Chapter 3| Reminiscence | 7748 words |
AU game timeline | Unbeta-ed (not many friends who are into this fandom)
Spoiler | M rating | Angst | Mentions of torture, abuse and attempted rape of a minor
See end of chapter for more information
She had never been stranger to the carnal desires of men
Men were creatures who stole, killed and destroyed for their own pleasure
They were creatures who only cared about their interests and never the consequences of what it took
They would only take and take... and take
They would take all until the land was barren.
Then continue this vicious cycle by finding another land to ravage with their carnage again.
It was what she had known.
It was what she had learned from her experiences with them
. . .
Even from a young age she had been smart, smarter than others.
Much, much smarter
While other children were busy learning how to read and write, she had been doing blastia arithmetics and calculating the input and output algorithms in her head while bringing up the console.
Bohdi Blastia was what they called them.
She would play with the equipment embedded with those spheres of different colours lying around the house where she supposedly lived in.
Walking towards them, triggering the control panels before she even understood they were.
The numbers and symbols that appeared on the console should not have been anything more than gibberish to her.
But she had understood just as though they were in her native language.
… A prodigy, they had called her...
It was a small town just out of the way from the grounds of the herds
It didn't have a barrier blastia, didn't need one.
Only the occasional stragglers from the herd would wander by.
They didn't need a barrier; the people who fought with the bohdi blastia were enough.
She doesn't remember much of the place.
… Nothing of her parents...
She knows she had them
After all which child doesn't
Children need a mother to bear and a father to sire
… But she doesn't remember...
Not how they looked, not how they sounded, not even how they felt to the touch.
Had she even seen them before?
Sometimes she prefers to think she was an orphan,it makes it easier to block out the questions in her head as to why she doesn't have a single memory of them
She remembers the town
Remembers the dusty old books and tomes she used to pull off the shelves in the small library
She remembers a hand ruffling her head calling her a genius
She remembers that it was in a warm place surrounded by greenery.
… She remembers how it burned...
They came in the night, dragged women and children out of their bed by her hair kicking and screaming
… Bandits...
She remembers the screams and shouts
Remembers the heat of the fires as raging embers licked the roofs of homes and buildings
She remembers being woken roughly by a 'someone'
to the screams of the carnage as the smell of smoke
She remembers being told something by that same someone before they clasped something around her neck telling her that it's a charm that will protect her.
And that she was told to run.
And she obeyed
She ran, and ran and ran
As far as her legs could take her
Away from the screams
Away from the disaster
She ran until she could no longer smell the smoke in the air.
Till she collapsed out of exhaustion wherever she laid…
… And darkness claimed her…
. . .
She didn't know how long had passed until she woke, could have been hours or perhaps even days. But a glance at the scenery around her had told her that she was in a forest somewhere.
Having escaped with literally only the clothes on her back she tried to find a way to navigate through the dense terrain of trees, looking for signs to indicate whether she was nearing the exit, or trudging deeper in by the types of foliage around her.
She knew she was most definitely lost and was just about to give up for the day when she bumped into a young man that didn't seem past his late teens. She couldn't remember the exact details of what was said, but she had decided to allow him to lead her out of the woods.
He had seemed nice enough, trying to make friendly conversation with her, she had been taught from a young age not to trust strangers, but she was lost and desperate to get out before the monsters got to her.
And so she followed him...
By the time they got out of the woods, it was dark. He'd convinced her that he had food and that they could make a fire and camp for the night.
Being exhausted and hungry, she took up on the offer against her better judgment.
Before the darkness could claim her for the night, she caught a glimpse of the small sphere embedded in his armband in the corner of her eye
... Bohdi Blastia...
The next day she was ready to set out again once more to wherever the nearest town was, hoping that she could find a place to house her or maybe even take her in. Just as she was about to thank him and leave she was stopped and he'd managed to convince her that he was also heading in that direction and that they could travel there together.
She had agreed, more out of the fact that she knew she wouldn't be able to handle any attacks along the way on her own, especially not at her age.
And so they began their travel. It was only for a mere few days, but in that short time together, she had begun to see him as an older brother figure of sorts, even if she could not remember if she had had any. He fended off any monsters that came by them on his own. Helped to keep her fed and alive, and taught her the basics of survival.
None of which she barely even remembered anymore
It was when they could see a glimpse of the town nearby that he suddenly made a weird suggestion of a detour, something about how the monster herds were nearby and were too much for him alone.
They had headed towards the caverns then.
… That was the first mistake...
As they neared the cave, she could see bands of armed men
She could remember cowering in fear as he pushed her on, convincing her that they were his friends and would let them through.
When they reached the entrance, the men came up to him and patted him on the back, congratulating him for making it back.
And then there was an ache in the back of her head
And everything went dark...
