Hold Up—Beyoncé

Hold up, they don't love you like I love you
Slow down, they don't love you like I love you

Fitz flicked through his recent calls in frustration. After waking up alone on Wednesday, he had yet to hear from Olivia. No note, like in the movies; no text message; not even an answer to his three missed calls. He was trying not to be obsessive, but he wanted to know why she was avoiding him. He squinted across the quad, to see if she had left the coffee shop yet. He needed to intercept her in person.

When she reemerged with a coffee in her hand, he rose to catch up to her.

"Olivia, can we talk?"

She turned around in surprise, but kept her pace. "I am late, so whatever it is needs to be quick or fit into my office hours."

"Olivia, don't be like this." He grabbed her arm gently.

She kept walking, shaking his hand off. "Office hours."

A biker came out of nowhere, weaving in between pedestrians. Fitz instinctively grabbed Olivia's arm again, and spun her out of his path. She stood there in shock, as he had both hands on her upper arms. They were way too close each other.

"Why did you leave? Why are you ignoring me?"

She jerked her arms away from him. "Do I need to say it?" She tried to continue on her way, but he blocked her path.

"I think so. What the fuck is going on, Olivia? I am so confused."

"You are my student." She whispered aggressively, taking a step back and composing herself. "It isn't right." She backed away, and continued her walk to her job.

"Don't tell me that the other night didn't feel right." He followed her closely, his voice low and intense. She would be lying if she didn't feel a chill at his words.

"Mr. Grant, if you don't mind. I have somewhere to be right now. If you have any questions about yesterday's lecture, you are welcome to come by my office hours on Friday."

"Livvie." He reached for her arm, but she moved away.

"Touch me again, and I call DPS."

He stood there, helpless, watching her walk away.

Olivia barely caught the bus, happy to put some distance in between her and campus. As she sat down, she had to fight the tears springing to her eyes. She made the right decision. Putting herself first, meant that she could focus on her school and career. She felt sick, but willed herself to swallow that awful feeling in her throat.

/

ONE MONTH LATER

Olivia was stumbling into the club by the time their uber arrived. Three glasses of wine did her in as she entered the crowded college bar.

"I can't fuck with this right now." She turned around to leave, but Abbey grabbed her arm, pulling her back.

"Give it fifteen minutes, then we can go. Pleaaassseee." Abbey begged.

"Alright, fifteen minutes." Olivia conceded. She grabbed a seat by the wall, and observed the horde of college students dancing and socializing. Abbey had disappeared, with her permission, into the crowd. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, listening to the Drake song loud throughout the bar. When she opened her eyes, she noticed a handsome guy approaching her with a smile on his face.

"I watched you from across the room, and I think enough time has passed for me to assume that you don't have a boyfriend coming back with drinks." He smiled and Olivia would be lying if she didn't find him attractive. "So I figured I might as well." He held out a drink for her.

"Has that line ever worked before?" She blurted. "Oh, god. That was the bitchiest thing I could say. I'm sorry."

He just laughed it off. "It's fine. I think that was just the ego shrinker I needed for the night." He extended his hand. "Jared."

"Olivia." She accepted his hand and the drink, offering him a seat next to her. She took a sip of the drink and almost winced at the amount of sugar in it. It had to be some type of fruit juice and rum. She let him do all of the talking. He was cute, but she wasn't interested in putting forth the effort. Instead, she scanned he crowd, trying to see if Abbey was even visible anymore.

Then she saw him. Sitting in a round booth. He was positioned at the end with a bunch of guys around him. She watched from a distance, as he lifted a bottle of beer to his lips. He seemed so relaxed and at home with his friends. She saw him three times a week, but they were always guarded by the classroom. He never hung around for office hours or came early to class. It had been a month since they had sex in his apartment. She had completely zoned Jared out of her mind when she saw a tall, brunette wearing an incredibly short dress—despite the 45 degree weather outside—approach him. She hung on the side of the booth, vying for his attention. She had to have been under age, Olivia judged.

