Three: Nightlight

Ronin nudged open the door to Nod's room as quietly as he could. Nod was usually a sound sleeper, but not always. Some nights his sleep was feather light, and he woke at every sound until he finally gave up and went to find something better to do. Those were the mornings that Ronin would fine him sleeping on the couch or slumped against the railing of the balcony.

Nod didn't even stir. He was curled on his side, blanket tangled around his knees and face hidden in the crook of his arm. Even in the dim light from the hall, Ronin could see the last remnants of bruising on his arm. It had been a few days before Finn found time to tell him that Nod had been the only one who had managed to break through the swarm of bats and stay on Mandrake's tail. He had, in fact, not left his group; his group really couldn't keep up this time.

He had emerged somewhat worse for wear and had punched Ronin in the arm rather viciously when he had pressed him about it. Which had hurt, actually. Ronin was a lot worse for wear, and unlike Nod, hadn't been cleared for active duty yet, although he had managed to pester the head healer into releasing him to deal with administration.

There was a lot of administration to deal with. They had lost far too many Leafmen, and even more were wounded and not cleared for duty. Most of their recruits weren't ready to be out in the field yet, and they were short the officers they needed to supervise them. To keep everything together required some creative shuffling.

Despite Nod being the one on active duty, he'd been home before Ronin every night this week, home and asleep, in fact. Every night Ronin had checked, peered through the door to make sure Nod was home and safe.

He trusted Nod's commanding officer. He trusted all his captains, or they wouldn't hold their rank, but Terrance was particularly good with pain in the ass young privates. He thought they were funny and possibly even a little endearing, and he had no problem knocking them on their backsides when they needed it. Nod fell firmly in the category of soldiers Terrance dealt with well.

Nod had never disliked Terrance, never complained about him or hinted that he wanted to transfer. It was one of the reasons it had caught Ronin off guard when Nod had quit, but then, maybe that hadn't been the problem after all, and he just hadn't been paying attention.

Nod muttered fitfully in his sleep, rolling to his other side, his blanket sliding off the bed. Ronin hesitated in the doorway. He would probably wake him if he covered him, and then he'd have to explain why he was there, but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

They used to talk. Nod used to tell him when something was bothering him, but somehow that had stopped. Maybe it needed to start again, because he didn't want any more surprises. He didn't want to wake up one day and find that Nod was gone and have no idea why.

Ronin picked up the blanket and pulled it back over him. For a moment it looked as if he would stay asleep, but just as Ronin was pulling his hand away, Nod woke and blinked up at him owlishly.

"Ronin?" Nod yawned so wide his jaw cracked and rolled onto his back so he could see him, "what are you doing still up?"

"I just got home," Ronin said softly, hoping Nod would go back to sleep, "you kicked your covers off again."

"Glory's going to take you back off duty if you keep working this late," Nod pushed himself up, giving Ronin a sleepy glare.

"Glory has better things to do," Ronin shrugged.

"How can you sit and do paperwork that long?" Nod leaned back against his headboard, rubbing his eyes, "you leave at the same time I do, and you're not home until after dark, and you don't even stop to eat."

"How do you know that?" Ronin asked, somewhat puzzled that Nod would even bother to find something like that out.

"Finn says he has to force feed you lunch because you're a stubborn, thick skulled, pig-headed idiot," despite being sleepy, Nod sounded almost angry.

"Finn did not say that," Ronin sat on the edge of the bed. He would have actually liked to have heard Finn say that; he wasn't sure he would have been able to keep a straight face if he did.

"Maybe not in those exact words," Nod admitted, "but he meant it."

Ronin laughed softly, because he probably had, "I should probably give Finn some leave soon."

"Oh, you think?" Nod said sourly.

"Mm-hm," Ronin yawned and stretched, "maybe after I'm back on active duty."

"You'd be back on active duty faster if you actually slept," Nod scowled.

"You're really cranky," Ronin shook his head.

