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"Talk to me, Jasper. I can't believe you're totally indifferent."

"I'm not."

I notice his eyes are darker, an unknown emotion shading the beautiful azure.

I continue talking before my courage evaporates. "Now listen, my love..." His eyes grow wide, and he shakes his head, but keeps quiet. "We can start over, I know we can."

"You're not even asking, are you?"

"I'm not, because I know it for sure. And I love you."

"What if I'm seeing somebody else, Edward?"

~""~

A Message From My Shrink

Chapter 3

This is the moment when the opening door hits me in the back. A booming voice startles me even more than the impact.

"Dude, I've been looking for you all over the place. You okay?"

Oh, Emmett, perfect timing, dude, thanks. I tell him I'm alright, and he's already speaking to Jasper, having just noticed the other person in the room. My heart thumps its way out of my ribcage.

"Hi, Jay, glad you're here, man. Come on, let's go upstairs and introduce you to the little one. He's perfect. I'm telling you, you're gonna love him as soon as you see him."

I watch in awe how Jasper's eyes go back to their natural blue. His pose changes into a more relaxed one, while his right hand rises in a gesture for his brother-in-law to approach. Emmett happily takes the step, and Jasper embraces the huge figure. Peeking behind the massive shoulder, he glares straight into my eyes, and then surprises me with a wink.

His voice is low, an almost inaudible whisper: "I already love him, Emm. You can't imagine just how much I love him." His eyes stay fixed on mine, and his voice grows louder. "Can't wait to hold him in my arms." As if in slow motion, a corner of his upper lip rises in a sad smile. He never breaks eye contact with me while his right hand shows the sign of a telephone receiver behind Emmett's back, and his mouth forms a silent "Call me".

Well, shoot me. One moment I'm wrestling with the thought he's seeing someone, and in the next, hope is blooming.

Emmett pats Jasper's back in a friendly manner. "Come on, folks, let's move. Edward, you coming?"

"I don't think so, Emm."

Out in the lobby, I tell him I'm tired and heading home. I watch the two figures recede towards the stairs, and the only thought in my head is now I'm really going out for a gulp of the precious fresh air.

I didn't have the chance to see little Jay. Why am I not bothered by the fact that I didn't welcome the little fellow into the world? What kind of best friend does that?

It's a long way to my home, but I decide to take my time and walk. I need to think.

So, is he seeing someone, or isn't he? His "what if" makes me an optimist. What was he trying to tell me, then? Was I pushing too much?

I hate the "what if's".

What if he's really dating another man? Or a woman? What if he hates me, after I involuntarily killed a human being? It just dawned on me that Jasper might think of me as of a murderer. Maybe I'm a monster in his eyes. But he told me he wasn't totally indifferent, didn't he?

And what was that "Call me" thing? Why can't he call me? Why did he need to give me hope? Being his mercurial self, he even managed to make me believe he was addressing me while he whispered in Emmett's ear. Shit, I'm pathetic.

It's a dark and cold evening, and this is not a pleasant walk. I regret the idea of not taking a cab; my mood is sinking. Disappointment and hope, jealousy and love, confusion and determination, all rush through my mind in succession. Oh Jasper, why are you doing this to me? I'm not calling. You should call me.

And my cellphone sings the tune of an incoming message. I'm quick to pull it out of my pocket, and see that a call has gone to voicemail. I must have lost signal.

My heart leaps in my throat and my hands are trembling, and not because of the cold. Anticipating Jasper's beautiful voice, I'm seriously shaken by the words I hear. It's a message from my shrink.

"Hi, uhm, Edward. It's me, Carlisle Cullen. I know I'm not supposed to use this number, but I think it's an urgent matter. So, well, please contact me as soon as possible. An acquaintance of yours has been released from jail today. The bad news is, one of the nurses overheard your name being mentioned, and not in a good way. So, uhm, yes, call me, Edward."

I find the number immediately.