Time for an Author's Note! I was being all mysterious and quiet, letting the beginning of the story speak for itself...yada yada yada. But now it's time for me to yammer on for a bit.

Inspiration ~ The idea for this story came after one of many re-reads of Kinofille's classic AU, Variation on a Theme. I love that story so much: I know many of you do as well. If you haven't read it, be forewarned that it is unfinished, and be further forewarned that only 3 chapters are posted here. She posted up to about Chapter 16 at the since-expired BWR, I believe: far enough that you knew how it was going to end, all happy and such, but not far enough that you weren't still wishing to see exactly how she, brilliant author that she is, would do it. Anyway, even three chapters will give you a good idea of just how great that story is.

So what I'm humbly working on here is a variation of my own. A variation in the key of Luke, if you will. :-) This story is evolving into something quite different, I'm told by my trusty beta, but the central question is the same: what happens when you've been denying some key part of yourself, in order to do the "right thing"? In this variation, it's Luke instead of Lorelai who made that choice some years before, and who is now returning to Stars Hollow to see if he can't have something of his own.

Expectations ~ It should be clear by now that this is a Luke-centric story! It will remain in his POV throughout, and the early chapters in particular wiill be very Luke-heavy. Lorelai is there from the beginning, as you saw in Chapter 2, and rest assured she will be there in the end, but it will be some time before anything romantic develops. There are a few issues to be resolved, shall we say, before any of that can happen. So buckle in, it's a long one! (12 chapters and counting: my guess is it will go at least 25 chapters).

Appreciation ~ Some thanks are overdue. To lulu1960, for your early encouragement of the idea. Your assurances helped me take the plunge. And to deepfriedcake, my patient, persistent beta: you are the perfect combination of unflaggingly positive support, hard-nosed editing of extraneous commas and words I love too much, and tough love; the latter best illustrated by this from an email in response to an opening chapter: "If you don't finish this story, I will hunt you down."

(still) Tuesday, April 14, 1992

"Lucas! Wonderful to see you!"

Taylor Doose's smile seemed genuine and his handshake was hearty, much to Luke's surprise.

"Taylor," he replied simply.

"And who is this?"

"This is my son Robert. Robbie, this is Mr. Doose."

"Hello." Robbie held out his hand, and Taylor smiled as he shook it.

"Nice to meet you, young man. Good to have you and your Dad here in town. Are you staying, Luke?"

"Don't know yet, Taylor," Luke answered, his tone slightly clipped.

Taylor frowned. "When will you know? And what are you doing about the store? It's not good for the town for a prime business location to remain closed for this long period of time. It's only right that you make a decision soon, Luke."

"Taylor – please," Luke said, his exasperation rising. "I haven't even unlocked the door yet. I understand you still have the keys?"

"Oh, yes, sorry about that. I never did get them back to Fran, did I? But would you like me to keep them, just in case? Always best to have a set of spares with someone you can trust."

"Yes, that's true," Luke said, and held out his hand.

Taylor looked sharply at him, and opened his mouth to say something. Instead, he shook his head and, clucking his tongue, headed to the back room.

Luke shook his head in turn. "Same old town, same old crazy people." He looked down at Robbie. "Okay, bud, let's pick out some lunch. Cheese sandwiches?"

"Yes!"

Taylor came out with the keys while Luke and Robbie were still shopping. Soon enough they were heading for the register. "Where are we going to eat Daddy?"

"What do you say we have a picnic, out in the gazebo?"

"What's a gazebo?"

"I'll show you."

Sitting on the steps of the gazebo with the sun fully out, Luke began to relax a bit. Despite the memories assailing him and the uncertainty of where and whether to stay, the familiarity of the town was soothing. He tore off chunks of bread and filled them with cheese and tomatoes, sliced with his Swiss Army knife. As they ate, he let the worries drop away and watched his son instead.

Robbie ate with great concentration as always, intent both on filling his stomach and enjoying his food. Luke thought of all the different kinds of food his son had eaten in his short lifetime, and felt blessed to have not been burdened with a picky eater. Europe, Africa, South America – wherever they were one of the first priorites was to get to know the food. Bread, cheese and tomatoes were a first-day staple. Luke had actually read that in a baby book once, that if you had a kid that liked those three items, you could find something to eat anywhere in the world. It was a weird thing to find in a baby book, he had thought, but it had proven to be true. Wherever they were and wherever they went, however exotic–seeming the local cuisine, he could always start Robbie out with a bowl of pasta and tomato sauce, or French bread and brie, or the variations on flat bread and tomato salsa to be found both in Kenya and Brazil, oddly enough. It felt good to be back home and keep up the tradition of their opening meal.

