3. The Librarians

What Home Isn't

The first time your old enough to remember moving, you hate it. That feeling doesn't stop at any age. You know that a home isn't found be constantly traveling to world. Being unsettles does not make you feel at home. You've never felt at home traveling from base to base. But not feeling at home is all you actually do know so you keep doing it. You hate it and you know it's not home but you do it anyway. You're good at the job so you assume you've got to sacrifice "home" to get it. You make it work, usually. Your unit becomes your family until they move on to other units, other teams. Everyone's always leaving you behind.

And you know that's what home Isn't.

What Home Is

You know home the first time you go out into the world with him side by side. Despite how much he seemed to disapprove of you initially, you work well together. Inexplicable when you consider he was yelling at you just a few hours before. But he acknowledges your work that you think no one else noticed, he acknowledges that the two of you are more like than he first thought. He believes you can do what you were recruited to do. He believes that you are meant to be right where you currently are. You know he's home because it hurts. It hurts when he's gone, it hurts when you don't know if he's safe, it hurts when you can't protect him.

You also know it's home because as dangerous as it is, it's comfortable. You feel like you are uniquely qualified to do what you're hired to do. Like no one else can work with him quite like you can. You know it's home even more than before when you become attached to the other three Librarians as well. When you start hurt when they do. When you start to wish that they'd been given more before you met them.

When you will yourself to stand back and let Stone handle his past, when you watch Cassandra run head first into an unknown alternate dimension, when every fiber of your being burns as Ezekiel fails to make that jump to the save point. Each time you almost lose them, your concept of home is reinforced. Now if you could only get these people in the same place at the same time. Maybe you could all have a bit of peace.

Maybe they'd find home just like you.

Flynn Leaves

You know he leaves. You know it's coming. Every year, he's there, here's growing, he's maturing...until he's not. Until he's convinced himself that dealing with something alone is the right thing to do. He leaves because he thinks he's protecting you. He leaves because he doesn't think you need to share his burden. But what he doesn't know is that he's not protecting you. He's hurting you. All you want is to share his burden. To have him trust you and consult you. Treat you like the equal you know you should be.

You want him home with you and you want the full partnership you were promised.

You just want him.

But you know, he leaves. He always leaves.

Your Kids Come Back

Yes, you know they're not really your kids. Two of them are too old to be your kids and you don't want to think about how young the last one really is. But they feel like your kids. You push them to grow and to learn. You push them to do both those things together. You want them to be self sufficient and yet simultaneously relient on you. You want them to be happy, even if you don't agree with them. You want what's best for them, even if they don't agree with you.

They fight, they argue, they believe different things. They split up, they work alone, but ultimately…

They always come back to you. They always come back to each other.

You Can Take the Weight

You face the world ending so often that you know you can take the brunt of the hit. You can take the pain if it means keeping others safe. You can hold the damn door while everyone else escapes. You can stand on your own, without Flynn, and you can win. If you have to, you can handle the sacrifices alone.

You're a soldier who's used to a unit but you're also a warrior who never backs down.

Let him leave all he wants. He's really only punishing himself. One of these times you may not take him back. And, you know, you think that would be okay.

Because if you have to, you can carry the whole damn Library on your back and your back alone. It's your home and it belongs to you and you belong to it. You can take the weight of the world. You have your own set of perfectly strong shoulders for exactly that reason.

One Thing You Don't Know

You don't know that your kids would take on the weight of the world for you. They would give up their lives to see that you have one of your own. They would turn their back on their mentor for the woman who never lets them down. They would offer you their strength.

They would give it all up for you because the world has four Librarians but it only has one Guardian. You're a precious commodity to them for your generous spirit and quiet strength and your belief in all they can be. You are the reason they stay and the reason they always come back. You make The Library their home.

You are their home. It will take you longer than you care to admit to realize the only home you need is the one you make for yourself. The home where you love and are loved in return. The home you've made with your Librarians-No-Longer-In-Training.