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Chapter 3 – Explanations
"Boss!" Tony got to his feet, throwing an anxious glance at Abby. "You must've done some pretty speedy low flying to get here that quick."
Gibbs didn't answer him, his gaze intent only on Abby as he walked inside past McGee. He searched for the right words to start off the conversation but came up with nothing. He had trouble with this kind of thing at the best of times but was reluctant to let DiNozzo and McGee see this side of him, the part of himself that he saved only for Abby...vulnerable, scared and hopelessly in love. He didn't want to appear weak and out of control, but he had a choice to make and Abby would always come first.
"Abbs..." Gibbs uttered her name on a sigh, and although it was only one word it sounded like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Abby gnawed at her bottom lip, her heart aching at the pained expression on his face. His eyes were pleading with her to stay where she was and not run away again, and she knew she owed him that. If she was honest with herself, she owed him much more than that.
"McGee," Tony cleared his throat, nodding towards the kitchen. "With me."
Both men eyed the couple nervously as they left the room, Abby remaining where she was when Gibbs approached her, his voice low in an attempt to keep their conversation private.
"Why didn't you stay and let me explain?"
"I'm sorry," she said quietly and sat down on the edge of the couch. "Seeing her just caught me off guard. I know why she was there Gibbs and I couldn't face that."
Gibbs took a seat next to her, wanting to reach out and touch her but realizing she may not welcome the gesture. It had always been something they could rely on, even when they'd just been friends; the simplest forms of physical contact had the power to calm them immediately.
Abby hadn't started instantly yelling at him and accusing him of things like his exes would've done, so he was at least grateful for that. But in a way her running away from him had ended in the same result, it had been a silent accusation.
"Abbs, it's not what you think."
He couldn't ignore the redness around her eyes, she looked lost and alone and it tore at Gibbs' heart to see her so upset when she didn't need to be. Even though none of this was his fault he'd do what he had to, to fix it.
"I thought I was part of you, Gibbs...you're part of me."
"You are part of me, the best part...don't let her push you away from me. I thought you trusted me, you gotta know I'd never hurt you."
Abby felt anger flare up in her; Ryan's mere presence had brought her new and happy life screeching to a halt, putting an unwelcome strain on her relationship with Gibbs. It was their first challenge as a couple and Abby just hoped she was capable of working through it with him.
"I do trust you, Jethro."
Abby forced a weak smile to her lips when she said his name; he'd asked her to start using it when they weren't at work as a way to separate personal and professional.
"It's Doctor Ryan I don't trust," she continued. "You told me yourself she plays mind games, what if she gets inside your head and makes you realize she's better for you than I am?"
"Not gonna happen," Gibbs answered without pausing.
He'd done everything since they'd been together to assure Abby she was the one he wanted, but Gibbs knew it would take some time to sink in because he felt the same. It seemed almost impossible to believe that Abby could want him above everyone else, that she could have her pick of men and yet she chose him. They'd been dealing with these insecurities for so long that they were turning out to be a difficult habit to break.
"I don't trust her," Abby repeated. "I didn't want to run away from you, I just...couldn't stay."
The fear that he'd leave her was a very real one for Abby, but to hear Gibbs say with complete conviction that his mind wouldn't be changed gave her some relief, she knew he wouldn't lie about something so important.
"You didn't give me a chance, Abby." Gibbs couldn't keep the sadness and disappointment out of his voice, but the last thing he wanted was to upset her even more, he just needed her to understand that she'd hurt him. Taking a deep breath he ran his fingers through his hair. "I thought after everything we've been through together you'd realize that I always put you, and us, first. You know me, in the last few months have I given you a reason to think I'd want anyone else?"
Abby's heart was racing, even though Gibbs had admitted he only wanted her, she just hoped that by running away from him and making him believe she didn't trust him that she hadn't destroyed their chance to be together.
Abby shook her head dejectedly. "No you haven't, I guess I just panicked...I thought she was going to take you away from me."
"No-one's gonna take me away from you," Gibbs said gently.
"But she wanted...she was there to get you back?"
Gibbs couldn't lie to her, even if it would spare her some pain, all he could do was tell her the truth and promise her she had nothing to worry about.
"She was," he nodded. "But I told her straight up I was committed to someone else...I'm committed to you."
Abby's stared at the floor, unable to look at him as guilt overtook her. "I know you are, and I am to you too. I'm sorry, Gibbs, for a moment I thought that maybe you really weren't mine...that what we had wasn't as important to you as it is me."
"It is, Abbs, that's why I'm here, only want you."
