Thank you for reading! This chapter seems a l'il crack but it is building somewhere, I promise.

"He does too have friends!" repeated an angry voice. Illumi raised his eyebrows as a kid with spiked hair stomped towards him, followed by two other boys, one with blond hair and one taller, older. Illumi made a mental note to deck Hisoka in the nose next time they were sparring. Cheap shots allowed.

Killua's jaw fell open. "What are you doing here?" Alluka tugged at her long hair.

"We were worried," said the first boy. He glowered at Illumi, crossing his arms. "And Killua does have friends. He's my friend. He's our friend."

Illumi blinked. Who did this kid think he was to walk in here and say such things? "And how long have you known him? Killua is cold. He does not have time for—"

"How would you know?" demanded the first boy.

This boy was like a gnat. Annoying and refusing to go away. "He's my brother. You've known him for only days. I've known him since he was born."

Killua's eyes darted from Illumi to the trio again and again. Alluka reached out to take his hand.

"Please leave," Illumi said. "I won't ask again."

"Why did you come?" Killua blurted out. Milluki appeared from the basement. He dropped his plate with a crash. Illumi pointed to a broom closet. Sweep it up.

"Because," said the boy. "You're our friend."

Hisoka leaned back against the counter, biting his fingernail as he surveyed the trio. "Gon Freecss?"

Understanding dawned. This was Ging Freecss' son, the one Hisoka had mentioned the night before. He must want to get close to Killua for some sort of political gain.

"How d'you know my name?" asked Gon, frowning.

"Let's get out of here," said the blond boy. His eyes narrowed at Illumi, as if he didn't trust him. Well, Illumi didn't trust them. And the boy's eyes. They flashed a strange color. Scarlet.

Illumi stepped forward. "Killua's not going anywhere."

"Incorrect," said the blond boy—a Kurta. He had to be. Those eyes. He grabbed Killua's arm.

"See you later," Killua said, flipping Illumi off as he raced for the door, Alluka on his heels.

"Kil!" insisted Illumi. "You shouldn't just—"

"He just did," observed Kalluto, stabbing his fork down.

Illumi whipped around to glare at Kalluto. Did Killua want Illumi to go after him? How far did he have to go to prove that he loved Killua? Why was Killua so unable to see how much his family loved him and wanted the best for him?

"Why does he always leave?" demanded Kalluto. "I just want him to stay home."

Illumi stared out the doorway. He pressed his fingertips to his temple. How, how, how could he get through to Killua? What else could he do?

Let him cry it out.

That's what his parents would advise. Illumi let out his breath. Killua would come back, especially since he was letting Alluka free. He was being generous. Illumi pulled his hair to the side. He turned to Milluki. "Do the dishes."

His brother's nose wrinkled. "You're not Father." And he walked back down the stairs.

"Milluki, I will send you back there!" called Illumi.

"I'll just do them," grumbled Kalluto, dragging himself off the stool.

"So, you're just going to let Killua do what he wants?" Hisoka asked.

"I thought you were leaving." Illumi knelt to pick up the glass from the shattered plate. It was sticky because of course Milluki had to try to inconvenience him. His thumb scraped the shards. A pearl of blood dripped onto the white porcelain.

"Things then got so much more interesting." Hisoka responded. "You need to work on your dad skills, by the way. Or your mom skills. I can't quite figure out which one you think you are."

"I have to parent them in my parents' absence," Illumi responded.

"Okay, Mr. Mom." Hisoka lingered above him. "As long as you're not too exhausted to fight me later. I hear parenting takes a toll. You start aging. Wrinkles. Losing your hair."

"Killua will come back," said Illumi, ignoring the comment. "He loves his family. And—that's Ging Freecss' son?"

"Mmhm." Hisoka rubbed the back of his neck.

"A runaway," mused Illumi. He felt like there had to be some useful nugget underneath a mound of useless dirt. "How interesting."

"Be careful," Hisoka said, his voice laden with a smirk. "That Killua doesn't find out you want to use this friendship against him. I don't think he'd be very pleased."

Illumi wrinkled his nose. The sound of water splashing echoed from the sink as Kalluto worked. "He would for the family. Zoldycks don't need friends."

"Then what are you guys?" yelled Kalluto from the kitchen. "Boyfriends?"

Illumi ignored Kalluto's sass. "We help each other achieve things with our skills." Like getting stronger via sparring and like getting food for ravenous younger siblings.

Kalluto stomped off to his room with a huff. Illumi wished Killua would take Kalluto into account. The kid was acting like a bratty edgelord.

