Chapter: 3/3
Comment: I delete all negative comments and stalk the senders of praise. There are no winners here. Contact me at your own risk.
Leaning back against Holly's car, Gail slipped her phone back into her pant leg pocket. 11pm. That was late considering what time they'd been at work from. The parking lot outside the morgue was empty apart from Holly's car. The night was dark and a bit cold. Just the way Gail liked it. Less people. Less noise. Less trouble.
The door to the building swung open and out walked a very tired and disorganised looking brunette.
"Hey," Holly said, expelling a long breath as she hunted around in her bag for her keys. "Sorry I took so long. I lost my phone."
Gail frowned.
"But you only just answered it."
Holly unlocked the car, letting both of them in, dumping her stuff in the back.
"And between me hanging up, what, five minutes ago, I put it somewhere and it took - well, five minutes to find." Holly's shoulders slumped. "I hate being this disorganised. Crazy day. Or three. Which is what it felt like."
Gail watched the slightly agitated woman in the seat next to her trying to get a misbehaving key into the ignition.
"Nothing wants to play nice."
Gail wasn't sure how she could help. She wanted to but she wasn't used to stepping up, being automatically nice. Her confusion was overpowering. Gail inhaled a slow steadying breath as her brain stopped doing what it normally did - overthinking, retreating, expanding a barricade, stopping anyone from getting close.
If you don't like who you are then be someone different. Let her help you. Let her change you, even a little…
"Hey," she called, getting Holly's attention. Gail leant over and enveloped Holly in a soft, insistent hug. It took a moment before Holly finally relaxed. Gail could feel her muscles ease under her hands, and then a head rested on her shoulder. She could feel the gentle rise and fall of Holly's rhythmic breathing. It was a natural fit.
"Hey," Holly whispered back.
Gail wasn't sure how long before they parted. It could have been a minute or ten. What she did know was that every part of her felt at peace. She wanted to hold that feeling forever, sitting here with Holly in the calm silence, unafraid, accepted, happy, caught in a moment of their own making.
Holly stared at her with an unreadable expression before she smiled, turning away to start the car. She briefly stroked Gail's leg before backing them out of the space and getting onto the main road. They glided along.
"Thank you." Holly exhaled, her expression lifting. "So, tell me, how was the rest of your day?"
"An epic paperwork nightmare. I barely got out alive."
The car suddenly jolted to a screeching halt as Holly jammed the breaks on. Gail, hands planted on the dash, was stopped from slamming into the plastic by the fierce snap of her seatbelt.
"Oh my god!" Holly, frozen in the seat, spluttered, "He came out of nowhere." She looked white as a sheet. "Are you okay?" Holly lay one hand on Gail's cheek and another on her outstretched bracing arm. She gripped firmly.
It was a moment of clarity. The reduction of every fear Gail had culminated in a single train of thought that enveloped the notion of someone not checking themselves, or getting annoyed at their car or the other driver but at her safety and wellbeing. Gail had no words that could explain, none that wouldn't butcher her feelings into coming out wrong, misunderstood, snarky even.
Holly's expression turned serious, "Talk to me."
"I'm okay." Officer Peck finally powered into life, "Are you hurt?"
Holly shook her head.
"I used to play handball. I could go through a clothes drying cycle in a machine and come out okay."
Gail did a visual check of the other woman. No apparent damage. She moved her focus to someone who was very much going to regret doing this. The other car was stationary in front of them. The door opened and a young guy in a baseball cap got out, arms spread, face twisted in anger. He shouted over to them.
"What's up with you?"
Gail, head tilted to the side, narrowed her eyes for a second.
"Leave this to me."
She swung her door open as the man walked quickly up, doing up her police jacket as she got out. Gail stood, hands on hips, staring at him. If the air could freeze from Gail's expression then he'd be dead before he took another breath. He stopped, blinked, and unsurprisingly shut up.
