Many, many thanks to all those who have favorited and reviewed my story. You guys are inspirational and incredibly encouraging to an aspiring writer like me! Here's hoping you like this one- and even if you don't, hopefully it's something to think about.

Don't you just love comments like that one? It gives you such a wonderful sense of the warm fuzzies.

Disclaimer: NO. Well ok. Agent Clarke is mine. The rest, Marvel can have.

how desperate are you, that you rely on such lost creatures?
the agent

Agent Clarke has the unfortunate reputation of having fled the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility alive.

He insists to everyone that he did not flee the facility, he was forcibly ejected from it by Agent Coulson, but it's not like anyone is listening and after they give him the cold shoulder for the fiftieth time, Agent Clarke decides it's just easier to accept the term "coward".

In his defense, he had stayed behind when the Tesseract erupted, trying to stop that stupid demi-god Loki from destroying the entire facility- and he has a dislocated shoulder, sprained ankle and bruised cheek to prove it. Unfortunately, nobody believes him, owing to the fact that Director Fury had declared nobody alive in the debris until Clarke came stumbling out, dazed but very much alive.

Really, it's not Agent Clarke's fault that he's the grandson of two Holocaust survivors and therefore is the consummate survivor.

He's nursing a cup of coffee in the break room on the helicarrier when Agent Romanoff storms by, clearly upset. Not wanting to upset the Russian spy any more than he has to (he's heard stories from his superiors about her rather nasty Widow's Bite), he shrinks back into the room, trying to stir his coffee with only one hand without knocking the plastic cup off the edge of the table.

Luck isn't on his side. About five minutes later, when Agent Clarke has decided that the meaning of the life is indeed not in the number 42 but is instead found in the brown bottom of his cup, Agent Romanoff is in the room. He almost yelps and does spill his coffee this time, but she doesn't say anything about it, only hands him a couple of napkins.

"They tell me you were there when Loki attacked." Her voice is naturally accented with a Russian tinge, melodious and sweet.

He winces. "Are you here to chew me out, too?"

"Why would I chew you out?" she asks, genuinely confused.

"Everyone has been. They say I'm a coward for surviving the attack. They say I ran from the fight."

"Well, the question is, did you?" She settles in opposite him, lacing her fingers together.

Agent Clarke almost explodes from indignation and frustration. "I did not! I may be the newest S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, but I will not idly stand by and be mislabeled a coward. I held my ground and tried to keep the Tesseract, but-" and he winces again when a pain shoots up his arm.

"Tell me what happened," she prompts, getting up and pulling a paper cup towards her.

He eyes her suspiciously. "Is this an interrogation?"

"If it were," she says dryly, "we would be in the interrogation room, Agent Clarke. All I want to know is how it happened." She looks down into her cup as though saying those words strikes a chord, and he wonders why.

So he tells her. He tells her how Loki transported himself through the portal; how he took down the S.H.I.E.L.D team with a swat of his staff. He tells her, when she asks, about the scepter and what it was capable of doing. He tells her how Loki trapped Agent Barton (he sees her eyes narrow then, and briefly wonders why) and how he took control of Barton with a tap on the chest.

Agent Clarke may be new to S.H.I.E.L.D., but even he knows when Agent Romanoff's temper has been ignited. He backs off, but she tells him- no, orders him- to move on with the story.

So he tells her about Selvig and Agent Macguire, but this part elicits no response from her. Neither does his story about how he had to drag himself up two flights of stairs in order to get to a secure vehicle and drive himself off before the facility exploded. She sits there, motionless, hearing him speak- but he gets the feeling that she's not really listening, that she's heard all she needs to hear.

When he's done, he goes back to staring at his cup. "And that, Agent Romanoff," he says with not a little touch of bitterness, "is how I lost my job at S.H.I.E.L.D."

She sits in silence for a few moments, tapping her chin. "I can give you a job," she says with a shrug.

He perks up at that one. "You can? What is it?"

This is how he finds himself at a desk, searching every camera in the entire world for Agent Clint Barton.

…

"Anything yet?"

"No, Agent Romanoff," he answers diligently, still scanning the screen.

"Let me know if anything pops up."

"Will do," he yawns.

She lingers for a moment. "Thank you," she says suddenly. "I appreciate this."

He continues to type furiously, still searching for facial recognition matches and patterns, but finds nothing save a few red herrings. "Ma'am, can I ask you a question?" he asks, fingers still flying over the keyboard.