"Hmm." Hisoka leaned back against the wall. "I have to say, Kalluto makes a fun suggestion." His hand landed on Illumi's shoulder. "Would it help or worsen your custody situation if you were dating—"

Illumi grabbed a large shard and stabbed it into Hisoka's hand. Hisoka's hands flew up, but the look in his eyes suggested he wasn't expecting anything less. His lips curved in a smile.

"Don't play with me," Illumi warned. Hisoka always took home a new person. Almost every day. He saw them coming in a parade from the gym, from wrestling matches. Men, women, it didn't matter. But Illumi had no time for those dalliances. His parents needed him to focus on Killua right now.

"Ah, but your reaction is more than entertaining." Hisoka reached out and pushed the shards down. "Careful, or you'll have to get stitches."

Illumi glanced at his hand. He cussed. Glass embedded his palm, dribbling down his wrist. He darted over to the sink and rinsed it, fishing the shards out on his own.

"I suppose that makes my next business offer pointless to ask," said Hisoka.

"Sex is not something I'm interested in, least of all with you," Illumi responded, voice low. He was glad Kalluto's door was closed.

"That wasn't my offer, but I'm flattered."

Illumi turned the water off, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his hand. "I'm listening."

No response. Illumi whirled around. "Hisoka!"

The door closed. Illumi rolled his eyes. Stupid clown. It probably was his offer and he simply couldn't deal with Illumi calling him on it. Hisoka liked always having all the cards, keeping anyone from seeing his hand. Illumi flexed his fingers. The wounds wept red.

"Illumi?"

He turned. Kalluto stood there, hair combed neatly now.

"Can I go out?"

"Where are you going?' Illumi asked, keeping his hand in the sink. Crimson smeared the porcelain.

"I heard you and Hisoka talking. I want to talk to Chrollo Lucilfer about that Gon kid." Kalluto narrowed his eyes. "I want to bring Killua back just as much as you do. And have him stay." He fingered the hem of his sleeves.

It wasn't a bad idea. Illumi nodded. "Okay."

"I'll be back by six." Kalluto left. The sound of video games echoed from the basement. Illumi contemplated giving Milluki the electric bill at the end of his stay.

He had work to do himself. Illumi pulled up his laptop and started answered emails. Dull, dreary drudgery. With every creak in the floorboard and stupid cackle coming from the street, he turned, expecting to see or hear Killua coming up the path. But he didn't come. Illumi's fingers clacked over the keyboard, his hand still oozing through the bandages he wrapped around his cuts. He shouldn't have let Hisoka get under his skin like that. But Hisoka was like that. Damn clown.

By the time late afternoon rolled around and Killua had been missing for ten hours, Illumi was ready to lock his little brother in the house and throw away the key. He grabbed his phone.

"Let me guess," said Hisoka. "Killua isn't back."

Illumi drummed his uninjured fingers on his desk. His cuts smarted against the heating cell phone.

Hisoka laughed.

"I need to find him," Illumi said. "Child protective services could be—you knew where he was. Or you had some idea, if you knew he was with Gon Freecss."

"If I know," said Hisoka. "And that's an 'if,' would you actually take me up on my offer?"

Illumi cradled his phone between his shoulder and his ear, stretching the hand out. Damn, it was bleeding again. "What is your offer?"

"Be my partner for an hour," said Hisoka.

"You mean for sparring?"

"No, I mean at a get-together I'm going to. I could use a distraction while I take care of something. You'd be one, especially with rumors no doubt spreading. You could also view it as an opportunity to squash those rumors about your parents before they run wild all over the city."

Illumi blew out his breath. "And what about Killua?"

"I guarantee you a certain someone who showed up today will be there. You can ask him." Hisoka hung up. A text message appeared with an address.

Illumi pressed his lips together.

Mother texted him. How is Killua? And Kalluto?

Illumi hesitated. To lie to his parents, or not to lie?

He slipped the phone into his pocket.

"This is a plus one event, isn't it?" Illumi complained. Well, at least he knew why Hisoka had gotten handsy earlier. Probably testing chemistry to see if it would work. Illumi's suit was perfectly pressed, hair neatly combed.

"Obviously," said Hisoka, smirking. Illumi tugged his sleeve down to cover those wounds from earlier in the day. "I told you that would come back to bite you."

"You just want to see if you can make me uncomfortable. For some reason it'll give you a thrill," said Illumi, blowing out his breath. Although he wouldn't give Hisoka the satisfaction.

Hisoka arched a brow as if to confirm.

