This issue features Vriskan, GamTav a.k.a P.B and J, and Erisol. Starting off with the first femxfem of this series
You are now Kanaya.
You sit on the deck of the boat, legs crossed, while you watch the other trolls mill about the deck doing important things, although you can't quite imagine what else there is to do around here that requires your full attention that would affect the outcome of the voyage. You hear Kankri bark orders.
Kankri: Excuse me, 6ut I 6elieve I have already 9rdered that every9ne n9t fr9m the same time peri9d 6e 9n separate b9ats, y9u are n9t auth9rized t9 6e here
Karkat: FUCK YOU, YOU OBSESSIVE PRICK! NOBODY CARES! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?
LOOK! KANAYA'S HERE! FEFERI'S HERE! IT DOESN'T FREAKING MATTER ITS IMPOSSIBLE DON'T YOU GET IT?
WE DON'T COME WITH FUCKING TAGS THAT TELL US WHEN WE DIED!
AND FOR THE RECORD IT WAS THE OTHER KANKRI THAT SAID THAT, NOT YOU!
Kankri: N9w, n9w Karkat. Y9ur rude 9ut6urst is uncalled f9r. I am simply trying to maintain 9rder, the 9ther Kankri is n9t any different fr9m myself I agree with him fully.
N9w every9ne, if y9u aren't fr9m this time peri9d I need y9u to exit the ship.
Karkat: HEY FUCKASS, WE'RE ALREADY ON SEA WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GONNA POSSIBLY GO?
A few other trolls joined the argument, you roll your eyes at the nonsense transpiring. You sigh, about to get up and break the ensuing argument, but before you can, Vriska speaks up. A smug look on her face as she leans against the wooden post of the ship, arms crossed.
Vriska: Just leave it. Those loser are 8ound to solve their pro8lems themselves you know
Kanaya: I Highly Doubt The Public Altercation Will Resolve Itself. Step Aside Vriska, This Is An Important Matter In Which I Need To Convene
Vriska: Forget your stupid auspistice duties. Don't get your skirt in a 8unch just 8ecause a few dum8asses start a quarrel
We're all dead anyways, our pro8lems are never going to a88 even in death so why 8other solving them?
Kanaya: That Is Besides The Point, Our Comrades Will Suffer Double Death If I Do Not Intervene
Vriska: Let me let you in on a little serket ;;;;)
Most of these chumps will dou8le die anyways
Even you
Even me
Kanaya: What Compels You To Propose Such An Intimidating Piece Of Information So Bluntly As If It Were Fact
Vriska: 8ecause it is!
You might not realize this, 8ut my other self, Captain Mindfang, has found a way to s8ti8 the rage of the vile enemy that is Lord English
How you say?
Well, has it ever crossed you mind why we're all in ships sailing well ahead of our main selves?
Kanaya: Well, It Has Not Crossed My Thinkpan Until This Very Moment.
Now That You Have Mentioned It, I Have Accepted This Plan Rather Blindly. Which Is Rather Unusual, Normally I Tend To Rationalize Through A Plan Before I Follow Accordingly
I Dont Know Why A Legion Of Deceased Trolls Would Sway Victory In Our Favor
Vriska: Ha! Are you kidding me?
You actually think we are going to fight Lord English! Thats hilarious!
I suppose that is what everyone on this ship is thinking
8ut they are all wrong. You know why?
Kanaya: Why Is That?
Vriska: 8ecause we are all just 88
Kanaya: Bait?
I'm Sorry. I Don't Quite Understand. Are You Saying We Are Just A Lure, For What?
Vriska: I want to lead all these lousy duplic8s forward, so that when English destroys them it will reveal a section of the star map, which will lead up to the treasure
Kanaya: What? Vriska, You Can't Be In Proper Possesion Of Your Mental Faculties.
Destroy All The Duplicate Selves?! What Nonsense!
Vriska: Woah! Calm your tits, girl!
Think about it! It's our f8. If we sacrifice oursleves for the greater good, it will be for the 8etter
We are talking the future of whole universes here, of millions more lives
Surely that sounds logical, does it not?
Kanaya: Okay, I Admit, That Does Seem To Make A Persuasive Argument
But It Is Still Rather Rash. Have You Ever Considered That Perhaps Some Of These Trolls Are Not Of The Same Opinion?
Vriska: Doesn't matter, many of them pro8a8ly wouldn't go through with it if they knew the truth. A small lie for the survival of the universe seems a small price to pay
Don't you think?
Kanaya: Well Yes,
But I Still Don't Quite Understand Why No One Has Yet Questioned Your...
Or Rather...Her...
The Alternate Vriska's Tactics Or Question Her Plan In Any Way
Vriska: Oh that's easy!
Mindfang mind powers 8a8y ::::D
I've 8een controlling you even as we speak
Kanaya: Excuse Me! You've Done What?!
This Is Absolutely Unnacceptable! Deception! Then To Top It Off, Mind Control?
This Is Unbelievable!
Vriska: Haha, you are so sexy when you are furious!
Kanaya: I Implore you...
Wait, What?
Vriska: D::::
/…Meanwhile…/
You are now Tavros again,
You can describe your emotions as nothing but relieved as you guide a seawater sputtering Gamzee back into the boat. His clothes are soaking wet and his shoes squish about on the floorboards as he walks, leaving a trail of puddles. You would laugh if you werent so tense, because his sopping wet hair hangs over his eyes like a mask.
