Maomorin: Unrequited Lover
By Gabriel R. Lopez
Summary: Many religions acknowledge the existence of superhuman abilities. Among those presently considered gifts, and not blood limits, are extrasensory perception, super position, telepathy, and clairvoyance. None of which are considered blood gifts among ninja since everyone in a fatalist universe has better than 60% accuracy rating when it comes to predicting future events especially schizophrenics, salary workers, and paraprofessionals. Unfortunately, for Jiraiya anyway, despite his great talent and ambition, the perverted ninja couldn't think of a better way to alter future events other than to have his way with as many women as he could easily imagine. After all, when he originally wrote the tales of a gutsy ninja he didn't know he was a prophet. Obviously, he had dismissed his sexual fantasies coming to life as mere coincidence, a result of monkey see monkey do, but when his secret nightmare about being assaulted by squirrels came to life he knew the true face of evil, and it wasn't fifty shades of grey. . .
Chapter /3
Robbing a person of their dreams is analogous to stealing a child's toys, breaking them, and then immediately using the vandalized equipment to assault the same child in the cruelest way imaginable. That one might break the child's spirit as one pierces and penetrates the blood bone barrier to prepare baked goods for consumption, or similarly roast meat on a spit, simply to prepare them for market. To argue such actions against another thinking (if not feeling) creature are a violation of the social contract would be a gross understatement, as it generally has no more survival value than burning books, necrophilia, torturing defenseless animals, gambling with peoples lives, or slavery. To do so while taunting that child by saying they deserved it for some dollar mistake, or to assume that they _know_ what they did was wrong and should have known better; (As if they were a dog that's left a foul odored thing facing north by northeast on the floor, or functionally insane because they couldn't find relief while trapped in their master's cage, and for that brief moment of inconvenience indulged by their master for touching it, steeping on it,observing it, or having to relocate the problem to nearest waste receptacle, presently exists as an excuse for the use of excessive [punitive] force on the part of a careless monster who decided it was responsible for the dog's well being to begin with) is considered an act so violent as to be almost inhuman and doubtlessly frowned upon by as many self appointed gods and angels dedicated to separating the chaff from the wheat as there are hosts to carry them. Which is ironic because the chaff itself is an illusion which protects people from their own tendency towards destruction.
In a world run by extortionists, who call themselves capitalists, while using socialism to manipulate and control public opinion like a rancher controls the cowboys who herd his cattle on the open range. There is one man, with so much love in his heart, who would willingly sacrifice his own life so that others might live... that man is not Jesus, raised to be an assassin by the state, like the apostle Paul, a genius touched by god, his divine shadow a paragon of virtue like none other, the man who would be superman if he could do more than leap tall buildings (of at least fifty feet) in a single bound, run faster than a locomotive, or clean a public restroom so well you could eat pancakes off the floor. The almighty janitor I speak of, not to mention the personal waste lock and flusher of the demon kami and other forms of negative human energy and miasmic waste as ordained by virtue of being a decedent of the lecherous monk Miroku, was none other than Konatsu Kenzan.
Konatsu was currently employed as a skip tracer for a quilting academy situated over a tavern somewhere in wave country, which was reportedly a front for an escort service and bed and breakfast for ladies of the evening... It's just that, when Ranma found out how devastatingly beautiful the ladies at the academy were, that her room included a bit more than a bed, breakfast, a place to hang her recently acquired dog collar, leather vest, tight pants, and black sequined cap, or that the price was somewhere in the neighborhood of $800 a night, it made sense to leave before the first crack of dawn. Actually, as it wasn't entirely her responsibility for being there in the first place, the blame really should go to Naruto who had apparently gone full retard when Ranma finally manged to get a hold of a kettle in the days following her baptism in Jusenkeyo.
