A/N - Fanfiction ruins songs for me. I always pick one that fits the mood of the story and put it on replay. This one is ruining one of my favorites in a deliciously good way. But I switched to the radio remix so the original was untainted. Damien Rice - Cannonball. Very fitting. This story is harder for me to write than any of my others for some reason and each chapter takes an excruciating number of hours. I think it's because affairs are awful and I'm thrusting my two favorite characters into such a horrid situation. But I still love it!

October 2015

Emily didn't get on that plane to Los Angeles without doubts. She'd had dozens of them over the preceding few months. When she thought about seeing Derek again she alternated between feeling like a horrible person and a quivering, excited mess. And in the middle of all of that was her marriage, which actually felt more satisfying to her in a lot of ways because she wasn't expecting so much out of Brian anymore. Which was so incredibly wrong, but it was the truth; the truth on the wings of a huge lie.

She got through the summer and September the same way she used to get through horrific cases when she was with the BAU. She compartmentalized and shut down her thought process and feelings, only letting them rise to the surface when she was in a space to think about Derek and what they were doing.

By some unspoken agreement, both she and Derek did not communicate much over those months. She knew from JJ that Derek had left the BAU at the end of July, and she was looking forward to hearing about his new job. What direct communication they did have was facilitated through the conference coordinator.

We'd like you to give your presentation three times. Would you prefer that all on one day or spread out over the weekend?

Derek had responded with, Emily has a much longer way to travel. I'll leave that up to her.

And Emily, with a racing heart, responded to that email with, Go ahead and spread it out over the three days. I'm flying in Thursday evening and leaving Sunday evening.

Derek's response to them both was, Works for me!

She read between the lines of those few short sentences: This was up to her, and he was game for anything. What she couldn't figure out was why. She'd never met Savannah, but had heard about her from JJ and Garcia. He'd left the BAU and taken the job at the DC field office, so it boggled her mind that he seemed to be moving forward on a path that would improve his relationship with Savannah, while still so easily pursuing an affair with her.

That's what this was. An affair. And affairs ended badly and tore people apart, but she still got on the plane that first Thursday in October. It was terrible and wrong, and she couldn't wait to see him again.

She slept some towards the end of her flight, and when the announcement woke her that stated, "We're beginning our descent into Los Angeles. The current time is 6:40pm, and it's a clear night and currently 64 degrees…" Emily shifted herself in her window seat. She looked at the lights below her, thinking that one of them contained the lights of a hotel room where Derek was waiting for her. She smiled and discretely removed her wedding and engagement ring from her finger and placed them carefully in her purse, compartmentalizing and locking away that part of her life for the next few days.

She made her way through customs and was surprised when she saw him standing there, a suitcase by his side, a smile on his face and eyes just for her. Her heart flip flopped and every ounce of blood in her system rushed to form a pool in her lower stomach. She reached him on legs she couldn't even feel and he bent forward to give her a chaste hug. This was real now. Very wrong, and very real.

"My flight only landed an hour before yours so I stuck around and waited," he said softly when he released her.

The next words out of his mouth were the last thing she expected. "JJ, Rossi and Hotch are on their way."

She opened her eyes wide. "What?"

"Homeland Security was supposed to be giving the opening seminar tomorrow morning but couldn't at the last minute. They asked Hotch if some of them could come and talk about profiling instead. This just happened today. I didn't know myself until I landed and saw the text from Hotch. They'll be landing in a couple of hours and want to meet for drinks at the hotel tonight. They're only staying until tomorrow, flying out in the afternoon."

Emily reached in her purse. She'd turned on her phone when the plane landed but hadn't looked at it. There it was, a text from Hotch, and another from JJ. "So excited we get to see you!"

And she was selfish and fixated on the moment. She knew that. She didn't think about seeing her friends, she thought about what she might miss out on for one night, because they absolutely couldn't get caught going in or out of the the others hotel room.

"We're okay," he told her with a grin after taking in her face and reading her. "We're good, Emily. The hotel is going to be crawling with FBI agents this weekend, many of whom know me and some who know you. I requested connecting rooms for us a couple months ago."

She nodded, and the butterflies started knocking around in her stomach again. This was so bad. "Let's go get a cab," she said to him. Every part of her body was slightly shaking, a mixture of fear and anticipation.