She stops mid-step and turns around to look at him. "Depends on what the question is, Agent Clarke."

"Do I have permission to run these programs?" The young agent looks up. "I mean, Fury never gave me permission to use these. I just assumed-"

"Don't worry about Fury," she says calmly. "Take it from me. You're doing the right thing."

Something in her voice makes him nervous. "Uh…"

She comes back to his desk and perches by the side. "Something wrong, Agent Clarke?"

He fidgets with the pen on his table. "Agent Romanoff, I just don't feel comfortable subverting Director Fury's orders. I am on probation, after all." He fiddles with the pen as he twirls it between his fingers. "What's so special about Agent Barton, anyway? Shouldn't we be focusing on finding Loki?"

The pen is out of his hands the next moment and he finds himself staring into a very cool pair of eyes. "You are not subverting Director Fury's orders," Natasha says in a steely voice. "You are assisting in an operation where the objective is to retrieve Agent Barton back into the field. If you do not wish to participate, you are free to leave."

He eyes her, not really sure where this hardcore, hardnosed agent is coming from. After all, from what he's heard from his seniors the first day on the job, the Black Widow's diplomacy and skill at getting exactly what she wants without any fuss is legendary. The fact that she's not even trying to hide it sort of worries him- and he still doesn't understand why she's so worried about one agent. To him, once Loki is out of the way, then their path is cleared and Barton is free to come back as he pleases.

Right?

The spy is waiting for an answer, so he tunes back into the present. "I'll keep looking," he says awkwardly, turning back to his computer.

"Please do," Agent Romanoff says grimly, walking off. "Because Barton is the key. Once we find Barton, we find Loki. Got it? Good."

…

When the news comes in that their enemies are in S.H.I.E.L.D uniforms, the first thing Agent Clarke does is panic.

The second thing he does is reach for the gun that comes skidding across the floor when one of his colleagues falls to enemy fire. He tries not to think about the fact that the gun he's holding is slick from Agent Quick's blood, or that Agent Killian is screaming as she writhes from a gunshot wound.

What he does notice is that his hands are steady on his gun, his aim accurate. The other thing he notices is Director Fury swearing steadily as the computers go blank. Struck with horror, he watches helplessly as one by one, the computers go black and the ship begins tilting horribly as it loses all power.

Spinning around, Agent Clarke catches sight of a face disappear from the top window- a face he remembers seeing many times on a computer screen as he searched the various cameras for him. Agent Barton is heading out of the control room- and instinctively, Agent Clarke makes a run for it, skirting the edge of the battlefield and pelting after Barton.

"What are you doing?" someone screams, and it sound like Hill and she's either yelling at him or some other rookie who looks like he's fleeing the scene. But Agent Clarke's heart is pounding in his chest- he remembers Agent Romanoff's words:

Once we find Barton, we find Loki.

There he is- right up ahead- and Agent Clarke puts on another burst of speed. "He's heading down to the containment facility!" he radios it in. "Barton is heading down to the-"

He doesn't even see it coming, the blindingly fast bullet that comes speeding towards him. It doesn't hit him directly in the throat; it nicks him by the side of his neck, and spreads from there. It feels like a thousand cuts have suddenly opened all over his body, and he collapses, legs jumping from under him like they've been electrocuted.

He can feel the lights go dark for a moment, or maybe that's the computers failing again. He can't tell as things begin swimming in front of his eyes. Barton. He tries to get up, but he is now paralyzed. Find Barton.

Take it from me. You're doing the right thing.

People run by him, and he can hear muffled shouts and screams. Someone leans over him, yelling something into a communicator, and he can just make out Hill's face as she cups his face in her hand. "Stay with me!" she yells at him- he tries not to laugh at the irony that even when he is close to death she is still yelling at him- and she screams for a medic, help.

All he can think is, Find Barton, find Barton. He tries to say it but all he can do is uselessly suck in air and even then that's not going so well.

When the lights finally go dark, all he can see is Agent Hill's mouth moving, lying to him and telling him he's going to be okay.

And when his mind finally settles in for sleep, all he can hear is Agent Romanoff: Take it from me, you're doing the right thing.

…

He wakes briefly to find Agent Romanoff waiting for him, white-faced and pale.

