This is totally my friendship OTP now. I only have myself to blame.

Anyway, reviews would be peachy.

And I still own nothing. Except like, all the DVDs and soundtracks and stuff. But that doesn't count.

The McKinley High Closet Case Alliance Part Three

Dave and Santana had been pretending to be an item for about two weeks, and the whole school was still talking about just how weird it all was. While Santana continued to get grief from the Glee Club about it, Dave got nothing more than high fives and the occasional snarky comment from the other jocks. He was pretty sure they were just glad he'd finally gotten himself a girlfriend, even if she was in the Glee Club. She was hot and notoriously easy, so the fact that she was technically a loser was kind of cancelled out in their eyes.

It was Friday night and Dave and Santana had gone out to dinner at Breadstix. To any casual observer it just looked like they were on a date, but really Dave had taken Santana out to cheer her up. She was still sad about all the drama she was having with Brittany and the fact that everyone in Glee Club hated her guts now. Dave may not have liked her in that way, but he cared about her a lot and didn't like seeing her upset. Santana was the best friend he'd ever had.

They sat down opposite each other at a table, and Santana took off her jacket to reveal a low-cut, form-fitting black dress. A guy on a nearby table almost choked on his drink.

"Why are you all dressed up?" asked Dave.

"Just trying to make myself feel better," she shrugged. "Even though I know all this jaw-dropping cleavage is totally wasted on you."

Dave chuckled. "Yeah... but you do look really hot."

"Thanks, Davey-bear," she said with a smile.

He shook his head and picked up a menu. He was tired of telling her not to call him that. They order their food – Dave was paying, of course – and talked about nothing in particular for a while. As Santana happily ate a breadstick, Dave eyes suddenly widen as he stared over her shoulder towards the entrance.

"Shit!" he said in horror.

"What?" said Santana. "What's wrong?"

"Kurt just walked in," he said. "With that Blaine guy."

"Oh..."

Santana turned to see Kurt and Blaine in their Dalton uniforms, sitting down at a table that was directly in Dave's eye line. Kurt sat with his back to the entrance, so Dave couldn't help but look at him.

"We don't have to stay here if you don't want to," said Santana.

"No," said Dave, his eyes still on Kurt. "We've already ordered."

"Well do you want to swap places?" she asked. "You know, so you don't have to look right at him."

Dave shook his head. He wished he could look away, but Kurt was just so damn beautiful. It had been so long since Dave had seen him that he'd almost forgotten. He tried to ignore the fact that Kurt was there with that perfect Blaine guy.

"You're just going to upset yourself," Santana said, sounding worried. "Stop watching them."

He shook his head to snap out of it and looked at Santana, who reached over and took hold of his hand. If he was a regular guy, Dave would have been totally over the moon that this smoking hot ex-cheerleader was with him, holding his hand. But instead he just felt kind of sad. She was looking at him with so much care and understanding in her eyes. She knew exactly how painful it was to see the one you love with someone else. She had to go through it every day at school.

"Why did they have to be here?" he asked quietly. "Why now? Why tonight?"

Santana sighed sadly and squeezed his hand. "Because life's a bitch."

The waitress turned up with their food, but Dave didn't really feel like eating anymore. He couldn't help but look over at Kurt now and again. They way Kurt looked at that stupid, perfect Blaine guy with so much love and affection, the way they talked and laughed and held hands across the table and looked into each other's eyes – it was heartbreaking. Dave didn't know whether he wanted to burst into tears or find something heavy to chuck at Blaine's head.

"Stop staring, Dave," said Santana.

"I can't help it," he said. "He looks so happy. I don't think I've ever seen him that happy before."

"I wish I could think of something to say that would cheer you up," she said. "If it's any consolation, I know exactly what you're going through. Like, painfully so."

"I know you do."

Santana smirked. "I bet you just want to throw Blaine through a window right now, huh?"

Dave laughed in spite of himself. "Yeah, kind of. I mean, I shouldn't. He hasn't really done anything wrong. He's just... better than me."

"Bullshit," she scoffed. "You're awesome, Dave. He's just, you know... out of the closet and stuff. Also, he's totally hot."

"Thank you for that, Santana."

"I'm just saying. If he wasn't all about the buttsex, I'd totally tap that."

"Oh my God..."

"Oh come on, like you wouldn't want a piece of that ass either."

"You're ridiculous."

"And yet you love me so much."

"That's debatable."

Dave was starting to feel a little better. There was something about bickering with Santana that made him smile. But his smile quickly faded when, for a split second, Kurt caught his eye. Kurt's cheeks flushed pink, and he looked somewhere between afraid and angry as his eyes looked disapprovingly between Dave and Santana. Dave quickly looked away. He could feel his face getting hotter.

