A/U: Guys, can we talk about how incredibly awesome you all are? Yes? Good. Because you are all so awesome. Like. Totally.
And on that note: Thank you, Dee - that sense of doom took some time to fix, but I think we got there in the end!
Everyone knows. Thomas's less than subtle announcement that two of Downton Radio's legends are secretly in love has gone viral. There are emails coming in daily and their hashtag on Twitter is trending in the North Yorkshire area, with a new addition: #chelsie.
For the first time ever Elsie is thankful Charles Carson isn't one for technology. He is talking into his mic, as calm as ever and the turntable is already spinning. All he has to do is put the needle on the vinyl.
"'Take it easy' is a well-known Eagles track, but partially written by Jackson Browne. The Eagles were experts at harmonising and this song is no exception."
But things are decidedly awkward now. Beryl Patmore leaving Charles steak sandwiches 'to keep his strength up,' Thomas Barrow wanting 'advice' from Mr Carson. Oh, it is all too odd and embarrassing and if she could, she'd just up and leave, but producers are hardly well-paid and the world of radio is feeling the economic crunch as badly as any other industry.
She looks at the big bear of a man and the way he frowns at the stack of letters on his desk. Elsie doesn't need much imagination to know what they are about. He's looked at her pretty funny when she came in to bring him his mid-show cuppa and he keeps looking at her, which is making her very uncomfortable indeed. There are only two things she can do, she's decided. One: pretend nothing's happened; or two: press on.
She has her chosen album on her dash.
Maybe all she needed was a little push. She's always had courage; it's high time she used it for her own happiness at last.
"Madonna?"
"Indeed. Madonna. Or Madonna Louise Ciccone, two years younger than me and a powerhouse if ever there was one. Rose to great fame in the early 1980s. She initially started as a dancer, but closed a record deal in 1982 and her third single 'Holiday' became a huge global hit. I remember it very well."
"It's not so very long ago, Mrs Hughes." She worries her lip before responding. The way he is looking at her is out of the ordinary and she doesn't know quite what to make of it.
"Thirty years, Mr Carson. More than a lifetime!"
"I could not have predicted back then how Madonna would dominate the charts."
"Nor I, to be frank. Today's song is from her third studio album True Blue that gave the world iconic singles like 'Papa Don't Preach' and the album's title track."
"And what what will we be feasting our ears on, today?"
"'Open Your Heart.'"
She covers the silence by playing the song.
"Often incorrectly attributed to Little Willie John, the following song was written in 1955 by Mertis John, Jr, who was his big brother. It was a hit for a pre-Perfect Fleetwood Mac. Both Mrs Hughes and myself are fond of the band who were almost more a soap opera than a music-making facility, but they recorded the ultimate best-selling album Rumours and they have been touring again last year. This song appeared on their album The Pious Bird of Good Omen, which was a compilation of different singles and was re-released in 2004. The line-up consisted then of Peter Green, Jeremy Spencer, Danny Kirwan, John McVie and Mick Fleetwood.
Next time they play here in London, I'm taking you, Mrs Hughes."
'Need Your Love So Bad' begins to play.
Her phone lights up with texts from Beryl and Anna, and Twitter explodes.
As does her mind.
To: Beryl
How the hell am I supposed to segment a bloody orange?
Elsie wipes the sweat from her brow. Cooking has never been her strong suit (her talent lies with organisation and technology) and following a Patmore recipe can be a minefield. And why does she need to segment an orange anyway? She remembers making canard a l'orange with a carton of orange juice.
She doesn't really remember what it tasted like. She'd washed it away with one of Charles's bottles of robust red and probably talked far too much to actually taste her food.
But she is hungry and according to Beryl a duck breast is very lovely and not too difficult and she has to segment an orange. She has already butchered two and she only has one left.
From: Beryl
Shouldn't you be thinking of those Fleetwood Mac tickets and slinky black dresses?
To: Beryl
Bugger off, B
From: Anna
Are you seeing him tonight?
To: Beryl
Just tell me how to segment that fucking orange or I'll go to the chippy
To: Anna
Am I seeing who?
She sighs. Why are they making it all so difficult for her? She's not dared check her timeline and she's not opened her email either. Of all the things she needs, it's not an email from her sister saying 'told you so' or Robert Crawley saying fraternising between co-workers is not allowed (she'll have a hard time keeping schtum about Anna and Mr Bates). She puts a frying pan on the hob and turns on the gas. According to her printed-out recipe she should heat the pan for at least five minutes before starting.
And she should have taken the duck out half an hour prior to cooking.
Best do that now then.
Her phone vibrates against the kitchen counter.
From: Anna
Mr Carson of course! Doesn't he always take you out to dinner on Friday evenings?
To: Anna
"Not tonight, love, he's been to the dentist, half his face is numb with lidocaine. What do you and John have planned?"
John and Anna Bates spend most of their Friday evenings in their local, refining their darts throws and drinking club sodas — John Bates doesn't drink and neither does Anna when she is with him. They are a good couple, though Elsie's always been worried about them a bit. There's the age difference, of course, and his past has been troubled. A retired Army soldier, an alcoholic with anger issues. And a lot has happened during their marriage as well. But Elsie wants to be supportive of both of them. She's always gotten along well with John, until the incident at the station.
From: Beryl
You should tune in tonight, I'll play you a few of your favourites. Now, stop biting my head off. I'll link you to a vid of someone segmenting an orange
To: Beryl
Thank you. I'll listen in. Say 'hello' to Daisy for me and tell her to check her board, because there was an issue with the treble last week
She taps the link and watches the video. And realises she will never be able to do that while she's so nervous and unsettled. Maybe she'll forgo the orange altogether and the duck too.
She can do some bread and cheese and wine and listen to her friend.
From: Anna
Trust me, you don't want to know
She takes a deep breath, trying to control the vague sense of panic at what the text is implying.
To fight the lingering feeling of unease, she pulls the toaster away from the tiled back, drops in two slices, gets the cheese from the fridge and skillfully opens a bottle of wine. She puts everything on the wooden cutting board and takes it all into the sitting room, puts it on the coffee table and runs back for her toast.
She settles herself, picks up the remote for her stereo and turns on the radio. Beryl's highly distinctive Yorkshire accent graces the air. Just in time.
"For those segmenting oranges at home, cranky and glum, not wanting to think about the consequences of their latest actions that have involved Madonna and Fleetwood Mac, I am playing something to make them feel better. Of course they've left it all a bit late, but it's still all very romantic. Sweet."
'Oh dear Jesus…' Elsie thinks. 'What is she going to hit me with?'
And that is when Johnny Cash starts singing and June Carter answers him and Elsie picks up her phone:
To: Beryl
I HATE YOU. I AM NEVER SPEAKING WITH YOU AGAIN
Her phone lights up almost immediately, the screen filled with smiling and devilish emojis. Elsie fights the urge to throw the expensive device against the wall when there is another text, full of spelling mistakes:
From: Charles
Aee you akright?
To: Charles
I'm alright, I just want to drown Beryl in a pool of orange juice and ram that record down her throat
It takes forever, but then there is a reply:
From: Charles
I gave you my onlyness / give me your tomorrow
notes:
* Charles played: Take It Easy, by the Eagles & I need your love so bad, by Fleetwood Mac
* Elsie played: Open Your Heart, by Madonna
* Beryl played: If I Were A Carpenter, by Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash
All songs can be found on YouTube or Spotify
(for my Germany-based readers: if the songs fall under your harsh copyright laws and don't know them, but would like to hear the fabulousness, send me a PM and I'll try to hit you up)
Some of the trivia come from memory, some from Wikipedia.