3

"No really, what's with the rock?" Ironhide asked.

Ratchet sighed and walked over to the larger bot. "We were just talking philosophy, it was nothing."

"In that case, thank Primus I didn't hear. I would have been bored to rust. Meaning of life and all that scrap. Lemme tell you my meaning of life. Blowing shit up." Ironhide glanced at Ratchet. "You look a little disheveled. Did you frag somebody this morning?"

Ratchet was glad he was the only one who had internal status scanners. If Ironhide had them, he'd know instantly that Ratchet had just overloaded. "No, I've been in the med bay all day, just getting things done."

"Well you know what I say about fragging. It's as healthy as a cup of energon in the morning, and just as important."

Ratchet sat on the counter and watched Ironhide rant and mop the floor. He flexed his fingers and thought about how relaxed they felt, how relaxed he felt. He leaned back a little, lacing his fingers together on his lap. "Ironhide, I need your opinion."

"If it's philosophy then count me out."

"No, I need your opinion on something regarding interfacing." Ironhide stopped mopping and gave Ratchet his attention. "What would be your ideal sparkmate?"

"That's easy. I'd want someone who'd try my crazy fantasies and be awesome at it." Ratchet slapped his forehead. "And," Ironhide continued, "They'd have to be fun and smart too, like a best friend type. I like being able to face with whoever I want, but if I had to be stuck with one bot, they'd be like that."

Ratchet nodded. That description sounded pretty on-the-mark to him.

"You know," Ironhide continued, leaning on the mop, "I consider you one of my best friends." Ratchet's eyes shot up to the other bot. "And you're a real giver in the berth." Ironhide watched Ratchet fidget for a moment, then laughed. "Too bad you have that freakish thing with your hands. I don't have the patience for that."

"You're such a tool," Ratchet said, looking at his hands.

"Why? Are you looking for a mate?" Ironhide asked skeptically as he finished mopping. "I thought you liked getting around."

"I do!" Ratchet said. "But I mean, if I thought I actually liked somebody I wouldn't ignore it."

"Wait," Ironhide said, "Did someone… Has someone actually been able to satisfy that bizarre kink of yours?"

"It's not bizarre. And yeah, maybe somebody has!"

"I can read you processor, you know. Somebody finally satisfied you, so obviously they're perfect."

"It's not like that, you scrap heap. It's more like, if I saw a bot trying something on him I'd put a pedal in their aft."

Ironhide frowned. "Who haven't you seen fragging somebody else?"

Ratchet immediately realized his mistake. There was only one bot among them that hadn't been with at least two of the others. Ratchet tried to cover himself. "I mean in the future, if I saw someone."

"What makes you think he's more interested in you than the other bots?"

'Because he doesn't interface with the other bots,' Ratchet thought. "I don't know," he said. "Just a feeling." Ratchet stood and headed for the door.

"Still, don't get ahead of yourself. I know you're ready to combine sparks, but have a little self-control."

"Go slag yourself."

Ratchet stomped toward his quarters. Bumblebee caught him in the hall.

"Hey there, doctor." Bee said playfully. Ratchet stomped past him. Bee tagged along. "What's wrong with you, sour-circuit?"

"I've got a lot on my mind."

Bumblebee finally stopped following when he realized he wasn't going to be able to distract the older bot.

Ratchet paced around his personal quarters, his processor spinning. Why had Optimus come onto him? He was dead sure this had never happened to someone else. Word got around fast with the bots, and with his internal sensors he would have picked up on it even faster.

He'd said he liked Ratchet's demeanor. That had nothing to do with interfacing, but maybe Optimus was the type whose attraction was from character traits instead of physical design. Then again, Ratchet didn't think anyone liked him for his design. The first bot he'd slammed had gone and told everyone how great it was, and from there he didn't have to do much else.

Ratchet flopped on his berth. He raised his hands and growled. "This is your fault," he said to them. He thought about the other day when Optimus had walked in on him and Bumblebee. That must have been when Optimus figured out his fetish. Bee had a mouthful of finger when their leader had barged in. It had been that simple, Optimus had tested his suspicion with the rock farce.

