I am so, so sorry that this update took so long. I unexpectedly went on a vacation, and I literally had no time to even use a computer. I hope you all don't hate me!
Signature
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home
And I built a home for you, for me
"To Build A Home" by The Cinematic Orchestra
...
We stay up all night plotting and scheming and I am afraid to admit that this is the most alive, the most warm, the most free I have felt in a long time.
The reason I push you away, the reason I bite you with my insults, the reason I am so afraid to let you in is that the way you make me feel scares me. I have never felt this way about anyone, this overwhelming feeling of protectiveness and caring and...something else that I'm not quite ready to accept yet.
Who? What? When? Where? Why?
I ask these questions, but I know the answers. I have always known the answers.
It is only when you leave that I realize that you have left your scarf on my floor. It smells like you, it makes it seem like I am in your arms again. I have half a mind to keep it forever, but you'd most likely hunt me down and pry it from my cold, dead hands.
Yet it is your signature scarf, so doesn't it make sense that I should have it? When you finally tire of me and leave - something that is inevitable - I deserve to have something that reminds me of the short time in which I actually felt like I belonged somewhere, that I am worth something.
Your signature scarf, your signature scent, your signature clothing. These are the only things I will have left of you because I know that I can never really have the real you. I'll have to settle for these products of Chuck Bass. Never the whole Chuck, just parts of him.
You're going to leave me. I'm sure of it.
And when you do, I will be in pieces.
Thank you so much to fiona249, VeraDeDiamant, EmjiiB, Annerl, scarlett2u, and Dr. Holland for your wonderful reviews! You guys are my inspiration to keep writing.