Gail inhaled deeply, slowly, not for show but because she was mad. Madder than mad, in fact. She swaggered over to where he was now planted to the tarmac. All of his confidence had done a disappearing act. Hers had blazed into an angry fiery phoenix. He looked a lot smaller now. His pockmarked chin quivered.
"Do not be a weeper. I've got somewhere to be."
"Officer..."
She narrowed her eyes, staring intensely at him, her arm extending out behind her, finger snapping to point at Holly in the car.
"Say you're sorry."
He leant sideways so he could look at the car he'd just cut off.
"I'm real sorry." He straightened up, head whipping back to Gail. "Listen, my mom will kill me if I get a ticket."
"Stop talking." She motioned with her hand impatiently. "Paperwork."
She checked it whilst he babbled. It all looked okay. He didn't seem drunk or smashed off his face and she was off duty and the thought of more paperwork taking her away from her night made her cringe inside. He, on the other hand, took the chance to cram his entire life story into the tiny space between them. This guy could talk.
Gail grimaced as he kept going: Mom. Dad. Grandpa. Grandma. He was meant to be picking his idiot sister up… not his idiot sister. Sorry officer. I know. Women aren't idiots. Sorry. Yes, it is sexist. She's dating this asshat. Sorry. No, I won't swear again…
"Cease and desist with the words." God. So. Many. Words. "Turn around. Drive properly. If I see you again I'm arresting you and towing your car to get crushed."
Gail crossed her arms, watching him run back into his car, which he then drove away at about 5mph. She walked back to Holly's car and got in. Holly was staring at her with that damn half smile.
"You are very sexy to watch in action."
Gail remained expressionless. Her pulse was not unaffected by that statement.
"I know."
"Modest."
"That, too."
Gail reached over and rested her hand on Holly's thigh. It was covered with a warm hand that only occasionally had to change gear.
###
Gail watched as Holly loaded the dishwasher up of the plates and cutlery they'd used to demolish the fabulous Chinese take-out. She'd tried to pay. Holly'd said no. She'd tried to help. Holly'd said no. She'd tried to do - something. Nope. And it wasn't that Holly was being chivalrous. She was just being self-sufficient and cute, and probably a bit polite. Several times during their late dinner Gail had sensed some unease in the other woman. And here it was again. She couldn't put her finger on it and, being Gail, she really didn't want to mull it over too long when she could just do this:
"You're weird tonight."
Holly turned slowly, frowning with a smile and perplexed quirk of her head.
"Thank you?"
"No problem," Gail shrugged, dragging out the nonchalant thing again.
Holly waited but with nothing else forthcoming had to prompt.
"Care to elaborate?"
"You're not all…" Gail fumbled, "Holly." Gail grimaced at her awful lack of words. "I mean, normally you're all like, 'Hey, I'm Holly and I'm cool and funny and confident and nothing bothers me.' But tonight you're…" Gail scrunched her nose up, "You're a bit like me." Gail focused her mind, staring intently at the brunette, trying to find a word. She grabbed on to the first one that came to mind. "Closed." Actually, that was right. She jabbed a finger toward Holly. "That's what you are. Closed."
Holly blinked, opened her mouth for a moment but clearly thought better of it. She shut the dishwasher door and turned the machine on.
Gail didn't like the look of this overt buying of time. Subconsciously her shoulders squared themselves off.
Holly turned back and nodded once.
"Okay, here's the thing…"
"Wait, am I going to like the thing?"
"I don't know," Holly said slowly, "Why don't you wait for me to say it and then you'll know."
"I don't like surprises." Holly would normally have chuckled, smiled, laughed or raised her eyebrows but she just stared at Gail. Gail leant her back on the table and crossed her legs. "Okay. Spill it."
Holly shifted her weight and crossed her arms.
Gail's eyebrows knitted together. Oh, boy.
"I…" Holly struggled. "…am nervous. About…" Holly shrugged a shoulder, puffing her cheeks in an exhale. "…this. Expectations. Living up to the hype."
