CHAPTER 3

Three days later, Starsky was ready to be released from the hospital. Rachel had reservations for a flight back to New York that was scheduled to leave that afternoon. In preparation for the cross country trip, Doctor Alexander had pre-medicated Starsky with valium to keep him calm during the flight. Rachel had a prescription in her purse in case he needed more during the flight.

Hutch carefully assisted his weakened partner from the bed to the wheelchair. After so many weeks in the hospital, Starsky had lost an alarming amount of weight along with most of his muscle tone. He faced months of physical therapy and rehabilitation. Doctor Alexander had already been in contact with a competent physician in New York who would be taking over Starsky's care there as soon as he arrived.

To avoid overwhelming Starsky anymore than he needed to be Hutch would be the only one accompanying Starsky and Rachel to the airport. Hutch was dreading the prospect of saying goodbye to his best friend and partner. He bravely pasted a smile on his face as he pushed the wheelchair out of the hospital room.

Several of the nurses and aides were gathered at the desk to say their goodbyes to their favorite patient. A ghost of the crooked smile that Hutch knew so well crept across Starsky's haggard face. He lifted his right hand and feebly waved it in the air. Instinctively, Hutch reached out and grabbed it, squeezing reassuringly as he stopped at the nurse's station.

"We're sure going to miss you, sweetie." Carla, Starsky's favorite nurse, said as she bent down and kissed his pale cheek.

"Thanks." Starsky mumbled in a barely audible voice. Since the shooting he was painfully self conscious and bore little resemblance to the confident, cocky man he had been before. Starsky had no idea how lucky he was to be alive. To the staff at the hospital (and to Hutch) he was a medical miracle. The others offered their own well wishes and kisses. Although Starsky appeared to enjoy the attention, Hutch caught the flicker of panic in his eyes and knew that it was time to leave.

"We'd better go." He told Rachel "Or you'll be late for your flight." He tried to keep the tremor out of his voice. He had to hold it together until they were on the plane, then he could give in to his emotions.

Choruses of well wishes and goodbyes followed them into the elevator. As the doors slid shut, Starsky sighed softly and looked up at his mother.

"Home?" he whispered in a strained voice.

"Yes, baby." Rachel said with tears in her eyes. "We're going home."

"Blintz too?" Starsky asked, glancing up at Hutch fondly.

"Not this time, buddy." Hutch reminded him gently. "You're going home with your mom. Remember?"

"Oh…yeah…" Starsky said with a confused frown. Although Rachel and Hutch had been telling Starsky for the past week that he was going back to New York with his mother Starsky didn't seem to understand that he would be returning to his childhood home for more than just a temporary visit.

As Hutch wheeled the chair out of the building and to the curb where he had parked his car, Starsky whimpered and closed his eyes against the unaccustomed glare of the sun.

"Sorry, buddy." Hutch said, mentally kicking himself for not thinking about Starsky's eyes being sensitive to the light. "Here, let's put these on." He pulled his own sunglasses from his shirt pocket and gently slipped them on his partner's nose.

"Thanks, Blondie." Starsky whispered gratefully.

Hutch carefully fastened the brakes on the wheelchair and reached out to open the door on the passenger's side of his car. Rachel slipped into the back seat so Hutch could gently settle Starsky into the front. He carefully fastened the seatbelt around Starsky's waist before closing the door and putting the wheelchair in the trunk of the car. As Hutch and slid underneath the wheel, Starsky glanced at him and said, "Where's my car?"

"Uh…it's still in impound." Hutch said evasively hoping Starsky wouldn't question him any further. He knew how Starsky felt about his car and Hutch didn't want to tell him how badly it had been damaged in the shooting.

"Oh…" Starsky said apparently satisfied with Hutch's answer. He leaned his head back against the seat lethargically as the combination of valium and pain medication began to make him sleepy. Hutch and Rachel exchanged a meaningful glance in the rear view mirror as Hutch turned on the ignition and pulled into the drive.

The drive to the airport was made in silence. When they arrived at the terminal, Hutch parked in the handicap zone. Leaving Rachel in the car with Starsky, he opened the trunk and pulled out the wheelchair. After making sure the wheels were securely locked, he opened the car door and carefully helped Starsky out of the car and into the chair. Rachel climbed out of the back seat and joined them as Hutch wheeled the chair into the busy terminal.

Starsky immediately tensed up and began to breathe heavily; unnerved by the crowd of people he suddenly found milling around him. He looked at his mother anxiously, his deep blue eyes filled with panic.

"It's okay, baby. I'm right here." Rachel said soothingly as she reached out and took his right hand, grasping it tightly to reassure him. Starsky seemed to calm marginally, even though he continued to grasp his mother's hand almost painfully as Hutch maneuvered the wheelchair to their gate.

