"Ran's there?! Amazing I haven't seen her in over a year!" Lum said. She had given all three sisters these big videophone devices to set up in their rooms to call her whenever they wanted. Akane, now well enough to dress herself, had called Lum in the middle of getting ready to head off to Kodachis. All her outfits felt far too hot to put on, it had taken nearly ten minutes to find a halter top and skirt combo that didn't make her feel like she was going to sweat all her water out.
"So how'd you two meet?" Akane asked, pulling the sleeveless top over her head.
"Oh nothing that big, one day Mom just dropped me off at her place for a playdate. She seemed really sad for some reason, so I helped cheer her up!" Lum said, smiling a bit nostalgic, "I got a bit out of control and ended up coloring on her walls… oh. Oh oops, I just remembered that her mom blamed Ran for my drawings. Oh dear."
Akane pulled up the skirt, it went a bit past her thighs. Event this outfit was making her feel warm. "Sounds like the two of you were close. Well we're going to be taking her to see the rest of her family."
"Ran never brought up any siblings, or her father." Lum said.
"Really?" Akane said, "That seems weird."
"Maybe the divorce wasn't a pleasant one…" Lum said. "I don't know what that would be like, my parents get along great! And I just know that my Darling's going to be a good husband!" Lum didn't say "Once I catch him." out loud.
Akane didn't quite know about Lum's family situation, but she did know about the Kuno family. "Yeah, that makes some sense." Akane slipped on her shoes, and her headache began anew. Great, getting dressed took up all her energy right now. She sat back onto the bed. "So you coming over?"
"I'll see if I can get ahold of Darling." Lum said, "He's still recovering from that splitting incident."
Splitting incident? Oh yeah Lum had told Akane about that, when Ataru had somehow split into two people with the good parts and bad of his personality split between them. Lum had proudly said she got the good half while that other girl interested in him, Shinobu was her name, wanted the "boring" half.
"Well I'd like to meet him." After all, he had saved her from becoming Queen of the Earth. Plus if Lum liked him so much he had to be a real charmer. Akane wondered idly how he'd match up with Ranma.
"Hey Akane, I got your throne ready!" She heard Ranma call from outside of her room. That's what he was calling the wheelchair she used to get around lately. Thankfully it could be retired by the end of the week.
"I'll be out in a minute!" Akane shouted back. She was dressed, had her purse by her side. Anything else?
Oh right, she was going to the Kunos, so she grabbed her shinai. "See you later!"
"Bye!" Lum waved, and the screen went black.
Ran had parked her spaceship in their backyard. Thankfully it wasn't that large, at least on the outside. Ranma knocked on the front door of the UFO. With a hiss the airlock opened, and Ran was at the door. They locked eyes. "You're going out in that outfit?"
Ran was wearing a pink bikini with silver knee high boots, and not much else. "Remember what I said about higher body temperatures? This is what's comfortable."
With a half-lidded stare Ranma pointed to the thing strapped to her back, "And the bazooka?"
"This?" Ran smiled innocently. "It's just a squirt gun!" She aimed up up into air and pulled the trigger. A massive stream of water shot out of it, just inches from Ranma's face. Several blocks away Mousse suddenly was unable to finish his delivery as he was now a duck. She let go fo the trigger and the stream of water stopped. "See? Just ready to play some games with Lum if she shows up!"
Ranma slowly stepped away from the water cannon. "Err, sure. Anyways, I got to warn you. Your siblings are… well a bit weird."
"Oh my goodness, Ran must have misheard you! It sounded like you just insulted my family right to my face! Teehee, but Ran's certain you didn't say something so thoroughly insensitive!"
"On second thoughts you'll fit in great," Ranma said, giving her a thumbs up. Oh boy! He'd always thought those two were not of this Earth. Little did he guess.
"Right, follow me." Akane said, sitting in the wheelchair.
"Won't you be following me?" Ranma asked, "Since I'm pushing it?"
"Semantics! Onwards, steed!"
"Real cute play on my name coming from an uncute girl. I think that's irony, right?" Ranma grabbed the handles and began pushing it. "You could walk on your own or even float now you know."
"It still gives me a headache." Akane said, "And if I get a headache I start zapping things."
Ran giggled, "You're such a cute couple! I hope one day, Rei gives me such loving treatment."
"Who's that?" Ranma asked.
Ran sighed romantically, "Oh Rei, he's only the most handsome guy in the universe. So strong, so powerful! I just know I'll win him over!"
"So what, he a celebrity or something?" Ranma asked.
