Kikuchihara cast his ears as far as the would go, but as all the sounds of the city overcame him, he didn't hear the one person he wanted to hear the most. Kikuchihara didn't want to think to hard about what exactly he was doing, he didn't want to think at all. That would ruin the whole thing.
He walked down a few more blocks slowly, his sweater doing very little to block out the cold rush of wind that hit him head on. The city was loud, and bustling Kikuchihara noted as the noise radiated through his head.
He still didn't hear Kazama.
Finally, Kikuchihara couldn't avoid the thoughts.
"What am I doing?"
"Really, I shouldn't be doing this, why am I? Kazama is out on a date, i'm just a little jealous and I-" Kikuchihara shook his head. "No. No i'm NOT jealous, I just wanted to check up on him, or see him from across the street, just to make sure he's doing ok..." Kikuchihara stopped. "No, that's a lie. And I know it. No amount of wishful deniability is going to change the fact that I've fallen him... Hard..." Kikuchihara scowled and kicked a pebble that had rest on the sidewalk very far. "Shoot. This is hopeless..." he mumbled to himself and he resumed walking. He finally contained his hearing and the city noises faded out. He tried to block out the world as he finally gave up.
"I'm hopeless..."
Suddenly, the world seemed rather sad and dark. Cold, too. Kikuchihara hated himself for having feelings for his leader, he knew there was practically NO chance of Kazama even remotely liking him that way. Now that Kikuchihara thought about it, it was impossible. Why did he have to care if Kazama never would? It just didn't seem fair. Kikuchihara tried time and time again to beat down those feelings, but for some reason, he just couldn't give up on them. After being a pessimist for a couple of minutes, Kikuchihara decided that maybe he should find out where he was. He had been lost in his head for a while, aimlessly walking through the lively city. Fully aware this time, Kikuchihara guilt fully extended his hearing to its maximum, looking one last time for Kazama.
"I'm just curious..."
He didn't search for long, then decided that it shouldn't he heard something that caught his automatic attention. He directed his audible scope to the block daigle to him, and found where it was coming from.
There was a taller man with a average height woman. The man was wearing a shabby looking T-shirt and a pair of jeans, he had dark hair that was wavy, and kicked out over the back of his neck. He was holding the other woman, and Kikuchihara almost tuned out again, but something kept him listing. The woman was hard to make out, many people were passing by blocking his view, and she had her back turned to him. Suddenly, before he could even make her out, he got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, and he felt like she was oddly familiar, in a very bad way. His mind finally off his leader, he reached out his hearing to it's maximum, and listened in on the conversation.
"I just don't understand, why would you do that?" the man was questioning, though, he didn't sound that mad. "Oh, come on! it was fun!" The woman said, in tone that reminded Kikuchihara of a cat.
Finally, Kikuchihara placed her voice, and looked at the scene in a different way.
Kazama's girlfriend.
Kikuchihara set off at a dean run, now having found a reason to see the team's leader. An awful reason. Did Kazama know? What would he do? If he did know, where would he be? What if he didn't? Kikuchihara's hearing was fully extended as he sped down the block, attempting to cover as much ground as possible. Eventually, he slowed down and tried to think clearly. "Kazama was on a date with her, so he must know, right? And it was in this area, so he shouldn't have gotten-"
Something echoed.
Kikuchihara skidded to a halt as he heard it again. A large group was walking in front of an alleyway, their footsteps drowning out most noise in that direction, but the echoes were hitting something Kikuchihara couldn't see. "what is that?" he wondered as he jaywalked across the street towards it.
The group passed, and Kikuchihara heard something else this time coming from the alleyway. Something he really didn't want to hear. Crying.
Kikuchihara then realised that Kazama had his trigger on him, and if he didn't want to be seen he would have activated Chameleon.
Finally slowing, Kikuchihara stood at the entrance of the cavernous, dark nook. He quickly retracted his hearing, because he could now hear Kazama loud and clear from where he was standing. Not daring to do anything to drastic or startling, he simply called out the name of his leader. "Kazama?"