Olivia watched the mechanics of it. She got his attention. They said their names, shook hands. She placed a hand on his chest while laughing. Fitz was polite, engaging in conversation, and it made her stomach churn.

"Hey…" Jared placed a hand on her lower back. "Are you good?"

"Yeah." Olivia snapped back into the present. "I'm okay."

He gave her a concerned look. "Have you had too much to drink? Can I get you some water?"

She smiled politely, realizing how drunk she must have appeared, staring off into the distance. "I'm fine thank you. Sorry, I'm just really tired. I wasn't in the mood to come out tonight, and you would have much more fun with someone else."

"Do you need a ride home?"

"I'm good, thank you. It was nice meeting you." She patted his thigh and stood, looking around for Abbey. When she couldn't find her, she sent her a text and headed towards the door. She threw one glance back at his booth, and noticed he was gone. The girl, however, was still there. She slid into his empty spot and was leaning on one of his friends.

Olivia decided it was best to go home and hit her bed. She called an Uber once she got outside. It was chilly, and there was still a line to get inside. Olivia walked to the corner of the block to get away from the crowd. When she walked around the corner, she almost collided with him. She reeled back, surprised to see Fitz standing there.

"Hi." She managed, looking up into his deep blue eyes.

"Hi." A bittersweet smile hung on the corner of his mouth.

"I was just… calling a cab." She looked down at her phone, looking at the wait time. Ten minutes. Great.

"I thought college bars weren't your thing."

"They aren't." She smiled awkwardly. "My roommate dragged me here, I wasn't planning on staying." She cocked her head and looked at him. "Why are you leaving so early?"

He shrugged. "I needed some air. It was getting stuffy in there."

Olivia leaned against the wall of the building. She felt awkward, standing with him on the side of the road like that. Soon, her mind, hazy from the wine, was spilling out words. "Fitz, I'm sorry about the way I treated you. I was so rude and childish, I can't believe I said those things. I should have talked about it with you and not left in the middle of the night and been such an ass the next week. This isn't high school, and you aren't some inconsiderate hookup. I should have been more considerate—"

"Shhh." He interrupted. "It is okay. I understand. You weren't interested, and that is just how it goes."

Even in her drunken state, Olivia heard the hurt in his words. It broke her heart. "No, but it isn't okay. I hate you Fitz, I really do. I hate you because I can't stop thinking about you. That night, the way you… You fucking possess my mind. I haven't gotten a full night's sleep without you."

She took a step to him and he caught her by her arms—in part to make sure she didn't stumble.

"I can't fucking breathe when I'm in class with you. You distract me and make me feel like an idiot, but that is just because I can't have you."

"You made damn sure of that."

"I'm sorry." She pleaded. "I just want another chance." She pulled him back against the wall with her so that they were pressed against each other. She slid a hand to the back of his neck and pulled his lips down to hers. "I just want another chance." She whispered, as she kissed his lips, lightly. He responded, wrapping his hands around her waist and pulling her into him.

She saw her car pull up, but made no move to stop. It was him that pulled away. His brow was furrowed and he had a look of conflict on his face.

"I don't know if I can do this, Liv." He took a step back. "I want you, but I can't be put through the ringer again. What about when you sober up in the morning and think this has all been a mistake? Are you going to act like you don't know me the next day? Maybe fail me on a test to prove your point? I know this is wrong on paper, but it is right between us. I just need for you to show me you are real about this. Because I can't handle you saying no again."

Olivia stood there, fighting tears. "Fitz, I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I forgive you. But I can't have you go on and do this again."

"I swear, I am—"

"Goodnight Olivia. Your car is here." He walked away, leaving her to enter her car. Olivia leaned her head back in the car and let the silent tears fall down her face. She wanted him so bad, it hurt inside of her gut. She had to prove it to him. She had to earn Fitz back.

/

Olivia stayed up all night thinking Fitz over. She had a tangle of her own feelings to sort out, then she had to incorporate his feelings and sensitivities into the whole picture. Her ultra-type-A personality wouldn't let her sleep until four in the morning. She heard Abbey come in some time before that, but pretended to be asleep, when she stumbled into her room to check on her.

