Aly's POV

Tori and I hadn't talked since our encounter at my locker.

I ended up not knowing what to say, as usual, and slamming my locker, telling her to go away.

It was now lunch time and she couldn't take her eyes off me. She wanted to know what was up...but does she really have a right to know?

No, she doesn't because she's not my friend.

Yes, she does because maybe it'll be good for me to let someone else in. Maybe she's a good listener.

Ugh. God. The only thing that's stopping me from taking a taxi to the southern side of Mount Lee in Griffith Park to throw myself off the 'H' on the Hollywood sign is that after second period this morning, Cat asked me if I wanted to come over after school.

Of course I said yes. She's my best friend.

Tori shifted uncomfortably in the already uncomfortable lunch seat, "Aly...I really don't want to bring it up here, but can't we talk-"

I cut her off short. "No, Tori. We can't."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Beck raise his eyebrow at Tori, and then glance at me.

Don't ask, brother. Because I don't feel like explaining it.

And thanks, Tori. Now everyone at the lunch table is looking at me, not that they weren't doing that before, but it's double awkward now.

Speaking of whom, she wasn't done trying to get an answer out of me, "I'm not trying to pry-"

"But you are. Obviously." I said, once again cutting her off.

Beck unwrapped his arm from around Jade's shoulders and tapped my wrist with his finger, "Are you two okay?"

I smiled and took a deep breath. "Of course we are. Tori just wanted to know...if I was going to the Kickback this Saturday, but I didn't want to talk about it right now because I don't know if I'm going. And she didn't want to pry an answer out, seeing as how we just met."

That's a convincing web of lies. I hope he buys it.

I hope Tori Vega can keep her big, brother kissing, best friend boyfriend macking mouth shut.

After returning to reality, I noticed Beck looking directly at Tori as to confirm my story. Just go with it, Tori. Everything will be chill afterwards.

She did.

The slight nod of her head did the trick and lunch went back to normal.

This lettuce in this salad is limp, and my apple is brusied. I hate bruised apples almost as much as Jade hate's...everything.

But I'll eat it. Not just because if I start acting weird I'll have to eat lunch in the nurses office and I just can't go with that, but because I have absolutley no desire to go back to-

"Are you going to the kickback, Aly-kins?" Internally, I'm smiling. Externally, I'm trying to look confused.

This was Cat now, and no amount of burning Tori eyes could make me be curt with Cat.

I piled limp lettuce in my mouth. Chew, chew, chew, swallow. "Do you think I should go?"

Her red curls bounced in all different directions as she squealed out, "Yes! Absolutley! We can go shopping together for an outfit!"

I can't tell her no. I honestly don't want to go. This is Caterina Hannah Valentine. So I'll say yes.

I have to clear it with someone first, though. "What do you think Beck?" Another question left my mouth and it seems I've been letting them flow freely one too many times this lunch period.

At least all this Kickback nonsense is taking me off Tori's mind, because as far as I can see, she's chattering with Andre about this Saturday.

My brother handed me my apple with his tan hand and I held back a look of disgust, "I think it'll be good for you to get out of the house. Besides, Jade and I are going, so you'll definitley have a ride-"

"I can drive her!"

I'm glad I'm not the only one interuppting people today.

Cat had stuck her hand in the air, a childish way of getting Beck's attention, but it was just so...cute.

Beck ran his fingers through his hair and gave a small smile, "O-okay."

Jade rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, putting it back over her shoulder in it's rightful place.

Smiling, because right now I'm genuinley happy, I took a small bite of my apple and chew chew chewed until the slimy mush slid down my throat.

After closing my eyes to swallow, I stared back at the reddish sphere and tried not to gag vomit throw up cry.

There was only a tiny, tiny mark in it and I knew I had to finish the rest or someone would say something.

I bit into it once more, barely chewed, and swalled. 'Savoring the taste' is not something I know.

This specific noise of high heels hitting pavement, however, I do know. They belong to someone that I don't generally like. Her name is Katrina. It's like Cat's full name, but it rolls off my tongue differently, and it doesn't nearly taste as sweet. "Long time no see, Trina." I tried to smile, but I can't even force myself to curve the corners of my mouth upward the slightest bit.

I turned around to get a good look at her face. Nothing changed really. It was still full of makeup, full of confidence that she doesn't deserve everybody deserves confidence allison, and an expression that looked quite surprised. "Aly?" She raised her eyebrow.

Who were you expecting? It's not like they were going to lock me away forever.

"You two know each other?" Now that was Tori. What does she mean by that, exactly? Unless...

No. I mean, they look alike, but I've heard rumors that Tori is actually talented. "Yeah, we know each other. I did go to this school before you, remember." My tone wasn't friendly, but it wasn't bitchy enough to get me in trouble. Mostly from my brother.

We did know each other and we were friends.

Were. As in, probably never going to be friends ever again. She did something that I can never forgive her for, even though I should.

Sure, some people might consider what she did a real act of friendship, but I consider her a backstabber. "How do you two know each other, though?"

