Chapter 3: Apartment
He broached the subject of why he'd come tonight after they'd finished eating, refrigerated Olivia's plate, and Alex was studying the board carefully, planning her strategy; he had her knight pinned and she absolutely hated sacrificing her pieces. "I'm leaving for a month at the end of next week."
"What for?" Alex looked at him, startled. "I thought this was your project."
"Oh, no, I'm not being reassigned or deployed. After the fiasco with Velez, the Army's ending me to some…special training. SERE training."
Alex frowned. "Isn't that where the manual I have came from? Lady Jaye and Scarlet and Cover Girl were running me through some stress positions from it when Flint walked in and busted all our chops."
"What?" Clayton made a mental note to speak with his Warrant Officer when he got back. "Flint raked the girls over the coals about it? Why?"
"Um. I sort of didn't tell Allie and Shana and Courtney everything I went through." Alex took the white queen off the board and turned it over in her hands, not meeting his eyes. "Flint asked me why I'd let the girls put me in one of those positions when I'd barely survived it the last time." She looked at him over the board. "How do you think I tore my rotator cuffs?"
Clayton flinched. "Okay. Alex, the SERE courses are confidential, particularly the resistance phase, because the things said and done during that portion are too prone to misunderstanding by the general public. You cannot let anyone know you have it, and you can't share it with anyone. You signed a nondisclosure agreement concerning the whole affair and you're expected to comply with it."
"I showed it to Liv. We spent a couple evenings talking about it—apparently you shared some of its techniques with her to help her through her ordeal."
"It's okay. She signed a nondisclosure agreement too. But it doesn't go any further than you two."
Alex nodded and returned the white queen to the chessboard, then saluted. "Aye-aye, Sir." She pointed to him. "Your move."
A handful of moves later, she had his bishop trapped and was threatening two of his pawns. Ettienne had gotten bored with watching and was dozing slightly with the TV on when Alex suddenly picked her head up, tilted as if she were listening, and held a hand up for silence. Ettienne hit the mute button on the TV when they heard it; a soft cry, coming from Olivia's bedroom.
"She's having nightmares again." Alex got to her feet. "It doesn't happen often, but when she's stressed or in pain from an accident on the job she gets them. Let me go wake her up—" but Ettienne laid a hand on her arm; Clayton, blind and deaf to everything but Olivia's crying, was already halfway down the hall toward the bedrooms. Ettienne sat back down on the couch, tugging on Alex's hand, and after a moment she sat down beside him as he turned the TV's sound back on.
Clayton opened the door to Olivia's bedroom. There was a small nightlight plugged into the far wall, and it provided just enough light for him to see she'd gone rigid in the bed, back arched, and small, short panted breaths were hissing out from between her gritted teeth. His own back ached in sympathy as he crossed the bedroom, and his heart ached at the sight of the grimace of pain on her face. "Please…" she whispered in anguish, her voice barely audible in the darkened room.
"Liv, baby, wake up," he said quietly, reaching for her hand. "It's over, baby, it's okay, you're safe, wake up."
She cried out in panic, thrashing, and he remembered what she'd looked like, how she'd reacted, when she woke up in the cave in Medellin. "Liv, it's okay," he said quickly, and kicked off his shoes as he climbed into the bed behind her, letting her feel the solid, warm bulk of his body behind hers even as he captured her hand in his. "Liv. Sweetheart. It's Clayton. I'm right here, no one's going to hurt you again. Wake up, baby."
Her thrashing stilled when she felt him beside her, and a moment later, "Clayton?" A harsh whisper in the dark.
He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "Yeah, it's me, I'm right here. It's okay, you're home and you're safe, it was just a nightmare. Relax."
"Clayton…Sandra…Velez…"
"They're gone, Liv. They're gone and they won't hurt you anymore. I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Well, maybe for the job, but right now I'm here."
"You're leaving? I thought the Fort Wadsworth base was your project."
"No, no, it's just temporary," and he felt her relax in his arms. "Just to North Carolina for some special training. I'll only be gone a month."
He could feel her already slipping back into sleep, and so her next words took him by surprise. "You'll be back before the baby's born, then." And even as he tried to process that, her even breathing told him she'd gone to sleep.
He lay there staring at the baby crib in the corner. Sometimes, when you weren't on your guard and you weren't thinking about what you were saying before you said it, truths could come out, and he was willing to bet that he'd just found out the truth about what Liv actually felt about the whole baby thing. Despite what she said when she was consciously thinking, inside she wasn't completely okay with his hands-off approach; she wanted her baby to have a father even though she understood that with his current assignment and enemy list both she and the unborn baby would be in danger; she was willing to accept that if it meant he'd be there.
