2.17.10
I can't even fathom what possessed you to text me six months after the fact and pretend to apologize. When I said apologize, I meant a genuine APOLOGY! Not something you throw out there, hoping that the situation will blow over now.
Now! Now, that your mother lost her only 'true friend' (my mother) in the area because she couldn't find it within herself to punish you? Do you know her reasoning for not being able to punish you? Because you're not her kid, because you're adopted, and she couldn't punish you because you're not biologically hers. The day she signed those papers, you became her responsibility, and now you're mommy's little monster. You've been spoiled, your entire life. Knowing all of life's indulgences, and yet you still find it necessary to go to college and almost get suspended? Well, tell us, what was it; drugs, alcohol, plagiarism? Really, little boy?
So my mother will only befriend adults, and your mother- obviously not being one- isn't worth her time anymore. The same way you're not worth mine.
… So why can't I sleep? Why haven't I eaten in the past couple of days? Of course, how could I be so infantile, so naïve, so stupid?! You text me, disgracefully TEXT me, on the fifteenth to declare your apologies. Keith, I have everything to say to you, and yet nothing.
I don't want to yell. I don't want to fight. I want to know why you texted me.
I want to inform you that you're a child, that you've never truly grown up, regardless of your physical experience. I understand that being told you're adopted, and lied to your entire life, is a severe crisis …I honestly do. But, why is it I can keep your adoption a secret, even if I only knew for a couple of months before you found out, and you can twist my words and tell my parents something so … false- without batting an eyelash? You've never grown up … and you should hop to it, because you're going to abuse the wrong person some day. You're going to get killed, not by me, but you will if you continue down this track. You've had a taste of what it can get you, nothing but trouble and misery. Move on, grow up, and have a nice life.
… Now I just need the courage to call you.
" Tonight my head is spinning
I need something to pick me up
I've tried but nothing is working
I won't stop, I won't say I've had enough
Tonight I start the fire
Tonight I break away
Break away from everybody
Break away from everything
If you can't stand the way this place is
Take yourself to higher places
At night I feel like a vampire
It's not right but I just can't give it up
I'll try to get myself higher
Lets go were going to light it up"