Hesitantly she leaned into him and Gibbs put an arm around her shoulder, resting his cheek on the top of her head. Abby reached over to take his other hand, grasping it between both of hers and linking their fingers.
"I nearly messed everything up," Abby admitted softly.
"We'll be okay." Gibbs nuzzled his nose into her hair and kissed her, closing his eyes when he felt Abby relax into him.
Abby let his nearness wash over her, his embrace comforting and calming her. For several moments neither of them moved, fearing that if they did the situation could crumble around them. Although it wasn't really an argument, it was the first hurdle their relationship had encountered and it had scared Abby.
She thought she'd dealt with all the baggage she'd carried over the years of wanting Gibbs and not being able to have him, but it was now obvious to her that she hadn't.
The prospect that someone could come into his life and take him away from her had often kept Abby awake at night. The internal war that had waged on inside her head about whether to say something and risk losing Gibbs or keep her secret feelings to herself and lose him to someone else still lingered just below the surface even now.
By making the choice she had and giving him the impression she didn't trust him, Abby knew she'd hurt him but she'd also risked pushing him away in the process. She felt like she was walking on a tightrope and was terrified that if she made one wrong move Gibbs could be out of her life forever.
She knew it wasn't his fault that she felt that way, and Abby suspected as time went on and they continued to grow even closer her doubts in her ability to hold onto him would fade. His reassuring words and the comfort and serenity his body provided were helping; Gibbs believed in them and Abby needed to do the same and have as much faith in herself as she had in him.
"I'm glad you're here," she murmured, looking towards the kitchen to see Tony glancing over towards them. "Can we maybe go somewhere a bit more private...my apartment?"
Abby assumed Ryan would no longer be at Gibbs' place but she didn't want to go straight over there and re-live her earlier arrival just yet.
"Sure, wherever you want."
There was still more Abby wanted to say to him, to somehow make up for him thinking she didn't trust him, but they needed to do that where there wasn't an audience. She realized what a big thing it was for him to have actually come after her and that the situation could've turned out much different, and far worse than it had, if Gibbs hadn't made the effort to put himself on the line for her. They could've just as easily been alone at their own respective places, brooding and agonizing over what they'd done wrong instead of trying to work through it like they were now.
"Tony, we're going," Abby said loud enough so he could hear. "Sorry I interrupted your night."
DiNozzo walked into the living room, a wary McGee behind him. "Didn't interrupt anything, Abby, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine." She walked over to him and pulled him into a quick hug, whispering, "thank you."
They all said goodnight, Abby not going into any more detail about what she and Gibbs had discussed. Tony was good at reading both her and Gibbs so he'd be able to tell they were alright and she'd explain things better to him later if he was still worried.
Abby timidly slipped her fingers between Gibbs' as they walked side by side up the hallway leading from Tony's apartment. She was much more relaxed than she had been a short while ago when walking up the same corridor. Her only concern now was that Gibbs was where he belonged...by her side.
Gibbs squeezed her hand gently, maintaining contact when they walked out on the street and over to Abby's car.
"You sure you don't wanna come with me and we can pick your car up in the morning?" Gibbs asked as Abby opened the driver's side door.
She was apprehensive about giving him time to think with them driving in different cars but Abby was also aware it would give them both a few moments to work through what had just happened.
"No, it's okay...I'm not..." she trailed off, wanting to avoid actually saying out loud she'd been upset and not in the best state to drive earlier. She felt foolish enough as it was and didn't want to make Gibbs feel guilty. "I'm okay to drive, I'll see you at my place," she finished, fighting back the urge to brush her lips over his.
Gibbs leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek, whispering against her skin. "I'll be right behind you."
Abby got into her car and started the engine, waiting until Gibbs was inside his truck and he'd flashed his headlights before she drove off in the direction of her apartment.
She repeatedly looked into the rear view mirror to see Gibbs trailing behind her, not that Abby expected he wouldn't be there. He was always there when she needed him. He was loyal, honest and honorable and the impression she'd given him that her faith in him had been questioned made her blood run cold.
Gibbs didn't deserve that, he deserved so much better.
When it came to her, his love had always been unconditional. He loved her for who she was, including her faults. Gibbs stood up for her, he protected her and believed in her, and a moment of panic now seemed like a betrayal...and that was the last thing she wanted.
He knew her better than anybody and Abby was certain she could say the same about Gibbs, purely because of the things he'd started to share with her since they'd admitted their feelings.
She hoped with every fiber of her being that this wouldn't make him stop talking and opening up, and as she looked up to see the reflection of Gibbs' darkened figure in his truck as he followed, Abby hoped her mistake wouldn't be the beginning of an irreversible rift between them.
TBC...