And the more he thought about it the more he wanted to be there. It was too early to tell if the baby was a boy or a girl; but he was willing to bet his pension that Olivia herself was hoping it would be a boy. Why else would she have kept all of Eli's boy things? But she was also firm in her resolution to let him do as much—or little—as he wanted to in regards to the baby, no matter what she secretly wanted. And he was willing to bet she wanted him in the child's life, she'd grown up without a father herself. But she would sacrifice her own dreams and hopes as long as he was happy and the baby had everything it needed.
He was still torn when his eyelids closed of their own accord.
The harsh buzz of Olivia's alarm clock woke both of them the next morning, and Clayton blinked confusedly, wondering for a moment why the morning reveille didn't sound like it was supposed to. Then Olivia stirred beside him, and he felt the warmth of her body tucked comfortably against his side, and he reached over to turn the alarm off before it woke her.
"No…leave it alone…" Olivia mumbled fuzzily. "I have to get up…I have a doctor's appointment at ten."
"A doctor? Good, then you'll get that cheek checked out." He switched on the bedside lamp, ignoring her squint in the sudden brightness, and made sure the butterfly sutures he'd placed hadn't come dislodged during her nightmare the night before. They hadn't.
"Not that kind of doctor." She swung her legs over the side of the bed, yawned. "My OB/GYN."
"Is anything wrong?" Momentary panic as he wondered if something was wrong with her or the baby.
"No, just routine." She smiled crookedly at him from where she sat in bed next to him. "Because of my age I'm considered a high-risk pregnancy and the doctor said he wants to see me more frequently. I've told him Alex lives with me and she can handle it if something goes wrong, but he seems to be the old-fashioned type who thinks I should have a man around." She rolled her eyes.
She should have one around. Me. For some reason Clayton felt guilty.
Something must have shown on his face because she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Clayton. Stop looking guilty. Your job is your job, and I don't expect you to be around, okay?"
But I feel like I should, he wanted to say, but even as he opened his mouth to say it her lips captured his, and all thought fled his mind. The developing baby had changed her internal geography somewhat, and the experience felt somehow more intense, and when they finally disengaged he suddenly didn't feel like going back to base.
And the beauty of it was that he suddenly realized he didn't have to.
He'd issued orders that liberal leave was in effect; two teams had come back from special missions at once, and for one short week his entire base was together. He'd decided on the spur of the moment to give all of them a three-day pass so that soldiers who didn't normally get to see each other could, and of course what good would all that extra time be for his kids if they couldn't go and play outside? Although he'd told himself he would stay on base in case something happened, he would be leaving for North Carolina next week for some really high-stress training, so the least he could do was relax.
And if he ferried Liv to her doctor's appointment he could find out how she was really doing…
Alex had another surprise for them when he and Liv finally emerged from Liv's room. From the twinkle in her eye and the soft rose satin nightgown she was wearing, she'd obviously put her evening to good use. "I called Elliot and told him you were taking the day off," she said firmly. "He told Don, and Don called here. I talked to him. Seems Elliot told him what happened yesterday and he ordered you to take the weekend off. So. You and I both have the entire weekend, and Ettienne told me Clayton issued orders for a three-day pass for everyone, so Clayton, you're taking Olivia to her doctor's appointment this morning and I am going to sleep in." She grinned cheerfully at Olivia's look as she put her empty coffee cup in the sink.
"Are you sleeping in or is Ettienne sleeping in you?" Olivia challenged bluntly.
Alex just grinned wider. "Probably a little of both. I don't think Ettienne is going to get a lot of sleep inside me, though. Actually, I think sleep is going to be the last thing on his mind at that point." She looked wickedly satisfied at Olivia's ruffled look. "Have fun with him. Oh, Clayton, Ettienne said we're going to stay home today so you can have the Hummer. His exact words were, if I remember correctly, 'time for you to see how much room is in the back'." She started to giggle as she escaped the kitchen and headed for her bedroom.
"It's a conspiracy, I swear," Olivia grumbled as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
"I'm not going to argue with it. Or with her." Clayton grinned as he reached for the handle of the cabinet that held the coffee mugs. "We don't get enough time together as it is, between my job and yours. And since I'm going to be gone for a month starting next week…"
Olivia studied him over the rim of her coffee cup. "I think I vaguely remember you saying something about that last night."
"Yeah." He leaned against the counter, taking a sip of his own coffee; black, and strong, just like he liked it. Olivia, he noticed, had added cream and sugar and he filed that information away for further reference. "I've been told to report to Fort Bragg next Wednesday for the SERE Level C course at Camp Mackall."
