A/N Eeeee sorry sorry sorry, my internet was down so I couldn't post this! Sorry!

Thank you all for the lovely reviews, and I hope you keep reading!

And sorry about the random e-mail, I don't know how it should be set out or anything.

Chapter Three -Ray

"You stop the blood and make my head soft,

And God knows,

You've got me sewn"

-The Feeling

I sat back in my chair, my dinner only half eaten but my appetite completely lost. So much had happened to her. I could barely take it all in. Her accident. Brett. Pregnant. And here was me thinking it was me who had changed the most, gone through the most. It was no competition I know but I felt so stupid sitting there in front of this amazingly strong woman. I'd been through a lot, lost a lot, but I'd had four years to get over it. She'd only just started living again. And she had so much to live with now.

"Neela... I... wish I had been there."

"What? You think if you'd been there... things would be different?"

I shook my head, "No. I just wish I could have been there for you. Been a friend to you."

"I have friends Ray." Before I could even begin to interpret what she might mean by that she pulled out the desert menu. "Well, I think I'm going to have some cake. You like chocolate gateaux right? It looks pretty rich." She nodded over to a waiter who was carrying a huge slice of chocolate cake to a near-by table.

"Yeah, sure we can split it," I said, smiling.

Half an hour later and the slice of cake has gone. I had barely any of it. I didn't mind, I wasn't hungry and it was enough for me just getting to see the cheeky grin on her face as she finished off the last mouthful.

"I blame being pregnant," she said, sheepishly.

I laughed, "You've always had a sweet tooth, I think you would have managed that pregnant or not."

"Maybe, maybe. Hmm I suppose we should get the bill. It's pretty late."

"Yeah, I don't want to keep you up... are you leaving tomorrow?"

She nodded. "You?"

"Yup. Back to Baton Rouge... It was really nice seeing you Neela."

"I'm glad we bumped into each other," she said, smiling at me. "It had to happen at some point right?"

We left some money on the table, I knew not to bother trying to pay the whole tab, she'd just argue. Then we walked to the lobby. This was it. Time for goodbyes.

"Look, I'm really proud of you Ray. I can't believe how well you're looking and... it's just amazing."

"Says you? I can't even begin to say..." I paused then bent down to kiss her on the cheek. "Maybe we'll see each other again sometime."

"You're so serious in your old age," she said, eyes twinkling, "Don't I get a hug?"

She leaned against my chest and my arms closed around her. It was so familiar to me and yet so different. But she smelled the same. She was still my Neela... I mean, the Neela I remembered.

"Say hey to everyone for me."

"I will," she said. "Goodnight Ray."

"'Night Neela."

I spent all that night awake. All the next day on the plane. And the next night after that. All that time, thinking about her. I was thinking about everything I'd done over the last 4 years, comparing it to everything she'd done. I'd been being sensible, she'd been spiralling down a dangerous road. I could tell by her face it wasn't just a simple case of going to a few bars every now and again, we'd all done that. We'd all made mistakes -I knew that one for sure. But in Neela's eyes there were ghosts of the past, things she'd seen and done that she couldn't help regretting. I had the same ghosts I knew. She was one of my regrets. And meeting her this time hadn't helped those regrets. I couldn't help feeling it was somehow my fault, if I'd been there I could have stopped her... saved her.

But in the end it wasn't me who saved her, it was herself. And Brett and Abby and Luka and all those others who were still there for her. She didn't need me any more.

I needed her.

I wanted her.

After all these years seeing her had still made my heart beat faster. Her smell still made me smile. Her eyes still stopped my breath. Thinking of her with Brett and those others... it made me crazy with jealousy.

For days after the conference I was on autopilot, barely talking, barely eating, barely sleeping. Just thinking and trying not to think. Then about a week later I checked my e-mails. A life changing e-mail was in my in box.

Dear Doctor Barnett,

It was lovely meeting you at the conference in New York. I remember you said you used to live in Chicago. I don't know if you remember but I am Chief of Staff at Mercy Hospital there and we are looking for a new Attending in our Paediatrics department. I was asked if I could suggest anyone and I thought of you along with some others.

I was wondering if you wanted to come up for an interview next week?

I completely understand that this is out of the blue but we do need the position filling quite promptly. Please reply when you can,

Yours,

Doctor Felix Woods (Mercy Hospital, Chicago)

I replied immediately and booked my plane ticket. Fate had intervened once more in my life and this time I wasn't passing up the chance. One certain doctor that I used to know and love lived in Chicago. And if I could, I'd soon be moving back there. I didn't expect anything from her, except hopefully friendship. If I could regain her friendship, I knew I'd be happy. Right then I knew what she meant about coming into the warmth out of the snow. These past years I'd been recovering from my accident, postponing my life until I was better. It was only when I replied to that e-mail that I realised my life was meant to be in Chicago. I was going back there, for better or worse. Whether I'd get hurt again... I didn't care.

I was going back.