Once his initial hunger was satisfied, Robbie picked his head up and looked around. "I like this place," he said.

"Yeah, me too," Luke agreed.

"What are we doing after lunch?"

Luke was itching to get inside the store, but just as hunger was the trigger for his son's infrequent meltdowns, so was fatigue. Robbie had only fallen asleep during the last half hour of the drive from New York, so Luke was pretty sure he would need his usual afternoon nap. But even when exhausted, Robbie fought sleep, so Luke knew he had to have a book to ease the way. He wasn't sure if the airplane books would hold up, and deciding not to risk it, thought of the bookstore.

"Well, now that we have the keys, we can go exploring in the store. But first one more stop, the bookstore."

Robbie's eyes lit up. "There's a bookstore here?"

"Yup," Luke replied confidently, then faltered. "At least there used to be... let's go find out."

Robbie grinned and took a big gulp from his bottle of water. "Let's go!"

Luke grinned in return. "Help me clean up, then." They bundled up their wrappings and headed toward where the store used to be.

So far Luke felt he had been lucky, Taylor being the only annoying Stars Hollow resident he'd encountered. On the way to the bookstore, his luck ran out. Even though he stayed on the other side of the street from the dance studio purposely, he still got spotted.

"Luke Danes, is that you?" Miss Patty called from the open doorway. He stopped in resignation, and soon found himself enveloped in a hug. Luke gave a perfunctory squeeze and disengaged as quickly as possible. "And this must be Robbie! Hello little man, I'm Miss Patty, one of your father's oldest and dearest friends." She straightened up without giving Robbie a chance to reply. "Oh my, Luke, what a beautiful child! Look at those red-blonde curls! And your blue eyes! Gorgeous! But with you and Rachel providing the genes, how could he not be?"

Luke looked embarrassed and shrugged. Miss Patty had always made him profoundly uncomfortable. Robbie seemed to pick up on this, and he stood quietly by Luke's side, holding his hand securely.

"Where is Rachel, darling, is she with you?"

"No, not yet. She's finishing up an assignment in Brazil."

"But she'll be joining you soon, yes? I can't wait to see our beautiful world famous photographer. Do you miss your Mommy, dear boy?"

Robbie was startled at her sudden shift of attention back to him, and just nodded, holding Luke's hand tighter.

"Well, uh, we're on our way to the bookstore…" Luke gestured vaguely down the street.

"I'll let you go, darlings, but promise me we'll catch up later – I want to hear all about your adventures."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Luke agreed, and they walked quickly away. Happy to be away from the cloud of cigarette smoke and perfume that was Miss Patty, he continued leading his son down the street toward his destination. They made it to the bookstore, still in its famialiar location, without running into any other Stars Hollow residents that he knew, and Luke breathed a sigh of relief as they entered the store.

He relaxed too soon- there was Kirk Gleason, talking with a man who stood behind the cash register. "Though I haven't worked specifically in the publishing field, you'll see I have extensive retail experience which should enable me to easily master the book-selling process."

"Okay, thanks very much, Kirk, I'll let you know."

Luke lowered his head and tried to pass by unnoticed, but no such luck. The man behind the cash register had made eye contact and nodded, which made Kirk turn and look.

"Luke Danes."

"Kirk." Luke nodded shortly and continued moving into the store.

"You've been away for five years. Welcome back."

"Thanks, Kirk."

"Will you be reopening the hardware store? Will you be hiring?"

"I don't think so, Kirk, and no." Luke switched his attention to finding the children's section, moving toward the back of the store. Once in the correct aisle, he said, "Okay, buddy, you can pick out a new book, and I'll look for one too." Robbie squatted down and began happily pulling books from the shelves and paging through them. "Be gentle, bud. You rip it, we have to buy it."

The man from the front of the store appeared. "Looking for anything in particular?" he asked.

"Oh, yeah, sure. Someone recommended Toast and Jam for … someone, I don't remember the name."

"Ah, yes, Bread and Jam for Frances– a classic." The man bent down and pulled a hardcover book from a lower shelf. "Here it is. Picky eater?" The man asked, looking at Robbie, who was fully absorbed in a pop-up book with dinosaurs.

"Oh, no, not really," Luke said. "Sweet tooth, though."

"This is a good choice then. We have it in paperback as well. I'm Andrew, by the way, Andrew Mitchell. I own the bookstore."

