Feb 25th 1999
To say today was awkward would be an understatement. Mulder convinced me to go with him to meet the president of the homeowners association for the community. Mr Gogolak wasn't exactly helpful with Mulders basketball hoop situation. I felt sorry for him to be honest as the hoop was one of the bargaining tools that Skinner had used to get Mulder to agree to take this case. We were sitting on the couch whilst Mr Gogolak read through his book of covenants, and my god I don't think I have ever sat that close to Mulder before. It would have been such an intimate moment had it been just the two of us. The way he had his arm around me, and the smiles he was giving me made me melt. I plucked up the courage to put my hand on his knee when his basketball hoop was denied access to the outside world, and it felt so good. He must have felt it too as he then looked at me with the softest eyes. My heart was beating double time, in fact it is now just thinking about it. Oh god, when did I regress to being a teenager with hormones running amok?! Anyway, we then had dinner with some neighbours and Mulder insisted on telling them we met at a UFO conference, and that I was the one who was into the science fiction crap. I kicked him for that. Literally. Under the table. He went to kiss me when Cami and I left the table, but all I could do was kiss the air. I wasn't about to let our first kiss be in front of some strangers, even if it was in character. That is a moment for Mulder and I alone, when and if it ever actually happens. We found some dried blood in the house last night, so I'm going to drive down to the San Diego FBI Labs in a couple of days to have it analysed. I have thought about going to visit my brother while I wait for the results to be processed, but having to explain to him that I am living with Mulder this week will not be easy. Nor will it be something that Bill wants to hear. I have spent the last six years trying to justify my life choices to my family, and I am not going to do it any longer. Bill has always said he just wants me to be happy, but he doesn't accept it when I say I am. My life with Mulder and the FBI may seem crazy to some people, but I wouldn't have stuck around this long if I was unhappy. Sure, I still have dreams of a nice house, a white picket fence, and husband and children, what 30-something woman doesn't?! It just so happens that my husband in my dreams is Mulder. In my dreams being the operative phrase. Anyway, I have decided to avoid going to see Bill, but I know when my mom finds out I was in San Diego she will no doubt tell my dearest brother, who will then have a go at me for not going to see him. So I guess I should prepare myself for a rude phonecall from Bill when I get home.