Disclaimer: I am a poor, penniless, pitiful person, and I own none of the characters of anything they do. Too bad for me.

Rating: M for later chapters.

EPOV

I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. The words were like a mantra. Even while I was running as fast as I could in the other direction, I knew it. The only person who hated us being apart more than Bella was me. I knew that my leaving would have hurt her, probably a lot. I had never just run away before. Even when we had disagreed we had always found a way to compromise. Why was that so hard now? Why had I gotten do angry with her? Probably because it involved Jacob. He had always been a contentious issue for me, no matter how patient I tried to be. At first as he actively pursued the woman I loved; when I had to just sit by and watch. Now as he devoted his life to my child. I just needed to get away before I said something that hurt her worse.

I had almost reminded her of the pain she had caused me. Something I had never done. I wished I could explain to her how it had felt; what it was like spending months wondering if she was going to change her mind. I hadn't really thought that she would, but there had been the fear. The chance that she could be taken from me. Or worse, that she would simply choose to leave. How would she ever understand that when she was the only woman I had ever loved this way? Maybe a comparison? How would she have reacted if I had insisted that Tanya was a dear, close friend who I would not be parted from? Especially if Tanya had made her intentions clear from the get go? I smiled as I thought of her probable reaction. Given her response after just being told of the torch Tanya had carried, I could picture it. I almost wanted to chuckle. It faded quickly.

She didn't understand. She couldn't see past her friendship with Jacob. Maybe she didn't even want to. She couldn't understand that his loyalties weren't totally with her anymore. That they never would be again. There was something higher for Jacob now. Something more important than his friendship with Bella. My daughter. Every other care and thought was sublimated by that. That still rankled. It wasn't that I bore him any ill will, or that I didn't think he was good enough, (well, maybe not quite good enough, she was my daughter after all). The real issue for me was the 'inevitability' of it. I wasn't sure that I believed in it. I didn't like the idea that her whole future had been decided without her having any say in it.

I understood how Jacob felt. I had heard it and I understood the…grace of it. The perfection. He was entirely pure in his devotion. As far as Jacob Black was concerned the world revolved around her. Everything she did made him happy. But Renesmee? Well, she loved Jacob there was no question. And she did think of him as being 'hers'. But she also thought of Bella that way. She thought of me that way. Even the others to a much lesser extent. But we were all hers. We were the people who loved her and so we belonged to her.

I truly believed what I had said to Bella, if Jacob was Renesmee's choice then I would accept it and be happy for them both. But I just couldn't allow him to be her only choice; her only option and experience. It felt…wrong.

Just like this. I shouldn't have left. This time I listened to myself. It would be dawn in a few hours. I stopped dead and turned around. I needed to go back. Bella was my wife. I shouldn't have left.

How could I have done this? Bella had agreed to my idea, she had told Jacob even though she knew his probable reaction. She had then almost been attacked by her best friend. Just to make her day complete I had then picked a fight and abandoned her. I was not worthy of her. I never had been. I would keep trying though. I shouldn't have left.

* * *

BPOV

I leapt up from the floor. Edward was coming back. I could hear him approaching. I wanted to run and meet him, but I couldn't just leave Renesmee. I was at the front door in a second, flinging open the door. I would see him in just a few seconds. We would work this out. I knew that I hadn't been fair. Edward wasn't exactly wrong. Although I still believed that Jake was sorry, I couldn't expect Edward to wave it away. If our positions had been reversed I wouldn't have been nearly as understanding. It was easier to accept risk to myself than to Edward. He would feel the same.

He was here. I saw him the instant he emerged from the trees and his eyes met mine. He was sorry too. My heart should be pounding. Oh thank god. He rushed to my side, but he didn't touch me. He didn't break our gaze. He opened his mouth but he didn't speak. He closed it again. He didn't know what to say. Neither did I. So I took his hands in mine and concentrated.

It was so much easier to just show him. I let him see how sorry I was that this had ended up as a fight between us. It shouldn't have happened that way. This was not about us. When we had to deal with something like this we had to side with each other. We were supposed to be a team.

I showed him that I understood. That I saw things his way. I knew I had…under-reacted. I hadn't treated the situation seriously enough. I understood how much the whole thing must have terrified him.

I also told him that in many ways I agreed with him. I truly wanted this experience for Renesmee. It was going to be incredible. I also wanted it for myself, and Edward. This was our time. Jacob didn't have the right to stop us from doing anything and what Edward wanted had to come first sometimes. He was Renesmee's father and had just as much right as I did to decide how she should be raised. I understood that I couldn't keep prioritising Jacob's feelings all the time.

Edward broke off my explanation by pulling me into his arms for the second time that evening. I clung to his back and pressed myself against him. "I'm sorry Edward."

He groaned and pulled away. His hands gently touched my cheeks, stroking gentle patterns, "Please don't apologise Bella. Please don't, I can't bear it. I'm the one who should be sorry. I can't believe I actually left. It was selfish and wrong. I'm …

I pressed a finger to his lips. "How about we stop apologising to each other?"