They entered their individual hotel room doors and stepped inside. Emily left her suitcase by the closet and took the few short steps to the connecting door. Taking a deep breath, she turned the lock and opened it and found Derek on the other side. She smiled shyly at him.

Her first thought was that they should talk, but she just couldn't bring herself to get any words out. She wanted to ask him why he was doing this, but she wasn't sure she'd like the answer. And then he might ask her the same question, and she honestly didn't have an answer to give that didn't make her sound like a completely awful person. What could she possibly tell him? My marriage has been better these past four months because I knew I had this to look forward to. She couldn't even imagine actually saying those words out loud.

She definitely wanted this. She'd already crossed a huge hurdle getting there and knew what was waiting for her on the other end of her journey. Him. For the first time, she initiated things. She stepped forward into his room and put her arms around him, reaching up to kiss him, and that was all it took.

Their clothing flew off in a frenzy and their hands were everywhere. She tried to keep the upper hand for once, but she wasn't very successful. Before she could push him towards the bed, when they were both completely naked, he bent forward and captured her nipple in his mouth and she grabbed onto him and moaned.

Derek crossed a boundary then, something he hadn't done the last time they were together. He kissed his way back up her chest and neck and then looked her in the eye. "Is it this good at home?"

She couldn't even believe he was bringing this up. In her mind she flew there to live on a virtual island with him for a few days, where the rest of the world didn't exist. But his eyes on hers were intent and she could see he clearly wanted to know. And she did, too.

"No," she breathed out. "What about in your world?"

Derek leaned his forehead against hers. He had one hand on her breast, and the other arm wrapped tightly around her waist. He was breathing heavily and she could feel him hard, pressed against her stomach. He paused, seeming to search for words.

When they came, they were stronger and better and more frightening and confusing than any, "I love you."

"No," he sighed. "You understand and accept the whole me."

She pulled her head away from him so she could look in his eyes. "What are we even doing?" she implored quietly.

"This." He kissed her again. He pushed her against the wall and ran his hands down her sides and around to the back of her thighs. He lifted her like she weighed nothing and she wrapped her legs and arms around him. He gave her a lopsided grin and whispered, "Hang on, Emily."

He pushed inside her and she tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling, gasping. His mouth was on her neck and all she could feel was him, and all she could hear was the rush of blood in her ears and his words echoing in her mind. Hang on, Emily.

They were laying in the bed in Derek's hotel room, her head resting on his chest and his fingers drawing gentle patterns on her back, when his phone buzzed. He reached over to the bedside table and looked at the screen. "They just landed."

Emily pushed herself to a sitting position. "I'm going to rinse off in the shower."

She felt his hand on her waist. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Emily turned her head to smile at him. "I am. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to actually walk, but I'm good."

Derek grinned at her. "I could come with you, make sure you don't fall down in the shower or anything."

"No way," she said to him. "If we get in that shower together, we'll never make it downstairs to meet them for drinks."

Derek laughed. "That's probably true."

Emily pulled her hair back so it didn't get wet and used her time in the shower to collect herself. Now that she'd experienced what it felt like to be with Derek again, she was firmly planted on that virtual island in her mind. She could do this for a few days, and enjoy it. But she was going to have to face reality with the team for a little bit first. She let the soap and the warm water wash the scent of Derek off her skin. By the time she got her clothes on and reached into her purse for her wedding ring, she was looking forward to seeing the group.

She wandered back over to the connecting doors and found Derek dressed and sitting at the table in his room, sending a text. Checking in at home probably, she thought. She should do the same, but it was only about five o'clock in the morning in London. She could wait a couple of hours.

He smiled when he saw her. "Ready?"

"Yep."

He stood and walked to stand in front of her. He placed a hand under her hair and behind her neck and kissed her. It was completely crazy how her body reacted instantly to him.

"Legs okay?" he whispered against her lips.

"They were until a couple of seconds ago."

He laughed. "Come on," he said.

They found the team in the hotel bar. JJ got to her first and gave her a hug, and then Hotch did. But Rossi...he walked forward and placed his hands on her cheeks. "Married life must agree with you, Emily. You're positively glowing."

She blushed at those words but managed to give Rossi a hug and say, "Thank you."

Their visit was pleasant once she pushed down the guilt that she and Derek were doing this right under their noses. Emily kept asking them questions about their own lives, trying to keep the conversation away from hers. They asked Derek about his new job, which he assured them was going well, but Emily didn't believe it. She could tell by the tone of his voice that something was off there. A couple of hours later, they said their goodbyes and planned to meet up at eight the next morning for breakfast.

