[A/N]: plan on updating about once a week. Thanks for reading.
I didn't really have a plan anymore. I never had a plan in the first place, either, so it's funny that I say that. I guess what I mean is that I thought I was going to have a plan coming into Shinra, but nope. Sephiroth worked all the time, and since I wanted to keep up with him, I decided to throw myself in along with it, plan be damned. If this was going to be my new life, I was going to make it mine.
####
"Your blood shows an elevation in mako, which concerns me. Have you ever been exposed to any mako-powered equipment before?" The doctor held a clipboard as she addressed me, in a hospital gown. I was in there for a health inspection, both because Sephiroth wanted someone more qualified to check over me, and I needed a baseline medical file if I was to be admitted into Shinra's military.
"I've lived near and around a mako substation in Sector 2, and I've been exposed indirectly a couple times." The doctor scribbled something down.
"Hm. You know mako is toxic right? Destroys cellular processes and stuff?" I nodded. Mako was very corrosive, could melt through pipes if they weren't properly treated. On more than one occasion a crew had to be called in to fix one small leak. Sometimes I helped.
"Yeah, I'm careful. Sometimes I get muscle pain, you know? But I'd think that's just because I don't eat right all the time." Doctor looked up from her notes. I wasn't sure what to say to her considering I was an orphan, street rat, blah blah. Yeah I don't eat, but if I get into the army, I could eat as much plain garbage as I wanted to. I decided just to state it simply to her. The doctor's eyebrows rose.
"That's not surprising, then. You're a growing boy, you should eat more." No shit. I'd never really thought about my body type in a long time; I never had any other option. But now I could work on getting stronger, becoming a more healthy, more self-caring person. Like all those magazines keep talking about, but for real.
####
Sephiroth looked over my shoulder as I filled out registration forms at a desk in the general registration wing on Floor 3. Sephiroth wanted to move me out of required things like boot camp and qualification tests so that he could train me himself. I couldn't decide whether or not Sephiroth was being considerate or possessive, so I settled for continuing to fill out a Personnel Request Type-3 form, in addition to General Registration Forms 1-4 and about a dozen other documents with equally wordy names.
"You're working through the paperwork rather quickly." Sephiroth seemed uncomfortable but was forcing himself to look.
"You don't like paperwork." It wasn't a question.
"Do... you?" Sephiroth seemed genuinely distressed at the notion, like the paperwork was going to infect me with a horrible disease or something.
"I mean, not particularly, it's just work, you know? Forms and stuff. Everyone just has to keep track of everything somehow, and Shinra is a big place." I handed him the pen and pointed to a spot on the paper. "You need to sign here."
"Right…" Sephiroth quickly signed in perfect cursive Sephiroth, no last name. I realized something.
"We both don't have a last name. I've never known my parents, but Professor Hojo is your father. Why don't you take his name?" Sephiroth tensed up immediately; I immediately flashed back to that desperate fight where we'd first met: he hadn't been that tense since then. Hojo was proving to a topic to avoid wherever possible.
"I am his son, but…" Sephiroth's tension shifted to contemplation. Looking at him, I could see his eyes dart back and forth before he closed them and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"I'll consider the question next time…"
"Next time you what?"
"Meet with him. Hojo and I have an appointment later this week." I gave him an odd look.
"You make it sound like he can't make time to see his son." Sephiroth was visibly uncomfortable Another first, but I decided to risk pushing a bit more.
"What about your mother?"
"My mother is Jenova," Sephiroth replied, seemingly automatically. Not worrying at all. Sephiroth assumed all the body language cues of "I don't want to talk anymore," no eye contact, looking down at the floor, backing away from the chair I sat at. I decided to swing to conversation back to a gimme so Sephiroth wouldn't remember this moment badly.
"Hey, Sephiroth, do you have paperwork you need to do?" Sephiroth glanced up.
"Going back four months, yes." Gotcha. I got up out of my chair and put my hand on his shoulder, putting on my best encouraging grin.
"How about I go submit these forms and we go take of all that for you?" His eyes widened.
"That would most certainly be appreciated."
####
"Attention!" All the boys immediately disengaged from their idle chatter and stood at attention. Sephiroth stood in front with me at his side. I wasn't sure if I'd ever be used to a uniform, but it was certainly cleaner than anything I had worn before.
"We're on scan duty today, men." A cheer went up from the squad. Sephiroth put his hand up and they fell silent. "I will take the first half of the squad around the outer track, Lieutenant Asher will take the other half around the inner track." They nodded assent. I had begun to learn that Sephiroth had a reputation in the army. No one understood him, no one knee him, but they knew he could kick anyone's ass no matter how old he was, so he basically got respect by default.
The way Sephiroth commanded attention was something special. I remembered the first time I saw, in complete control of himself in the heat of battle. In public, in front of others, Sephiroth always projected that kind of aura. It was exhilarating, to say the least. Nothing like the awkward, personal Seph I came to know in private.
