And, chapter three. I think I've decided that this fic is pairing free, because sometimes it's nice to write just nakamaship. Also, it's chapters like this one that make this fic have an M rating. So...

This fic is rated M.

I do not own One Piece.

As the door clicked shut behind him, Sanji heaved a heavy sigh and only barely managed to resist the urge to slide down the wood to the bathroom floor. He was absolutely, totally and completely, irrevocably exhausted.

It had been two days since his short-lived transformation into a merman. Since then, Luffy and Usopp (but mostly Luffy) had tried nonstop, day and night, to create a repeat of the event. The duo had very shrewdly come to the conclusion that the key to Sanji's transformation must be water and so the cook had found himself in a constant state of dampness. They had sprayed him with the hose—which was supposed to be used to water Nami's mikan trees and maybe the occasional marimo, not him—overturned glasses of water on his head in the kitchen, and even ambushed him with buckets of soapy water as the crew had been doing laundry. Of course, neither of them had escaped their pranks unscathed. Luffy still had a decent sized swelling on his forehead from the laundry incident and Usopp had assured Sanji that he would be limping for the rest of his life.

But Sanji was still irritated. By this point, all of his shoes were completely waterlogged and he had a sneaking suspicion that his favorite wool suit jacket had shrunk a few sizes. And worse yet, all of his discomfort had been for naught. Whatever they tried, they just couldn't illicit the change in Sanji's form. No, instead Sanji was doomed to be perpetually wet and in pain.

Initially, in the moments following his return to human form, Sanji had thought himself cured. The pain in his legs had vanished and, aside from a little unsteadiness on the long limbs, he had felt completely normal again. But then that night, the All Blue dream had returned even more vividly than the night before and by the next morning his hips and knees throbbed and his feet tingled once again.

He still hadn't told Chopper about the persistent ache and occasional shooting pains. He didn't want the doctor to worry unnecessarily after him or to be seen as an even greater liability. Sanji knew that all of the Straw Hats watched each other's back, but the thought of Nami or Robin getting hurt because they felt the need to go out of their way to protect him when he didn't need it…well, he could handle a little leg pain. He just had to manage it properly and right now a nice hot bath was just what the doctor, er, Sanji ordered.

Sanji eyed the filling bathtub carefully as he undressed. All of Luffy's and Usopp's failed attempts to make him transform had proven that it took more than just water, which was a relief. Sanji had avoided showering for fear of changing again and now felt absolutely disgusting. But something about the thought of a bath gave him pause. All of the rest of the crew was asleep—with the exception of Zoro, who was in the crow's nest working out or growing into a north-facing wall or whatever moss did when it was on watch—so if he transformed, he would be trapped in the bathroom until his legs returned. Sanji thought back to the pain of regaining his legs and shuddered. If he transformed when he was alone, who knew what kind of damage he would unknowingly inflict on himself. He really probably shouldn't take a bath.

But the tub full of water called to him. It pulled at Sanji's psyche in the same way that his dreams of the All Blue did.

Sanji fidgeted beside the brimming tub, goosebumps slowly beginning to rise on his bare skin. It wasn't too late; he could still back out and settle for a long shower. But he wanted to get in that bath water. No, Sanji needed to be in the water. He just knew that it would soothe away his pain and let him forget his troubles.

Drawing in a deep bracing breath, Sanji put on foot into the warm water, holding the porcelain edge of the tub with a vice-like grip just in case his legs suddenly decided to disappear. He paused for a moment and held his breath as the pain in that leg eased significantly. Sanji cautiously wiggled his toes. The leg in the water felt better and still no change. Good.

Feeling a little more confident, he climbed the rest of the way into the tub. The last of Sanji's worries fell away as the warm water enveloped his lower half, rising all the way up to his chest as he lowered himself into it. Yes, a bath had been the right choice.

Sanji released an involuntary groan of pleasure as he relaxed back against the side of the tub, letting his arms float just below the surface of the water. He really didn't bathe often enough. Sure, he showered daily—there was no way that he could live with smelling like that shitty swordsman—but Sanji rarely just spent time soaking in the water. Actually, he barely spent any time in the water. He didn't swim as much as he used to, except of course when Luffy went overboard. He loved the water so much, so why hadn't he done this sooner?