Emily and Derek played the game again, entering their individual hotel room doors. She sat on the edge of her bed and quickly sent a text off to Brian to let him know she'd arrived safely. Derek walked in her room and she looked up at him.

"How's the new job really?"

He flopped on the bed next to her and laid down. "It's okay. It's different."

Emily laid down next to him and turned on her side, propping her head in her hand and looking at him. He met her eyes and stared at her for several seconds. "It's been a really hard adjustment," he whispered.

She reached her hand out and rested it on his chest. "It's a huge change, but it's only been a couple of months, Derek."

"How long did it take you to feel comfortable when you took the job at Interpol?" he asked.

"A year," she replied.

"Shit."

She smiled at him. "But the first three or four months were the hardest. After that it got a little bit better every week. It takes awhile to earn the respect of the people you supervise. And knowing you like I do, when you feel that, you probably get pretty irrationally pissed off, which only makes it harder for people to respect you."

He rolled on his side and kissed her. "Thank you. And you're right. I'm going to have to work on that getting pissed off thing and give people more time."

Derek flopped back on his back and reached for her hand. "Do you still think we're assholes?"

"Yes," she responded so instantly and seriously that they both laughed.

"Would it be totally awful of me to tell you that knowing I would see you this October made everything better for me?" he asked quietly.

Emily blinked once and then rolled her body on top of his, straddling his hips and looking him in the eye. "Me, too."

She wanted to say it then, that she'd leave Brian and come back to DC and find a different job. But that letting go of her marriage and job in an instant for questionable outcome seemed more rash and uncertain than what they were doing now. And she wasn't sure he wanted to leave Savannah anyway.

They were a perfect storm.

There was the part of her mind that told her that if she did this with Derek occasionally and still tried to work on her marriage, she'd survive. But if she walked away from London totally and it didn't work with Derek, she'd fall apart and become someone she didn't even know.

It was the story of every person who ever had an affair. Once you step into that world, extricating yourself could either hurt you or ruin you. She chose the possibility of hurt and didn't say anything at all. Instead she kissed him and let herself get to that place where she wasn't thinking about anything anymore besides him and how good being with him felt.

She finally felt like she could take the initiative and keep it. He kept trying to pull her to him and roll her over and she pushed his hands away with a smile on her face. She removed his shirt and then hers, along with her bra. He reached for her breasts and she let him touch her for a few seconds before moving away from him, shifting down and undoing his pants.

This time, it was her who stayed in her jeans, and him who found himself helpless on the bed as her mouth engulfed him. They weren't bound by time constraints; they still had two more nights in that hotel. His fingers were gentle in her hair letting her set the pace as she moved up and down on him, but at a certain point, he clutched her hair a bit more tightly and murmured, "Emily." She reached one hand up towards his mouth and brushed her finger against his lips and he knew what she meant, that this was okay.

He fell apart then, trying not to thrust too much, and she smiled around his size as much as she could. It was nice to finally feel and see him be a puddle in her hands rather than the other way around. She felt his body clench and then he was moaning and spilling into her mouth.

After, it was her lips that kissed his his hips and worked her way up his body. His eyes were half closed and he was breathing heavily. It took awhile before he was able to focus on her face, and when he did, she whispered, "That's how you make me feel, every time."

The weekend was a blur of sex and conversation and just being together. They delivered their presentations that were overwhelmingly well-received. Their chemistry and bantering on stage only got better.

When they finished their last session on Sunday afternoon, there was a sense of loss and sadness that dissipated when a man approached both of them and introduced himself as the head of the Canadian Security Intelligence Service. He enjoyed their workshop and asked if they'd be interested in presenting in Montreal the second weekend in March.

They both eagerly agreed to the conference.

Emily held onto that, as something to look forward to. She left Derek outside the international terminal at LAX on Sunday evening, a glance over her shoulder before she had to turn around so he wouldn't see her tears.

On that flight home, there were too many memories to wash away with alcohol. She turned her head towards the window on the plane and cried quietly for over an hour before she fell into an exhausted sleep.

And when, nearly twelve hours later, the plane landed in London, she took a deep breath and walked through Heathrow. She knew what to expect, and she was right. Brian was there, waiting for her, and she managed to greet him with a smile.