Readers! This fanfiction will be more romantic than all my previous ones, so if all you're here for is the Gintama comedy... Well, there are some bits...

And another note: I'm not particularly good at romance. I suck at romance. If you want me pointing out all my faults, my profile page has been updated!

I'm mixing my mediocre/strong point (funny shit) with what I want to write (romance) and let's see how it turns out.

And it would be great if you tell me which genre you'd like me writing more.

Kagura woke up as the sunlight filtered through the cave. It burned her skin. She got up from her previous spot between Hijikata and Gintoki (Hijikata being on nearest to the entrance) and crawled more into the cool shadows of of the cave.

She crawled behind Okita and promptly fell asleep, back to back with him. Okita woke just as he smelled the slightest hint of Hijikata. He sniffed the air, lifting his head. He turned around.

Kagura snored softly, Hijikata's shirt thin and nearly see-through against her back. Her white skin nearly glowed in the sunlight.

Okita's eyebrows shifted upwards. "She did this on purpose. If you wanted my jacket you could've just asked for it... I might have given it to you after you begged for a bit."

He tossed his jacket over her. He sat up and looked towards the trees. Towards the entrance, Gintoki slept with his arm around Hijikata's waist. "What the hell are they doing...?"

Gintoki bit off the top of a mango. "I thought I was hugging Kagura, okay?"

Hijikata shivered. "T-that was horrible."

"What, my hugging? You seemed to like it when you were asleep."

"N-no, the part where I saw your face as I woke up... I thought my heart was going to stop."

"How so?" Kagura mumbled sleepily through a banana. "Good way or bad way?"

"I never knew you were homosexual, vice-captain," Okita said.

"I am not!"

"Why're you so loud? My ears are ringing." Kagura complained.

Okita turned to her, looking over her outfit. "You're still wearing Hijikata's shirt." Kagura tossed her banana peel to her mountain of banana peels. "So?"

"Go wear your dress."

"It's not dry yet."

"My shirt is, you can wear that."

"You wear that. This shirt is bigger. I like it more."

"..."

Hijikata, meanwhile, was in the corner muttering to himself. "It's the lack of mayonnaise. I'm not thinking straight."

Gintoki polished off his small mango. He sucked on the pit. "Oi, Gin-san, are you homosexual?"

Gintoki nearly swallowed the pit. As he choked on it, Okita and Kagura watched. "I think that's a yes." Gintoki fell off his rock and lay choking on the floor. "It's definitely a yes."

Hijikata leaped up. "You fools! He's choking!" Okita and Kagura jumped over and crouched down next to him. "God, he really is."

"So it's a no?"

"Yes, I guess-"

"Hey, focus on the important thing here!" Hijikata smashed Okita and Kagura's heads together. "Alright," Okita said, rubbing his head. Kagura looked over Gintoki. "We gotta get the pit out. Up or down. Blow down his throat or suck up the pit."

Okita and Hijikata blinked.

Short pause as the sunlight flickered down.

Then, Okita opened his mouth.

"Yep, he's dead. No way to save him now."

"Too far gone."

Kagura bashed Okita and Hijikata's heads together and tossed them over her shoulder. Then she grabbed Gintoki's shoulders and slapped his face.

"Gintoki, stop moving!"

Gintoki paused. He breathed shallowly though his nose. A tiny lump in his neck showed where the pit was. Kagura shook her head and rolled up her sleeves. Okita and Hijikata both sat up and blinked again. "Oi- You aren't gonna..."

Kagura leaned in closer to Gintoki, stopped when her nose brushed against his, and...

Smashed her fist into Gintoki's neck, right where the pit was.

Hijikata sat next to Gintoki. "So, how are you feeling, perm-head?"

"Like a yato punched me in the throat."

"Helluva subordinate you got there."

"... If she keeps doing this I might not live for very long."

"I promise I'll be at your funeral playing songs."

"... Like?"

"How about... 'It was a Good Day to Die?'"

"Get out of my funeral."

Kagura leaned back to the trunk of the tree. She was thirty feet off the floor, but even if she fell it wouldn't be something she couldn't handle.

She rubbed a tiny red bruise on her middle finger knuckle.

Okita jumped down from the branch five feet above her, landing on her branch and shaking it up and down. Leaves fluttered to the ground.

She leaped back, back into the shade. "What the hell are you were trying to do? Kill me? Try your boss first, goddammit!"

Okita held out a bunch of leaves. "These are from Toshi. Said you're supposed to rub the juice on your bruise."

"That's poison, isn't it?"

"..."

Kagura grabbed the leaves. She crushed them and let the juice run over her bruise. "How does mayonnaise head know all this?"

"We used to live out in the suburban."

"Oh. You used to this, country-boy?"

"Used to what?"

"Living out here without civilization, bugs in your hair, smelling like shit all the time... Oh, actually, that's just how you are wherever you are. Never mind."

"No, we just stayed in the dojo most of the time. It was Kondou who ran around with bugs and smelled like shit all the time."

"He must have rubbed off on you."

Gintoki watched as Hijikata peeled a banana. "I would do anything for sugar."

"The fruits are sweet as hell. You can live. Me? I don't think I wouldn't do anything for something sour and salty, or a cigarette."

"You've been through it before, right? When the Shinsengumi banned nicotine? I've always had a steady sugar intake, and now it's dropping off."

"Steady sugar intake? You sucked it in like air! I can't count the number of times I watched you devour a parfait!"

"Sucked it in like air? That's you, you dog of Bakufu! Your stupidity must have messed up your brain, or the mayonnaise has! I've seen you breathing in mayo fumes, goddammit!"

"Oi, when? T-that was private!" ( SPOILER *It was when Gintoki turned into a cat and was looking for food)

"Whatever. Besides, the fruits here don't have cream, chocolate, and real sugar in them, now, do they?"

"If you keep eating all of those the sugar will mix with your urine and your testicles will explode."

"That's what my doctor said!"

Kagura held up a big seashell. "Oi, Shinpachi-"

Okita looked up, annoyed. "Really?"

Kagura set the seashell back down in the sand. "Oh, right. Sorry."

She shuffled around in the sand for a while. Then, she grabbed a especially colorful shell and leaped up, spraying sand everywhere. "Oi, Otae-san-"

Okita brushed sand off of his hair and shoulders. "Really? Now you've mistaken me for a girl. What's next? Shall I be Sadaharu next?"

Kagura put the shells back and sat down on the hot sand. The sunset turned the sea red. "Sorry. I keep on forgetting they're not here. Usually Shinpachi would be playing the straight man while Otae-san and I run around breaking seashells."

Okita snorted, then crouched and doodled in the sand with a stick. "Man, you guys are stupid. What were you kids looking for by breaking seashells?"

"To open the gates of Hell, of course."

Okita paused his doodling. He looked over.

Kagura continued to stare at the sunset. Then she noticed him looking at her. "What?"

He turned away, sat down, and then lifted his eyebrows. "Oh, well. There isn't much else to do... So..."

Kagura tossed a stone up into the air, waiting for him to continue.

"If we find the key, would Hell be willing to accept, say, a vice-captain as a friendly sacrifice?"