. I walk in and see Joey sitting at the island. When he sees me, he instantly looks excited.
"Hey Rach, you have a message," he beams and presses the play button on the machine before I even say a word.
It's Craig from the bar saying he had a great time and would love to see me again. Phoebe probably gave him my number, dammit Phoebe I didn't care about this guy.
Joey is smiling, waiting for a response from me. I don't want to look lame or make up some excuse as to why I'm not into this guy so I go along with it.
"Yes, we have a good time," I smile like the message made me happy.
Joey is very enthusiastic about this.
"Yeah, you got home pretty late last night, but I'm sure nothing happened right?" he emphasizes, obviously hinting at whether I broke my no sex with strangers or on a first date rule. Again, I strangely feel the need to prove something to him, like how I falsely have an amazing sex life. I don't know what's happening, but I just keep lying to him.
"Well, I may have made a small exception last night," I giggle softly.
"Yeah? Was he... kinky at all?" he surprises me by asking. Keeping up with these lies is already becoming stressful. I feel my cheeks blushing as I try to decide what to answer.
"Um, not so much," I say quietly and I go to grab myself a water from the fridge. I have my hand on a bottle of water when Joey asks me another question.
"Well, what about in the dream you had about me?"
I stop dead in my tracks, my body stays halfway in the fridge. I slowly take the water bottle and stand up. I close the fridge.
I smile at him, a terrified smile.
"What dream?" I ask.
"Phoebe told me you had a dream about me," he shares smugly.
Oh my god why would she do that? I didn't even tell her what the dream was!
"Who said there was any sex in the dream?" I nervously counter.
"No one, I was just hoping there was," he growls kiddingly. If only he knew how much I was actually hoping to have sex with him.
"Well, I'm not going to tell you," I decide.
"That means it was a sex dream!" he calls me out and my face get even more flushed. I walk out of the kitchen quickly so he won't see. He gets up and follows me.
"No it doesn't. I just don't want to tell you," I state as firmly as I can. I stop in the middle of the living room to turn back to him, hoping my blushing face isn't giving me away.
"Cause of the sex," he grins, still trying to confirm it.
"No! Maybe it was just too gross," I try.
"For me? I don't think so," he argues with another broad grin.
I shake my head frustrated. I'm not about to tell him my dream, that's so embarrassing especially now that I'm wishing it actually happened.
"Joey stop, there was no sex," I tell him, but I think he's choosing not to believe me.
I continue walking to my room and Joey continues to follow me.
"Okay, just tell me where it happened?" he presses from the doorway.
"Why?" I sigh, sitting down on my bed.
"So, I can get the picture in my mind," he says.
"Joey, no, there's nothing to picture," I raise my voice and then I realize I'm sitting right where it happened. The dream flashes back to me right as I'm staring at him. I feel instantly embarrassed and so I grab my pillow and throw it at him.
"Get out," I scold him.
"Did we have a pillow fight?" he won't stop.
"Joey!" I yell and run towards to the door to slam it. He backs away snickering as i push him out of the room and slam the door closed.
"Okay, we can talk about it later," he calls from the other side of the door.
"No we won't!" I call back and he finally stops and walks away.
A while later I come out of my room and find Joey watching tv. He looks up at me. I don't say anything and walk to the kitchen. He turns the tv off and walks over.
"Hey, Rach you're not mad at me are you?" he asks.
I take a moment to hold back my frustration.
"I don't get why you care so much, it's not real," I say.
"Exactly, it's just for fun," he tells me.
He waits for me to answer, but now I am aggravated. I'm mad that he keeps shoving this in my face. Instead of actually getting to kiss him and undress him and bring him to my bed, I have to talk about this embarrassing dream.
"So, you're not mad right?" he asks again and now I react off my frustration - I think it's the sexual frustration more than the anger talking. I march right up to him and he doesn't expect me to get so close.
"No, I'm not mad. Let's talk about it. Better yet, why don't we recreate it!" I proclaim like it's a brilliant idea.
His expression turns to confusion.
"What?" he says, a bit shaky.
"Yeah, lets do it, lets really paint the picture," I say and I start lightly pushing him. He takes small steps backwards with every push of my hands against his chest.
"This is what you wanted isn't it?" I test him, seeing how uncertain he looks.
"Uh, Rachel..." he chuckles nervously and I'm still forcing him backwards until he reaches the doorframe of my bedroom. He grabs onto the frame.
"Okay ... I get it, I'm sorry," he says.
"I'm not mad," I say in a high pitched tone which makes his eyebrows knit together in a worried expression.
"I want you to know every detail," I whisper seductively and I grab his arm and pull him into my room.
"Rachel what are you doing?" he insists and pulls away from me, moving towards the wall.
"You're the one that's so interested, aren't you curious?" I challenge him. I step up to him again and this time he instantly backs into the wall. I smile at him.