"Nice to meet you. Luke Danes." He gestured down the street. "My dad owned the hardware store, years ago. I grew up here in Stars Hollow. Mrs. Johnson moved away?"

"Yes. She got remarried several years ago, apparently her new husband finally convinced her to retire and move down south."

"Wow – she was an institution. I remember coming to story hour here when I was my son's age."

"Yep – she's a legend. Tough shoes to fill, but after two years I'm finally being referred to just as Andrew, not the new bookstore owner."

Luke smiled. "Well, welcome to Stars Hollow."

"And welcome back. Let me know if you need help with anything else."

"Will do, thanks." Luke squatted down to confer with Robbie. "I found mine, kiddo, how about you?"

"I like this dinosaur one."

"Will you want to reread it, or is it just a one time thing?"

"One time, maybe." Robbie opened and closed the last page a few times, watching a T-Rex rise up and appear to growl.

"How about this one? "Luke suggested, pulling an encyclopedia of dinosaurs out. Robbie opened it and slowly paged through the beginning of it, looking at the colorful pictures and boxes of information. "This one's good. This will take a long time to look at everything."

"One more or are we good?"

"Let's go, I want to go in our store."

Luke smiled and they headed up front to pay.

"Big mess."

"You're not kidding, buddy."

Robbie and Luke had made their way through the relatively organized downstairs of the store, where only some inventory remained on dusty shelves, and had headed up the stairs to the old office. Here was where everything else had come to die, apparently. Luke remembered his last frantic days in Stars Hollow five years ago, filling the office space with stuff from the house that he didn't want to trust to the renters or leave in the storage unit he had rented. He'd also brought up boxes of old inventory that Bob didn't want to even try selling, and that Luke had had no time to take care of. He remembered leaving a path to the old rolltop desk so that Bob could use it, but downstairs he'd seen that Bob had instead put a desk in one of the back rooms and used that as his office. Luke couldn't blame him.

"Wow, Daddy. This is a lot of things."

"You got that right." Luke stood with his hands on his hips, surveying the landscape and trying to decide what to do. He knew that eventually Robbie would need his nap, and he debated briefly what to do. Leave the mess for another day and head to Mia and the Inn so Robbie could sleep in comfort, or, get started here, and let Robbie nap where he fell? The urge to get started won. He'd clear a path to the old leather couch and the bathroom – maybe even a window to get some fresh air in here. His mind made up, he clapped his hands together. "Okay, here's the plan..."

Several hours later, Luke had made some headway on the mess, and Robbie was curled up on the couch, reading his new dinosaur book and yawning. They had spent the first hour downstairs, consolidating the inventory onto the shelves nearest the door. Luke showed Robbie how to keep similar things grouped together, and put him to work moving things from and to the lower shelves, while tackling the upper shelves himself. He resisted the impulse to just start throwing everything away – he didn't know yet whether he'd be able to sell any of this off, and they needed every penny for what came next, whatever that might be.

Once the shelves further back were clear, Luke and Robbie gave them a cursory dusting with some old rags he found in one of the back rooms, and started moving things down from upstairs. He had to smile at the industriousness of his son. Robbie carried one item down at a time, concentrating on not falling down the stairs. He carefully placed it on a shelf, and then headed back up for another single item. How much help he was being was questionable, but Luke enjoyed the companionship of it. He'd always incorporated Robbie into his activities and chores, just as his dad had with him. Again he allowed himself to feel the weight, the contentedness, of having brought his son home, of having come full circle.

Robbie began climbing the stairs more and more slowly, his little legs wearing out. After a path to the couch was almost cleared, Luke ran a damp cloth and then a dry one over it, then hoisted Robbie up and settled him in with the book and his blanket, retrieved from the car. Luke decided to take a break to let Robbie fall fully asleep, and returned downstairs. He opened the door to let fresh air in, and sat on the steps to drink a bottle of water left from lunch. He took advantage of the Robbie-free time to make lists in his head. Get truck, return car. Talk to renters, call Bob about where and how to sell inventory. Try and track down Liz, let her know they were back in the country. Call Rachel.

That brought his thoughts to a stop. He didn't really want to think about Rachel. He did best concentrating on the immediate future only.