I heard Jade scoff and take a straw full of her drink, "They're sisters. Both untalented, both trying to steal my boyfriend..." That last part was only audible for Beck and I. It made me smile.

Sisters, huh? It makes sense, and not in a rascist way.

What Jade said could be true, about the things they have in common, but I know one more thing they have in common.

I don't see myself trying to be friends with either of them in the near future.

Trina began babbling to her sister, avoiding talking to me, or even looking at me. Normally, I mind when people ignore me blatantly, but right now, I don't really care.

What do I have to say to her anyway?

/

School isn't as relevant as it used to be. When I first got into Hollywood Arts, I was so incredibly happy. It was like that letter assured me that I had talent, that I was going somewhere in life.

Sometimes it doesn't seem like I'm going anywhere, though. It feels like I'm stuck.

I can't be the only one. "Cat, do you ever feel like you're stuck?"

Cat looked up from browsing through a TigerBeat magazine, "What do you mean?"

"Stuck. Like, you're never going anywhere?"

The red head pursed her lips and pondered. "I only think that when I'm in a sad mood. It's not a good feeling," Cat frowned, putting down the magazine.

Maybe I'm in a permanent 'sad' mood. "No...it isn't."

Cat's frown was still present, and it almost looked like she was thinking something over in her mind. I know that look because I used to feature it a lot. I liked to count or do math in my head.

"Ugh, my little brother needs to stop turning the central air off," Before I knew it, Cat had no top on and was walking around her room, trying to find a different one. "He keeps using my cupcake body wash in the shower, so he's convinced he's turning into a cupcake and tries to bake himself."

I know her brother is odd, but does he honestly think you can cook yourself? Into a cupcake no less?

I tried not to look at my best friends bare torso, not because I'm prude, but because I have a tendency to get jealous.

I'm not talking about her boob size. I'm talking about the way her ribs show just the right amount, and the way her stomach doesn't poke out at the very bottom.

But I can't think of that. I'm not going to look and put myself through that.

If I'm saying all this, why am I looking?

The room suddenly grew hot as Cat was sliding a bright pink camisol over her matching pink bra and California tanned skin.

With the heat intensifying, I pulled off my cardigan, laying it down next to my bag.

Cat turned around, as perky as ever and smiled, "Hot?"

The way the word eased out of her mouth was perfect. It wasn't a question really, but more of a tease. If that makes any sense at all.

I bit my lip in fear of it quivering from the unidentified feeling that had just overwhelmed my entire body, "Y-yeah," Damn. The biting failed. I brought my fingers to my lip, playing it off. "God, I think the pills I'm taking are making my lips feel numb."

I watched silently as my best friend angelically stepped over to me and smirked a little, "Well here, we'll check."

Before I could say anything in response, Cat's lips were slowly on mine, gently, but nonetheless, kissing me.

Her skin smells like funnel cake, sugar cookies and marshmallows. Her hair, although shaded like a cupcake, smells like apricots and cinnamon. It's my favorite scent.

The false red head pushed me onto my back, further on the bed, still kissing me. Normally, I would think this was wierd, but for some reason, right now, with Cat, it felt so right. Her lips are delicious, much better than any boy I've ever kissed, and I've kissed a lot of boys.

I used to make out with them in the janitor's closet.

I should make out with Cat in the janitor's office.

What. Am. I. Saying. I said I wasn't in love with Cat...but- I think I might be. The oppurtune words there are think and might.

She's so different right now, so in control. It's like these aren't my kisses anymore, they're hers.

But I need air.

I ran my fingers through her thick hair, kissing her one last sweet time, and then detaching her lips from mine.

Cat's eyes didn't show a hint of anger. What lingered in those brown orbs were innocence and passion.

"I'm...uh, sorry, Cat." I was trying not to make eye contact anymore.

The petite girl giggled and moved my blonde pieces of bangs out of my face, "Aly, don't be sorry. Jade and I have kissed more times than I can count. Besides," She leaned closer to my face and pecked my lips, "-you might just be a better kisser than Jade."

Cat and Jade have kissed? Well, it doesn't suprise me. Except it makes me a tiny bit jealous.

It shouldn't though. It just shouldn't.

Then why does it?

I like boys, I really do. I don't have a reason not to. My brother is sweet, caring and doesn't yell at me. My father is...well he's alright. He's never once laid a hand on me or screamed in my face, or touched me anywhere I didn't want to be touched.

The only two other boys in my life, not counting Jade's brother or Cat's brother, have never not been nice to me. Andre is like another brother, and Robbie's that awkward kid that you can always count on making you feel pretty.

Mostly because he doesn't know how to talk to girls and ends up saying something along the lines of, 'I like your face wanna do something on Friday?'. I normally just laugh and walk away, along with the other three hundred girls he's said that to.

I just don't understand why right now, in this moment, right here with Cat, I feel happy. I can't tell if I want this or not.

It's easier not to feel happy, in my opinion. It's easier to not feel anything. At all.

So when people, or in my case my therapist, ask me what I'm feeling, I just say nothing. That way I don't have to explain my feelings, because there are none.

That's how I like it.