He stops and just waits, unsure of what I'm about to do now. I watch him, he's breathing slightly heavier, he's nervous, but he's also not running. I suddenly snap out of the power crazed mode I was in and realize how close I am to him. How much I want to kiss him.
We both stand silently for a moment and I think, what if I just do it? What if I just lean in? So, I do. I start to lean in and he doesn't move. I'm moving so slowly, waiting for him to run, to stop me, but he doesn't. My lips reach his. I press my mouth against his and his lips are just as soft as they felt in my dream. I draw back even slower and open my eyes. He opens his and looks at me. He doesn't say anything, it's too long I think.
I step back and he still doesn't move.
"I...I'm sorr-" I start, but he leans foward and kisses me back. He's kissing me hard and I fall into him as he wraps his arms around me. This is all I wanted. His lips are over mine, his fingers digging into my back. He arms lift me and I wrap my legs around him as he carries me to my bed. He rests me down and lies over me, still not letting my lips go. My body is throbbing with excitement, with arousal, with anticipation.
He moves to my neck until I breathe out: "Are we really doing this?"
I think I only said it to make sure this isn't another dream.
He stops and picks his head up.
"I ... think so?" he says, basically asking me if he's supposed to stop. Nothing would make me stop him. I grab his neck and pull him back to me. I feel his hand slip under my shirt and it runs up my skin.
I can barely breathe with how he's molesting the skin on my neck, he definitely leaving a mark. He goes back to my lips and then begins to move down to my chest. He shoves my shirt up so his lips can reach every inch of skin possible.
Maybe it's a combination of how long it's been mixed with my newfound desire for him, but I'm in pure heaven feeling his lips everywhere and his warm hands roaming all over my body. That is, until he stops and my body turns cold the second he takes his lips and hands off me.
"Wait - what are we doing?" he suddenly asks.
I barely move as I need his lips back on me, come back to me I scream in my head.
"Huh?" I say barely audible.
"You and Ross have a history, I can't - you're my best friend's ex. I can't do this to him," he frets as he keeps backing away, distancing his body from mine more and more. No come back.
He sits on the edge of the bed and runs his hand through his hair, shaking his head. I don't know why this matters so much to him. How are we hurting Ross? Ross and I are broken up, I don't belong to him. I sit up as Joey gets completely off the bed and stands up. I can't even bring myself to stand, sitting up was a big effort when my body is still stirring in need.
"Joey-" I start.
He looks back at me.
"I'm sorry Rach, I don't know what I was thinking," he says, putting all the blame on himself when I was the one who dragged him into my room and forced myself on him.
"You know what, its fine, it was just a kiss. We can just pretend this never happened right? Nothing happened," he confirms more for himself, but looks to me for agreement.
I swallow my burning desires down.
"Okay," I reply.
"Okay," he says and then he's staring at me. Our eyes are locked again and heated silence surrounds us. I'll feel the urge to jump on him again if he doesn't stop soon. He shakes his head and looks away.
"Okay," he repeats and then walks out of my room.
The next day is luckily a Monday, so I can distract myself with work. I didn't see Joey this morning, I normally never do seeing that he sleeps in, but I'm sure when I get home we will awkwardly avoid eye contact. We probably won't know what to talk about, since we'll both be trying not to bring up what happened. I feel bad, I caused this mess and I don't want it to be awkward between us. We live together and we're friends. No matter what kind of weird crush or attraction I have towards him, that makes my skin honestly tingle just from imagining doing things with him, I have to make this right.
At five, I head home, planning on apologizing to Joey. I walk in the apartment and call for him.
"Joey?"
"Yeah, in here," he calls from his room which has the door ajar.
I walk over and push his door open. He's sitting at the end of his bed, taking his shoes off.
I walk in front of him, but keep a normal distance from him. He looks up at me.
"What's up?" he asks.
"I want to clear the air. I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. I know, we said nothing happened, but I need to say sorry. I don't want you to stop talking to me," I tell him.
He gives me a funny look.
"Why would I stop talking to you?" he questions me seriously.
"Cause things would be awkward and we probably would've avoided each other for a couple days, but I don't want that to happen. Let's just move past the awkwardness, it's out in the open and now it's forgotten, right?" I proclaim cheerfully, even though I'm sad we're pushing any possibility of us getting together under the rug.
He displays a small smile. He doesn't say anything for a few seconds. Is he uncomfortable, I can't tell.
"Forgotten," he finally says softly.
I assume that's him confirming what I said.
"Forgotten," I repeat just as softly as him because he's just looking at me and lately I cant help, but get lost in those coffee brown eyes of his.
I see his hand start to move and watch as he lazily reaches for my wrist but let's it fall from his hand after a light tug towards him. I stand in the same spot, feeling my knees weakening from even the possibility that something might happen, that he might even want something to happen.
"What?" I laugh, thinking maybe it's just a game and I shouldn't get hopeful.