"SERE. Isn't that where Alex's manual came from?"
"Yes. It is. And I'll remind you, like I reminded her, that you signed a nondisclosure agreement concerning classified materials. The only reason I didn't rake Allie over the coals for giving it to Alex is because I think at some point Alex is going to go back to the DRC, if only for a visit to check on those kids she was so concerned about and that's going to come in handy. And also because neither of you look like the kind to flap lips."
She giggled. "That sounds funny coming from a military guy like you."
He put his coffee cup down and wrapped his arms around her. She put hers down after a moment and hugged him back, and for a few minutes they stood there enjoying the simple pleasure of just holding each other, a moment of peace in their otherwise hectic, busy days. "I'm going to be thinking about you every minute of the next month. Level C is supposed to be much harder than the basic level A I took almost fifteen years ago. C focuses on how to resist when captured by the enemy; it's structured around the supposition that we're already familiar with survival and evasion."
"Which you are." Olivia tilted her head to look at him. "But then again, you're familiar with a POW-type situation—what Velez and…and Sandra…did to us wasn't a cakewalk."
"I suspect they want me to take this course because of what happened, thinking that if it happened once it could conceivably happen again. It's unlikely, but then again, being captured from a New York City apartment wasn't something I could have ever imagined happening either." He saw her guilty look. "Liv. Don't look like that. It wasn't your fault. I chose to surrender rather than put you in danger; it was a command decision."
"Don't they tell you that you're never supposed to surrender?"
"Don't surrender until you know that 'further fighting would lead to the soldier's death with no significant loss to the enemy.' That's what the manual says. In our case, however, protecting the civilian—you—was more important. I could have escaped, but that would have left you alone in their hands. And you didn't have any training. Chances were very slim that you would survive or be able to escape if left alone in their hands, so I chose to stay with you."
"And you saved my life. I wouldn't have gotten out without you…no matter what that medal in the back of my bottom drawer means."
"Hey." Clayton drew her into another close hug. "Stop that. I wouldn't have gotten out without you, and you wouldn't have gotten out without me. It was a team effort. In SERE, that's what it's about; its about teamwork and mutual cooperation to survive. People who aren't team players don't usually do well during SERE training."
"Is it like getting graded on an exam, like passing the physical tests to enter Police Academy? If you get under a passing grade you have to do it again?"
He laughed at that. "Kind of, I guess, but there's not really a grade. In order to pass you have to complete the course—after the course concludes there's an R& R week where you're monitored by military shrinks to see if you came through okay, and the trainers/instructors debrief you, run down your mistakes and tell you what you should have done in this situation or could have done better in that situation. If you drop out it's considered a 'lack of motivation discharge' and it looks terrible on a soldier's record; it also means that soldier's commander is unlikely to send him to any more specialized training that will further his career, so it's essentially career suicide. The other way to fail is if you get caught—throughout the course there's a troop of other soldiers looking for you and if they catch you you flunk."
Olivia wrinkled her nose doubtfully. "It all sounds really macho to me. How many women do you get going through this?"
"Everyone has to take the Level A training. So there are a fair number. The Level C training, which is where I'm going, likely isn't going to have any women. Level C is only for personnel whose military operating specialty, position, assignment—like Rangers, Pathfinders, and Special Forces—or, in my case, seniority, means they'll be at greater risk for enemy exploitation. We were very, very lucky that Velez had tunnel vision for Alex; if he'd asked for something militarily classified and I couldn't give it to him, he could very well have tortured you to death and I would have had to let him because I can't let him have the stuff that's in my head. Not even for you." His eyes darkened as he considered the possibilities.
Olivia smiled gently as she ran a hand through his hair. "Well, it's didn't happen."
He shook himself out of his reverie. "No, it didn't, thank goodness. Dash knows at some point they're probably going to send him to Level C training after what happened to him and Alex, but Aliie won't have to. Women don't go through Level C. The Rangers—I was originally a Ranger—only accept women in 'support positions' so even though women do go into Ranger or Pathfinder school, they aren't likely to be in advance positions so they don't need to go through the same training. It's not mandatory for women like it is for the guys."
"Do they think women can't handle it?"
Clayton had to fight the smile. "Wait a minute. One minute you're upset at the thought of a woman going through this, then you're upset because they can't? You can't have it both ways, Liv."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "I can't imagine putting a woman through that, but if a woman chooses to take it, shouldn't she be allowed to? It's not like you get drafted into the Rangers or Pathfinders or whatever, you choose that career path so a woman should have the same options." She tossed back the last of her coffee, put the cup in the sink. "Come on. The military talk is fascinating but if we don't get moving we're going to be late for my appointment."