The name echoed between the brick walls over and over, and sweetly resounded in Kikuchihara's head as well. "Kazama?" Kikuchihara repeated again even quieter, to match the relieved sound waves.
Only a small sniffle came as a reply.
Kikuchihara lowered down by the wall, and slowly reached out, holding his breath, until his hand finally came into contact with his leader's shoulder. His hearing never lied to him. The illusion of his invisibly broken, Kikuchihara saw his partner, his leader, his love, Kazama curled up, silently trembling and breaking down. All alone. For a moment, Kikuchihara noted that this was the first time he had ever seen Kazama cry. It simply wasn't an action you would link to the hardened, short and respectable leader that he was. Kikuchihara wondered if this was always what happened when he was sad, crying all alone, because someone would think less of you if they saw you doing it. Maybe Kazama was afraid that if he showed this, he'd go soft.
Kazama hid his head behind his knees, still crying, one of his most hated things. Looking weak, or being weak in front of others. Eventually looked up to see who it was, and seemed very surprised to see Kikuchihara standing before him. Kikuchihara was surprised too, but for all the wrong reasons as he stared down at his red-eyed teammate, his heart aching. He wrapped his arms around his love with no hesitation. Kazama would have jumped if so much else hadn't been on his mind. Or maybe he was just lucky. Kazama was still caught off guard as the young boy took him into his arms. Kazama still hadn't said anything, and he wondered why the scene unfolded in silence, if one of them had incredible hearing. Kikuchihara's embrace was warm and firm, the kind Kazama always got lost in. He felt the tears streaking down his face, leaving a cool, wet trail behind them.
When Kazama tried to say something at last, Kikuchihara murmured a
soft-hearted "I know, I know, you don't have to say a word" Kikuchihara's grip tightened, and he pulled Kazama even deeper into his arms. Feeling welcomed, Kazama closed his eyes and reached his arms around the listener's waist, and hung on. Kikuchihara wasn't prepared for that. He was prepared for Kazama to push him away, claiming that he was "fine", not for him to welcome his gesture of care. Dumbfounded, Kikuchihara felt even worse now, secure grasp on his loved one or not. Kazama must be absolutely torn apart to do that. The teen felt his voice catch and tangle up in his throat. Maybe he was too caring, or over protective, or maybe too sympathetic. Either way, he felt like his world had fallen apart, right along with Kazama's.
Kazama couldn't stop it, he tried, oh, he tried, but no matter how hard he wished, he was still sobbing after what must have been 5 minutes in Kikuchihara's arms. His arms still gripping back, the red eyed boy clung to the only person that could possibly get through to him at that moment. "Kikuchihara deserves better then me..." Kazma thought without question "I'm honestly just a burden." However, he felt as if he never wanted to let go, the brunette's arms were too welcoming, and the boy himself was too kind. Kazama wondered why his partner would even bother with him like this, he knew Kikuchihara hated weaklings, and now that's probably what he thought of Kazama. Though, Kazama accepted the comfort anyway. Still sniffling a bit, Kikuchihara took his leader by the back of his head, and brought Kazama into the crook of his neck, to both of their surprise.
Swept up by the moment, or maybe just not thinking, he began running his fingers through Kazama's hair. It was soft, and ruffled up, at the gesture however, it almost automatically went silent. Nothing moved other than Kazama's trembling self, Kikuchihara's hand, and a single blackbird that flew over head, in a crooked manner. Kazama's breath finally got more and more stable as he was practically surrounded by Kikuchihara, and he hoped that the tears now dampening Kikuchihara's shoulder where the last. He retreated his arms away for Kikuchihara's waistline, and let himself reach for Kikuchihara's neck instead. The teen's eyes widened as Kazama gripped him higher up, and he felt his face grow warm. "No! No, it's just a sign of friendship, nothing more" Kikuchihara scolded himself, but he still couldn't help but get his hopes up even higher. Kazama reluctantly removed the arms he had draped over his friend, and Kikuchihara removed his after a few more moments.
"How did you know?"
"Know what?"
"What was happening, and where to find me? How did you know what-"
Kazama's voice caught, and his breath hitched again, and Kikuchihara's hands flashed out to hold Kazama at his shoulders as a reflex. "... What happened..." Kazama finished, sadly.