Before he knew it, Sanji was sinking lower and lower into the bath, a satisfied smile pulling at his lips as his shoulders submerged, followed by his neck, chin, and nose. The water pressed at the insides of his nostrils and he expelled a lungful of air to clear them as the surface closed over his head. And then, suddenly, Sanji didn't have to hold his breath anymore. This time, he knew exactly what to expect when he opened his eyes.

He could see everything perfectly, as if he were above the water, looking out over the ocean on a crystal clear day. The warm lights of the bathroom played through the bubble bath mix, casting moving shadows over the blue scales of his tail. Sanji stared at it in wonder. It looked so beautiful and natural under the water, even if it was a tub and not the wide expanse of ocean just out the window. Sanji reached out to touch it, letting his hands run over the smooth scales and then he remembered.

Dammit, this wasn't what he was supposed to be. He had intended to avoid this. Shit.

Gripping the edges of the tub, Sanji pulled his head and shoulders free of the water, cursing himself under his breath. He glared sullenly at the long appendage, his fin flopping slightly over the rim of the tub. Great. Perfect. Wonderful. So he wasn't cured. Even worse, this—his stupid, god-damned tail—felt like the cure to his legs. Once again, Sanji was struck by how much more natural and comfortable the tail felt, as if he had always had it and his whole life spent on legs had been some sort of strange dream.

Sanji gave the tip of his tail a slight twitch, flinging droplets of water across the room. His scowl softened as he stared at it. He still hated the thing—hated how vulnerable it made him; hated the unwanted change to his body—but he couldn't help but to feel a little bit of wonder and curiosity. With his transformation, Sanji suddenly felt that much more connected to the ocean. The currents that flowed around the Sunny also flowed through his veins, calling for him to swim among them. He saw the shadows that played on the surface of the All Blue in his dreams reflected in his scales, felt the warmth of the sun and the press of thousands of fellow fish around him. With a tentative hand, Sanji caressed the silvery membrane of his fin.

It was all at once silken and rough; soft at first touch, but further exploration found minute texture that caught on the ridges of his fingers, turned pruny by the bathwater. Sanji's breath caught in his throat as he found himself mesmerized by the beauty of his tail. If only it weren't so inconvenient. If only it didn't put his crewmates into incredible danger. If only he had wanted this transformation.

Sanji huffed and let his hand fall back into the water. He had questions that needed to be answered. Important questions. Ones that wouldn't be found by playing with his fin.

Who had done this to him? What was the nature of this enemy pirate's Devil Fruit powers exactly? His symptoms weren't anything that Sanji remembered reading about before. It had to be a very rare Devil Fruit or some strange side effect. Where was this other pirate anyway? The rest of the Straw Hats didn't seem to know. Apparently, the enemy ship had slipped away as they desperately tried to rouse Sanji from his initial slumber. How were they going to find this pirate? How would he change him back? Could he change him back or was Sanji doomed to be trapped in this body forever? And if he was, how would he function? How would he fight? Could he still cook quickly enough to accommodate his crew? Could he safely shop for groceries? Keep inventory?

Could he poop?

Sanji swallowed thickly. It had sounded like such a crude, stupid question when Luffy had asked Caimi—and really it was. Who the hell asked such a question of a lady?—but now the same question swam to the forefront of Sanji's mind. He had no idea how his organs were arranged, of what had changed in his internal anatomy. Certain things were missing on his tail that had been easy to see when he'd had legs. Certain very important things.

He still had it, right? Right? RIGHT?

There had to be something that distinguished mermen from mermaids, something other than the mermaids' lovely breasts. After all, they managed to have babies. And they were mammals, weren't they? Sanji's mind flashed to images of the fishwomen and men. Were they? Suddenly, everything that Sanji knew about anatomy didn't seem to matter anymore. He briefly considered asking Chopper, but decided against it. Just the thought of having The Talk with the young doctor made Sanji blush awkwardly. It had been bad enough the first time around with Zeff. There was no way that he intended to relive that.