"Oh, technically I suppose. But I know him personally. He's an Oni and we went to school together along with…" Her hands twitched and gripped at her "Squirt gun" for a second. "Lum! They used to date! But Lum decided to go with an Earth boy for... For some reason!"
Ranma was starting to have a bad feeling about this mess. If she was anything like her siblings on the issue of unrequited love, well, It might end badly. At least the day seemed to be free of any bad omens. The sun was shining, the weather was good. Akane looked cute in that outfit, and the two were heading down the sidewalk by the canal with Ran just trailing a bit behind them. Perhaps he and Akane could just drop Ran off at the Kunos and this would end without-
"I sense misfortune!" Ranma suddenly found a hideous looking face right in front of his!
"Gaaaahhh!" Ranma shouted, jumping back, and just happening to land in the canal!
Akane peered around to the short and ugly old monk now sitting on the back of her wheelchair. "Uh…"
"Oh dear. I sense much misfortune coming from the two of you." The monk said, "You women will bring that poor young man so much trouble!"
Akane's shinai and the back of Ran's bazooka smacked him to the ground. "What are you talking about!?"
"I am called Cherry." The monk said, seemingly not affected by their blows. "And I can sense that neither of you are human! Thus you must be bringing that poor boy misfortune."
"That's it? Just because we're not human you think we're out to hurt Ranma!?" Akane asked. "Also, I think we're both half-human, so shouldn't that count?"
"That's pretty racist overall." Ran said.
"Humph. It is not just your inhuman blood, but the malignant aura I sense! The boy is suffering under a terrible curse! One surely caused by the misfortune one of you two brought!"
"No Ranma had that before either of us met him." Akane said.
It was at that point that Ranma managed to pull herself up out of the canal, "You stupid old monkey! Don't scare me like that!" She grabbed Cherry by his shirt and shook him.
"Hello young lady, I wasn't talking to you." Cherry said. He jumped out of Ranma's grip, peering down the canal. "Alas, I lost the poor young man. Oh well, I bet that lovely housewife has finished breakfast by now. I heard she was making sukiyaki." He left without a care about the the trouble he had just caused.
Ranma, Akane, and Ran all stared for a moment at the retreating monk. "I don't know who that guy is but I hate him." Ranma said.
Ran looked at the soaked Ranma. "Oh wow Ranma, I had no idea you were an Andryonite."
"A what now?" Ranma said, that sounded familiar.
Ran tittered. "An Andryonite! They're an alien race that switches genders."
Oh right, Lum had mistaken her for that too.
"No it's that curse that monk mentioned. He turns into a girl with cold water." Akane said.
"Teehee, silly half Oni! Curses don't exist! I bet that's something his father made up because he didn't want to admit the truth about his mother!"
"My mom's human too!" Ranma scowled. "My pops turns into a doofy looking panda, I also know a guy that turns into a duck and a chick that turns into a cat."
"And my dear Rei can turn into a tiger-cow but I don't say he's cursed." Ran said.
... The hell kind of guy was she into again?
"Anyways, we should continue on to the Kunos." Akane said. But it was at that point her danger senses twiched and-
"Ohohoohhohoho! What makes you think you can come to my house uninvited, Akane Tendo!"
Akane caught the giant mallet Kodachi Kuno was weidling between her hands, groaning under the strain. "Kodachi! I am in a wheelchair! Could you not attack someone sick!"
"Oh? I am merely attacking in fairness before you are fully recovered. A Duel for Darling Ranma's heart, right here right now! Whatever is the matter with -"
And then sparks started to fly in quite a literal fashion. Alas, Ran was the only one not in range.
Akane groaned, the headache pounding against her skull, the beat of the pounding matching the bolts being thrown out of her body. Once it returned to normal she saw both Ranma and Kodachi laying on both sides of her, twitching and sparking.
"Tut tut! Definitely an Oni!" Ran sighed. "So who was that weird girl anyway? A friend of yours?"
"That's your sister," Akane rubbed her forehead.
"Ah! You shocked my sis!" Ran yelled. Not helping with the headache thanks!
"I didn't mean to! I can't control these things yet!" Akane said.
Ran's face seemed to kind of bend for a second, but it quickly snapped back into a cheerful smile. "Well if it was really an accident then I guess I can forgive you!"
"I fight on!" Kodachi sat up, "Akane Tendo, Pigtailed Girl! Do not think that you shall defeat me so easily with cheap tricks!"
"Really? You're going there!?" Ranma herself stood up. "You know what hypocrisy is, don't you?"
