Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers (2007) or Transformers: Generation 1.
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Megatron sends a Text
For all those humans out there, please listen to this message. Never leave your cell phone on a decepticon base. If you do, the decepticon leader will use it as a vibrator.
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I'm not joking.
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Stop laughing!
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You know what? Fine. Go ahead and laugh. All the other bots and humans on base already have...Even Prowl. Yeah, that's right, I saw you laughing you lousy excuse for a ninja! If you read this later, guess what? The Pit is going to look friendly after I'm through with you!
...
"Blasta mah main mech, we've got an issue."
"If there's an issue, ain't Prowl overdue? What went down? Have ya seen Lil around?"
"Prowl is the issue, mech. An', no, Ah haven't."
...
Blaster grinned. "Hey Prowl, having fun hanging around? Do ya need help getting to the ground?"
Prowl glared at him from the ceiling where he was hanging from a cord like a pinata, covered in blue feathers. "What do you think?"
Never Shoot the Messenger
I had one request and one request only. "Stop doing the dirty with my phone!"
But did he? Nooo.
One would think it would be simple. One would think that the message wouldn't even be required. You wouldn't think that I would have to say it! I shouldn't have to say it, but Mister Megawatz-for-brains (damage) wouldn't leave my phone alone!
He keeps sending pictures to Optimus through my phone and it is driving me up the wall!
Take Prime as many times as you want but leave my phone out of it, Megacreep!
I got Ironhide to infiltrate the Nemesis. He came back covered in red paint with a text message on his windshield, showing the love that Megatron had for the autobots. "I'm not going to survive another astrosecond, am I?" Ironhide charged his cannons. I sighed. "Guess not."
Optimus sends a Text
Prime said he would deal with the issue. You know what I learned from letting Prime deal with a sexting issue? Never let Prime deal with a sexting issue! "Oh yeeeeessss..." Oh God-shield my eyes! Prime got the phone back at the cost of my innocence. Here's the down low. "Oh yeeesss" every paragraph, "ugh" in every sentence, and, last but certainly not shocking in the least, "Bumblebee." I am now scarred for life. Thank you Unicron for the lovely image of Megatron and Bumblebee hooking up. I owe you a world of pain! What the fjdbldg holy mother of Primus!
Prime never heard me curse so colorfully.
Megatron has ate rainbow flavored pixie dust with the rest of the decepticreeps.
Jazz has deleted the option for speech to be converted into text for my phone.
I still don't use it.
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Prime does.
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(See you tonight?)
(Always Prime.)
(Will you bring Bumblebee?) : 3
: /
(I'll play nice.) ; )
(He's mine, Megatron.)
(Then why'd you bring him last time?)
Again, some things really don't need to become common knowledge.