The next time she woke, she found herself bound in chains and in a cage or a cell of sorts.
She saw the boy who had travelled with her amongst the men, they were drinking and singing, shouting and laughing as she could hear faint screams and shouts of a higher pitch in the background.
A look around showed a horrible scene of several young girls and women in various states of undress
... Lacerations and bruises could be seen where skin peeked out from beneath the cloths...
The implications of what had happened to them were clear as day.
It was clear what had happened to them was a preview of what was going to happen to her
She felt anger boiling up within her, she raged and screamed and cursed as she tried to claw her way out of those chains
She was so STUPID
WHAT. AN. IDIOT.
The laughters of the men and the boy drowned out her screams
The boy...
She was betrayed by that boy she was just beginning to trust.
… Her first betrayal…
And it scarred her deeply
Never again
Never again was she ever going to trust another human being
NEVER AGAIN...
… Never again...
How long has it been since then...
Days? Weeks? Months?
...Years...?
The men that came for her had never taken her into the inner chambers of the cave
She knew it was simply because of her age that had protected her from that form of abuse
But that didn't mean she was treated any better than the rest.
… No... not at all…
If anything, she carried the most number of bruises and scars out of the rest
... Chained...
... Beaten...
... Starved...
She was practically their outlet for entertainment and their punching bag
They found... other ways... to entertain themselves with her...
Since they couldn't rape her...yet...
Days blurred into weeks, and weeks into months…
… Months into years...
Time no longer had any meaning
Everything felt like a dream from the moment she was taken
… A nightmare...
She knows that years had probably passed, despite having no sense of time; the physical changes in her body were obvious.
Her legs were a little longer, hands a little bigger and firmer... even her body...
… She stood a little taller…
Her hair had grown out...
The wounds that riddled her body had increased with every passing day; some were already long healed and left a mark, others were fresh and barely started the healing process only for them to be reopened again later.
And every once in a while he would come by; enter her cell, touch her, and run his hands over her body in the mocking form of a caress to force a response out her.
She would simply stand there and let him do whatever he wanted until he got bored and left her alone again as she knew he couldn't lay a hand on her in the way he wanted most
… And she knew he wanted her that way…
IT DISGUSTED HER
Then came that one day when she was finally dragged out of her cage and towards the direction of the inner chambers. And the realisation sets in on her that that she was no longer a child...
That she had grown enough that her age was no longer a protection against her greatest fear
She had known that the men had no qualms about performing sexual acts with minors
And she had been the smallest of the lot
But her age and the fact that she had just barely outgrown the ages of a toddler at the time was what kept them from laying their hands on her.
But she didn't have that protection anymore
When she was brought into the room, she realised that the one standing in front of her was that same boy that had helped her all those years ago…
It finally dawns on her that he would be the first…
She struggled and pulled against their grip as hard as she could
But they were stronger than her
The rest of the men threw her on to the table and restrained her already chained hands but otherwise made no other move on her.
She felt the boy, now a young man crawl atop her, straddling her between his legs as he proceeds to touch her in the same way he does every time.
She remembers struggling, despite knowing she was unable to do anything, that they would at least grow impatient with her and knock her out or kill her so she wouldn't have to feel the experience
She remembers him touching her, running his hands up and down her undeveloped body making her tether the line between disgust and arousal.
She remembers the despair of giving up and resigning to her fate
… Praying it would be over soon…
It wasn't until she felt something… there… and usual feeling of those fingers being replaced with something hot and hard and was pushing into her painfully
… As though she was being torn apart into two from inside
She screamed...
and screamed
and SCREAMED
And she screamed until the she physically couldn't anymore and a bright flash engulfed her vision.
The last thing she saw before the white was the look of horror spreading across his face
… She feels her lips twist into a smirk…
. . .
An indefinite amount of time has passed before she finally woke up again.
The scene around her was utter bedlam.
Sitting up on the table she could see remains of all the men who were in the room and more outside near the entrance to the room.
There were corpses in various states, some were charred beyond recognition, others had been impaled on huge stalagmites protruding from the ground whereas a few others appeared to have been ripped apart by something that tore right through them before the skin gave way. The ones that were closest to her seemed to have suffered all forms of elemental torture before eventually succumbing to their wounds. There were still a few who had survived, but wouldn't be for long if their wounds were anything to go by.
Her would-be rapist was on the ground his face had been charred beyond recognition while his genitals appear to have been ripped from him and were laying on the table still between her legs. His limbs appeared to have been shattered and his chest completely caved in seemingly crushed by a huge impact to his sternum.
Her eyes scanned the room, taking in the sight of the gore around her.
The urge to simply run and never look back was overwhelming. However she also had the urge to survey the damage as well as what could have caused it..
... Out of morbid curiousity...