Apparently Ranma, who was functionally brain damaged after cracking her skull at the bottom of a very small pond, had not accounted for the possibility that the spring she crawled out of was not unlike the Fushannichuan (or spring of drowned buddhist priest). Evidently, when Naruto broke his crown the part of his brain responsible for fine motor control had ceased functioning and Ranma collapsed like a bunraku puppet at the moment of first transformation...allowing her to wake up in a sewer that housed one of the ugliest creatures she had ever seen. It was certainly not the devil she knew, especially after an incident where Happosai had become one of seven demons, scratch that, the time Haposai was divided into seven demons, or that time Kasumi was possessed by an ogre, and the time Nabiki got into a shop til you drop competition with a schizophrenic sadist suffering from disassociative identity disorder, or even including a mention of the time Akane insisted on wearing a bikini made from a living jellyfish and became a ecchi tentacle monster instead of just buying water wings like a sane person.
Upon closer inspection there really was nothing altogether scary about a monstrous animal in a cage, fire at least Ranma had a healthy respect for, but a giant talking animal in cage not so much. After all, there is no monster, demon, or alien scarier in heaven, on earth, and bellow than the human being... and Maomorin (a creature born of narcissism, contempt, and avarice, motivated by self interest and personal gain). Obviously, if the media is to be believed, humans are the great engineers, tentmakers, and world builders. Because the environment adapts to humans and not the other way around, the existence of a ghost cat with a heart of darkness and capricious nature had to be forged by a sadist. Which, is as is should be, as all creatures great and small adapt so as to make the world make sense to them. Except for Maomorin, who's overwhelming victim mentality allowed for the ghostly apparition to wander the earth in search of his bride like the legendary kelpie or bunyip of old so he might carry them off to their watery grave. Therefore, if a person wants to delude themselves into believing they have absolute control over their immediate environment and personal situation there's always a politician there to agree with them. Few in the region of Jusenkeyo know the details behind the origin of the springs of sorrow and the poor devil's contract with the prince of lies. After all, the first of Newton's laws of motion pertain to interference, and the last of newtons laws applies to natural consequences generated by an outside force. Which is how Maomorin's devil's bargin indirectly willed the springs of sorrow into existence. And, why the wish granting kitty cat from hell could never follow through on the nuptials.
Like all corrupted love stories of unrequited love and sacrifice in the region, the origin of jusenkeyo involved a magic snake, a fisherman, a suicide, and an unhappy prince. Why the suicidal swallow got top billing for passing out scraps when Maomorin did all the real work at the feet of prince Tokage's memorial was a mystery for the ages. People always hear stories about the iron heart and the bird of paradise that spilled its blood on a rosebush for love, but few actually know the story behind belling the cat. Maomorin was a cat, a kitty cat, he went "meow meow meow," and he liked to dance, dance, dance. This of course came to a head when he looked up at the moon one night, gazing up at the silhouette of little hans in the pale moonlight, and it struck him what humans called friendship was the source of great evil. Not that he really had many friends mind you, there was that one narcissistic swallow that he managed to bamboozle into helping him distribute the Macavity fortune among his foster homes, and whom he later consumed out of necessity on that cold winters day. But, if you really think about it loyalty, at least the kind unrelated to emotional attachment, genuine appreciation, common interest, shared priorities, and mutual cooperation was the source of a lot of conflict. Especially among children who often confused loyalty with worship, fear, and unconditional high regard for whomever is in charge. In fact, most militaristic values presented under the guise of friendship could be given a sadistically childish bent; and nearly all of them idioms of nomenclature.