/

Fitz came and sat down right as class started on Monday. He had become the master of slipping in right as Dr. Beene powered on the projector. He no longer sat near Olivia in the back. He chose his seat up front next to Xiao, an international student from China. He listened intently to the lecture, following along with Dr. Beene's lecture. Olivia was in the back of his mind, but he kept pushing their drunk conversation out of his mind.

When class was over, he gathered his things and walked out of the class.

"Mr. Grant." She called him, waiting by the door. "I regraded your paper, like you asked." She held a paper out for him.

"I didn't ask—"

"You made some valid points in my office hours. I really like what you put on page 5." She held the paper out until he took it. "If you have any questions about this grade, my office doors are always open." With that, she bid him goodbye and left.

Fitz walked slowly to his car, reading her comments as he walked. It was his first essay that she unjustly failed. She took back most of her comments, but still kept a lot of her valid points. On page 5, she wrote a message between the lines of his essay.

Meet me at that park on Tuesday at noon.

He couldn't help but smile at the note. He would be there. He didn't owe her that much, but he would go.

/

Olivia picked a piece of grass off of the blanket. It was 11:53, and she was nervous. Did he even get the note? Was he going to come even if he did see it? She had a full picnic ready with the same thing they ate when he took her to that same spot. She had her apologies and explanations—this time sober—prepared in her mind.

She heard a car pull up to the parking lot, but couldn't will herself to look behind her. She was positive it was him when she heard the person get closer. He sat down next to her on the blanket.

"Hi."

"Hi." She smiled back.

"Here." He handed her his essay. "I told you before that you didn't have to regrade it. I don't want it."

"No." She shook her head. "That is what is fair. I got Cyrus's objective opinion on it. It is fair. You earned that grade."

"Olivia…"

"Listen, I was unfair and wrong. I took advantage of my power because I was scared of you taking advantage of it. I was wrong. I know that you aren't trying to fuck me for a grade. I know that."

He took the paper back and nodded. He didn't know what to say, and she didn't either.

"I, uh, brought food. If you are hungry. I am clueless about Scotch, so I played it safe with some beer for you."

"Thank you."

She pulled out the food for them. She figured now was the best time to clear the air, because it was weighing on her like a stack of bricks.

"This is my peace offering. I can't express how sorry I am. I thought that by cutting you off and pretending nothing happened, then I could forget about you. It was my defense mechanism. I thought that since I was in the position of power, it was my responsibility to end things. I didn't realize that I couldn't simply forget you. I hate it, because this is as out of control of my life as I've ever felt. I wish I never met you, because I can't stand the power you have for me. Because of my mistakes, I realized all of this. I just want to give us another chance."

"You hate me but you want another chance."

"If we go into this with rules and guidelines, I think we can make it work. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I will be better this time." She was feeling desperate.

He had yet to respond. Instead of saying anything, he set his food to the side and pulled her into a hug. It was just what she needed. He was warm and all encompassing.

"I forgive you." He whispered into her hair. "And I think a do-over is due."

She pulled back and looked at him with faint tears in her eyes. He locked his finger under her chin and softly kissed her lips.

"So." He pulled back with a hint of amusement in his voice. "What are these guidelines?"

"No running. That one is for me. No hiding or taking out my insecurities out on your school work. That one is obviously for me as well."

"And for me?"

"Secrecy. That is all that I ask. I don't need you running to your buddies about me. I need for our public presence to be completely professional. What scares me the most is how much this could ruin me. I have worked too hard to get to this place, and I can't let anything jeopardize that."

"I understand." He kissed her shoulder. "Is that it?'

"For now, yes. Unless you have anything to add."

"I'll let you know if anything comes to mind."

"Deal."

They sealed their deal with a lingering kiss. "I've missed you." He honestly said against her lips. She nestled into his side, completely forgetting about the food they had laid out.

As she laid in his arms, just like weeks earlier, it felt so right. It felt like she was where she was always meant to be. With him.