"You're really stupid," Nod countered with a huff, and slid down abruptly, turning his back to Ronin and pulling his blanket high around his shoulders.

"Hey," Ronin frowned, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Nod ignored him, burying his face in his blanket. Ronin had met his match in stubbornness with Nod, which had been an endless source of amusement for his officers, but was rarely very amusing to him. He didn't know why Nod was angry at him, but he knew if he pushed, Nod would just push back, and they wouldn't get anywhere.

"Nod?" Ronin rubbed his shoulder, feeling him tense under his hand.

"Go to bed," Nod snapped, voice muffled by his blanket.

"Isn't that usually my line?" Ronin continued to rub his hand up and down his arm.

"Yes!" Nod sat up so quickly Ronin had to lean back, "you're supposed to be smarter than this. You're supposed to… you're not supposed to…" Nod trailed off, pulling his knees up and pressing his forehead against them, "just go to bed."

Ronin shifted to lean against the headboard beside him, "come on kiddo, help me out here; I'm not understanding."

When Nod refused to answer, Ronin started rubbing circles on his back. His muscles tensed and relaxed under his hand, fine tremors that caused his shoulders to shake as if he were crying. Nod hadn't cried since before his mother's death. Ronin doubted he could do anything to actually drive him to tears, although he certainly seemed to excel at making him angry lately.

"Queen Tara is dead," Nod said finally, his voice tight and his grip white knuckled on the blanket wrapped around his knees.

"What?" Ronin's hand froze on his back.

Tara's name was enough to make his heart shudder and his chest feel tight. He had been trying not to think about her, trying to occupy himself with anything and everything so he didn't have time to remember that she was gone. Thinking about her made him feel as if he could shatter at any moment.

"She was your… she was… she was yours," Nod stumbled over his words, having trouble finding them, "and now she's gone."

Ronin frowned, but Nod was shaking under his hand, and it stopped him from snapping at him. He did not want to talk about this, and he didn't know why Nod did.

"I thought you were dead," Nod's breath hitched, "and then you weren't, but she… and you…"

"Nod," Ronin pulled his hand back to rub the bridge of his nose; he was too tired to puzzle through what Nod was trying to say. This was going to have to wait for some other time, when it didn't hurt so much and hopefully Nod was more coherent.

"Dad was mom's, and it didn't matter that she was still alive, because she wasn't really," Nod said in a rush.

Ronin went completely still. Nod rarely talked about his mother, rarely meaning not at all since her death. It took Ronin a moment to put together Nod's disjointed attempt at explaining himself, but once he did, the pieces fit together, broken though they were. Nod wasn't angry; he was scared.

"I'm sorry," Nod curled tighter into himself, breath uneven, "I didn't mean… it doesn't matter… I'm sor…"

Ronin hauled him roughly into his arms. He had told Nod practically his whole life that they were all connected, all leafs on the same tree. If that was true, then he didn't have the option of burying himself so he could hide from his grief. Nod needed him to be here.

"It's alright," Ronin tucked his head under his chin, "I've got you. I'm not going anywhere."

Nod curled into him, his trembling gradually easing and his breath evening out. Neither of them were alone, and as appealing as it sounded at times, no one survived that way, not really.

"I'm still telling Glory on you if you don't stop working so late," Nod muttering into his shoulder after he had calmed.

"Yeah," Ronin laughed and tightened his hold on him, "I'm sure if you don't, Finn will."

"Well, someone has to keep an eye on you," Nod yawned, "you don't do it yourself."

"I think you've got it covered kiddo," Ronin smiled fondly into his hair.

And that wasn't such a bad thing after all.

Author's Note: Yes, this one has a lot in common with the second chapter of "Both of Us." I wasn't entirely satisfied with how it played out there, but I think I might like this one better.

Glory is the head healer. I don't think that was explained very well. She puts up with soldiers all day, every day, and she knows they're all idiots. She's somewhat infamous as the only person besides the queen who can boss Ronin around. Nod occasionally uses this to his advantage.