Edward smiled and touched his lips gently to mine. I sighed at the contact. This was the first night I had not spent with Edward since I had been turned. There was a sudden ache in my stomach as I thought o f the time together that we had wasted. I slipped my arms around Edward's neck, and pressed my lips more firmly to his. The hands on my cheeks drifted down my neck and then onto my shoulders, still tracing the circular patterns. We should have wrapped this fight up much more quickly.

Edward's tongue traced along my bottom lip, seeking entrance. I didn't hesitate to oblige him. When his tongue touched mine I groaned into his mouth and pressed my body against his, "Edward…I want…you."

He sighed and shifted his attention to my neck, planting gentle kisses along my collar bone, "I want you too Bella. Always."

Edward's hands trailed up and down my sides, his fingers lingering as they grazed the sides of my breasts. Oh god, I knew we were running out of time. Renesmee would be awake soon. It was almost eight. But maybe…oh maybe. My hands drifted to the front of his shirt, I tugged it loose from his jeans and slid my hands up the bare skin of his back. He felt amazing. But I needed more.

Edward apparently agreed. His hands drifted down my back and he lifted me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and urgently rubbed myself against him.

"Edward, we still have a little time."

He carried me through to our bedroom and gently laid me on the bed. I pulled on his shirt and he crawled up my body. And then we heard the sound of our daughter stirring in the next room. I groaned and clung to him for a second, unwilling to let him go. He kissed me for a second, hard and passionate. I could feel just how much he wanted me. The evidence was against my leg. He pulled back and smiled that smile, "I think we're going to have to get up, love."

"I know." I smiled back, "The sacrifices we make for our daughter."

* * *

JPOV

As I lay in bed with my arm over my face I found it hard to suppress the groan of shame that escaped me. I hadn't slept at all. I couldn't believe I had done that. How could I lose control? I was the best at this. Everyone knew it. I was even more in control of my wolf side than Sam. I had almost attacked Bella. I kept picturing the horror on her frozen face as she realised what I was about to do; what was about to happen. She had just stood there. Maybe she thought I would regain control. Maybe she thought it would pass. Maybe she thought, 'Jake would never do anything to hurt me'. I couldn't believe I was so bad as to prove her wrong.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Oh God. What if we had really been alone? What if the others hadn't been just inside the house? She might have been able to fight me off. Then again she might not. No, I wouldn't have been angry long enough to …I couldn't bear to think of it. Piling the pieces of her body for burning like we had with the newborns.

I swung myself into a sitting position. I couldn't lie there anymore. I had to do something. Anything. I paced into the kitchen and toyed with the idea of cleaning (for shame). But I decided to just go for a run. I didn't shift though. I didn't want the others, especially Seth to hear what had happened. I was so ashamed; I could run forever and never come back. I might have done it if it wasn't for Renesmee. I couldn't leave her.

Oh God. Renesmee. Bella had known exactly what to say to get me out of the fog of rage. How would I ever have made up for it? I wouldn't have been able to. There was no question. She wouldn't ever have forgiven me. Bella was right.

But the worst part was how much Bella loved me. I saw it in her eyes when she had talked me down. She had seen that I was going to lose the fight. When I had looked at her it was like I could read her mind. She was begging me not to do this. Not for her. But for myself. She didn't want me to get hurt. She was trying to protect me. Oh God… I was the worst shit in the world. I understood Sam better than ever. The pain he had felt. I could barely stand it now and I hadn't done anything. No. That wasn't true. I had been stopped. I had never felt more grateful to Edward Cullen. I knew why he had done what he had. But he had saved my life as well. In every way.

I ran faster. It was better to be moving. But still not good. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to go and see Bella. I needed to get down on my knees and plead for her forgiveness. To beg, for hours, for as long as it took. I needed to find some way to make it up to her. Any way that she wanted. I had to. She was still the second most important person in the world to me. And I could have killed her.

I kept running.

* * *

I didn't shift until lunch time. When I did voices called out to me. Leah was loudest and most irritated. She had been very worried. They didn't know where I was. Suddenly there was fresh guilt. They were my pack. I couldn't hide this from them. The voices quieted as I replayed the whole terrible scene for them. They were shocked, and horrified. They were appalled, but they were also way more understanding than I had any right to expect. They felt first hand the panic that had flooded through me when I had heard that Renesmee was about to disappear from my life indefinitely. Leah was the first one to form a direct opinion, "Jake, that was a really shitty thing to do. You know how I feel about them, but still…"

"Yes I know. Believe me I know." The guilt flowed through me afresh.

Leah's thoughts softened, "I know you know. I'm sorry Jake."

Seth's thoughts were quiet but determined, "You have to go and talk to her Jake."

"I know that too." I really, really, really did.

