Mathilda wiped the tears from her cheeks as she shifted on her chair by the bed, the monotonous beep of machines a cold comfort in the sterile hospital room. Julia had offered to stand watch for a while but Mathilda couldn't leave, couldn't stop her mind from playing out the what ifs. So she stayed where she was, gratefully accepting the copious amounts of tea delivered in styrofoam cups and politely dismissing any questions about her health. She was fine. The man in the bed in front of her... well time would tell.

Spencer didn't look injured which made his situation harder to accept. He looked like he was sleeping deeply and that made it almost impossible for the Doctors to treat him. They said it was a psychic attack and they had to hope that he would pull through on his own. She blinked away more tears and settled back into her chair, willing him to wake up.

A shift in the air behind her had her gritting her teeth in frustration. She didn't need any more people checking up on her. Turning her head, she started to speak another gentle refusal when the words fizzled away. Ian hovered at the door, crimson eyes wary as he stared at the bed. Mathilda's breath caught in her throat but she quickly gestured him inside, rising from her seat so he could sit beside Spencer. Maybe that was what Spencer needed, a teammate, a brother at his side to guide him back.

Ian shook his head, closing his fingers tight around the doorframe. "Tala woke up."

"Oh, that's wonderful news."

And it was but the relief she wanted to feel fell flat. It was great news but with Spencer lying so still behind her, his skin cool to the touch, she couldn't muster up the necessary enthusiasm. Did that make her a horribly selfish person?

Ian's eyes darted past her to the bed and his throat bobbed. "Yeah, I-I need to talk to the doctor about him."

Voice rusty, he seemed to search for words but nothing came and so he shoved his hands in his pockets and lifted his chin as if daring her to call him out. But how could she? He was in the impossible situation of caring for three bedridden teammates one who'd already threatened to shiv a doctor for preventing him from removing his catheter.

"I'll call you when Spencer wakes."

Because Spencer would wake. She believed that—the alternative didn't bear thinking about. Ian jerked his head, sent another long look at Spencer before he turned and shuffled out the door, shoulders hunched as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. And right now he did.

With a sigh, Mathilda sat back down and clasped Spencer's big hand between both of hers. "You need to wake up now. Tala is awake. Bryan is… becoming difficult. Ian is trying so hard to be strong. Your brothers need you to be there for them." She swallowed hard and voiced the selfish thought she'd kept to herself. "I can't lose you. I don't want to go back to a world where it's just me."

The idea of not seeing Spencer, of not hearing the quiet rumbling of his voice, of not being able to stand beside him and marvel at his strength and resilience, of never seeing that slow smile… it broke her heart. She lifted his hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. Closing her eyes, she rested her head on the bed and tried to think of good things, like warm fires, and cosy blanket days, hot chocolate and Spencer's fingers in her hair, the way he always stroked it so slowly and methodically, the gentle tugs on her scalp lulling her to sleep.

A snag in her hair had her jolting awake, eyes immediately going to Spencer's face. Her heart jolted. Pale blue eyes, blurry with confusion, stared back at her and she gasped, surging to her feet.

He frowned, his blond brows knitting as he scanned the room around them.

"Spencer, it's okay. You're in the hospital. I'm going to get a doctor."

"No." He cleared his throat and sat up, rolling his shoulders. "Water."

She reached for the jug on the bedside cabinet and filled the glass. "Here," she said, passing him the glass and nearly sloshing it over his lap. "I should tell Ian too." Her voice cracked and she struggled against the rising tide. "He'll be so relieved. We weren't sure you'd wake up and—"

She clasped her hand over her mouth, her eyes blurred and her nose prickled. Alarmed, Spencer tried to sit up but she waved him back. She just needed a few seconds to compose herself. Just a few seconds but it was too much, and she couldn't fight it as the heavy pressure in her chest burst and her legs buckled under her. Mortified she collapsed to the floor, tears streaming down her face and harsh sobs shaking her entire body. She cried like her heart was breaking and that was so silly because Spencer was fine, he was awake, she hadn't lost him. Still, she couldn't stop.

A while later she came to, aware that she was curled up against Spencer, wrapped around him like a vine while he stroked one hand over her hair and held her tight with the other. She nuzzled his neck, breathing him in. His heart beat strong and steady against her breast and his voice was a comforting caress. Slowly, she drew back, intending to tell him to rest while she got the doctor—for real this time—but then her eyes locked with his.

"I almost lost you," she whispered, stroking her fingers along his jaw, feeling the soft scratch of stubble.

She rose up on her knees to press her lips against his, needing that connection. He stilled, patient and unwilling to scare her off and she smiled, wobbly and a little wet because this was her Spencer and he'd come back to her. She kissed him again, this time firmer and a little demanding as she rested her hands on his shoulders, stroking over the sturdy muscles. He shuddered and one rough hand closed around the nape of her neck, his lips fusing to hers in a kiss that made her blood pressure skyrocket. She groaned into his mouth, desperate and needing this verification that he was alive and real and hers.

She didn't know how long they sat there exchanging kisses, petting and stroking, just little comforting touches of reassurance. Eventually, they drew apart and after settling him back in his bed, Mathilda finally left to fetch the doctor and inform his teammates that Spencer was okay.