Well. Of course Kazma just started by asking all the hard questions.
"Then again, he deserves to know... Just, i don't know, make it sound less creepy..." Kikuchihara thought.
"Well... Uh... I guess I was out and about, when I saw your Girlfriend with someone else... Then I came looking for you... Or something..." My god, he felt stupid. What would Kazama make of that? He was afraid of the response that was to come, so to try prevent it from being too awkward, he released Kazama from his grasp.
It suddenly felt cold outside without Kazama's body pressed against his. Kazama, still wiping away tears, then gazed bashfully at his partner, and all that came out of him was an almost inaudible
"Thank you."
It was a wonder Kikuchihara heard it, good ears or not, because Kazama had a very hard time saying these things. More often than not, Kazama tried to avoid the need to say something of that manner entirely. The raven haired attacker looked down at his feet shyly. Kikuchihara matched his bashful and humble expression by quietly nodding, closing his eyes and telling Kazama "Yeah, don't mention it..." the brunette briefly prayed that his cheeks weren't as red as they felt. They were practically on fire. Kazama couldn't keep that small voice in his head IN his head any longer. "Kikuchihara, I was wondering..." Kazama self-consciously began. "Yes?" "well-l..." Kazama stammered.
Kazama threw his arms right back around Kikuchihara and brought him in, rewarding him with an adorable little *squeak* from behalf of the younger boy.
"Really, I want to thank you."
"What?"
"Thank you so much."
Silence.
And then, "But, what did I do?" Kazama tightened his grasp on the younger boy.
"Where would I be right now if you hadn't shown up? And no, not just today, but in general. Where would I stand in Border? Who would have taken your place? Probably someone who isn't as talented. Or nice..."
For some unexplained reason, Kazama had been thinking more and more about Kikuchihara, and what he had done from them. Kazama just couldn't get it out of his mind. Kikuchihara appeared to be flawless. Well, maybe he was arrogant, rude and prideful, But he wasn't one to talk...
"If I hadn't shown up?" The brunette considered out loud.
"I'll tell you, but, uh, don't ever repeat this, ok?" Kikuchihara muttered, slightly embarrassed. "Ok..." Kikuchihara shuffled his feet. "Well, I probably would have gone crazy, or I would be the most introverted person you would ever know. I mean," his face grew even more warm as he admitted "you're my only friends..."
"What?" The thought had never crossed Kazama's mind. Kikuchihara was foul, rude, aggressive, and possibly intimidating, but his friends were the most important things in the world to him, so maybe Kazama had just always thought that he made friends easily.
Evidently, he didn't.
Kazama was about to ask why he didn't know this 'till now, but KIkuchihara silenced him as he grabbed back around his leaders waist, making his heart feel light and airy. "Honesty Kazma, you worry too much. I am here for you, and i'm not the one we should be worried about here." Kazama nodded, letting himself be taken care of by someone else for once. It felt odd, having somebody else help you like this... Kazma reflected. Or Maybe i'm just not used to it... To Kikuchihara's delight, Kazama didn't want to let go, using this as an excuse to himself, Kikuchihara held Kazama close to his heart, and honed in on the sound of the others.
Fast.
Was Kazama excited? Why? The teen didn't have a clue. He mentally slapped himself. Idiot! Don't get your hopes up over something that is hopeless! But he couldn't help it. It was too easy to do, with someone like Kazama.
Kikuchihara didn't know how much time had passed, but it had least been 20 minutes of simply holding Kazama. Then again, he couldn't be 100% sure, since the only outside noise he heard was the screech a lonesome bird. Eventually, Kikuchihara remembered that Kazama had defense duty.
"Hey Kazama?"
"Hmm?" The red eyed leader softly groaned in response.
"How about I take over for you on defense duty today, alright?" Kazama finally let go, Kikuchihara's arms still wrapped around his neck as he retreated back. "No Kikuchihara, thanks to you I should be fine, you don't have to..." The brunette shot him a glance. "Consider it off your schedule" He forcefully insisted. Kazama let him be stubborn just this once, grateful that Kikuchihara had found him.
