I could not sleep.

Doubts plagued me.

I tossed and turned in the giant bed, disliking the cavernous stone room and its gaping emptiness, its lack of warmth and life. I had grown up in the Alienage, sleeping in a small bed in crowded quarters, surrounded by family and friends. After joining the Gray Wardens, I shared camp with them and other soldiers, and then later, shared camp with my own little group of companions and allies.

There was always open sky, stars, the roar of the fire, the sounds of others moving about getting food or cleaning armor. Even Oghren's thunderous snoring had become a comfort. But here, in the castle, everything was closed-in and silent. Divided. Cold.

I shivered, huddling under the covers, wishing I could move the bed closer to the fire. I glanced over to my armor hanging on its stand in the corner. It was like a second skin to me now, and being without it felt wrong. I felt naked and vulnerable in this strange place. I didn't like it.

I sighed heavily, turning onto my back to stare up at the ceilling. I fingered the tiny vial of Darkspawn blood that still hung around my neck - a constant reminder of the Joining and my eventual fate. So much had happened since that day in the Alienage... my wedding day. A day that was supposed to be filled with joy and happiness. I had expected that day to change my life, but not in the way it had. Everything since then was a whirlwind, a blur in my mind... too much to even contemplate.

And it was possible that in only a few days, all of it would end.

I threw back the covers with a sudden resolve, moving across the room to my trunk of supplies. I opened it and took out one of my small belt pouches, digging around inside until I found what I was looking for: a small, plain gold ring. My wedding ring. Though I had never gotten the chance to wear it, I kept it in memory of Nelaros. I had not known him very well, since our marriage had been arranged. But he'd proven himself a noble, brave elf - rushing into the Arl of Denerim's estate to save me when I'd gotten kidnapped. He'd risked everything for me, and in the end had paid for it with his life.

I took the ring to the hearth and stood looking at it shine in the flicker of the flames. We were approaching the end now, and it was time to let go. Let go, and move on, whether by death or distance. I clenched the ring in my fist one last time, took a deep breath, and tossed it into the deepest part of the fire. I watched as it slowly began to glow, taking in the heat until it was a white-hot circle. Then all at once it liquified, dribbling away into the embers, releasing the past along with my breath. I turned away, going back to my trunk. I pulled on some lightweight trousers to match the loose sleeping tunic I wore, and left my room.

I had one last thing to resolve.

My stomach had crawled into my throat by the time I reached Alistair's door. I didn't really know what I would say, or why I was even there. I hesitated, nearly running back to my own room. But no... if I didn't do this now then I would regret it forever, regardless of how the battle in Denerim ended. I took a deep breath and knocked quickly, before I could change my mind again.

To my surprise, he opened the door almost immediately, dressed only in a pair of well-fitted pants. He smiled when he saw me, but I could only stare back helplessly, as my breath had become stuck in my chest.

"You couldn't sleep either, huh? Not surprising. Here, come in." He waved me inside, and I somehow managed to step through. He closed the door behind me.

"Well, this is my room," he said, stretching his arms. "I'd give you a tour, but I'm pretty sure it's exactly the same as yours."

He was anxious too, and trying to cover it with his usual levity.

"Alistair, I need to tell you something." I could not stand to draw this out any longer than necessary.

His smile faded. "Oh dear. That's the joy of being king, I guess. Everyone always brings you bad news. Well, what is it?" He crossed his arms. "Rats running amock, cheese supplies run low? Go on, tell me, I can take it!"

"I love you."

His eyes widened, his arms falling to his sides. His mouth opened and closed. Then opened again. "I... you... you what?" The whisper could barely be heard above the fire.

I took a deep, even breath and let it out slowly. "I said... I love you."

He stood in shock for several more long seconds, then shook his head, spinning away from me. "No. No no no, don't tell me that!"

His reaction made me hesitate, but there was no turning back now. "It's the truth," I insisted. "And I had to tell you now... tonight... before... well before whatever happens tomorrow. I wasn't going to say anything, I thought it didn't matter, but... I couldn't sleep and I knew... I knew I wouldn't be able to do my duty at Denerim without you knowing." I swallowed hard, disturbed by the fact he wouldn't face me. I waited a moment more, but when he remained silent I reluctantly continued. "So now you know. And... and I'll leave now. I'm sorry. Good night."

I moved for the door, but before I reached it he snatched my wrist and pulled me around, catching my face in his hands. I thought for a moment he was angry, but then he kissed me hard, full on the mouth.

I stiffened at first, taken completely by surprise, but then everything I had been struggling to hold back for so long exploded into the open, burning through my blood, and the intensity took my breath away. I leaned into him, returning his affections with fervor. We became entangled in eachother's embrace, stumbling into chairs and supply trunks.

"I'm so sorry, Kallian," he breathed onto my cheek, when our lips finally seperated. He pressed me to him, one strong arm around my waist, one hand stroking my hair. "I never wanted to give you up, I never wanted to leave you... not for anything. Curse it, all I wanted through this whole mess was you!" He kissed below my earlobe, down my neck, giving me goosebumps. "I thought I would be all right," he whispered against my skin, "I thought maybe it hadn't gone that far yet, but... I was just deluding myself. My only hope was that you didn't feel the same and... and now you've told me you do..."

He lifted his head to look me in the face again. "I love you, Kallian. And duty be damned - I want you with me. Please. Please stay with me."

Somewhere between the heat of his skin against mine, the natural fit of our armorless bodies as we stood together, the raw desperation of his expression, I knew this was not the time to be making any decisions. I could not think, and did not want to. I reached up and pulled him into another kiss, and after bumping into a few more pieces of random furniture, we made our way clumsily toward the bed.

I could not remember the last time I slept so well.

The first blare of the trumpets awoke me, but I looked over to see Alistair still sleeping soundly. I moved close to him under the covers, relishing his warmth before the cold, hard armor covered it again. I watched the rise and fall of his chest, studied his peaceful, sleeping features. I smiled, remembering the night before. At least we had that, whatever this day would bring.

Please stay with me.

My smile faded. He would not easily forget that I had failed to answer his request. Perhaps he would think the actions that followed his question meant yes. I wondered if they did, in fact, mean yes. Would I actually consider staying with him - becoming his betrothed, becoming Queen, despite everything that would mean?

I sighed heavily.

After all of my preaching about duty-first and being selfish...

I curled up closer to him, letting my arm fall over his side. There were only three Gray Wardens in Fereldan at the moment, and one of us would have to die if the Blight was to be stopped. Morrigan was gone, her ritual out of reach even if I were to have second thoughts about it. There was only one way to slay the Archdemon now.

Riordan. Myself. Or Alistair.

It would not be Alistair, of that I would make certain.

And I could not make promises I did not know I could keep. If both of us survived the battle against the Horde, if both of us survived the Archdemon, then maybe I would consider it...

Please stay with me.

I buried my face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his smell and alarmed at the violence with which I hoped I could.

The second fanfare of trumpets sounded. It was time to get ready.