"Are you out of your mind?" she hisses once he's fully awake. "Going after a full blown assassin and not noticing your surroundings? What were you thinking, getting shot by a stray agent?"

He motions for the clipboard and scribbles, You told me to find Barton.

"I didn't tell you to get yourself killed," she snaps.

Did we find him?

Her expression softens. "We did. He's in the containment room down the hall. If you hadn't radioed it in… if you haven't gone after him…"

His expression relaxes. We won.

He doesn't notice her tremulous smile or the way her hand shakes as she brings it up to smooth her hair away from her forehead. "Yes, Agent Clarke. We won. Thanks to you."

He blinks once, hoping she'll understand the universal sign blink once for yes, and drifts back to sleep.

…

And so, Agent Clarke dies a hero and with a smile on his face.

Long footnote ahead beware beware beware

I am well aware even as I type this that this may be the chapter that gets the most backlash. One of the main reasons is that Natasha may be taken as the bad person in this chapter- because she is so insistent that this man find Barton, he puts his life in danger, trusting that her convictions are solid and will lead to victory for them. It does lead to victory, but her convictions, which ultimately override his because of their strength and desperation, also have a high cost. Agent Clarke ends up dying because he puts his life in danger due to Natasha's insistence that they find Clint above everything else. Because she tells him "Take it from me. You're doing the right thing", he willingly goes after the very man she is trying to save- to "find him", which to him is equivalent to "saving him". In this case, the reason why Agent Clarke is lost is because he follows Natasha's convictions to the point where he dies for them. It's not her fault, per se- I don't consider her completely to blame- but she does have a hand in making him think that finding Clint and stopping him was the only way to end the war. He dies believing it. (Although really, had he been better trained he would have seen the other agent come around the corner.)

Another reason why this may be received badly is because this chapter, unlike the other two, is a lot darker. It's darker than anything I have ever written, because in this chapter, there is a lot of unresolved guilt that happens after the chapter. We do not know, for example, how Natasha deals with the pain of losing an agent because of her convictions (if we take this chapter to be true, which is completely up to you). We do know that she tells Clint not to think about the agents he hurt or killed- which then brings up the question, how does she deal with Agent Clarke's death? Does she put it aside and move on? Or does she internalize it? This chapter will not explore that theme- for now. Perhaps at a later date I may try to tackle that issue.

I consider this chapter extremely dark because it deals a little bit with the subject of the carnage of war, and it also highlights one of the lines that I found very poignant in the film. It comes when Clint turns to Natasha and says: "You're a spy, not a soldier and now you want to wade into a war. What did Loki do to you?" Or something like that. To me, this chapter served to illuminate that quote. Why does Natasha want to join in the effort to end the war, even though she's equipped for only spying? Because she's lost someone she worked with. Because war, no matter how big or small, always ends up costing lives. Because war forces people to compromise and often listen to convictions stronger than their own, and it becomes a gamble as to whether those convictions pay off or not. In this case, it did in the long run, but it cost a very high price for someone Natasha trusted for a short while.

But is Natasha completely to blame? I honestly don't think so. She is doing what any good partner would do- trying to find her other half, to use a metaphor. She's being resourceful, employing idle hands to help her search a vast network that she couldn't do alone. She knows what she has to do to bring Clint home, and so she does it. I like to think she is genuinely remorseful when she seems Agent Clarke about to die later. Is she completely to blame? No. Stuff happens. He was in the right place at the wrong time and can anyone really blame Natasha for that? No, because it's not like she told him to go after Barton himself. Like she said, "I didn't tell you to get yourself killed." His duty was to find Barton. He took it a step further. Now whether that is because he truly believed that what she meant was find Barton = end of war or whether she meant find Barton = that's it, you're done; either way I do not think that she is completely to blame for his death. It's one of those gray area things. War is messy. Natasha knows that. So does Agent Clarke. It certainly would also lend some weight to the line "I have red on my ledger, and I'd like to wipe it off." The red is stained in part by Clarke's blood. At least to me, anyhow.

So it's up to you. You get to decide if Natasha is innocent, guilty, or a mixture of both. To me I will always consider her one of the good guys- but even good guys have those times where they screw up or completely miss it. I know I've had those moments- haven't killed anyone but I've had those moments- and I know you have too, dear reader. So let me know what you think in the review box. It's okay to disagree with me, it really is!

Much love and hoping you don't hate me for the story OR this ridiculously long footnote.