"Of course. It's a thing that everyone in the world but me shows in their behaviour every single day. Ohohohoho!" Kodachi pulled out a ribbon, "Now, since I have defeated Akane Tendo by forcing her to reveal her base trickery, I take you on now Pigtailed-"
"Kochan!" Ran grabbed her hands.
"Pardon?" Kodachi blinked, staring into the eyes of the shorter girl. "...Ran!?"
"It's been a long time!" Ran said.
"Oh my word, Ran! Does that mean you and Mother moved back to Japan!"
Twitch. "Nope! Just me!" Ran said.
Kodachi let out a girly sounding squeal, the two sisters jumping up and down for joy. Ranma leaned against Akane's wheelchair. "You know, Kodachi may be a pain in the ass and I'm pretty sure Ran's a serial killer, but seeing them happy like this makes it worth it." Ranma said.
Akane nodded, "Yeah let's go home now."
"Wait!" Kodachi said, "Akane Tendo, Pigtailed girl! I… I must thank you for reuniting me with my long lost sister, we may be enemies both trying to win the heart of our Darling Ranma -"
"Eh? Kochan, that girl is Ranma." Ran said.
"Oh no Ran. She has the same name as my beloved, but she's clearly a woman." Kodachi said.
Ran tapped her chin. "You said you change into a girl with cold water, right Ranma? So to become a man…"
"Err…" Ranma backed up, pulling Akane's wheelchair with her.
Ran drew her bazooka, flipped a switch, and fired. A torrent of steaming hot water sprayed out, drenching both Ranma and Akane. Elsewhere Akari finally found her date, but he was naked. She didn't mind that much. When Ran took her finger off the trigger, Ranma and Akane both had steam coming off their bodies. Oh, and Ranma was male again.
"Ranma darling!?" Kodachi said, "Yo- you're also the Pigtailed Girl?!"
"W-well yeah." Ranma said.
"So when you... When he… when she…" Kodachi said.
"Oh dear, are you OK Kochan?" Ran asked.
Ranma shook some hot water out of his hair. "She didn't know about the dumb curse, I think you broke her."
"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Kodachi began to laugh. "To think, all this time Ranma, you've been hiding this from me! I had no idea you were genderfluid!"
Ranma hit the ground, groaning. Akane facepalmed. The impact of that pun was at least three hiryu shoten has rolled into one!
"Ah I see. Yes, you long to live the life of a man and woman, which is why you have ensared both my heart as well as my dear brothers! Well do not worry my dear, I am an open minded woman. But I must confess have little interest in your "female" persona, so if you wish to find a man for her feel free!"
"That's… that's…" Ranma wanted to shout how that's not how it worked, at all.
"I imagine you've had to keep this such a secret, I imagine a traditional family like the Tendos is not OK with your condition, ah to think you've had to hide it from them!"
"Oh, I've known about it since the day we've met," Akane sniffed, turning up her nose. "Darling has had such a rough time of it, but we've adjusted well."
Ranma did a double take. Did she…?
"Oh? Calling him Darling now?" Kodachi sneered.
"What?" Akane said, "I didn- Oh. I did." She suddenly blushed, "I didn't mean to!"
"Oh how tragic, to think you would dare try and bury your feelings, while I proclaim them to the world!" Kodachi laughed.
To Akane's surprise she began floating, sparks flashing around her. "You want to get zapped again!?" Whatever, she'd roll with it.
But before it could come to blows, again, the sky darkened. All four people looked up to see another spaceship above them.
Then the front door opened. "Hah! Sucker! I'm out of hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" A boy ran out of the front door of the ship and managed to actually take three steps in the air, before looking down, and immediately beginning to fall. He landed with a loud crunch right between Akane and Kodachi.
"Are you okay?" Akane asked.
"Silly girl, how could he possibly be okay after a fall like -"
The crumpled heap then leaped up, fit as a fiddle and grabbed both girls by the shoulders. "I'm fine now babes! Better than fine, just like the two of you!"
Both Kodachi and Akane looked completely baffled at his sudden recovery as well as his sudden blatant flirting. "Err, Akane Tendo? Do you recognize this young man?"
Realization hit Akane. "Wait. Aren't you Ataru Moroboshi?" Akane recognized his face.
"Oh! The man who beat those alien invaders back?" Kodachi said.
"Oh yes I'm glad to see somebody recognizes my incredible efforts to keep the Earth safe!" Ataru said, "So lovely ladies, how about you introduce yourselves? Names? Phone Numbers? Addresses? All would be great!