Doing her best to maneuver around the corpses, she noticed that the blastia on some of the men in the room were glowing it was then she was aware of the slight pulsing around her neck.
It dawned upon her that she was the one responsible for this gruesome art piece.
That in her desperation to escape her fate, her mind just flashed through any form of offensive magic formula hoping that any one of the blastia equipment by the men would react to her cries
It turns out that it did.
… They ALL did...
And the result was the carnage that was now before her...
… Her first kill...
She cautiously made her way out of the room...
… Only to find that the prisoner chambers was also pure utter bedlam...
She had found it uncannily quiet when she had woken up, usually the cave would be filled with moans and groans of either pain or pleasure.
She found her answer to that unasked question in the scene before her.
It would appear that the other prisoners were not spared from her wrath, no matter how it was unintended towards them.
Killing the men, she could handle. Every single one of them were rotten to the core, they deserved it.
But these women
These women were simply victims.
Innocent victims exposed to the mercilessness of men
… Innocent...
Her body reacted then, forcing her to throw up everything that was in the system until she was dry heaving when she no longer had anything to expel.
Innocent... They were innocent
And she had KILLED them...
She ran then, as fast as her legs could carry her away from that place
She ran
and ran
and RAN
... Until she had started to dry heave again before eventually collapsing out of exhaustion...
. . .
How much time had passed since then, she wasn't sure…
When she regained consciousness this time, it was to soft linens against her back and her head propped up against something firm yet soft at the same time. She tried to open her eyes only to find that the sudden brightness and only caused her to squeeze them shut again as she let out a soft groan.
"You're awake"
She turns her head slowly opening her eyes into a squint in the direction of the new voice. She opens her mouth to try to speak but managed nothing more than raspy breaths through her lips.
"Take it easy, don't force yourself to speak just yet. I don't know what could have caused it, actually I could probably guess… but the lining of your larynx was torn and even parts of your vocal cords were damaged when we found you. We have healed it of course, but it would be a few days before you would be able to speak normally again"
The voice, which she had recognised as female from her gentle tone, was surprisingly rather soothing to her ears. It was a huge welcome compared to the years she had spent in that place where the only female voices she could hear were either screams or sounds of pain or pleasure.
"You should get some more rest, we'll talk more later. I'll leave some food and water here for you, eat them later after you wake up, you'll need some energy for our talk later"
She gave a slight nod in acknowledgement before hearing a short clutter somewhere next to her before the woman walks out of the room, once again pulling the curtains of the entrance to the room close.
She closes her eyes and welcomes the darkness
. . .
It felt as though only mere hours had passed since she was last awake.
She slowly blinks her eyes open, realising that it's darker outside as compared to the last time she had awoken. Her eyes were staring straight into the ceiling, realising for the first time that instead of the grey stone of the cave and cage she had grown so used to seeing, it was a shade of blue that was somehow surprisingly relaxing to her.
She blinks at it
... and continues to stare at the ceiling...
She does not know how much time has passed while she stared at the blue.
She does not understand how a simple colour could be so therapeutic…
Realising she hadn't had food or water in days, she swallows.
... her throat feels like sandpaper...
Remembering the woman's words from earlier, she looks to her right and sure enough she sees that there was a tray with a bowl and a glass of water atop it.
Forcing strength into her arms as she tried to sit up on the bed, her hands first reached for the glass of water as soon as she managed an upright position.
She takes small sips from the glass, knowing that with the condition of her throat that gulping down huge amounts of water at a go would only make it worse.
Despite the small sips the cool clean water felt like heaven.
Turning to reach for the tray next, she realised that the soup was still slightly warm
… It was odd, the soup should have been cooled by now...
She took a spoonful, savoring the taste of the creamy texture and the mild flavors of the soup upon her tongue.
It was simply heavenly; she hadn't had anything like it in a long time.
Just as she was reaching for her third spoonful, the sound of the curtains being pulled made her look up at the intruder.
"Oh don't mind me, go ahead and take your time. It's been two days since you last woken up, I'll just be doing a little bit of cleaning then we can talk after you're done"
With that she gave a small smile and left the room again.
She returned her attentions to the soup. It now made sense why the soup was still warm
… Must have been a new batch made just earlier...
The quiet clanging of spoon against bowl was all that filled the room for a while.
She was just about to finish the last of the soup when the woman came back in
"I'm glad to see you're awake, and I see that you took my advice to heart too"
A closer look at the woman told her that this person wasn't a woman at all, but in fact a girl just several years older than her. She appeared to be of average build with bright brown eyes and a gentle smile, a mane of lighter brown pulled into a bun and donned in an odd design of robes that came with a hood of sorts.
Her mind was full of questions as to who these people were, where she currently was, how did she end up here...