'Scan duty' was one of the easier assignment in Shinra culture. Basically, you walk a full circle around the city as a patrol. This takes eight hours. It's boring and not too complicated but it's time to talk. Shinra's libraries have more than I'd ever thought possible, and in my off time I'd often just read it all. Sephiroth would always be willing to indulge me in conversation in whatever topic i could come up with, sometimes he'd just listen quietly, sometimes he'd have interesting opinions or insights I hadn't. It was a part of our friendship I had control over, at least.
Because I was getting run into the ground on the other end.
####
I always woke to the sound of Sephiroth showering at six-thirty. He showered in mornings, I at nights. We would wordlessly dress and make our way down to Floor 8, Officers Mess. I would make idle conversation with him over the gruel. If we didn't have a duty assignment or a mission, which was typically Sunday or one other day during the week, then Sephiroth and I would walk over to the Training Center. Sephiroth would take a katana, and I a standard issue Shinra broadsword.
There was an open-air combat practice area in the middle of an indoor track that didn't feel as confined as the practice rooms which we would often use. Normally it was meant to be used to practice small scale troop movements or host group instructional sessions, but Sephiroth would be able to give the teachers one look and we'd have the space to ourselves.
Sephiroth had insisted that if I was to serve directly under him, I had too have proper combat technique. So, on those free days, Sephiroth broke down everything I could possibly know about combat and sword fighting. It seemed to be almost therapeutic for him, like it assured him that he had an as good a grasp on the material and theory as he did, and that he could teach it to someone else.
On those days, I would train for four hours, break for lunch, another four hours. He would often test me by fighting me himself, not seriously, but enough to communicate an intended lesson or technique. As we went along, Sephiroth learned to push me to the brink of exhaustion, relenting just enough to make sure I wouldn't pass out. Often times I had to apply several Cure spells, just so we could walk to dinner. Learning from Sephiroth was more stressful and difficult than any duty assignment or extermination mission.
Over time, Sephiroth began to transition from neutral comments about my form to earnest comments about my progress. Sephiroth would begin to engage me in his own topics on conversation on occasion, which I would reply to with a smile. He wouldn't ever fundamentally change from that composed, formal child forced to grow up too early. Rarely would he talk about himself or his feelings, as much as I tried every so often to ask him.
And a few times a month, he'd go in for 'appointments' with Hojo. Every time, he'd go up to the Science Department for whole days at a time, usually leaving me to lead a duty mission. When he would come back, it was as if he had never changed from the boy I talked to in the junkyard. But the Sephiroth I had come to know would always come back. It worried me, but he assured me that everything was normal and fine and I 'shouldn't inquire further'. Yeah, right. But I couldn't exactly question it either.
####
Sephiroth had just been promoted to Colonel. The next day we had intended to celebrate his promotion with some of his never-used vacation days, but when I woke up I found Sephiroth's empty and made with a note neatly folded on the pillow.
My father has requested my presence early this morning. I should not be long. Go to meals without me if you must. -S
What did Sephiroth do up there? I began to get anxious but willed myself to be calm. It's fine, he does this all the time.
I was repeating the line to myself even as I left dinner. I couldn't stop thinking about what could possibly be taking him so long. I paced out to a balcony, looking out at Midgar. It was a little windy out tonight, and you couldn't see any stars. You never could, but just this once I wanted to. Something comforting.
My entire life revolved around Sephiroth in one way or another. Total dependence wasn't something I'd ever imagined myself tolerating, but somehow I'd never noticed it under. I sleep in the same room as my immediate superior. We do everything together. I found myself questioning my entire relationship to Sephiroth. Oh my gods, I'm a fucking Honeybee. Fucking whore. I couldn't even bring my sensible self to chastise the part of my brain that said those words. Here you go, wedging yourself into someone's life and staying there, like a splinter. You don't want anything, do you? No. I had my own life, I wanted to… You've never wanted anything. You're a starving slum rat and that's all you'll ever be. I shoved down the destructive thoughts and crouched down by the railing.
I am not that. I just want to be here. Anything's better than the slum. A life is better than no life. The things I do matter here, to someone. At least to him.
Fuck off, I have my own life. I can do what I want. I clutched my head in my hands. Standing up, I brushed off my uniform and made for the elevator. Sephiroth this, Sephiroth that. You want him.
Shut up, I told my brain. Sephiroth is the only friend I've made. I think it's the same for him. Now I am not going to let that toxic though process continue. I do have my own life, and it's what I choose. But right now Sephiroth needs my help. And that isn't wishful thinking on my part. I'm the only one who can help him. I punched 66 with enough force to rattle the elevator.
####
Floor 66, the top floor marked on this elevator, hosted most of the offices of Shinra executives. Higher floors, including the Science Department and president's office and living quarters had to be accessed specially through a security gate on Floor 66, leading to another Special elevator.
