Chapter 3
Bella's POV;
Sounds good.
Hell yeah it sounds good! I lay back in my bed and sighed. It's a shame I couldn't trust him. I wish I could let myself open my heart to him but he would just hurt me. All men ever did was let me down. My own father let me down. If he couldn't love me how could anyone else?
The only boy I could ever depend on was my son, my beautiful little Oliver. But I could be friends with a man couldn't I? I mean it took trust but not as much as I gave to Jacob. I could be friends with Edward. He seemed fun, he had a pretty good sense of humour and his daughter was more gorgeous than he was. She was so sweet and it would be nice for Oliver to have someone to play with when he got a little older.
I checked my clock and groaned. I had about 2 and a half hours before Oliver would be up for another feed and I wasn't going to waste one more second of it thinking about a man I couldn't trust. I closed my eyes and berated myself for another minute before drifting off to sleep.
Only I couldn't escape him, even in my dreams.
He was there, sat in the park with me, smiling at me with those beautiful lips and twinkly green eyes. Evie was playing on the swing set and Oliver was gurgling happily in my lap. And then his face changed, contorted into something horrible and ugly - something evil. Everything went black. Oliver and Evie disappeared and I searched for them, screaming their names and sobbing so hard my chest ached while Edward laughed at my heartbreak.
The sound of his laughter echoed around in my head. I begged him to stop, to return my son but he just laughed harder.
"You shouldn't have trusted me."
I woke up to Oliver's wailing, my heart hammering and sweat plastered to my head. The relief I felt at hearing him was instantaneous and I quickly leapt up and gathered him into my arms rocking him and kissing his little head over and over.
I walked over to the rocking chair and guided my breast to his mouth, craving the contact and connection I felt when I breastfed him. I sighed as he latched on and let a few tears escape. The thought of someone taking my baby was too much for me. When Jacob left he took my trusting nature too and I became closed off. But if someone took Oliver I would die, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and eventually physically. He was mine and I loved him unconditionally. There was no one on the planet that I could love so wholeheartedly, not even Alice.
I kept replaying the end of the dream in my head, over and over. "You shouldn't have trusted me."
Oliver unlatched and I burped him gently before switching sides, hoping that he was still hungry because I still needed to feel the connection between me and my son. He latched on again quickly but soon stopped suckling and just lay there with my nipple in his mouth acting as a comfort to both him and me.
Was my subconscious trying to tell me that I shouldn't trust Edward? Because if it was I was definitely listening. If there was one thing I trusted it was my instincts, especially when it came to Oliver. I wasn't going to risk anything happening to him and if that meant shutting Edward out then I would do so, happily even.
I gently pulled my nipple from Oliver's mouth and lifted him, checking his nappy with one hand and rubbing his back with the other to make sure he didn't have any wind. He was still dry and he rewarded me with a little burp so I walked him slowly to his crib, taking my time so I could hold him for as long as possible and study his beautiful little face.
"I love you Oliver, more than anyone and anything in the world." I whispered to him, before kissing the top of his head and lowering him into his crib. "I promise everything will be fine baby boy." I rubbed his little belly for a while just so I could maintain contact with him before I walked back to my own room and lay on my bed.
If my dream was even remotely true Edward was a threat to my son and to me. As much as I liked his company I'd have to cut him out of my life, for the sake of Oliver and for my sake too. I sighed and closed my eyes, praying for a dreamless sleep to claim me.
In what felt like seconds later Oliver was awake and making his alertness known. I turned my head, squinted at the clock and realised that it was half 6. I hauled myself out of bed and gathered Oliver up in my arms, snuggling into his soft baby skin and inhaled his sweet scent. I took Oliver downstairs with me and fed him before expressing milk and dressing him for the day.
I took a deep breath in and picked up my phone. How do I phrase this?
Edward, I don't think us meeting up would be a good idea. It's just I have trust issues and-
Nope.
Hi Edward, I just don't think that us being friends is a good idea. You're a nice guy but –
Not a chance.
Hey Edward. I think that we both have a lot on our plates because we're both single parents and maybe we should just focus on our children. I think if we tried to have a friendship it could get messy and I don't need messy right now. I'm sorry. Bella.
I pressed send before I could change my mind and slumped in my seat. I kept saying that I was doing it for Oliver but inside I knew that I did it because I was a coward. I couldn't risk being hurt again so eliminated the budding friendship before it could do any damage. The truth was I liked Edward a little more than I cared to admit or acknowledge and if I didn't want those feelings to develop I had to stay away from him. It wasn't just me anymore, it was Oliver too. He was my priority.
I could steel my heart against Edward before he stole it from my chest.