"Oh God, he just saw me," he whispered. "He knows him here and he looks so pissed..."

"Maybe he's jealous," Santana offered.

"Oh yeah, obviously," he said sarcastically.

"At least he hasn't stormed out in disgust or anything," she said.

Dave looked down at his food, trying to eat even though he'd completely lost his appetite.

"I'm going to the bathroom," said Santana, standing up. "Please don't spend all the time I'm gone staring at them."

Dave nodded but didn't say anything before Santana made her way to the ladies' room. As she stood at the sink fixing her make-up, Kurt suddenly walked in and stood beside her, checking his hair in the mirror before looking at her in the reflection.

"Hey, Kurt," Santana said.

"Hey," he replied, looking haughty.

"You do know this is ladies' bathroom, right?" she said, smirking.

"It's cleaner in here than in the men's room," he said with a shrug.

After a slightly uncomfortable silence, Santana said casually "So I saw you with Blaine. Heard you guys are finally dating now. You make a cute couple."

"Yes. Yes, we do," he said without smiling. "I saw you with Karofsky. Finn, Mercedes and Rachel have all told me at length that the two of you are, and I quote, 'fooling around' now. Care to explain how the hell that happened?"

Santana frowned a little bit. She actually felt kind of guilty, but she wasn't sure why.

"It's not what you think, trust me," she said quietly.

"Then what is it then?" he said, turned to face he with his arms folded. "Why in the name of a God I can't imagine exists would you want to go anywhere near him? Have you forgotten everything he's done? Have you forgotten the way he treats everyone in Glee, and the way that he tortured me and threatened my life until I had to transfer to another school just to feel safe?"

She turned to face Kurt too, but couldn't quite look him in the eye. "Of course I haven't forgotten all of that. But like I said, it's not what you think. Me and Dave aren't dating. We're not even fooling around. We're just friends."

"So why is everyone saying you're an item?" Kurt asked, looking extremely pissed off.

"That's just what we want everyone to think," she said, feeling exasperated.

"Why?"

"Look," she finally said, giving up. "You better not tell anybody this if you value your balls, but I'm Dave's beard. In fact, we're each other's beard. We understand each other, and haters gonna hate but we're friends now and nothing you or anybody else says is going to change that."

Kurt looked a little shell-shocked. "Wait, you're... each other's beard?"

"It's a long story that I'd rather not get into right now."

"So you know that Karofsky's gay? You know that he kissed me and everything?"

"Yes, I do. Oh, and by the way – and Dave would totally screw if he knew I told you this – but he's been beating himself up ever since you walked in here. It'll be a miracle if your BF is in one piece when we get back."

Kurt just rolled his eyes. "He has no right to be bitter. Even if Blaine and I weren't together, he still wouldn't have a shot with me. Bullying closet case assholes may do it for you, but that's really not my type."

"You don't get it, do you? Dave's totally in love with you, he has been for years, it just scares him. All that bullying crap was just a defence mechanism. He was trying to make himself normal, and now he's just trying to make up for it all. He's actually quite a nice guy, and you can't blame him for being jealous of Blaine. Blaine is like, everything that he's not, everything that he wishes he could have been from the start. A perfectly justified reason to hate someone's guts if ever I heard one."

Kurt looked a little uncomfortable. "I don't really know what you want from me here."

"I just want you to give us a break, okay? This thing with me and Dave is complicated, but it's not a bad thing. I'm just trying to help him and be a nice person for a change, and so far all I've gotten is hate for it. Okay, so I'm just his fake girlfriend, but I'm still his friend."

"Fine," Kurt sighed. "I'll lay off you guys. I still think it's kind of weird though."

"Yeah, you and the rest of the world," said Santana. "Nothing I said leaves this room, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Kurt looked at her thoughtfully. "It's weird seeing you care about another human being's feelings."

"I know right."

"So are you going to tell me why he's your beard now?"

"Of course not, Lady Face. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Santana and Kurt left the bathroom together and sat back down with their respective dates.

"What took you so long?" asked Dave.

"I was just talking to Kurt," she said. "I totally defended your ass. You are so buying me dessert as a thank you."

Dave smiled, looking kind of confused. "What did you say?"

"That's for me to know," Santana smirked. "Let's just say there's one less person in the world hating on our fake relationship."

Dave wasn't sure what to say to that. He looked over at Kurt again and caught his eye. Instead of looking angry or scared, Kurt just smiled kind of sadly at him before continuing his conversation with Blaine. Dave still didn't really get what had happened, but he bought Santana the most expensive dessert on the menu.

Hope you enjoyed, Humble Readers :)
Reviews are very much equal to love. Not that I'm forcing you or anything...

xxx