Hutch stayed with Starsky while Rachel walked up to the check-in desk to announce their arrival. Smiling warmly, Hutch knelt down beside the chair so he was on eye-level with his friend.

"It'll be okay, buddy. They'll let you board as soon as your mom checks you in."

"Don't wanna go." Starsky whimpered, tears gathering in his eyes. "Wanna stay here."

"I know, buddy. I wish you could but you need to go with your mom for now." Hutch said finding it difficult to speak past the lump in his throat and the pain in his chest.

"You come too…" Starsky insisted, pleading with his eyes silently saying the words he couldn't express aloud.

"I can't, babe. Not right now." Hutch said in a broken voice. "But, I'll come and visit real soon. I promise." Starsky's eyes seemed to glaze over as he withdrew into himself, silently accepting the inevitable. Hutch reached out and took his hands, grasping them tightly and said, "You're gonna be okay, Starsk. Your mom needs you with her right now. Do you understand?"

Starsky looked at Hutch, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears and whispered, "You don't want me around anymore…"

"That's not true!" Hutch declared a bit more sharply than he intended. He immediately felt guilty when he saw the flash of hurt in Starsky's eyes. Instinctively, he reached out and gathered Starsky's frail form into a comforting embrace. Burying his face against the lush curls, he whispered, "I love you, Starsky…me and thee…forever…"

"Ken," Rachel's voice said over his shoulder. "They're ready for us to board the plane."

Hutch gave Starsky a final hug and straightened up, schooling his face into a mask that hid his real feelings. He nodded somberly as an airline attendant stepped up behind the wheelchair and began to push Starsky towards the ramp that would take him away from Hutch.

"I'll call you as soon as we get there." Rachel promised giving Hutch a heartfelt hug and a kiss before scurrying after her son.

As they disappeared through the breezeway, Hutch swore he heard Starsky's voice crying "Hutchhhhhh…."

Hutch turned and hurried out of the terminal before he gave into the impulse to run after them. Blinded by his tears, he rudely pushed his way past startled passengers and airport staff, ignoring the complaints and obscenities that followed in his wake. When he reached the safety of his car, he bowed his head against the steering wheel, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs as he finally gave in to his grief.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Huggy Bear was winding down from the lunch rush when the door opened and Hutch walked into the bar. One look at the devastated expression in those ice blue eyes told Huggy all he needed to know. Starsky was the plane heading to New York with his mother.

Huggy filled a mug with beer and sat in down in front of Hutch as he slid onto a stool at the end of the bar. Hutch smiled his thanks as he lifted the glass and took a long swallow. Although he kept his head bowed, Huggy had caught a glimpse of his reddened eyes. The tall, thin black man felt a pang of empathy for his friend. A Hutch without Starsky just didn't feel right.

"So, that's it, huh? He's on his way to New York?" Huggy said

"Yeah," Hutch muttered in a strained voice. "He didn't want to go…"

"Does he know that he's not coming back?"

"I don't think he realizes that yet. He's still pretty confused…he keeps forgetting things…"

"He's not gonna forget you. You can count on that."

"I don't know what I'm going to do, Hug. I miss him already." Hutch admitted, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill.

"So, why didn't you go with him?"

"I can't! I have to make sure the case against Gunther is air tight. That bastard isn't going to get away with what he did! I don't care how much money or power the son of a bitch has!"

"I hear ya." Huggy thought about those dark hours immediately following Starsky's shooting when Hutch had turned into an avenging angel with one purpose in mind, finding the man who had hurt his partner. Hutch had single-handedly tracked down the man responsible for the attack on the two friends in the police parking garage. If Starsky had died, Huggy had no doubt that Gunther would have paid with his own life before Hutch found a way to put an end to his own pain. Luckily, it hadn't come to that.

"I know he's in good hands," Hutch said, talking more to himself than to Huggy. "But, I still feel like I should be there…I should be the one taking care of him. It's my job, my responsibility. I'm the one who should be watching his back…I let him down when he got shot and I feel like I let him down again by letting Rachel take him back to New York." Hutch's voice ended in a choked sob that tore at Huggy's heart. Instinctively, he reached out and grasped the blond's free hand, squeezing it tightly.

"She's his mother. You can't blame her for wanting him with her so she can take care of him. Every man has a mama."

"Yeah, I know…but it still hurts, man…it hurts."

"I know. I'm here, my white brother." Huggy said somberly. "I know I ain't no Starsky but I'll do my best."

"Thanks, Hug." Hutch said as he finished his beer and shoved himself to his feet. "I gotta go."

Huggy watched as the big blond walked away with a dejected slump to his shoulders. He made a silent vow to watch over Hutch and make sure that nothing happened to him in Starsky's absence. He knew that he was a poor substitute for the cocky brunet with the crooked smile but he promised himself that he would do what he had to do to keep Hutch from losing it without Starsky by his side.