Quil and Embry were both quiet. Their thoughts were jumbled. Quil was the most sympathetic of all. He was the only other one who had imprinted and he understood the panic more clearly than the others. He considered the same scenario with Claire and shuddered. I felt again the over-whelming fear. There had to be a way. Maybe I could just pack up and go with them? Embry was doubtful about that, "Even if they would have considered it, do you think they will now?"

I knew that of course. Edward had been furious. I had no idea what kind of reception I could expect the next time I went to that house. But I could guess that it would not be pleasant. I suspected that if Bella hadn't been stood there, her feelings clear, he might have torn me limb from limb just out of anger. "I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop them from leaving. There must to be a way."

I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't what I heard from Seth, even as he tried to cover it, I heard the thought, "Are you sure that you should be trying to stop them?"

I couldn't stop the low rumbling growl that escaped from my chest. I was glad that Seth wasn't right next to me. Then I felt the shame. Was I thinking aggressive thoughts about Seth now? Did I want to hurt and alienate him too? I made a major effort to calm down. "Would you like to explain that Seth? You think I should just let them go? How am I supposed to do that?"

"Jake I'm sorry. I know how you feel, literally. But…they're her parents. Don't they have a right to just go on vacation as a family? If that's what they want to do? What you said to Bella, about her wanting her own way all the time? "

I didn't care to be reminded of the things I'd said to my friend, "I didn't mean it. I was angry."

"Clearly," Seth's thoughts were a little sarcastic but I let it go, "I'm just saying, that maybe you're doing the same thing. Thinking only of what you want. And, if you're being honest, how do you think that you can actually stop them?"

I felt my insides deflate. I wanted to shift back. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I didn't want to hear this. I got it. I did. I knew that in most cases, what I was saying and feeling was unfair. But this was different. I could not, would not, lose her. I didn't know what I would have to do. Maybe there would be even more begging involved.

I could live with that.

* * *

I shifted back into human form about half a mile down the Cullen's driveway. I wanted to walk slowly, I didn't want them to think that I was trying to sneak up or ambush them. I wanted to be as calm as possible.

I knew that it was too little, too late, but it was the best I could do. I had my apology planned, not just to Bella, but to Edward, and to the others as well. I had come to their home and attacked one of them. I had a lot to apologise for.

I approached the door slowly, thinking as clearly as possible, Edward, I wanted to apologise. I don't want to fight. Really I don't. Can we please talk?"

There was no response from inside the house. I knocked on the door and it was opened by Rosalie, Emmett was close behind her and they did not look welcoming. "What do you want Jacob?"

I held up both my hands, "Just to talk, to Bella and Edward, to all of you. Please can I see them?"

Rosalie sighed and I thought that underneath the anger, and there was a lot of that, there was a trace of pity as well, "Yes, you had better come in for a minute."

A minute? I was not going to be invited to stay for the evening then. I could live with that too. Maybe a little more cooling down time would be a good thing.

I stepped into the living room and found Carlisle and Esme stood side by side. They had clearly been waiting for me. "Hello Jacob." Carlisle did not look angry. Not happy either, kind of, resigned. Like he was dreading the conversation."

"I had to come. I know I'm not the most welcome of guests," I heard Emmett snort behind me. Okay, that was worrying. I had expected Emmett to need the least convincing. He always seemed to easy going in the past, slow to judge and quick to accept. I guess that changed if you attacked his family. Still I couldn't lose my nerve now, "I wanted to apologise. A lot. Over and over again if necessary. I know that what I did was terrible, and what I almost did was even worse. But I am truly sorry. I need to see Bella. To tell her."

Carlisle opened his mouth to speak, but Rosalie got there first, "She's not here. None of them are."

There was something in her tone that made my chest tighten, "Okay, when do you think they'll be back?"

"Not for some time Jacob," Carlisle said. There was regret in his voice. "They went to see Charlie early this morning. They left just after noon. Alice and Jasper have gone as well."

The air couldn't get into my lungs. I couldn't inhale, there was nothing. I dimly saw Esme reach out as though to hold me up, but Carlisle pulled her back. I looked down and realised that I was shaking violently. They were expecting a repeat of yesterday. But I wasn't angry. I couldn't feel anything. There was nothing left to feel. Nothing left to feel with. It was over. They had gone and taken her. I was here. Trapped in this abyss, where I couldn't find her. It was over.

* * *

A/N Sorry about the POV shifts here I'm not sure how people feel about them. It just felt like the only way to tie it all together without loads of repeated conversations. I tried to stay as true to the characters as possible.

I'm thinking of doing a few interludes here, (maybe 3, but no more than five), about the travelling. Any one interested? Or should we have just one and skip ahead over some time? I kinda think the travelling would be fun. Thoughts anyone?

Thank you to my 3 reviewers. You're all fabulous. I don't really set limits so if one person is reading and reviewing, I'll keep going as long as I can.

Oh, and Anna, I'm not Stephanie Meyer, but my god I wish I was. I could own Edward Cullen. Ah bliss.