I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away…

… And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
All You Wanted – Michelle Branch

Part Three – All I Ever Wanted

As much as I wanted you to be mine, I couldn't deny that I wanted you to be happy even if it was without me.

I was hurt when I never got an invite to the wedding, I understood that it was low key but not even you're supposed best friend got an invite? How low-key was it? Were you ashamed to be married?

Why wasn't I allowed to come, were you afraid that I would do something to stop the wedding?

I would only do that if you asked me to.

Don't you see that? I would do anything for you, even backing off and giving up on the hope of us ever being together because you got your happy ending and I'm stuck outside in the cold pouring rain.

I didn't understand it. I still don't but if that's what you want then so be it. I'll toss it into the pile of unanswered questions.

I smile and bit my tongue when you bring him up in front of me because it still hurts. That's one thing that hasn't gone away.

The hurt.

It's stayed with me in my chest and some days it feels like a big empty hole that nothing can be done about it.

I'm sure in time the feeling will fade time heals all wounds or so they say.

I'm still waiting on that one to come true.

I can't change the way you feel about me, just as I can't feel the way I feel about you.

You're with me inside my core and it wouldn't be right if your not there with me.

I would never do anything to jeopardize your marriage just as I know you wouldn't either but I still hold onto the small hope that you finally come to your senses and see me for me, it was a mistake marrying Grissom and you love me.

I hold on to that hope because some days that's all that keeps me going.

I wish there was a place to escape this torture that I put myself through every day, every minute with you being so near.

But there isn't so I charge ahead praying that with a new day comes a new start.

As each day moves on there are two things that stay constant. I'm still lonely and alone and you're still married to Grissom.

In all my self pity you must see something I see.

All I Ever Wanted was for you to be happy.

With or without me.