"Thanks for this again..." Kazama worried that he might be sounding like a broken record at this point, but it had to be said. Never before had the two been so close, to Kikuchihara, it was rather exciting.
"Yeah, don't mention it... Well, I better head to the base now then, do you need anything else?" Kikuchihara's humbleness took him by surprise, and Kazama. The leader shook his head. "Nope, I should be alright. Though, seriously, where would I be without you?" Kazama mumbled, shaking his head. "Somewhere a lot less pleasant." The other boy responded, trying to get back in touch with his usual cocky self. "Yeah, I suppose..."
"Once i'm done I'll come find you, ok?" Kazama sighed "Kikuchihara, I can-" the look the younger boy was shooting at him silenced the smaller one. "Fine. Just to check in, if it really makes you feel better." Kazama huffed, sounding annoyed. "Knowing that my captain is doing alright physically and mentally after such a crappy day would make me feel better. See you soon" Kikuchihara waved as he walked off. His crush probably needed some space anyway, so did he, to tell the truth. Kikuchihara walked away feeling light headed, and shamefully noted that he had fallen even deeper in love with Kazama. For the first time, Kikuchihara could see that he too, was as human as him.
On the way back to headquarters however, he didn't seem to get much space. Or alone time. His thoughts were plagued by Kazama, and his imagination took him away. To the adorable places that made him blush into his sweater, and to places that he'd rather not say out loud. It became apparent to him that his secret would not hold for much longer, to his despair.
Only one thing would pull him out of his thoughts of shame and love.
A small blackbird.
It's pathetic crow sounds like a small whimper, or a cry for help. It's Wing looked burned and crooked, and his foot was caught under a rock.
"Well this birds' had a bad day..."
Checking to see if anyone was around, Kikuchihara kneeled down beside the bird, and removed the rock off it's trapped leg. The bird stopped whining as the teen helped it stand up, and inspected it's wing. It was dislocated. The bird however, had a mind of it's own, and once it could move again, it thought it was fine. Leaving an almost grateful nuzzle of sorts to Kikuchihara's hand, it refused help, and skipped away on it's still bad leg. Kikuchihara couldn't reach it. The bird refused help, and probably never had been offered it anyway. To Kikuchihara though, the bird seemed really sad hobbling off.
The sky seemed so out of reach.
...
Kazama lay beneath the tree, legs outstretched, pressing his back to the rough bark, closing his eyes, attempting to relax. He was glad that his day wasn't ruined, and he had his chance to stand back on his feet. Having a friend like Kikuchihara, really was a blessing. Thinking of him made him feel even calmer as the bottom of the sun tapped the hills in the distance before brushing lower in the sky. Today would soon be in the past.
"Hey"
Kazama started out of his thoughts. "When did you get here?" he hadn't even decided whether that should have stayed in his head or not, by the time he blurted it out. So much for staying cool.
"Just now, obviously." the younger boy smarted, looking down at the raven haired boy. "Just checking in to make sure you doing ok, I didn't mean to startle you."
Why was Kikuchihara being polite?
"Yeah, i'm doing alright, Thanks too you." Kazama mumbled, causing the other's cheeks to go slightly pink. The small attacker turned his gaze back to the sunset. The Sun's lower areas where slowly being dipped into the earth on a backdrop of gold.
Kikuchihara shifted his weight, knowing what was to come.
"Good to hear... Kazama, can I show you something?" the long haired boy probed. Not removing his gaze from the sky, now turning a wonderful spectrum of pinks, Kazama shrugged. "Yeah, alright, shoot" "here we go..." "Alright, one second..." Kikuchihara swiftly darted behind a huge patch of trees, out of sight. And then faded from sight, wondering if his immense blush would show through.
...
What was he even doing?
Every step was one closer to failure. Kikuchihara knew that. Failure was inevitable. In position now, he took a moment to realize this the last opportunity to turn back. The thought was one he didn't even consider. He didn't want to. Convincing himself he deserved this, at least once, he made his move.
...