He went back to work, quietly continuing to clear paths to the upstairs bathroom and windows. He worked steadily, in between various visitors. He'd left the front door wide open for air, which also brought in the curious. Luke figured he might as well get as many reunions and introductions over as possible. After two hours of a fairly steady stream of old friends and neighbors, making small talk and answering "I don't know, no definite plans yet, except to clean up a little," Luke was mentally exhausted. Finally saying goodbye to Babette and Morey, who had been chatting away for about 20 minutes, Luke closed the door and headed upstairs to see if Robbie was awake.

Slow to fall asleep and slow to wake up, his little boy was just beginning to stir. Luke took a moment to look around. He wondered if they could stay up here, if he got it cleared up enough. It was something he had thought about on the plane. He didn't want to pay for a hotel any longer than necessary, and he didn't want to kick the renters out of the house prematurely and lose that income. Staying here seemed doable. The bathroom worked, and if he retrieved some of the old camping supplies, he could make things comfortable enough for now.

"Daddy?"

"Right here, Robbie."

Robbie pulled himself upright. Luke crossed over to the couch and settled down next to his still–drowsy son. Robbie leaned against Luke's side, still yawning and occasionally rubbing his eyes. Luke started speaking slowly and quietly, as he often did after naps and in the morning, filling in Robbie on what was coming next. Especially as they were leaving one place and arriving in the new one, he was careful to let him know what was coming up. "So once you're up buddy, let's close up here and head out to see Mia at her Inn. You remember Mia, she came to visit us in Italy last year, right before we headed to Brazil."

"I remember. She's nice. She brought me a puzzle."

"Yup. We'll get our suitcases into our room, wash up, have some dinner, and make some plans for tomorrow. All I know for sure about tomorrow is we have to see if my big green truck is still running after all these years, and if it is, return the rental car to Hartford."

"Big green truck," Robbie murmured.

"Yup – I think you'll like it. Just tell me when you're ready to go."

Again, Luke felt the urge to move, to do, but he didn't want to rush Robbie, and he was also reminding himself these days to enjoy these moments with his son. He could already see the time coming when Robbie would be less willing to cuddle and be close. So they sat together in the dusty, cluttered room, late afternoon sun slanting through the windows. Luke felt himself getting drowsy, and shook himself to stay awake, which in turn roused Robbie from his post-nap stupor.

"Okay, up and at 'em, what do you say?" Luke rose, pointed Robbie toward the bathroom, and headed over to close the window. They gathered books and blanket and made their way to similarly lock up downstairs, and finally returned to the car.

"Next stop, Mia!" chorused Robbie. Luke smiled and pulled out from the curb.

"God I've missed American beer," Luke declared, as Mia sat down next to him on one of the porch chairs.

"It's the little things," Mia smiled.

"Yup," Luke agreed. They watched as Robbie painstakingly watered flowers in the bed in front of the Independence Inn. "I hope he's not throwing off the landscaper's watering schedule," he said.

Mia waved a hand in dismissal. "It's just a little drink. He's a good little worker." They both watched as Robbie walked around the corner to the spigot, filled the watering can, and came back.

"He likes to be useful."

"Like his dad," Mia commented.

Luke smiled.

"He's a wonderful little boy, Luke. Bright, inquisitive, industrious..."

Luke shrugged.

"...funny, smart, polite. You've done a wonderful job with him. You should be proud."

Luke looked away, embarrassed, but then agreed. "I am proud. I never pictured myself as a dad so young. And I never would have thought I'd have the patience, but I do."

"It's not easy, being a single parent most of the time," Mia said.

Luke bristled. "I'm not a single parent, Mia. Rachel is very much Robbie's mom, even when she's on assignment. We both make sure of that."

"I know – and you've done a wonderful job there too. But day to day, you've been the primary parent, and often for very long stretches of time. And that's hard. It can be very lonely."

"Yeah," Luke acknowledged. "Especially far from home." He sat quietly, thinking.

Mia broke the silence with a more cheerful tone. "So does Stars Hollow still feel like home?"

"Yes, definitely. It feels good to be back. Weird, but good."

"So you'll be here a while?"

"Yeah, there's a lot to do. I need to make decisions on the house, the store."

"And whether to stay for good?"

"That too."

"That's a lot of decisions."

"Yup."

"When does Rachel join you?"

Luke sighed. "I don't know. Soon, I hope."

"That sounds very – indefinite," Mia said.

"Can we not talk about this now?"

"Of course." Mia held up her hands. "I didn't mean to push."

"No, Mia, it's okay. It's just that you're about the fiftieth person to ask that today. And even though you're probably the only one of those fifty I actually want to answer, I'm just so tired."

"I understand. It's been a long day."

