10/23/2011

Anderson grabbed the shovel he used to bury Pickford and begun to tear away at the earth, searching for a tiny trace of Pickford's bodily fluids. That was all he needed. He had the innocent children blood and the traces of opium in his bag ready for the ritual. He'd even made the salt into the shape of a dolphin in his kitchen beforehand, just to speed up the process.

Pickford had only been gone from Barney's life for a week, but already his sexual frustration was out of control. He's started to search for dinosaur porn on google as desperation to fulfill his sexual fantasies. There was only two dedicated dinosaur porn websites and they were all posted as jokes to coincide with a cracky aspect of a documentary series made about his enemy Sherlock's cases.

His wife was still out, and he was beginning to suspect that she too was cheating, most likely on an axolotl, according to Sherlock's deductions.

Come to think of it, Anderson thought sleeping with an axolotl wasn't a half bad idea. But enough of the internal ramble, he thought.

He plucked out some underarm fungus from the corpse of Pickford. God it smelt good mixed in with the dirt, Barney thought so.

He stuffed it into his mouth and swallowed. The facial expression he made resembled that of an orgasm. He felt a nice warm fuzzy feeling flow down his spine. He could taste the return of Pickford coming so soon… and it tasted like cool mints.

Anderson bent over the dolphin-shaped salt pattern.

He doubled checked his ancient Aztec book on revival of extinct species.

Damn! He'd made a mistake. It was a hasbro Furby toy that the pattern had to resemble. (Even though Furbies didn't exist in Aztec times lol) he quickly remade the shape into what it needed to be.

He then neatly poured the innocent childrens' blood down his left nostril, making sure he used just enough of the right blood types. He then stuffed the opium into the other nostril and patiently waited for 3 minutes exactly to pass.

Next upon the instructions was to vomit up the body fluids of the deceased. Barney neatly forced his ring finder (with his dirty wedding ring still on lol probably to help with the vomiting lol) and wriggled it around.

Almost immediately the underarm fungus came flowing out through his throat and looked quite attractive for vomit. It spread perfectly around the shape of the furby salted thingy so it looked like furby pizza (LOL!).

Then he blew his nose. All the gross blood and opium made a layer of icing of the furby cake (lol I thought it was pizza idk I think I need to proof-read my fics lol).

Then he lit it alight.

Satan appeared (except he looked like a red genie from Aladdin because he is trapped inside the furby) and said

"What do you want Pickfor Rajubamanalama back from the grave for?"

Anderson sounded extra nasal when he spoke this time

"I want to love him, both emotionally and physically"

Satan smiled and said "It's nice to know you love dinosaurs for sex"

"I know right" said Barney smiling like Patrick Star from Spongebob when he gets happy for no real reason.

"Okay, but there is one condition that will go with this deal of bringing back your boyfriend" said Satan "And the condition is-"

"STFU AND GIVE ME MY BOYFRIEND BACK" screamed Barney like a 4 year old.

"K" said Satan and went back to hell so he could talk to Gadafi. (get it because he died the other day lol)

Then everything went bang and the screen went white (lol cos I'm pretending this is an episode)

Then when Anderson woke up the next day, he found himself in bed with Pickford.

Everything was going better than expected.

He stepped outside to find (DUN DUN DUNNN) everyone was treating their dinosaurs as slaves!

Satan appeared (but in a way so only Anderson could see him).

"I made it so that humanity is treating dinosaurs as slaves!" said Satan (but now he was black coloured and looked like a kirby) "I changed time so that dinosaurs have blended into human society, and they aren't getting equal rights. Also, people who are found to be in relationships with dinosaurs are sentenced to death."

"BUT I JUST FUCKED PICKFORD MY DINOSAUR BOYFRIEND" SCREAMED Anderson.

Then the cops found him and put him in the electric chair.

"Lol time to die" said Lestrade.

TO BE CONTINUED