You help Gamzee back into his bunk and toss him a towel
Tavros: yOU,, uHHH,, sHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL GAMZEE.
tHAT WOULD HAVE REALLY SUCKED. yOU KNOW,, dROWNING
Gamzee: YeAh BrOtHeR, WoUlD hAvE BeEn KiCkInG iT wIcKeD iN DoUbLE DeAth
Tavros: nO,, tHATS NOT WICKED AT ALL GAMZEE!
tHATS PRETTY UNWICKED. lIKE REALLY BAD AND STUFF
iT WOULD MAKE ME SAD }:(
Gamzee: AwWW TaVbRo! ThErEs No ReAsOn To Be AlL dEPrEsSeD. I'm StIlL hERE
Tavros: a...aND IF YOU WON'T EVER BE CAREFUL YOU WONT BE
pLEASE GAMZEE,, pROMISE ME YOU WONT DOUBLE DIE
Gamzee: HONK!
Tavros: wELL, oKAY THEN
yOU KNOW, yOU'RE LIKE MY ONLY FRIEND ON THIS SHIP
Gamzee: Is ThAt So?
SoUnDs LiKe A mIrAcLE tO mE
MaN TaVbRo, iF iT wAsN'T fOr YoU i'D bE cHiLliNg At ThE bOtToM oF tHe SeA
CoMe HeRe, bRoThEr
Tavros: aAAH! gAMZEE!
lET GO OFF ME!
Gamzee: HeY, I'm JuSt HugGinG tHe ShIt OuTtA yOu
ShOwInG mY wIcKeD dEep ApPrEcIaTiOnS
Tavros: oH,, uHHH OKAY,, yOUR WELCOME
bUT GAMZEE,, yOUR KIND OF
sQUEEZING ME
a LOT
aND YOU STILL HAVEN'T COMPLETELY DRIED YOURSELF OFF YET
Gamzee: HeHe, SoRrY bRo!
Tavros: nO, iTS FINE I GUESS
yOUR JUST
a LITTLE BIGGER THAN ME
lIKE REALLY BIG
Gamzee: (Heh, yOu DoNt KnOw BiG yEt)
Tavros: wHAT? }:/
Gamzee: HONK! :O)
Tavros: wELL...aNYWAYS SEE YOU AROUND
Gamzee: HeY, DoNt Go TaVbRo
Tavros: aH! gAMZEE!
cAN YOU PLEASE LET GO OF MY ARM
i WANT TO LEAVE NOW
nO OFFENSE TO YOU OR ANYTHING I JUST-
Gamzee: DiD I eVeR TeLl YoU yOuR hAiR wAs NiCe
Tavros: oH,, uH,,, tHANKS
...aND NOW YOU'RE STROKING MY HAIR...oKAY I GUESS
Gamzee: DiD I eVeR tElL yOu HoW bEaUtIfUl YoU aRe
Tavros: uM...uM...Uh
Gamzee: Aw MaN, yOu HaVe tHe CuTeSt BLuSh
Tavros: i DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH THIS
i FEEL LIKE THIS...iS PRETTY UNUSUAL FOR A FRIENDSHIP
...i MEAN, i DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS
(OoC: LOL, he's like Crona from Soul Eater xD)
Gamzee: ShOoOoOoOsH! jUsT lEt It HaPpEn
Tavros: lET WHAT HAPPEN
Gamzee: OuR mIrAcUlOuS loVe, mOtHeRfuCkEr
/…enough of this…/
You are now Sollux,
You couldn't have absconded from that room quicker. Unfortunately, you didn't check your back when you slammed a door and one of the Amporas followed you in.
Sollux: Eriidan, ii diidn't 2ay you could come iin here
Eridan: Wwell, neither did I,
but you barged in anywway, and you had to see that wwretched scene
Sollux: Well at lea2t you admiit you're a 2iicko
Freaks have two know theiir place
Eridan: Fuck you Sol! I'm not saying it wwas a dreadful idea or anythin, just seein it makes me sick
Sollux: Oh man! Iit'2 worse than Ii thought!
Iif Ii hadn't walked in and 2topped your freak2how you would have joiined iin on that wouldn't you?
Eridan: Wwhat? Eww, no wway!
Sollux: There are liie2 wriiten all over your face
Eridan: Okay fine, but wwouldn't you?
I mean, there's no better person than yourself, right?
Sollux: No dude, that2 ju2t weiird
Eridan: wwhats wweird is your 2hiity li2p
Sollux: Iif it's so weiird why are you doiing iit, becau2e you obvviiou2ly knoww iit2 wway more 2uperiior than your 2hiity accent
Eridan: If its so shitty, wwhy did you pick it up?!
Sollux: Fuck! No I diidn't
Eridan: mhmm, I can read the lie all ovver your face
Sollux: You can't take 2omethiing I 2aiid to you and use it agaiin2t me!
Eridan: I just did
Sollux: Shut up fii2hbreath
Eridan: Ack!
Sol!
Sollux: Ii wiill pull tiighter! Don't thiink I wont!
Eridan: Sol, let go of my scarf!
I. Can't breathe!
Sollux: Good!
You pull on the scarf for a full few seconds, watching that Athole struggle. Suddenly you have a really powerful urge come over you, you kiss that guy on his fishy lipth.