WILL AND RITCHIE

The strangest day of all was today. I was here in this room in Switzerland and I should be dead in a few minutes. The process was delayed because Clark, my Clark is too stubborn to let me go. I don't think I know how to react. Happy of knowing that Louisa, my Clark struggles to keep me alive? Or sad and even mad, that in the end, in this instant moment my own people don't respect what I want.

But I can't blame her. How could I? She loves me too much to let me go and she wants for me to be sure that I want this. I understand that. And that's why I agreed to listen to Ritchie. I had to acknowledge Clark her effort , but hearing out Ritchie doesn't mean I will change my mind.

"So, Will are you really going to do this?"

"Do what? It's okay. You can say it"

"Well, this ….. the euthanasia thing."

"Yes, I am here so …. Yes. I'll go through with it. I'll do it. I've made up my mind."

"Yes Will. You are here and this means you will do this … I suppose. But being here doesn't mean you can't go. I mean …. Don't get me wrong. I'm with you if you really made up your mind. I am not talking to you today to change your mind"

"Then why are you Ritchie?"

"Before I answer why I am talking to you this day, I want to ask you the very same question. If you made up your mind then why are you talking to me this day? I'm sure it's for Louisa's shake but I also think that you wanted someone like me ….. like you actually, to tell you that life is worthliving. Even if we can't move our bodies."

"Ritchie, I'll do this. I have to"

"There's no have to Will. There's only want to. And to answer your question, I'm talking to you today, because Louisa is devastated. And she loves you so much that she's willing to respect your choice if you really want this but she is also willing to not give up on you if there's still a chance for you to want to live. But I am also talking to you today because I wanted to know as a quad myself if you really feel that your life is miserable or if you are just so tired and you want to quit. And I'm sure it's the second. I get it. You're tired but your life can be great. Maybe not the same as it was before that freaky accident, but so what?"

"You don't know me Ritchie and that's why you don't get me"

"Oh I do …. I was quiet a sportsman before. But I will tell you this. I am really happy with my life. And you can be too. You'll just have to see the potential in being a quad and all the things you can do. You focus all the time in all the things that you can't do Will and that's wrong. Yes ….. I miss all the things I used to do too. I can't lie about that. But I am happy"

"So you are saying I am wrong?"

"I don't judge you Will. I respect your decision but you'll throw so much away in my opinion"

"What do you mean Ritchie?"

"Life meaning Will. You should search inside you why are you doing this. After all you are quiet a smart man and by the way -you could keep working because I've heard so many times about Will Traynor's brilliant mind in the business circles even after your accident. Everyone would be thrilled to be mentored by you- I am just saying"

"I am doing this Ritchie because I know there isn't any better than this . I won't ever be better"

"Will, trust me. You can enjoy many things but just in a different way. But you won't enjoy them less than others. Just differently . So my friend allow me to tell you that you THINK there isn't any better than this. You DON'T KNOW that. Let me ask you something. When was the last time … maybe the only time that you felt happy after your accident?"

I stayed there in silence and then I said the obvious: "The last six months since I met her. Since I met Clark"

"Exactly. I would do everything for someone to fight for me like Louisa does for you. Able bodied people, quad people, and generally people … usually never have what Louisa and you have and I can tell that from the way she speaks for you all the time and now by seeing how you speak for her. She did all this research for you to find what would make you happy enough for you to want to live. And you were willing to go to all these places she suggested, even in Mauritius just to make her happy and make her see the world. Because you love her and she loves you. And that's the life meaning my man. True love"

"I love Louisa Ritchie above all. That's why I want the best for her. She will be better of without me. My parents and my sister too. And I will surely stop being exhausted, tired and fully medicated all the time"

"Oh, for the love of God Will. I know about meds, exhaustion and pain my man. Vey well. And I do know all about love. You …. hating the pain and exhaustion …. well I'm with you. But you can manage this. As I am. But thinking that the people you love and love you back will be better of without you ….. well, you couldn't be more wrong Will. They love you no matter what. Trust me on this. If you do this today, you'll crush them and they will be forever stimulated by your absence."

"So what's your point here?"

"My point is that if you really think that they would be better of without you, then you are not as smart as I thought Will. You are wrong. But I want you to think if you want to stay here. Because you get that this could be a happy life don't you?"

"Yes. I get this. But it's not my life Ritchie. And noone gets it. It's my decision"

"Yes. It's your decision. But you should ask yourself if this is a decision you would regret if you could? I am just giving you all the facts here for you to decide. But it's still your decision."

I was having a hard time because he wasn't insane. All these were actually true. I let him go on as I was still thinking and processing!

"You said this is not your life. Incorrrect. This is not your old life. This is your new life. And maybe better than the previous one.

"Go on" I was intrigued to what he was about to say.

"Think of your life before. You had your mobility. Yes. And don't get me wrong. I would want to be able to move myself again but this doesn't define who I am. This doesn't define who you are."

I couldn't speak…..

"And when did you feel emotionally fulfilled?"

I was staring at him while he was speaking to me from Clark's phone screen and then I said the only truth: "When I met Clark"

"That's right . When you met her. She is pretty much the only thing that makes you want to get up in the morning. Your own words. Something that most people will never have. A reason to get up in the morning. But you do. And I think Nathan is not only your nurse but also a great friend of yours who really cares about you. Were your previous friends that caring?"

"I see Clark talked to you quiet often"

"Yes she did. She told me everything. She wanted someone to help her"

"I guess I hadn't any real friends back then Ritchie"

"Outside. Just right outside Will ….. your family is waiting including Clark as you call her. I get why are you considering this. Maybe I would too if I wasn't loved by anyone. But you are. You are so loved by them. So what's to consider? You have love and support. But I think you persuaded yourself that you have to go and that you are useless. But you are not. You are the most capable and handsome man as Louisa says"

"She said that?"

"Yes. So just do yourself a favor and decide if you want to live and if you love anything that much that is worth fighting for. Life is beautiful Will by the people we have loving us. And you have plenty of them. And if I can see that, then you can see that too. That's all I'm saying: Do you really want to do this?"

"I need to do this Ritchie"

I needed to do lots of things but I realized I eventually didn't want to. I asked if you want to do this Will"

"That's not the same example Ritchie"

"Yes it is Will. The conclusion is the same for me"

"And what would that be?"

"That you have a lot of reasons to live. Too many actually. Don't throw them away. I'm sure your life still means a lot to you even if you had buried it deep inside of you. I was ready to give up. But I found it"

"What's that?"

"Life meaning Will. The question is what's yours?"

His words were so overwhelming. He knew what I was going through. Better than anyone. And when he asked me what was my life meaning I could only see one person in my mind and in my heart. And I said without second thought:

"Clark, it's Clark Ritchie"

So there I was. From completely determined I was now actually having second thoughts!