No, he could figure this out on his own. His hand hovered over where his family jewels had once been, his careful touches finding only more smooth scales. It had to be somewhere. It just had to be.

Then as if on cue, something inside of him moved. Sanji watched with a mixture of fascination and horror as a slit—almost like the entrance to a hidden pocket—opened up under his hand and a white, snake-like appendage slithered out of it. Sanji stared at the thing with wide eyes. It was so long and…alive. It reminded him a little of an eel as it twisted and curled in the water. Sanji gulped. Was this?

His hand shook as he wrapped it around the ghostly organ, a shiver running up his spine as soon as he made physical contact with it. Sanji's shiver evolved into a shudder as what he now knew to be his missing cock wound around his hand and up his arm. He ran the pad of his thumb over it, a pleasurable tingle running through him as it twitched in response. Sanji wanted to laugh and cry all at once. He had a damn whale penis. Take that, shitty swordsman.

Sanji licked his lips as he stared at it, his mouth suddenly dry. The temptation to relieve a little pent up stress was almost overwhelming. It had been a rough couple of weeks and the thing that had slithered its way around his arm like a hypersensitive tentacle provided every bit as much sensation as his human parts had. Sanji sighed. As much as he would have liked to, the novelty of it was significantly dulled by his very strong sense of worry and responsibility. He still had to get out of the tub somehow and wait for the likely painful transformation back into his human form. Who knew how long that would take; and he had to be up and walking around to make breakfast in a few hours.

It was time to get out of the tub, to leave the water once again, as much as he loathed the thought. But first he had to figure out how to disentangle his arm. Sanji gave his arm an experimental tug, only to find it quite trapped. He grumbled to himself. That had felt better than it should have.

Sanji gritted his teeth. He had to concentrate. For all he knew, it could take hours before he became human again. He didn't want or need the confrontation that would ensue from one of his crewmates finding him like this.

Reaching out, he grabbed a hold of his strange new cock with his other hand, a powerful shiver running through his body from the pressure. For several painful, awkward moments, Sanji wrestled with it, feeling for all the world as if he were fighting with the grip of a snake rather than one of his body parts. It didn't help that every few seconds he would have to pause as an aroused shiver ran through him, making him squirm in the bathwater and his tail curl around the side of the tub. Finally, he managed to detach it from his arm, though not before it released a small white cloud into the staling bathwater. Sanji frowned as he watched the organ retract back into his tail through the now murky water, his mind perversely wondering if the contents of that cloud would make human babies or merbabies.

Now to get out of the tub.

Sanji sighed and slumped against the curve of the tub, already exhausted by the mere prospect of it. He scowled at his tail again. Getting out of the bath was going to be difficult without legs, especially since Franky had installed a nice deep one for Nami. He drummed his fingers against the porcelain, trying to build up the mental fortitude to deal with the task to come and his very likely, very painful transformation back into a human.

"Ugh, just get on with it," Sanji muttered to himself, his voice echoing off the tile in the empty room.

Turning, Sanji gripped the outer edge of the tub and began to pull himself out of it. Tepid water sloshed over the edge as he hoisted himself up, ever cautious to not create a repeat of his slipping incident on the Mini Merry's dock. The bruise on his chin was still healing; Sanji didn't want another one. He managed to get the upper half of his body out of the water with his tail still submerged (and feeling rather cramped within the confines of the tub). Furrowing his brow in concentration, Sanji reached one hand down to the tiled floor and realized his mistake too late.

Propped up on one hand and still unfamiliar with consciously dealing with his tail, Sanji overbalanced and tumbled toward the tile. The cook-turned-merman swore loudly as the floor rose up to meet him. This was going to hurt.

He landed hard on his elbow and hip, a very undignified grunt escaping from him upon impact. What seemed like half the tub of water followed him to the floor and Sanji laid in his very own puddle for a minute as he waited for the elbow-smash-induced numbness in his hand to go away. He glared at his tail. The thing really was a problem. If only he had stayed in the tub.