There was a security checkpoint immediately after stepping out of the elevator, consisting of three helmeted army men.
"I have orders to report to Colonel Sephiroth at this time." The one closest to me nodded at my ID badge.
"You don't have clearance to be up here. Badge needs to have purple stripe on it like this." He held up his own badge.
"I am under Colonel Sephiroth's direct orders. I am his XO." The first part was a lie, but I hoped name dropping Sephiroth would be enough. One of the other soldiers said something quietly to the first.
"The colonel is indisposed at the moment. Please come back later."
"But-"
"We have the authority the remove you if you continue to be difficult, he said, tapping the gun on his belt. Shit. Reluctantly, I turned around to the elevator and called it. Who should step out but a familiar Wutai man in a suit.
"Tseng," He nodded at me and made to move past me.
"Lieutenant."
"Wait. Wait- máfan nǐ!" Out of desperation, I tried one of the few bits of Wutaian I knew. Tseng slowly turned around with a serious look on his face.
"Don't do that, Lieutenant."
"I'm sorry," I said quietly, "[ I need your help, please. ]" Tseng made no reaction.
"Don't speak Wutai to me." A look of interest crossed his face. "Your grammar is strange, but your inflection is very good. Have you heard it spoken aloud?" I shifted uncomfortably.
"Yes, but I also read a Wutai language book, well, a Shinra technical paper attempting to dissect the language."
Tseng hummed. "Suppose I could help. What would I do for you?"
"Make sure Colonel Sephiroth is alright. Could you find out what's keeping him?" A strange look crossed Tseng's face.
"You two spend a lot of time together, even live together. He is your immediate superior. Has he never told you?"
I shook my head no.
"Then I can't tell you either. But I will check in on him."
"I'll go down to the lounge on 27 then." Tseng nodded.
"Very well. Good evening." Tseng turned and made his way to the security checkpoint. Guess I was back to the elevator.
####
I sat tapping my foot in a very comfortable chair in the employee lounge on Floor 27 when Tseng silently sat in the chair across from me. He had a look on his face that I couldn't exactly place. I tried not to let my worry show to him.
"You are concerned for him." It wasn't a question. Shit.
"Yes. Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be?" I was challenging him to reveal anything that would shed some light onto what I was missing.
"Sephiroth's case has always been unusual." Tseng looked like he was considering something. "Yours is, as well, but in a different way. Your association with Sephiroth often puts the Turks in a difficult position." Information, I realized.
"Sephiroth must be important to Shinra somehow." No reaction out of Tseng. "But the Turks are left out somehow. You're not on the same page, even when you should be, I would think. Then what's the problem?" Again, no reaction out of Tseng. I wondered if this was a test, intentionally or not. There was a reason Tseng was sitting here with him, after all. I thought very hard about what I knew about Shinra politics, Sephiroth, and what Tseng had just said. The more I thought about it, one inescapable answer rose to the forefront of my mind.
"Hojo. Hojo's the problem, isn't he? He has a vested interest in keeping information about Sephiroth a secret. It keeps him where he his, somehow. Right?" I was grasping a bit, and I knew I probably only had part of the picture. But Tseng let show a small smile.
"I think I'd ask you to become a Turk if the circumstances were different." I raised an eyebrow. I knew exactly why he'd think that, but I didn't want to become a spy, not in that way.
"I don't think I'd be a good fit, no offense." Tseng nodded.
"None taken.
"What is Hojo doing to Sephiroth up there?" It was a direct question, another educated guess, and I was rewarded with a slight stiffening out of Tseng.
"I am not at liberty to- Hm." Tseng was again deep in thought. "You stirred up quite the frenzy, when Sephiroth decided to keep you." It was my turn to stiffen.
"I chose to stay. Maybe the reason the Turks don't know jack about Sephiroth is because no one took the time to be his friend. Or is that just impossible for you to understand?" I had raised my voice a little, unintentionally. Several others in the lounge turned to our quiet-no-longer conversation before returning to idle chatter. Tseng looked wary.
"You do care about him."
"Yes, Tseng, I care about the person, Sephiroth, not the commander or the soldier or the experiment, the person. Do you understand me?" Tseng back to the pensive look, yet again.
"The Turks believe that his semi monthly appointments in the Science Department are for the treatments needed to enhance him. Somehow the treatment involves mako." Mako? I had never thought about it, but the green glow of Sephiroth's eyes was similar to the glow of raw mako. But where mako glowed sickenly, toxic, nauseatingly, his eyes glowed brilliantly, ethereally. For his body to be so mako-rich to cause the eyes to glow, Sephiroth should be dead ten times over. And how would mako, a toxic substance, produce an enhanced body? Hojo found some way, I supposed. Tseng stood.
"That is all I can tell you. Good evening." And he left me there, thinking about mako and green, glowing eyes.