AYYYYY WASSUP HOMIES IT'S PK2 HERE WITH MORE NESS GREIL! This fanfic is all I am updating lately, but WHO GIVES A CRAP? Anyways, I would like to give thanks to Marineazu, who favorite and followed this fic (as well as me) and Animeseris, who followed and reviewed the fic! Now, er, let's get going, shall we?

Eh? What's that I hear? You want a disclaimer? I decided to get Pit to do it for me today, since he was free. (Turns to Pit, who is gagged and bound to a chair)

Pit: Mmmph, rrrgh, mmmmph! (Translation: Let me go!)

PK2: (Walks over to him and rips off the gag) Only if you say the disclaimer!

Pit: (gasps) PK2 does not own Harry Potter or Smash Bros! NOW LET ME GO!

PK2: Gladly. (Lets Pit out)

The escape of the Kenyan silverback gorilla had earned Ness his longest punishment ever. By the time he was let out of the pantry again, two weeks of summer break had gone by. Plus Porky had broken his laptop, knocked his remote control helicopter into a sewer, and somehow managed to knock down Conker on his first time using the treadmill.

Ness was ecstatic that school was done, but Porky's gang was never done visiting the house. Picky, Gary, Sid, and Ren were all heavy and idiotic, but the heaviest and the most idiotic was the leader, and that was Porky. The rest of them were only more than happy to help him in a little game they called "Hunting down Ness".

Ness spent a lot of time outside of the house for this reason. He spent most of this time in the garden, nursing a speck of hope. In September he would be going off to middle school, and he wouldn't be attending with Porky. Porky had been accepted to Waterford 007, Uncle James' old private school, along with Picky. Ness, however, was going to the local public school, Kendall Township, a fact that Porky found hilarious.

"The cool kids shove all of the newbies into the Dumpster on Day 1." he informed Ness. "You wanna practice?"

"Naw." Ness grinned. "The Dumpster might get Ebola* after having your head down it." He ran away before Porky could grasp the meaning of his sentence.

One hot June day, Aunt Joanna took Ness to Chicago to get his Waterford uniform, leaving Ness with Conker. The old man wasn't as bad as before. He had broken his hip while drunk, and since then had a certain disdain for alcohol. He gave Ness some cookies and let him watch Total Drama Island without complaining.

Later, Porky paraded around in his Waterford uniform, which resembled a secret agent's uniform, complete with a toy Taser. While Uncle James and Aunt Joanna held back tears of pride, Ness held back tears of laughter. Ness's mood level decreased the next morning when he saw his uniform- some of Porky's old things dyed dung brown.

The same morning Ness saw his uniform, Porky and Uncle James sat down with scrunched- up noses from the smell. They sat down normally for a while. Then, the mail slot opened.

"Get the mail, Porky."

"Make Ness get it, Dad"

"Get the mail, Ness"

"Make Ness get it, Uncle"

"Hit him with your Taser, Porky."

Ness dodged Porky's Taser and ran to the mail slot. Three letters greeted him: a letter from James' sister Emma, an electrical bill, and- a note for Ness.

Ness picked up the envelope and stared at it. Nobody had ever written a letter for him- they had no reason to. Yet here was a letter addressed so perfectly that there could be no mistake:

Ness Greil, The Pantry,1794 Microsoft Lane, Springfield, Illinois.

The envelope was made of heavy parchment, and the address written in rainbow ink. Ness turned the envelope over and saw a coat of arms: a mushroom, a gear, a circle with a triangle taken out of it, and a hedgehog all surrounding a strange circle with two lines going through it.

"AY, BOY? WHATCHA DOIN? LOOKING FOR GOLDEN LETTERS? GET BACK HERE!"

Ness was jolted back to his senses by Uncle James, and he hurried back to the kitchen, handing Uncle James the postcard and the bill. He then began to rip open his letter.

Uncle James scoffed upon seeing the bill. He then ripped open the postcard, and his face fell.

"Emma's ill." he explained to Aunt Joanna. "Got bitten by a strange bug…"

"Dad, Ness has a letter!" Porky yelled suddenly.

Ness was almost done unfolding his letter, but Uncle James swiftly yanked it out. "Uncle, that's mine!" Ness yelled. "Nobody in their right mind would write to you." Uncle James grinned, before unfolding the letter. He lost his red look of pride instantly; it turned to a green look of horror, and it didn't stop there. In only five nanoseconds it had become the brownish-yellow of a squished banana.

"Jo…jo..JOANNA!" he screamed.

Porky attempted to grab the letter, but his aunt got to it first. She read the first five words and nearly fainted. "James! Good God, James!"

They stared at each other, then they realized the kids were in the room and shooed them out, albeit with a lot of screaming. They then listened to Uncle James and Aunt Joanna talk, something about stalkers and stamping out nonsense.

That night, Uncle James paid a visit to Ness in the pantry- something he had never done before. He explained to Ness that he had burned the letter and that he wanted Ness to move up to Porky's fifth bedroom, which was usually used only for spare things. Ness was grateful to get out of the pantry, but he really wanted his letter.

The next morning, Porky fought with everyone to get his bedroom back, so Uncle James made him go get the mail. He found a letter addressed to Ness Greil in "The Tiniest Bedroom" instead of "The Pantry." This one was promptly trashed, but it gave Ness hope that he would be able to get his letter.

Ness then formulated a plan to get to the mail before the Bonds, which was foiled by Uncle James, who suspected something was up. He made Ness get him a muffin, and by the time he came back Uncle James had destroyed four letters. Uncle James then nailed up the mail slot.

However, the mysterious folk found other ways to send the letters- through the door cracks, in bottles of milk, through the fireplace. Porky asked Ness who wanted him to respond back this much in amazement.

After a particularly embarrassing incident in which a mouse barfed up the letters on their doorstep, Uncle James demanded that they leave the house. He drove in a weird pattern, muttering something about "shaking them off". They arrived at a dingy hotel, but even there they couldn't escape the letters, as the manager found two thousand of them on his desk. Uncle James then drove them to an even more obscure place. Ness had to deal with Porky moaning about trivial things all the way to nowhere.

"It's Thursday." he moaned to his mother. "The Amazing World of Gumball's on tonight- I need a television."

This did give Ness a happy shock- if it was Thursday, then tomorrow would be Friday, his birthday. He never had happy birthdays-he received horrid gifts- but it wasn't every day that you turned twelve, right?

They arrived at a lone house on a cliff. Uncle James gleefully announced windy weather and led them inside. Uncle James did have rations- a protein bar and an apple each, but the place was still horrid.

Uncle James, Aunt Joanna, and Porky all found beds, but there were only three, leaving Ness on the floor. The windy weather started up, and Ness curled up on the floor. He secretly was excited about his birthday, and Porky's watch told him he'd be twelve in twenty minutes time. He began counting down the time.

Ten minutes to go. Ness heard what looked like a bear charging up the slope. Five minutes to go. Maybe there would be so many letters in the house that he could steal one.

Three minutes to go. Was that the wind, shaking the windows like that? And (with two minutes left) what was that knocking noise on the door- an eagle pecking it?

One more minute till he'd be twelve. Thirty seconds…fifteen…ten, nine, eight…should he wake up Porky to annoy him? ...three, two, one…

"WARLOCK….. PUNCH!"

The door shattered open with an intense explosion, the faint shadow of a figure visible through it.

CLIFFHANGERS! I just love them. Don't you? Anyways, see you next time!