Maomorin was not a moral imbecile, if anything that title should easily apply any creature that still judges a book by it's cover regardless of countless warnings. Like the sparrow that couldn't be bothered to look down long enough to see the predator at the foot of a monument to the king's vanity. Maomorin was not a psychopath as he was fully capable of learning from past mistakes gifted with a memory as long as his tail was short. With the exception of being functionally immortal, Maomorin possessed great empathy and was sensitivity to the needs and emotions of others. It goes without saying that Maomorin possessed the faculties of intuition, insight, and intelligence. He was more than capable of using logic, and had a good sense of humor. Maomorin was capable of satisfying most all of his needs and desires with just a bit of thought and effort. Except for one crippling psychological flaw he seemed quite charming. He had a way about him, a pretense really, a sambo routine, wherein he would pretend that he couldn't understand how other people saw flaws in each other and then use it against them. After all, Maomorin was flawed in the simplest of ways. He was obsessed with significance, control, fear, obligation, and guilt. An emotional vampire born and raised until he became a demon subsisting exclusively on the pain, confusion, and sorrow of others. It wasn't until he fell in love with one of Queen Mab's daughters, a nixie named Featherbrite, known for being a dragon half and matrilineal ancestor of the Saotome line that everything came to a head. Because, in those days anyway, it was customary for the groom to pay the bride's ransom, and not for the father to pay a dowery unless there was some other mutually agreed upon exchange. 'Rin's part in the exchange was to recover three rowan branches one of silver, one of copper, and the other gold. These particular rowan grew on an island that was guarded by a serpent that abandoned it's hoard to slumber every once in a great while on odd numbered days during a blue moon. Needless to say the deed was easily accomplished, he just hadn't anticipated fate would have a pitchfork or trident shoved up his ass when Featherbrite's father, who happened to be the dragon responsible for said Rowan shrubbery, reneged on the deal.
Circumstances change and time marches on. Sadly, for the original Ranma at least, it would appear the legendary Sod Murphy's law would be the martial artist's downfall as Jusenkeyo would be his final resting place. The cursed springs of Jusenkeyo assured it's mutual destruction the moment Maomolin and his bride 'featherbrite' became one in mind body and spirit. That Naruto inadvertently eliminated Jusenkeyo by wishing to be both the greatest ninja in the world AND somewhere he belonged, so everyone would acknowledge him and he might one day become a shadow or kage, was a surprising coincidence especially since wish granting djinni are so literal. Oddly enough, as it just so happened, Naruto was in the training ground where a certain bell test occurred at regular intervals when he made his fateful wish. In fact, a few years back a team of genin consisting of Xian Pu, Mu Tsu, and Ataru Moroboshi, thought they'd go the clever route and outsmart Kakashi at his own game by purchasing bells at a local outlet store instead of fighting Kakashi for the two bells he had on his person. After all, there was nothing in the rules of the bell test that explicitly said they had to kill the jonin sensei or obtain the bells directly from him. Spells R' Us being one of those holiday favorites that come and go, like the Spirit halloween store, had a lovely selection of hells bells for the romantic and monkey paws or rabbit's feet for the insane. Nobody really knows what happened to them after they left the store, even Kakashi just shrugged off the disappearance of the 'not quite' genin team as one of those things. There were wild rumors about one seeking blood vengeance on a couple of vagrants who stole her dowry, another joining the circus so he could wear kinky boots, and alien abductions in the area, but none of the rumors bore any fruit. This is important because Naruto, bless his heart, stumbled upon one of the bells purchased by the missing rookie ninja. Like a shiny penny, he picked it up thinking it would bring him luck. Of course, they also say that Adam had a secret gene, and unlike ninja it made him clean.
The bell itself appeared as a wholly unremarkable piece of kitsch that was only remarkable because of its age, an entirely unknowable thing because it did not tarnish. Despite it's cursed metal being worth more than gold, completely lacking in any texture its luster was all surface. And, while the magic had worn thin over the years it was hardly magnetic. The bell existed as a rumor and was dismissed just as quickly, like the red string of fate it's dark legend grew, its indestructible galvanized metal was useless without the power to craft it until a wild eyed young scientist, an alchemist really, named Edward Elric discovered it's true nature in his quest for the philosopher's stone.
The bell, it seemed, was a like a geode composed of gold, zinc, and copper, with petrified rowen wood as the nut inside. Technically speaking the bell was only remarkable on an atomic level since it was lacking in electrons and was composed entirely of tightly compressed glueons and negatrons. Meaning that an identically indestructible bell made up of positrons and neutrons, probably the size of a man's fist, existed somewhere else in the world made up of pyrite, copper, silver, with a glass ball or polished geode made with the yolk of an unborn dinosaur. Tragically, once Edward knew how the bell came to be indestructible, he was able to recreate the experiment. This cost him the life of his brother, his mother, and his nanny's baby Curtis Bradley the illegitimate son of King Bradley. However, instead of revolutionizing human engineering with his knowledge of advanced metallurgy Elric joined the military and would have sacrificed his life in battle had he not discovered the secret to making a philosophers stone. As soon as he discovered the key ingredients were mercury, sulfur, salt, and the chemicals in lima beans used to determine blood type, the economy went belly up which resulted in the deaths of a third of the population as gold became virtually worthless over night.
