Moony,
MOONY! You're back! I thought that, that Henry child had kidnapped you! Though since it was merely the full moon that had incapacitated you, I shall not seek my revenge... at least not YET.
You should tell your neighbor to mind his own beeswax. I would.
OH MY GOD, I WAS RIGHT! HE DID KIDNAP YOU! Is that the real reason you didn't write for so long? Were you tied up? Were you molested? Were you trapped at the bottom of a well and forced to throw up lotion while he danced around naked? I bet you were... OH MY POOR INNOCENT MOONY! I'm going to go find James and tell him what that SICK MAN-CHILD did to you! His Dad works in the Ministry, so we wont get in any trouble for hexing that PERVERTED DEGENERATE. That DISGUSTING FREAK! That... that... that WEIRDO.
WHY WOULD I BE THANKING HIM FOR MOLESTING YOU? Have you gone insane? YOU HAVE! The trauma of what he has done to you has permanentlyaddled your mind! MY POOR MOONY! I'm coming to get you.
AND I DID KILL IT! IT HURT ME! IT MADE ME BLEED! IT DESERVED TO DIE!
But, if you promise not to shave my head, I will send you a new one. James has a deluxe first edition copy that I could steal. (hint hint)
But books are technically already dead... they are dead trees. So technically the grandchildren are really zombies, and I must chop off their heads before they infect all the trees in the world. I mean, just imagine the Whomping Willow as a zombie. It's already terrifying enough by itself.
Yes you will. You said the same thing last year. And the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before THAT! So excuse me for not believing you, Mr. He Who Cried Wolf.
Hey, I'M adorable! And you yell at me when I steal your blankets! That's being racist. Or speciesist. Or both. How dare you Moony... how dare you...
And I WOULD bite them if it would keep them away from you. You're MINE. In a completely platonic sense of course.
Very lame. Worse than the puns that Peter comes up with.
IT WAS THE GOAT! Or Henry. He's evil, so HE must have something to do with it!
NO! MOONY DON'T TRUST HIM! HE'LL MOLEST YOU! I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO DO THAT!
~Padfoot