"Well," said Illumi. "If we're going to give them something to talk about, I will hold your hand. Only as we enter. And then if you touch me I'm breaking your bones. And you'll have to tell me who you're trying to distract and why."

"Simple," said Hisoka. "I'm trying to delete all of Chrollo Lucilfer's files."

Illumi leaned his head back against the building. "May I ask why?"

"You could ask," said Hisoka with a shrug. But he wouldn't answer.

"If I'm your pretend date, secrets don't seem quite fair."

"Key word: 'pretend.'"

Illumi folded his arms. "I'm not letting you delete Chrollo's data. I need it. Or rather, Kalluto needs it. He wants to find out more on Gon Freecss so that our father can—"

Hisoka rubbed his forehead, a purple satin tie hanging from around his neck.

"Steal his data and use that to hack in and delete what you need," Illumi advised. "I know you can do that quite easily." Hisoka once deleted their entire university's grades even though he had all As. He just wanted to see what they would do. The answer was give everyone all As and secure Hisoka a position as a hero for deadbeats.

"All right." Hisoka reached out. Illumi handed him his injured hand. Hisoka's grip was warm, but he didn't press as they rounded the corner and headed to the hall overflowing with prominent city folk. The moment Illumi stepped inside he was grateful he had. His presence was necessary, as his parents wouldn't be here. He and Hisoka wouldn't do anything explicit. Keep people guessing.

The scents of perfumes and colognes spread throughout the room, thick and overpowering. Wine and beer tempered it closer to the bar. Lights strung overhead as if they were in some kind of garden and not in a room with strict walls and a low ceiling.

"Drink?" asked Hisoka, surveying the crowd.

Illumi didn't see Chrollo. Neon was there though, giggling over a glass of wine that was certainly not her first. "Yes. Now."

Illumi opted for a martini, and Hisoka a mug of beer. He checked his phone again. Another text from Mother, anxious. Kalluto, saying he was home and Milluki had ordered pizza. Nothing from Killua.

"Why hello," said a voice behind them. Illumi spun. Chrollo's arm rested on Illumi's shoulder. "You two come together?"

"Yeah," said Hisoka, eyes narrowing.

Chrollo ignored him. As usual, he was wearing an entire bottle of hair gel that offended everyone within eyesight. "Your brother came to see me today. Seems you have a bit of a situation."

"It's a lot of brouhaha about nothing," Illumi replied, tightening his grip on his glass. The martini burned as it went down. "One of my father's rivals likely paid off someone to—"

"I'm sure," Chrollo said, thumping his phone down on the bar. "Besides, I have no desire for anyone other than a friend of ours to be in charge of this city."

Illumi caught Hisoka's golden eye. Get the phone.

"So they're all staying with you?" Chrollo asked.

Hisoka made no move. Illumi could stab him with the toothpick holding his olives in place. "For the week."

"Is Milluki ever going to start school?" Chrollo joked. His hand hovered over the phone.

Illumi now contemplated stabbing Chrollo. No one insulted his brother but him. "He's taking online classes. He's quite bright." An idea began to bloom in Illumi's mind. He leaned forward. "Remember our college days?"

Chrollo laughed. "Do I ever." That was where he founded the Spider. The underground newspaper that was now the most well read paper in the city.

Illumi opened his mouth, planning to ask him about one of their classes, when Chrollo interrupted.

"I remember playing those ridiculous games with the whole crew. The drinking ones. Truth or dare and other shit."

"The time you were dared to break into the Kurtas and steal all those rubies," said Hisoka with a gaze around the room.

And then the Kurtas lost everything. To this day, the police believe they were involved in insurance fraud. They were a strange family anyways. Illumi didn't feel badly about it, but every time he heard someone mention them he had to smile.

He thought of that boy from earlier, and frowned.

"Why don't we play a round now?" asked Chrollo, leaning forward.

Great. But this would surely enable them to get out sooner rather than later, if Chrollo could be properly distracted. And then they could get Killua. Hopefully. If Hisoka's mystery person showed. Illumi downed more of his drink. It stung his stomach. His hand throbbed.

"Hisoka," said Chrollo. "Truth or dare?"

Hisoka grinned. "Dare."

"Drink that mug of beer without stopping."

If you get too drunk to function, I will leave you to drown in vomit, Illumi thought. Hisoka stood and cleared his throat. Several chatting people in designer clothes looked their way as Hisoka chugged the entire mug, wiping his mouth to finish. "Illumi."