For many years the bell would only have nostalgic value, and by its nature cursed everyone who possessed it, a cruel irony born from three thousand years of death, destruction, and mayhem lead to an inaccurate yet bizarre legend to become attached to the cursed bell itself, passed from hand, changing the lives of all who possessed it, and sickeningly spreading the idea that destiny would take hold of all who possessed the bell and reunite them with their loved ones.
Obviously, the idea of permanence or the afterlife never occurred to the many star-crossed lovers, both human and animal alike that lost their lives to Jusenkeyo. Never quite making it to the heart of the valley and spring of drowned cat, which was coincidentally enough contaminated by Ranma Saotome during an incident involving the defeat of a phoenix, or something similar. In fact, the cursed springs of Jusenkeyo had become one massive tributary that fead into twelve rivers for a short period of time with its only victim being Ranma after the fall of Jusendo and several villages of monks, mages, fairies, demi humans, tour guides, and amazons that disappeared during the population boom of sentient animals that overwhelmed the Jusendo area. At one time there was a village of flying goblins, or pheonix people, who kidnapped Akane because they believed she was Tatawaki Kuno's paramour and were using her as leverage in order to recover a stolen egg. Tatewaki had purchased the pheonix egg from a certain egg catcher man believing it would be the key to destroying the dark wizard Ranma... which it ultimately was seeing as she drowned in the end.
Even though he never seemed to make the connection between the dark wizard Ranma and his fierce tigress or that they were one and the same. Tatawaki still managed to put the final nail in the coffin when he used a magic wishing sword build a memorial to their love. Unfortunately, being the romantic that he was, Tatawaki also wished he could join his beloved in the afterlife. This lead to his conscious mind being transferred into the body of a recently cursed monkey moments after she was forced into a spring by prince herb, then there was a struggle, the small kayak reached the tipping point, and soon there were two red headed Ranma's. It goes without saying the one in her birthday suit, baring a single lilly in her hair, was elated at first, given that a long awaited fantasy had come to pass, until she realized there was something seriously wrong here. It wasn't until the kiss of death, which caused the delusional kendoist to fall into a euphoric state of drunkenness as (a result of a phenethylamine overload) that she became aware she knew kung fu, krav maga, shark fist, hop gon juan, and tae kwon leap, among other esoteric martial arts. With a depth of mental clarity devoid of capgras syndrome for the first time since Tatewaki's father insisted she learn to master the sword on watermelon island, she knew instantly that the only thing keeping the tree borne kettle girl with a ladle from killing her with said implement was her stubby tyrannosaurus arms, being burdened with a cloak heavy with water, and the fact that between the two of them her opponent couldn't swim any better than Akane Tendo. Once she made it to shore and was modestly covered by rowan branches Tatwaki breathed a sigh of relief as she watched her opponent tethered to the kayack get dragged downstream as the tree born kettle girl struggled to reach for her paddle, was pulled under the water, surfaced as a kitty cat, struggled to reach the kyak, which flipped again, causeing the cat to go under and come back up as a little boy that the current was still carrying downstream. Kuno then used inductive reasoning to determine she was poisoned almost immediately, as there was clearly something wrong with the water and began the process of forcing herself to throw up.
A.N./Next time would you prefer Konatsu Kenzan: Skip Tracer [wherein he, Naranmao, and Haku join Gato under the minstrel leadership of Zabuza in an effort to join forces in defeating the vile bridge builder Tazuna],... or would you rather hear of Mint: Facetious Knight of Justice and the Liberation of boobies [wherein Mint takes the place of Naruto on team 7 as a substitute shinobi from Jusendo]... (you decide.)