Heart and Mind in Sync

''True love is when your heart and your minds are saying the same thing.'' Leanna L. Bartram

''Shit,'' I say through gritted teeth while I'm rummaging through my wardrobe. I can't find the black dress I wanted to wear.

I was supposed to be home early because Les is going to pick me up at six for dinner and who knows what else. I'm running behind on schedule, it's 5:40 right now. Thankfully, Jesse and Lizzy went over to friends houses after school and will be there until tomorrow afternoon.
'Another dress, I need to find another dress,' is all I can think.

Since Milo died I haven't gone out so I can't find any of my dresses. So here I am, wrapped in a towel and my hair up in a messy bun searching desperately for a decent dress. I finally find a red dress.

I hold it up and look at it for a few seconds, 'It'll have to do.' I think and I change into it.

When I finally have it on I look in the full length mirror on my wall. It doesn't look that bad, and besides, Les had always said that I look good in red.

''Would you like a menu?'' The waiter, Domenico, asks us.

We are at some Italian restaurant in downtown Philly standing next to our table. Before I can answer Les nods at him and he walks of.

''I'm going to freshen up in the ladies room,'' I say as Les sits down. He nods at me and I walk off. It isn't long before I see a sign that leads me to the ladies room.
As I walk in I sigh and check my make up in the big mirror above the sink. As I wash my hands a woman comes walking out of one of the stalls.

''Hi,'' she says with a big smile as she starts washing her hands as well.
''Hi,'' I say and I glance over to her real quickly. I'm pretty sure I've never seen such a big smile.

Before I can decide if I should start a conversation or just leave it at 'Hi', she starts talking.
''My boyfriend just asked me to marry him,'' she says and, even though it seemed impossible, her smile gets even bigger.
''Congratulations,'' I say and start to dry my hands.

''It's just so amazing, I thought he'd never ask,'' she says and she grabs a towel as well.
''Why is that?'' I ask, what else can I say? Obviously she expects some sort of a conversation.
''Well, we were together in high school and we had a baby. But then, we broke up and I didn't see him for a while and then we got back together and now we're getting married,'' she says with a laugh.

''Well… that's great,'' I tell her. I have no idea whatsoever what else to say, I think this is the most pointless conversation I've ever head. And that includes conversations while being drunk.

Before she can say anything else I walk away, I hurry back to our table.
''You're back fast,'' Les says.
''Some woman in there started talking to me. Her boyfriend had just asked her to marry him,'' I say. ''I think she was high,'' I suddenly say, judging by the way she looked around there was no question about it actually.

Les laughs at me, ''okay. The waiter came back and I ordered for the both of us. Lasagna and red wine for you,'' he says.

It's the same thing I always ordered until Milo once convinced me to order something else. I can't remember what it was, and besides thinking about Milo tonight isn't a good idea. I thought about him plenty, but tonight I am just going to focus on Les.

''What're you thinking about?'' Les asks.
''Nothing,'' I say quickly. He doesn't have to know I was thinking about Milo.

''Are you okay?'' He asks with a frown.
''Yeah, great, why?'' I ask.
''You seem a bit tense,'' he says.
''No, no, I'm… fine. Just fine,'' I say. Suddenly I do feel tense and I can feel a drop of sweat running down my face. I don't know if it's because I was thinking about Milo, this usually doesn't happen.

''It's just a little bit hot in here,'' I say and force a smile. Than it hits me: what that girl was saying. They were together, they had a baby, now they're back together and are getting married. Maybe that is what this is about. Inside I'm already freaking about the possibility of marrying Les again.
And that on our second date since our divorce. 'Wow, that sounds weird,' I think. Our second date after our divorce, who would've thought.

''Here's the wine,'' Domenico is back with the wine on a tray, snapping me out of my thoughts.

He puts the two glasses down on the table and I immediately take a gulp. I have barely swallowed it before I think, 'water hydrates, wine dehydrates,' perhaps wine wasn't such a good idea.
''Could I also have a glass of water, please?'' I ask the waiter.

He just nods and walks off.

''Honey?'' Les asks. I look up when he says that. It sounds weird him calling me that, I'm not used to it anymore. ''Andy,'' he 'corrects' himself when he sees the look on my face, ''are you okay? You look… freaked out.''

''Nah, I'm okay,'' I say shifting in my seat. 'Do not think about marriage, do not think about marriage,' I keep repeating to myself in my head. I can feel that I'm calming down, finally, and feel a bit more comfortable now.