"And a long... discussion. With Rachel." Luke explained.

Mia nodded. "Well, whenever you're ready to talk, I'm ready to listen."

"Thanks, I appreciate that."

"Let's get you another beer. And all of us a delicious dinner, and then my two boys into their beds."

"Sounds good."

Several hours later, Robbie was asleep in one bed, and Luke was stretched out on the other, thumbing through a Sports Illustrated he had found down in the lobby, trying to get sleepy enough to turn off his buzzing brain. The sudden ringing of the bedside phone startled him and he scrambled to answer it before the ring woke up his sleeping son.

"Hello?" he said softly.

"Hi, it's me."

"Rachel, hi."

"Did I wake you guys?"

Luke glanced over at Robbie. "Nope – Rob is completely out and I was just reading."

"How did the trip go? How's Stars Hollow?"

"I'm good. Everything went smoothly – Robbie was great."

"He's such a great little traveler."

"He really is. Charmed all the flight attendants, and of course everyone here in Stars Hollow."

"That's our little prince. Did you get the full welcome?"

"Yup. I had the door of the store open for most of the afternoon, figured I'd get all the hellos out of the way, plus get a little work done."

"Is it a big mess?"

"Downstairs isn't so bad – upstairs is crazy. But I made a little dent. I think if I work on it for the next few days, I may get it decent enough to stay up there, sort of camp out."

"Really? You want to get that ensconced?"

"How do you get 'ensconced' from 'camping out'?" Luke asked, irritated.

"Why can't you just stay at the Inn for a while? I'm sure Mia would give you a special rate."

"I'd rather save the money."

"Okay."

"I figured it would be okay for now, at least until you get here."

Rachel was quiet for a moment. "I don't know how soon I can get there. We're going to go back out into the rain forest for just a few days, to get a few final shots for the magazine, and to take a few more spec photos for the book. Once we get that, we'll try to set up some meetings in New York, shop the book idea around."

"And if you get a publisher?

"Then we're back out, around the world."

"That would be amazing."

"Say that as if you mean it, Luke."

"I do mean it. That would be amazing, you've been working toward that for a long time and I know how much it means to you."

"But?"

"But nothing. Nothing changes that. But..."

Rachel interrupted with a bitter laugh.

"However..." Luke tried again. Her chuckle sounded more amused this time. "I want something for me, too. I need a home base. After all these years, I want to choose the home base that works for me."

"And that's Stars Hollow."

"Probably. I'm not sure yet. That's why I'm here, to find out."

"And if it is, do I get a say?" She sounded a little wistful.

"Have I had any say in where we've been the past five years?" Luke asked.

"So this is revenge?"

"No, Rachel. Not revenge. This is my turn. My turn to choose where I want to be, choose where I want to be with Robbie."

"And I get no say in where Robbie lives?"

"Of course you do, but what is so wrong with him living here in Stars Hollow?"

Rachel sighed. "Nothing. I just want more for him."

"God, Rachel, he has so much. He speaks four languages, he's lived on four continents, and he's not even five yet. He has a Mom who travels the world. Why can't he have a few years of one hometown? Why can't he have a Dad that's happy too, not just a Mom?" Luke burst out.

"What about Italy? You loved Italy."

"I did love Italy. But we left Italy, remember? And even if we hadn't, it still wasn't home."

"You're that unhappy, still?"

Luke sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "Rachel, it's late. I'm tired. 24 hours ago I was still in Rio; tonight I'm going to sleep in Stars Hollow. It's surreal. I just got here. Give me some time to get settled, see what's up, do some thinking."

He softened his tone. "But, please, stop hating Stars Hollow. Our parents chose to live here, you and I both grew up here, it's not an evil place. And if you're traveling around the world, it's just as centrally located as anywhere else."

"Okay," she said. "Get some rest. Can I talk to Robbie?"

"He's out, Rachel."

"Just put the phone next to his ear, so I can sing? Please?"

"Okay."

Luke laid the phone next to Robbie on the pillow, and listened to the faint tones of Rachel singing the lullaby she sang every night that she was with him, or could call. He closed his eyes for a second, thinking of all the times and places they had heard that tune. He picked the receiver back up when she finished the song.

"He's still asleep, but he did stir a little when he heard your voice."

"I do love him, Luke."

"I know that Rachel. God, I know that."

"I love you too."

"And I love you."

"Do you Luke? I know you used to love me, but do you still?"

She hung up before he could answer. Luke sighed once more, wondering what he had set in motion by the simple act of coming home.