That's when a hand gripped Ataru's shoulder. Hard. Ataru looked down at the hand, his eyes trailed up the very muscular arm it was attached to. Then he saw the very broad, clearly muscled chest. Then he saw the face of a man glaring at him. And his free hand was clenching into a very strong looking fist.
"Well I'm Akane Tendo." Akane said lightly, "And that's my fiance, Ranma."
"Fiance." Ataru said. "Well that's interesting. How'd you two meet!?"
Before any more questions could be answered, (nor any more violence visited upon Ataru by a pissed off Ranma) a bolt of lightning struck down from the sky, hitting Ataru and tragically zapping Ranma by proxy.
"Darling I let you out of my sight for five seconds and you're already- Oh! Akane! Ranma!" Lum floated down from her ship. "Here you two are! How are you doing!"
"Brzzahgba." Ranma said.
"Oh did I hit you by accident! I'm so sorry Ranma, I just meant to hit Darling." Lum said, pulling the twitching Ataru off the ground. "He's such a handful."
Akane found herself in mild disbelief. This was the guy her cousin had fallen head over heels for?
Kodachi was beyond confused at this point. Things had stopped making sense once that UFO appeared and she was really wanting it to resume.
Ran, on the other hand, was taking aim. "Hi Lum!" She said.
"Oh! Ran! You're here to! I see you brought the squirt gun!"
"Yup! Setting it to ultra-max pressure!" Ran said. "Super Soaker Deathray XXXL! FIRE!"
Akane, realizing that was probably a bad thing, quickly floated up and pulled Lum out of the way just as Ran pulled the trigger.
An intense, concentrated, glowing stream of water shot out with a sonic boom. The shot lasted three seconds, before the force was too much and the bazooka itself exploded. The steam cleared, and Ran was standing in front of a massive gouge in the earth that had raised up, parted some clouds in the sky it had hit and shot down an unfortunate satellite.
"Oopsie! I guess I over-calibrated it! My bad Lum!" Ran said, bonking herself on the head lightly.
"Oh Ran, you're so clumsy!" Lum said, and the two girls began to laugh.
"Oh Lum! This is Kodachi, she's my twin sister!" Ran said, wrapping her arm around Kodachi to pull her closer.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Miss Lum. Any friend of my dear sister Ran is a friend of mine!" Kodachi joined in the laughter.
"Oh Akane told me about you!" Lum said.
"Hmm? What's your relation to Akane Tendo?" Kodachi asked.
"We're cousins. Funny how that works huh?" Lum said, and the three girls continued to giggle and laugh as they introduced themselves.
"Ranma." Akane said.
"Yes?" Ranma said.
"I don't know what's going on anymore."
"Hey!" Ataru said, "You're related to Lum!?"
"Yeah…" Akane said.
"But you look normal!" Ataru said. "I almost hit on you!"
Akane rolled her eyes, before pulling off the bandage and revealing the now fully grown Oni horns. "You did hit on me."
"And that's your concern? That she's related to Lum and not, you know, engaged?" Ranma said.
"I make it a policy to never give guys attention." Ataru said. "Now then! Those two beauties in the leotard and Bikini aren't related to Lum right?"
"No…" Akane said. "Though they are related to each other."
"That just makes it even better!" Ataru said, "Hello there you two lovely ladies! I don't think I ever got your names? Your phone numbers? Addresses? Three sizes?"
"Oh wow, you're so forward!" Ran giggled, "Well…"
"Not now Darling!" Lum shouted, zapping him again.
"Ranma, remind me never to get mad at you when Shampoo or Ukyo come onto you ever again." Akane said flatly. "You're downright monogamous compared to Lum's fiance."
Ranma side-eyed her, "Oh come on, like I ever tried anything like that!"
"That time Shampoo hated you."
"Damn it don't bring that up!"
"So, Lum." Kodachi said, "Why bring this entire ship of yours. Couldn't you have just taken the train if you live on Earth now?"
"Right!" Lum flew up a bit above them. "I brought the ship because I was thinking that it was high time Akane headed off this planet for a bit! A major Oni cultural touchstone is coming up… after they noticed the bucket was broken and repaired it a couple months late…"
Ran's eyes widened, "Wait! You're taking her to-"
"That's right Ran! It's a bit late this year, but the Setsubun competition between the Oni and Lucky Gods Clan is on! And you're all invited!"
Dread. This was what mortal dread sounded like. Akane felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Was this what Ataru felt like when he had to race for the fate of the world? Was he-
"Well if cuties like Ran and Kodachi are coming sign me up!"
Never mind. All he probably saw was the scantily clad Oni and got tired of her through repeated zappings.