"Truth," Illumi said, tracing the rim of his glass. If it was too uncomfortable he could just lie.

"Have you ever had sex?"

Illumi's eyes bugged out. "Of course." It wasn't a lie. But what on earth was making Hisoka ask all these questions? He spotted Hisoka's hand sliding towards Chrollo's phone. Good. He'd have to continue. "A few times." He did not want to divulge any more details. But he had to keep talking. Hisoka, you bastard.

"Honestly I pegged you as a prude," said Chrollo.

"I just don't need to do it to function each and every day," Illumi said, gaze boring into Hisoka, who held one arm behind his back. "I have self-control. A value my parents instilled in me."

"Too bad they didn't instill saving lives, eh?" asked Chrollo. "Watch your back, Illumi. That's all I'm saying. You pissed off an important couple yesterday."

"Excuse me?" Illumi blinked.

"Denying them coverage."

"Truthfully you'll have to be more specific."

"An elderly couple," said Chrollo. "Rumor has it, they're pissed. And they're pissed enough to try and do something." He clapped lllumi on the shoulder and retrieved his phone.

"You're not playing?" asked Hisoka.

"No, I think you're done looking at my phone. Good luck; I change the passwords every hour, and oh, would you look at the time, we've got two minutes before the hour."

Hisoka looked as if he was about to hurl the beer mug off Chrollo's head.

Illumi got to his feet. His fists clenched. He did not have time to deal with some pissy elderly couple that would die soon anyways and their feelings. He had to find his brother and this was all just a waste of time. He turned and stormed out. I'm sorry, Killua.

Hisoka followed, cussing as he tried to get data before the hour turned. Illumi grabbed him by the shoulder the moment they were out of the main hall and into a darkened corridor. He slammed Hisoka back against the wall. "Where is your person?"

"For Killua?"

"They're late," Illumi snapped.

"They're on their way. I know it for a fact." Hisoka smirked and held up his own phone. "Because I don't need the passwords. I downloaded Chrollo's texts."

One read he's been spotted.

Illumi scowled. "Why did you have to ask me that?"

"It's something that I've genuinely wondered. To the point of losing sleep."

Illumi snorted in disgust. "Well, rest assured, my cherry's been popped."

"You never dated anyone in college."

"It's always been for work," said Illumi, crossing his arms.

Hisoka burst into laughter. "That sounds like—care to explain?"

Illumi's face burned. "It's just—sometimes it's easier to get companies to partner with you if someone wants to—"

"That sounds very much like you're a hooker."

"Well, I'm not. It's been my idea and it's mutually beneficial for all parties, I assure you."

"You're getting something from it. That's prostitution."

Illumi glared at him. "Why do you have sex?"

Hisoka shrugged. "Because I like it?"

"So you're getting pleasure," said Illumi. "There is no difference. It's an exchange. You give and you get. I give and I get. What we give and get is simply different."

"I have issues," said Hisoka, staring at him. "But you're pretty fucked up yourself."

Illumi wrinkled his nose.

"And there's your man," said Hisoka. "Or, boy." He nudged Illumi, who peered out from behind the coat rack to see the blond boy from his house earlier. The one with the scarlet eyes. The Kurta.

Illumi wasted no time. He lunged at the boy, grabbing him by the collar. The boy let out a gasp, sweat shining on his forehead, lights beaded on his skin from the chandelier above. "Where is my brother, Kurta?"

"I—I don't—"

"And sister," said Hisoka. "Alluka went with them too, remember?"

Illumi ignored him. "Tell me, or I'll haul your ass to-"

"Kurapika," said Hisoka. "You should tell him. He's not bluffing. Or you could not. That'd be fun to see as well."

"Leave me alone!" squeaked the boy. Illumi tightened his grip. He would strangle Kurapika Kurta if he had to. "He's—just outside."

Disbelief dissolved Illumi's rage. "Are you—"

"See? Promise kept," said Hisoka, dusting his hands. "I even delivered Killua right to your doorstep."

Illumi glowered. He released Kurapika, who gagged and ran. "He's looking for Chrollo, isn't he?"

"If someone ruined your family," said Hisoka. "Wouldn't you want to hunt them down and make them pay? Fret not for Chrollo; he's been warned."

Illumi studied Hisoka. What kind of game are you playing? It didn't matter. He turned and thumped down the stairs.

"You know he's just going to run away again as soon as you go to sleep," Hisoka called.

"Not if I stay up all night!" Illumi hollered.

"You can't do that every night!"

"Yes, I can." And he would.

Up next: step one: a physical breakdown.