''Here is the water you ordered,'' the waiter is back again.
''Thank you,'' I say and he hands me the glass. I put it on the table as he walks away, again.

I look back up at Les and smile at him, he just smiles back.
Over the years he has learned not to question it when I say I'm fine. On the one hand he should because I always say I'm fine, even when I'm not, which is almost never. On the other hand it is kind of pointless because I'll never admit it when I'm not okay.
As Les once said: ''You're always tough but you're not always okay.''

''Here is your lasagna,'' Once again, Domenico is back.

''So what's next?'' I ask Les. We're walking outside. We have just left the restaurant and we're now walking on the sidewalk.

''Guess,'' he says with a smile.
''A movie,'' if he wants me to guess that's what I'll do. He shakes his head which surprises me a bit. It's almost always a movie, always been that way. ''Bowling,'' another hobby of his.

He shakes his head again. I don't know what else to guess, a movie and bowling are the two most obvious choices.

I'm walking over to the crosswalk since most of the places he's probably pick are down that way but instead he makes a right turn. I frown at him.

''Where are we going?'' I ask.
''Somewhere, it isn't far,'' he says and just as he finishes that sentence he stops walking.

I look at where we are at. It's a small bar underneath an apartment building. It's called Sky-high. I give him a look.

''What? I've been here before, they serve good beer,'' he says.
''So we're going to drink all night?'' I mean, I like beer but just drinking all night? On a date? He couldn't be serious.
''They've got a dance floor,'' he says.

''I'm not a big fan of dancing,'' I say, not that it matters; he already knows that.
''You are after a couple of beers,'' he says and laughs at me.

I follow him anyway, which he had probably already predicted, when a thought occurs. ''Wait, if there's dancing here than why did you go here?'' I ask.
''Well, you don't have to dance but they do have the best beer in all of Philly,'' he says.

I roll my eyes at that comment and follow him inside. Once we get inside I can only look around for a second. From outside it just looks like a little, cozy bar. As cozy as a bar can be, that is. But it turns out to be quite big, it wasn't a club or anything like that, it wasn't that big but there is a bar a few tables and indeed a dance floor.

I follow him to the bar and we both sit down on a barstool. He orders drinks for the both of us and we continue our conversation from the restaurant.

He's talking about a comedy act he saw a while ago at some comedy club in California as I absentmindedly drink my beer. We talk about Jesse and Lizzy, what things were like when we were still married, how the name of the bar sounds like everybody gets high in here, what his job in California is like, what my job is like. Pretty much anything we can think of while drinking beer after beer. And it turns out he's right, after a few beers I really do feel like dancing and after more than just a few beers he asks me to dance with him.

I follow him onto the dance floor and the moment that he pulls me close to him it just feels so comfortable, almost as if we're still married, as if that night that the last fragile parts of our marriage had crumbled down had never happened.

Being wrapped up in his arms like this… it makes me feel safe and loved. He pulls me even closer as a new song starts. I've never heard the song before but apparently Les knows it very well. As the artist starts to sing so does Les, he softly sings the lyrics in my ear.

It might be your smile, cause it can change my day
Pretty eyes that chase my blues away
It might be your touch
That keeps me coming back for more
Loving words that keep me going strong
That heart of hers I hang my future on

What it is, well, I can't say for sure
It's just she's got this thing about her
she's got this thing about her

I can't even hear the song anymore, just Les singing in my ear. The rest has faded away.

Like the magic in your favorite song
You just can't put your finger on
In her arms when we're all alone
I get the feeling that I've come back home
she's got this thing about her

She stops time when she moves through a room
When she leaves she's always gone too soon
And I'm counting down the minutes till she's back
She's the love I've known eternally
It always feels brand new to me
I can't separate the fiction from the fact

It's just she's got this thing about her
she's got this thing about her

Like a hymn in a cathedral hall
Watching April snowflakes fall
In her arms when we're all alone
I get the feeling that I come back home
she's got this thing about her

I close my eyes and breath his scent in real deep.

Like the magic in your favorite song
You just can't put your finger on
she's got this thing about her

I hadn't even realized that song had stopped, another song has started, because Les is still singing the lyrics in my ear, repeating the last part. We're not even dancing anymore, just standing there, embraced, neither one of us wants to let go.

In my mind I already wanted him back, it seems as if my heart now wants that as well…