He reaches again, this time taking a firm hold of my wrist and actually pulling me towards him. I end up standing in between his legs. I hold onto his shoulders for balance. I look down at him feeling my skin heating up intensely. I bite the inside of my lip, trying to control my urges to act like an animal around him.
"I thought you said-" I whisper.
"Maybe I was wrong," he whispers back and now my body is pulsating waiting for him to touch me all over, to tear my clothes off, to throw me on his bed.
I press my lips together, not sure how to even respond when I don't even want to discuss this - I never had an issue to begin with. His eyes travel down my body. I don't even care, in fact it turns me on since it's Joey blatantly harassing me with his eyes.
"What about Ross?" I finally whisper. I'm not about to stop again if we're going to attempt this a second time. He looks back up at me.
"Maybe no one has to find out," he continues to whisper as if our friends are outside his room.
"They won't," I whisper back firmly.
He doesn't say anything else and I take that as my go ahead. I lean down until my lips reach his and already I feel like I've been deprived of his lips for an eternity when it's only been a day. He opens his mouth and I slip my tongue into his. He responds positively to this and explores his tongue with mine.
I feel his hands on the back of thighs. I wore a skirt to work today so he can probably feel how hot my skin feels against his bare hands. His hands glide up to my ass. I wrap my arms securely around his neck and then swing each leg over his so I can sit on his lap. He pushes me even closer the second I sit down on him. We haven't stopped kissing and when I say he so easily turns me on, I'm not kidding. I'm already losing control, I'm already dying with urges to move faster, harder... but I don't want him to think I'm like a rowdy teenager with no control. And I want to enjoy this, but it's just been too long now and I also keep worrying he's going to stop things again. As if going faster would change his mind if he didn't want this.
His hands move to the top of thighs now that I'm seated on his lap and they slide quickly under my skirt. Instantly, my dream flashes back to me, how ironic this is the first thing he does and now my dream is about to be real. But he doesn't pull my underwear aside and tease me with his fingers. He grabs a hold of the waistband of my panties and pulls them down. Then he goes to shove my skirt up so it bunches together around my waist, leaving my most burning area out in the open. I guess we're getting right to it and I'm dying as it is so I don't waste time either. I go for his pants and get them open. I gasp for a moment, forgetting he doesn't usually wear underwear and his rock hard erection shoots up the second I get the zipper open. I grin at my reaction and then pick my hips up so I can slide onto him. He grips my hips to keep me steady and I latch onto his shoulders even tighter as he is completely inside me. I take a moment to adjust to the feeling and he moves his hand to my hair. He brushes a strand back tenderly and then runs his fingers through the back of my hair. He pulls me to his lips and I moan against them as I start rocking my hips. I hear his breath become more and more irregular as I pick up the pace even more. I slow down, feeling overwhelmed with the painful pleasures running through my body. He wraps his arms around me and carefully picks me up and lies me down on the bed. He starts to slide in and out of me carefully slow as my moans become a stream of lazy slurs.
"Hhuhhh Joey, mmhm," I breathe out. He pulls the end of my shirt up and slides it off me. He reaches around to find the clasp to my bra, unhooks it and then pulls the straps foward until it comes off. He throws it to the ground and then begins to squeeze one breast while sucking on my other nipple. My back arches up and I throw my hands above my head as I let my mouth hang open and more cries of pleasure trail out.
I'm being pretty loud, every thing he's doing it sending me off the edge, but I'm just blaming it on how long it's been since I've had sex.
He moves to the second breast and starts to thrust into me faster. His lips find my open mouth and I bring my hands back to run them through his hair as he kisses me feverishly. Now, he's really picking up the pace and I have to throw my head back again. His hand reaches down in between us and starts rubbing my clit which is sending me completely insane. I start gasping out his name, telling him I'm too close. He doesn't care and wraps his arms around me as he plows into me rapidly. I claw his shirt as I feel an orgasm erupting inside of me. Joey slows down as pleasure is rippling through me. He's kissing my jaw and neck. I finally open my eyes again as I feel him slide out of me. He goes to jerk himself off which is when I realize we never put a condom on. I sit up to stop him. I reach over and grab his arm and then slowly start pulling him towards the pillow. He looks surprised but follows my instruction and lies down. I take him into my mouth and he finally lets out a pained groan. I don't stop until he's shaking. I come up and stroke him until he releases completely.
I lie down on his chest and rise and fall with his heavy breaths until he calms down. He brushes my arm with the back of my hand. I feel so fulfilled, I finally got him and it felt incredible. Now, lying in his arms feels so comforting and I let my mind go and let my thoughts wander for a moment. I start to think and realize I think I now want this just as much as I wanted sex. I guess I was so distracted with the idea of getting his body hat I never really considered what I wanted and now I want more. And now we just slept together and we're not gonna tell anyone. What have I done? I sit up abruptly. He looks at me with a worried expression.
"I should go," I say.
Joey looks at me strange, but I get out of the bed quickly. He looks like he wants to say something, but I quickly grab my clothes and hurry to my own room.