But morning was approaching and Sanji needed his legs again. He had the sneaking suspicion that his return to normal had something to do with drying out. He remembered the feeling of the scales growing tight as the afternoon sun had evaporated the water from them when he was on the Sunny's deck. That wouldn't work now though. He was in the confines of a bathroom in the middle of the night, lying in his own puddle with the towel just out of reach. Even worse, he had closed and locked the door between the toilet and the bath, and the knob looked like it was miles away from his new lower vantage point. Besides, leaving the water this time had left him with a whole new symptom: Sanji was completely exhausted. His earlier drowsiness had returned with full force, weighing his entire body down. He doubted that he even had the strength to drag himself to his towel, let alone to the door. He would have to let himself air dry. At least Franky had built heated tiles into the bathroom.

With a tired sigh, Sanji cradled his head in the crook of his arm and drew his tail up to his chest, letting the rest of it bend and curl around his back. His eyelids began to droop and Sanji barely put up a fight against his oncoming slumber and the warm waters of All Blue.

Intense, fiery pain forcefully pulled Sanji back to consciousness. He awoke with a loud gasp and immediately reached down to grasp at his tail, the powerful appendage thrashing around on the bathroom floor. Just as it had two days before, the skin and scales over the lower half of his body felt too tight, excruciatingly so. Sanji couldn't breathe around the pain, couldn't even draw enough breath to scream or cry. Instead, he clawed desperately at the hard scales, as if he could rip them away and dig out his legs from the destroyed flesh.

The pain felt unending and the now dry heated tile was white hot against his skin. Sanji let out a strangled cry as a particularly powerful throb of searing pain burned through his lower half. Deep down, he knew that he wouldn't die—he hadn't the first time—but he couldn't help the panic and fear that crept up inside him. Tears squeezed from between tightly clenched eyelids and Sanji felt his body begin to shake. The same thought ran through his mind over and over. It wasn't worth it.

It wasn't worth it; it wasn't worth it; it wasn't worth it.

One of his fingernails caught on the edge of a scale and then suddenly it was digging into the flesh of his thigh. Sanji pulled his hand away and laid panting on the floor, his newly reformed legs pulled up to his chest. A slight dizziness made the room spin as he came down from the adrenaline rush caused by the pain. Was it just him or had that been worse than the last time?

Sanji took in a deep breath and ran one of his hands over his legs, still having to convince himself that they were there. One of his fingers left behind a trail of moisture, prompting Sanji to finally open his eyes. The ring finger on his left hand was bleeding. Upon closer examination, he discovered that he'd torn the nail past the quick. Sanji winced. He'd probably snagged it on one of his scales during his painful transformation.

Sanji sucked on the injured digit as he slowly propped himself up. The sky was beginning to lighten outside of the window. He needed to get up, get dressed, and start breakfast. If he didn't have coffee started soon, then it wouldn't be ready for Robin. He couldn't have that.

He shifted into a seated position and noted that the dull ache in his hips and knees had returned already. He hadn't even gotten a full day of relief. Sanji massaged at the sore joints for a moment before standing. He kept his bleeding fingertip between his lips as he dressed, ensuring that he didn't get any blood on his clothes. At least he didn't need to towel off anymore, though his hair had managed to dry into some sort of disaster. Sanji ran his fingers through his hair as he gave one last glance around the room to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. He must have knocked the drain cover loose with his tail, because the bathtub was empty. Even now it pulled at him and he knew that when he stepped outside, the ocean would call to him just as strongly. His All Blue dream on the bathroom floor had been stronger than ever, probably amplified by his being in his merman form. Part of him—an even bigger part than he cared to admit—missed it, though he didn't want to.

Sanji lingered near the tub for a moment longer and then left to prepare breakfast. He could grab a bandaid from Chopper's infirmary and pass off the injury as a kitchen mishap. None of the others had to know.

And as he made his way down to the kitchen, Sanji couldn't help but to plan his next bath.

There it is! I hope you enjoyed it. What did you think?

I am working on my other fics; I promise. Chapter 22 of CMD is half-written. I need a break from the angst...and I've been moving...and I'm just having so much fun writing this fic. Please forgive me.