Kazama first felt something brush his cheek, and he dismissed it as the something more firm rest on the side of his face, something soft. Suddenly, something was pressed against his lips. This time he wasn't as lucky, he jolted as the hands grabbed at the back of his head, Pulling him in. after a moment of shock, Kazama reached out and broke the illusion, and his heart skipped a beat.
Kikuchihara leaned over him, head in his hands, his lips connecting with Kazama's. It was soft hearted, pleasant, and possibly a tad rushed. It was enough. Kikuchihara broke away, breathless, suddenly wishing he had considered turning back. It was a quick kiss, more of a peck really, but it was enough. Kikuchihara face couldn't have gotten more red. Kazama's face was one of absolute Bewilderment. Never losing his smarting attitude, Kikuchihara eventually smirked and mumbled a "Glad to see your doing alright"
Kazama was jerked out of his temporary daze, and he stole himself to do something he had only dreamed of for a long time. Both of them still out of air, Kazama reached for Kikuchihara's neck, and pulled him back in. Their lips connected, and Kazama truly relaxed into this. Why he ever considered being together with someone else was now a mystery to him. Kikuchihara's lips fit perfectly with his, as did Kikuchihara's hands. deepening the moment, Kikuchihara grabbed at Kazama's waist, and pulled him in.
Simply staying connected was enough to get Kikuchihara excited, but it somehow got even better as Kazama tested his Bounds by briefly swiping his tongue over the teens mouth. He gasped and finally pulled away, it was to good to be true, but it was. Kazama pulled Kikuchihara forward, until he was on top of him. Taking a moment to continue processing the scene before him, Kazama hesitated before pulling his crush down into his arms. before turning him over to playfully roll him down the hill, Kikuchihara didn't let go however, and the two of them tumbled down like children, hand in hand carefree.
...
Kikuchihara walked home alone. He was positive he was still red faced, even after a few hours, but it really didn't bother him all that much at that time.
Kazama loves me...
He couldn't quite get that though his head then. He is mine...
For once in his lifetime, he could block out the rest of the world's outside noises with ease. How strange.
A small blackbird.
Kikuchihara froze. The bird look sad, depressed even. It held out it's broken little wing to Kikuchihara, as if begging for his kindness once more. It looked like it was done pretending it was alright. coming to terms with reality. Not bothering to look around, Kikuchihara keeled down by the bird and quietly whispered in his ear, "Shh... this won't hurt for long... I hope..." Kikuchihara pressed down on the wing hard and released it after he heard a crack, pop, and a crow. The bird was still in pain, but looked satisfied that it was over. Squawking once to Kikuchihara, he finally flew free, and Kikuchihara walked home, feeling like the happiest man alive.
...
It was a cold morning in the outdoor central plaza of Border. An early one to boot, as the squads for the final away mission were in place. Director Kido was discussing something with Usami, trator, Kikuchihara scowled. Then he picked up on something interesting. For once he redirected his gaze faster then his ears to the Miwa squad, noting that Narusaka wasn't going, where he saw Miwa and Yoneya standing awfully close, whispering. Having a side effect like his, Kikuchihara was a nosey person, and decided to listen in on their conversation.
"Look, you're gonna do fine Shuji, I promise, and I'm here with you now..." Yoneya was whispering in an uncharacteristically soft tone. "I'm not leaving you behind for anything, ok?" Miwa looked down. "Yeah, alright. Thanks Yosuke..." Kikuchihara wasn't really one to hang out with them, but something struck him as odd when he saw Miwa reach for Yoneya's hand.
Not quite understanding, and deciding that he had been nosey enough, Kikuchihara tuned out of the conversation as abruptly as he joined it. Not a moment passed before one last thing caught his attention.
Konami was giggling. "what?" she laughed. "Aww... Kyousuke, your too cute!" Kikuchihara blinked, since when did Konami use his real name? "It's not cute, I just, don't want anyone to really know..." he mumbled.
Commander Kido stood up, and the squad immediately feel silent. Not that it mattered, because Kikuchihara had heard enough of their conversation to know what was up.
"Everyone," Commander Kido's voice boomed, commanding everyone's attention.
"Welcome to the final away mission."