Disclaimer: Chris Carter and the gang have redeemed themselves with the new season, I am happy to say that these two are in the possession of Ten Thirteen. But don't we all like getting off on "borrowing" them for a while? :-)

Rating: This story could...probably will become NC-17. But this chapter is just, idk, PG13.

Spoilers: Sein und Zeit and everything before.

Author's Notes: I got the idea for this, tonight, struck by lightning, while reading a wonderful story by a wonderful author on this site. I haven't had any interaction with her (yet?) so I won't mention her name here (yet? lol.) I've been dwelling over the progression of Mulder's feelings during my latest rewatch, but for some reason this all came to me while reading that story.

Feedback? YAAAASSSSS!

Scully is crouched on the floor in font of me, and I'm leaning on her, holding on for life. She's just revealed to me that my mother was ill, 'dying of an incurable disease.' The rug has just been pulled out from under me. No, the whole damn world was just pulled out from under me. What an asshole I am, I can't just mourn my mother's loss, I am mourning the next to last witness of my sister's life. How dare she go before I got the truth? How dare she check out before I got the answers? It was always so infuriating how she couldn't remember. I would never say it to her face, call her out on the fact that she conveniently forgot so many details. It was bullshit.

I grab the lapels of Scully's jacket and look down at her, wanting to tell her these things, wanting the justification of her telling me it's ok, but I can't find the words. The caring look in her eyes nearly kills me. It's maternal in a way, and no, not in a sick way that she reminds me of who I've just lost. In a way that reminds me of our recent failed attempts to impregnate her. I tighten my hold on her lapels, giving her a shake. "God damn it, Scully…"

For the first time in a long time, her simply being there is not enough to ground me. I need more, I pull her to me and mash my lips hard in to hers. One hand assertively thrusting to the back of her head, tangling in her hair, the other squeezing ever harder on the fabric of her jacket. Her audible gasp halts me for a moment, but still I clumsily try to fit our lips together.

"Mulder!" She's mumbling into my lips, her tongue accidentally brushing against my lips on the L in my name. I grunt and feel heat in my groin, but pull back to give her a desperate look. She's panting, "please, stop." She's not afraid, but she's drawing her line in the sand. "Stop…"

I let go of her abruptly, all at once, gently but purposefully pushing her back out of my space. I get up and stomp to the bathroom, slamming the door. I wince as soon as I hear the bang. I'm not mad at her, I don't know why I did that. I throw my palms to the sides of my forehead, squeezing hard, gritting my teeth. I spin around once before throwing my hands onto the sink and looking at myself in the mirror. I will myself to calm the fuck down. If I don't stop this now, I feel I will spiral down into depths I might not be able to climb back out of. Slowly, so slowly I find my way back. God knows how long I am in there, but eventually I hear her footsteps, then a nearly inaudible rap on the door. I reach behind me and pull it open, staying in my position in front of the sink though.

I feel the feather light touch of her hand on my lower back and turn to her, pulling her into a desperate hug. My arms wrap around her until my hands are on the opposite elbows, then cradle the back of her head, holding her ear to my chest. "I'm sorry, Scully."

She mumbles, almost smothered, but completely reassuring. "It's ok, Mulder…" I think I even hear her say 'shh' as she rubs her hands up and down my back.

I sigh my relief, burying my nose into her hair and inhaling deeply. Finally, just her presence is enough. "Thank you."

She nods as best she can, not pulling back one bit. I close my eyes and breathe her in again, enjoying it. Strawberries, maybe? I feel those damned butterflies again, thinking to myself 'so much for third time's the charm. Who came up with that line anyway?'

Author's notes: Wow wow wee wow, three chapters done tonight. I'm afraid to sleep! But I fear I might have to soon. Post-all things, coming up, ASAP!