Prompted by Addicted to fandoms.

Enjoy! :)

My head hurts.

I've been awake since dawn just to finish my painting. Though that isn't the real reason on why I'm having an uncomfortable headache. All the stress is building is up. I have so many things to concentrate on; my work, escaping Piero de Medici's cruel and cunning schemes, keeping contact with my family and trying not get caught and to not let anyone find out who I truly am.

My mind hurts.

When I first heard that Leonardo has been confronted by Lorenzo's father, again; it made me realise how much I owe them. This is all my fault. I'm guilty, my hands are up. Why did I give Leo's notebook away? Stupido, stupido, stupido! I hit myself out of rage, but then I realise where I am. If Verrocchio catches me muttering to myself, he'll label me as mad and give me another shouting. It's okay though. He doesn't mean it and I deserve it. If my secret is to ever come out, they'll ruin Verrocchio and that's something which I cant risk ever.

My body hurts.

I've been having cold shakes and the tips of my fingers and toes are freezing. The hair of my short wig is sticking onto my forehead, it feels itchy and all I want to do is rip it off, but I can't. I'm trapped as the person I'm viewed to people now and it is my decision, which I still hold by. Not being a girl has opened so many doors of opportunities for me. I can finally paint. I can finally dream. I can finally be free. However, even dreams have an end.

I can sense my time coming to a painful halt. Am I hallucinating? I see shadows, I see dark and ugly thoughts which I'm thinking coming to life, oh make it stop please. My feminine side is coming out, my eyes are watering just by thinking of all the mess I've been through and what sort of life I've created for my friends. A dangerous one because Piero can simply click his fingers and give orders. Then all smiles are gone.

Wiping the wet paintbrushes with my rag, I drop them into a jar and pack my stuff away. I look up at the stairs, night is falling and I need to get my nightdress and find an empty place for me to get dressed, without getting caught. What sort of life am I living? Nobody even know who I am, is this what I really want? Of course I do, I curse myself for questioning myself. This is the best thing which has happened to me, I've got freedom, but unfortunately with a heavy price. I let out a deep sigh and collect my clothes and leave before anyone asks me where I'm going. I walk past Leonardo. Oh, he's so kind to me. He gives me a large grin, knowing well enough where I'm going. I can't help myself but to smile with him. I just can't help praying that he'll never leave me.

When I finish getting change, I readjust my wig. Then, I pick up my lit candle and I tip toe through the creaky staircase. As I lay down on the floor to sleep, I mutter a wish on how I don't want no monsters ruining my slumber.

Then it began. Hisses and mean growling boomed in my mind. I tossed and turned. Sweat forming on my forehead. I let out muffled murmurs of cries and helps. The monster grew larger and larger. I tried to scream, I really did try. Though my voice was dry, no sound came out. I'm running, but not quite. My tears rolled down my cheek. A pond of broken hope. My feet aren't moving. I'm begging. I'm screaming, doing everything to move, but this monster grabs me. He holds me in his disgusting palm, but I can't see his face. "I'm sorry" I wail to the monster. I sense an evil smirk growing on it's face. I want it to end.

"Tom! Wake up!" a soothing voice calls into my left ear. I try to focus my mind onto that precious voice, allowing it to lead me to sanity. I felt a warm touch on my shaking hand, "Ssh, I'm here. I'm always right here. With you. Ssshh." the voice whispers.

I breathe deeply into my lungs and force myself to open my restless eyes. I now see him. I feel like crying at the sight of him, but I can feel with my own hand wiping my for cheek. I was already crying. "L-Leo..." I plunge myself forward into his chest. "I'm s-s-scared and it's all m-my fault...everything...my fault." I start to hiccup, my head resting on him. He wrapped his loving arms around me and for once in all this time - I feel safe.

I can sense how he's feeling a bit shocked because this is the first time I've let my guard down in front him. Finally, he let his arms drop to his side and stand up, offering his hand for me to get up with him. I took his offer. We're walking beside each, very close, and he takes me outside of the workshop. The cool air hits my burning eyes and it feels so soothing. I don't know why but I am laughing at how ridiculous I really am. I'm being pathetic. I'm simply causing more grief, it's all I'm capable of.

"Lisa...do you feel better?" he asked me, unsure and feeling confused. I nodded and I cleaned off my tears and wiped my nose. Quickly, I look around making sure no one else is near us and then I finally take off the wig. My cover. My disguise. My protection. I sighed in relief, it it does feel so good to have the air blow through my hair. My hair was all over the place. I push my a lock of my curly hair behind my ear. I smile unintentionally, wondering if Leo finds me anyway attractive. I let out another laugh at my girly thoughts.

Leonardo is looking right at me, observing every movement I make and every facial expression I do. "You look nice with your hair down," he comments, his head dropped to the side, looking thoughtfully. I wonder what he's thinking. Could it truly be?

My heart starts racing and I bit my lip. "Thank you." I whisper, my cheeks colouring pink.

He walks towards me and holds my face in his strong hands, "You don't have to be scared, Lisa. Tell me, what were you dreaming of." he asks, determined to find an answer.

Knowing I'll never win with him, I give up and reveal how I truly feel. I find out that talking to him is easy, everything I say smoothly slips out of my lips and he's listening so carefully. I know he cares for me and all I want to do is hug him.

"You feel trapped with guilt?" he asks, confirming on what I had just said.

I nod.

He shakes his head in disbelief. "You're at no fault, Lisa. You're one of the best people in my life, you deserve to be here and that to without feeling guilty."

As I stand there, saying nothing, he rolls his eyes "Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, you belong here."

I let out a small chuckle and he smiles, knowing he's hit a corner of my heart. "Thank you" I replied, my head down, feeling somewhat shy.

Leo smoothly grabs onto my hands and asks me "Thank you for what?"

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes, isn't it obvious? "For making me feel better. It means a lot that you're wasting your time on helping me to control my emotions. It's silly really." I explained.

He makes an adorable noise as he 'pft' at me and shook his hand in the air on how crazy I am for even thinking that I'm wasting his time, "In case you hadn't noticed, I spend literally all my day with you Lisa and I'm going to spend my whole life with you, so it's no shock on how any problems which occur with you are actually my problems too." He slides down on the wall and pats the space next to him, I follow and sit down with him. We stare lovingly into the night sky, I mentally grunt at how cliche this was looking, but maybe love is really like?

We sit there for awhile in our long off-white gowns and I know it feels just right. Me and him. Him and me. All I know so far is that there'll be less nightmares and more day dreaming now I know he's with me.

Oh and I can't help but to keep on chanting his words in my now peaceful mind, 'I'm going to spend my whole life with you."

I really didn't know how I should have ended this one, but I hope you like it.

Happy Holidays!

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