Chapter 3
It's a Bitter World & I'd Rather Dream

After a fitful night of sleep, Jane awoke to find the dog had disappeared again. He stood, shaking off the chill that had seeped into his bones as he decided on how to go about his next plan of action because it was clear, he needed a plan. From this moment on, things were going to be different. Even if Lisbon refused to talk to him, his life would no longer be about getting what he wanted. It was time he started thinking about the needs of others and not merely as an attempt at relieving his own guilt.

The plan began to take shape in Jane's mind as he strolled down the trail. His first stop was to his car, parked in a nearby lot for the time being. He pulled out the bag with his clean clothes and went off in search of a place to change. He decided to stop at the diner. He skipped the eggs but ordered tea so that he would be alert when he needed to be. Then he used the restroom to change his clothes. He also pulled a razor out of the bag and shaved off the week-old stubble he had developed. His last shower had been two days ago at the local Y. He could definitely use another one though the clean clothes would have to do for the time being. He brushed his teeth with a small travel brush he kept in his pocket. As a finishing touch, he ran a hand through his unruly hair after dampening it under the faucet.

He assessed himself in the mirror. It wasn't perfect but at least he didn't look completely pathetic anymore though he was sure Lisbon would see right through his efforts. Things like the dark circles under his eyes he couldn't fix. With a final pat down of his outfit, Jane left the restroom and the diner. He decided to take his car the few miles to Lisbon's townhouse as she should be home at this time on a Saturday and he had about half a tank of gas left. Besides, he hadn't run his car in nearly a week which couldn't be good for the old engine.

He pulled up outside Lisbon's around a quarter past eleven in the morning. He had been delayed a few minutes when he had spotted a man selling fresh flowers on the side of the road. The prices were high but Jane couldn't resist when he spotted the bucket filled with colorful blue/purple hydrangea blossoms. The salesman had been confused when Jane had asked for one of the plastic triton-shaped greeting holders but then said he didn't want an accompanying card.

The door of the Citroën closed with a click and Jane took a deep breath before strolling up the short walkway. He hid his parcel out of view and then knocked on the door. Sounds from inside indicated that Lisbon was home and as they drew nearer, Jane's heart rate increased in tandem. When the door finally opened, Jane found himself unable to speak for probably the first time in a decade. He had spend the entire morning rehearsing the words he would say to her and yet here she was and it was as if his mind forgot how to form words.

"Jane?" She asked, clearly surprised to see him.

"Lisbon." He managed; a big feat for his frozen tongue. "Can I come in?" It may have been the first time Jane had ever asked permission to enter her personal space. It was strange.

Lisbon hesitated. If it had been months ago, she would have opened the door in a second. She could still picture the look on Jane's face when she had told him to leave her in the hospital room but she had needed time to cool down and she never imagined he would have taken her seriously.

She hadn't recalled much after bursting through the house Red John occupied, praying she had made it in time to keep her consultant from doing anything rash. The first thing she remembered was becoming conscious inside of the hospital. She could tell it was a hospital because to the smells and sounds in the room and while she couldn't open her eyes, Lisbon could distinctly hear voices. It took her a few moments to hear what was being said. She heard Rigsby's voice first.

"How is she doing?"

Lisbon assumed they were discussing her condition.

"She'll be okay." Van Pelt replied.

Then Jane added, "That's not necessarily a good thing."

Lisbon wished she could open her eyes and ask why it wasn't a good thing that she'd recover. Did she somehow loose her ability to walk? Was she in a coma? She didn't think so since she was conscious of the conversation going on in her room.

Thankfully Grace came to her defense. "That's not a nice thing to say Jane."

Faithful Grace. She'd have to put in for a raise for the agent if, no when she woke up, Lisbon thought.

"It's true." Lisbon could almost picture Jane shrugging his answer.

"You blame her." Cho said a-matter-of factly.

"If she hadn't been there, I would have my revenge."

"You had no weapon and Red John was holding a hostage. What were you going to do, hypnotize the man to death?"

Yeah! Lisbon agreed with Rigsby.

"I would have thought of something."

Lisbon willed herself to wake up so she could punch Jane herself.

"What are you going to do now?" Asked Cho.

"I'm not sure though I have bigger concerns at the moment."

Lisbon couldn't stand to hear anymore, she willed her mind away from the conversation and thankfully she fell back into blissful unconsciousness.

He had hurt her and she had chased him away. When Jane stayed away for days and then weeks, she started getting worried and began searching for him. She tried his cell which turned out to be no longer in service. She drove to his extended stay motel. The landlord told her he had paid the previous month's rent and then moved out. Lisbon had no idea where he could have gone. Even a search at his Malibu residence turned up empty. Jane had simply vanished.

So, if she had shown up then, she would have gladly let him in. Now, Lisbon hesitated. It had been six months after all. She was just starting to get her life back in order and his appearance would throw a wrench in that plan. She never got to choose as a voice called her from inside the house.

"Teresa, who's at the door?"

From behind Lisbon, Jane watched a man of average height with dark hair appear. He stopped just behind her shoulder and pushed the door open wider.

Lisbon looked from Jane to the man, unsure of how to make the introductions. Jane made the first move.

"Hello, I'm…"

The man cut Jane off before he could finish. "I know who you are. What I don't understand is why you've decided to show your face here. Don't you think you've done enough damage already?"

"It's ok." Lisbon tried to calm the situation.

"It's not ok. This man treated you like dirt for the better part of ten years. He nearly gets you killed and then disappears only to show up on your doorstep six months later."

"Please." Lisbon tried again.

"No Teresa." The man was visibly enraged now and Jane took a step backwards. "I think Mr. Jane should leave now. He's destroyed enough lives don't you think."

Lisbon had had enough. She pushed the man forcefully back inside and then gestured to Jane to wait a moment and closed the door. The last image she saw before the wooden frame latched was Jane's face nearly identical to when she had told him to leave her in the hospital.

"You need to calm down James. You're upsetting him."

James pointed at his chest. "I'm upsetting HIM? Teresa, I didn't fly all the way out here to help you get over that man so he could waltz back in here and trample you all over again."

"Like it or not, I think that's my decision to make." Lisbon said with more force.

"I'm sorry sis but your track record when it comes to making decisions about men isn't the cleanest."

She crossed her arms. "Mistakes or not, they're still mine to make."

James sighed. "Whatever he wants it can't be good." He was a bit calmer though the point was still clear.

"I don't know what he wants because you went after him like a rottweiler."

James was going to respond that it was his job when they both heard a car engine start up. Lisbon ran back to the door and flung it open but by the time she had made it to the stairs, Jane's car was already disappearing down the road. She called after it anyway but the Citroën kept going. When it was clear, her efforts were in vain, Lisbon turned back to the house only to notice the bouquet sitting on the wooden chair beside the door. She picked up the large bundle and smelled the blossoms. Upon closer inspection, she noticed something else among the flowers. A large lump instantly formed in her throat when she realized what it was. Tucked amongst the green leaves, clasped by the plastic card holder was a napkin folded intricately in the shape of a frog.

TBC

A/N Was going to give you more but this seemed like a good (if not a bit evil) place to stop. Maybe I'll be nice and post again soon. :P