Ratchet dimmed his optics, and almost immediately he fell offline.

He dreamed that he was back in the storage room with Bumblebee, and Optimus was walking in on them. But this time instead of feeling embarrassed, it revved him up even more.

Bee smiled at Optimus. "Care to join us?"

Ratchet whispered at the smaller bot furiously. "What are you doing?"

But Bumblebee had already gotten up and grabbed Optimus by the hand to pull him over. "I really shouldn't," Optimus objected, but Bumblebee was strong in Ratchet's dream and had no trouble encouraging the Prime to kneel in front of Ratchet where he sat.

"You know what to do now," Bee said, and Optimus took Ratchet's hand. He opened his faceplate and bent forward, sliding his glossa over Ratchet's palm. Vibrations raked Ratchet's body at the sensation. "Give him a little more," Bee encouraged, and Optimus took Ratchet's middle finger in his mouth. Ratchet could feel his oral interior, hot and lubricated. Optimus kept his optics shut as he pumped him, and Ratchet could practically feel it in his Spike. He pressed against Optimus' interface panel, which was, like before, still only lukewarm. Optimus' eyes opened at the touch. As he looked up at Ratchet, all the sensation disappeared from his hands. He was left with nothing but the inadequate feeling of not being able to reciprocate the pleasure.

"What can I do?" he pleaded to Optimus.

Optimus took Ratchet's finger from his mouth and slammed his faceplate shut. "There's nothing you can do."

Ratchet woke with a start, sitting up in his berth and gasping. He checked his internal clock. It was already evening. He left his quarters and headed for the main room, hoping to find the night owls. He couldn't be alone with himself anymore.

Ratchet was pleasantly surprised to find the place busy. Half the bots were still up, happily chattering and laughing with one another. Optimus had returned with Spike as well. Ratchet caught the bot's eye from across the room, and Optimus turned away. He was quickly heading for the opposite hall.

"Hey wait!" Ratchet called, but Optimus blatantly ignored him. The bots looked at him with slight worry as he crossed the room.

Spike, who was as perceptive to transformers' behavior as a brick, smiled and waved. "Hey Ratchet, what's the rush? Optimus and I just got back a minute ago. Can I talk to you for a second?"

Ratchet ignored him and followed Optimus down the opposite hall. "I'm sorry Ratchet," Optimus called back. "I'm exhausted. We can talk tomorrow." Optimus spoke from far down the hall, walking hastily to avoid Ratchet.

"Well, just stop for a minute!" Ratchet said, his confusion increasing as the other avoided him. He sped up, and finally within range, his internal scanners picked up on the other bot and automatically scanned him.

Optimus had just overloaded.

Ratchet stopped following, and when Optimus realized he'd been caught, he stopped running. His shoulders sagged in defeat. "What in the… How is that possible? You just got back." Realization dawned on Ratchet and his face couldn't hide his horror. "The human?"

Optimus looked back at him as Ratchet approached the taller bot. "I can't believe it. That's your fetish?"

"Ratchet, please."

"You've got a thing for humans?"

"No I… I don't. I…" But Optimus couldn't finish. He looked away with embarrassment.

"I can't even…" Ratchet said, anger building in his system. "That's why you don't frag around. None of us could come close to interesting you."

"That isn't true," Optimus said, trying to cover the discontent in his vocals. "I overloaded you, didn't I?"

"That's what I can't figure out! Why would you do that, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to reciprocate? How do you think that makes me feel?"

"I suppose I didn't think about it," Optimus said, his vocals forced to stay at a low level. "You fool around with the other bots, completely aware of how hard it is for them to please you. But it's grossly wrong for me to do the same to you?"

Ratchet's air valve caught for a moment. He had never shouted at Optimus Prime this way before, but he couldn't stop now. "My fetish is nothing like your sick xenophilia!"

Optimus shoved him out of the way, turning back the way they had come. "I've had enough of this," he said.

To be continued.

If you review, Ironhide will talk to you about your feelings for five whole minutes.