Errr…
"What?"
Holly's words sped up.
"This. The whole thing tonight. Me and my mouth, 'Hey, let's get vertical because I'm a dawg.' Well, here we are. I'm not a dawg or a player. Ta da."
Gail thought about that for a moment, her expression exceptionally flat, emotionless and, probably, rather unhelpful for Holly.
"How many women have you slept with?"
Holly looked taken aback.
"What?"
"Women. How many? Less than 10? More than 10?"
"Uhm, I've been gay for a while. More than 10."
Gail tapped a finger in the centre of her chest.
"None." That finger circled the space in front of her face. "None," she enunciated slowly. "Out of the two of us I have first refusal on owning the nerves."
Gail really had no idea how to solve this. She stared at open and honest Holly who, even facing something that she herself would find too embarrassing to speak, had just gone and said it. Gail's brain processed quickly and computed with perfect accuracy what this was. Trust. Complete unadulterated trust. Holly had handed the truth to her so willingly, so readily. How many times does someone do that to you in your life? And then Gail stopped because a part of her that she wasn't familiar with stepped up and shut down that sarcastic force field defence.
If you don't like who you are then be someone different. Let her help you. Let her change you, even a little…
Gail started again.
"I think we're both nervous just for different reasons. I think that's okay."
Holly's expression transformed from pensive and tense to the one that devastated Gail's barricades every single time. She smiled. A traffic stopping smile. A smile that could end wars. A smile that had thawed Gail from the inside out.
"Honestly, I'm not normally like this." Holly shook her hands out as if the nerves would drop from her fingertips. "It's probably a lack of sleep and that idiot in his car. I've spooked myself."
Gail took command. She walked up to this amazing woman, taking hold of her hands and squeezing them.
"I think you're incredible."
The only punctuation to end that sentence was the one Gail used. She closed the gap and moved her lips onto Holly's own. It was magnetic, encompassing, receptive, consuming, the pull of the other woman taking all thoughts out of her mind apart from this, her, the feeling of her soft hair, of her skin, of her body as they pressed together. The feeling of parity. The feeling of wholeness. Inevitably, as time slipped by, that changed from the calmness of a gentle stream to the pure feeling of being alive. Of her blood coursing through everywhere all at once. Her heart thumped loudly. Gail broke the kiss, having to take a moment to readjust her reality, centre herself back on Earth. She gave her head a little shake as her lips formed a soft O with her exhale.
Overwhelming. It was always overwhelming.
Gail took hold of one Holly's hands and led them upstairs. They moved in silence until…
"Which one is yours?"
"End. Right."
Gail opened the door and walked them in. She glanced around. Really tidy and exactly what she'd have expected considering Holly's office. It was modern, more on the bare side than anything else, and featured a calming mix of cold colours accented with a few bold abstract paintings. It was nice. Gail glanced at the very large bed.
Yup, big.
She deposited a pliant Holly next to it and, with a little push, had her sitting down. Gail carefully took Holly's glasses off, placing them on the night stand. She stared back into the very serious face of the brunette. Gail inhaled deeply for the delivery of her decision.
"I want to sleep with you." Gail bent down and kissed those lips again once. "But just sleep."
"Okay," Holly whispered, a hand snaking around to Gail's side.
Gail's entire body shuddered. Like, deep inside her bones she felt it.
Holly pulled them both down, planting an elbow on the comforter, raising herself up, giving them some space. The tension was palpable as Holly seemed to study her for a moment before speaking.
"I did not expect you."
Holly's wonderful smile beamed out, cocooning Gail in the knowledge that she was exactly where she needed to be. She let that smile preach its message: I see you and I like you and here's the proof so you and everyone else can see because I'm not ashamed or scared. Gail smiled back. Gone was the feeling of vulnerability, fear, uncertainty, the sadness, the deep haunting feeling of being alone, of being scared.
"No one expects me, Holly."
"Then they're all fools."
Holly kissed her.