She moved her lips to form the words and forced breath through her throat to voice her questions
"W-W-Wh...at...hap...p...en...ed...?"
"We're not sure actually... to be honest, we were hoping you could answer some of our questions too."
The girl's eyes furrowed together as though recalling something she didn't want to remember
"You were in pretty bad shape when we first found you along the road, the 'clothes' you wore were nothing but tattered rags and your hands were chained and legs shackled. Your arms, legs, back, your entire body looks like you had just escaped from a torture chamber there were wounds and scars EVERYWHERE, we healed everything to the best of our abilities but..."
The girl looked down...
"... I'm sorry...
"... we did manage to get rid of the infections from some of the really nasty ones and what we didn't have enough in skill we tried to make it up for with the potions but..."
"... some... some of the scars were just too old and... and healing artes can only heal and cure so much... and... "
"...I am so SO sorry..."
Physical scars of years of that place
"...I-It's...fi...ne..."
That... Nightmare...
Her hands clenched into fists, nails biting into the palm, forming grooves, making her bleed
If the girl noticed, she made no move to acknowledge it.
"You should get some more rest, it may have been two days since you last woke, but you had been unconscious for a week from the time we found you before that."
'... A… we...ek...!?"
"Now I know you have questions and I promise I'll answer as many of them as I possibly can when you fully regain your ability to speak again…
… And I too have some questions I have been hoping you would be able to fill in the blanks for me as well, but for now, just focus on recovering"
The girl collected the tray and made to leave the room, but stopped short just of the entrance
"By the way... My name is Linda, Linda Fortman"
The next few days went by in the same manner, Linda would enter the room bringing her soup and water, everyday she would test out words and sounds from her throat in an attempt to regain her speech.
It took another week before she could speak full sentences without feeling the strain on her throat.
Linda had been patient with her during her time of recovery, but now that she was slowly regaining her basic human abilities she decided that she would leave after she got her answers; no longer wanting to be an extra burden on these kind strangers.
When she could finally speak coherently, she decided that she wanted her answers and beckoned for Linda after she was done with her meal that day
The string of questions had to begin somewhere, so it began with the most basic of questions...
"So, what is your name?"
That simple question gave her pause.
What WAS her name?
She hadn't been called anything other than 'you' or other derogatory pronouns that the men had always referred to their prisoners for years.
To the men, they were no more than animals, objects, and were treated as such...
...She couldn't remember her own name...
Her eyebrows creased together as she tries to dig deeper into her memories to come up with an answer
Her mind wanders to the last memory she's had of the place she grew up in...
The memory of the day she was told to run and escape from the burning town. That person had called her something
...R...R...i...taa...
... Rita...?
She rolled the sound of her name around in her head for a bit before forming the syllables with her lips
"... It's okay if you don't want to say or can't rememb-..."
"... Ri...ta..."
"... I'm sorry?"
"... Rita... My name is Rita... I think..."
"Any family name?"
Once again she dug through whatever she could remember and one name stood out particularly in her mind
...Mordio...
She wasn't sure if it was hers or if the name was someone else's, but the name had stuck out amongst her memories and she decided to stick with it.
Even if it wasn't hers...
... It didn't matter anymore... anyway...
"... Mordio..."
"So... Rita Mordio... Am I right?"
It sounded right, despite not knowing if it was her true name or not.
She nods
"So Rita... I know you have some questions so... ask away"
"Where am I?"
"Currently? We're actually in a medical tent on the Tolbyccia Continent Somewhere away from the any of the major cities. After we found you, the mages decided that it was too dangerous to move you too much and found a clearing away from the herds to set up camp. We had been prepared to camp for days perhaps even weeks when we were called in anyway, so don't go feeling like you're responsible for stopping us"
"...We?"
"Oh, my mistake for forgetting to mention that first; we're mages from Aspio, we had been called in to investigate an incident involving abnormal aer activity in the area; a huge explosion followed by some tremors in the ground were reported from the city. Aspio was contacted and we were called in to investigate the source and report any findings. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"
She narrowed her eyes and looked away as she took a deep breath, doing her best not to look into the young mage's eyes and diverting the question as best as she could
… She didn't want to talk about it… not now at least...
"So... you're a mage...?
"Oh no, I'm just an apprentice, my teacher was the one called in and she decided to bring me along for some field experience. Healers are usually called in as field medics just in case anything happens on the expedition."
"I see..."
"Anything else you'd like to ask?"
She shakes her head in response
"Okay, my turn then."
The girl takes in a deep breath as thought she were trying to gain the courage to ask a question she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers to.
"...What... What happened to you? When we found you it... it wasn't good... To be honest, we're all honestly surprised that you're actually making a full recovery. You were covered with wounds, your clothes, if you can even call them that, were speckled with dried blood. Not to mention that you were horribly malnourished, starved even and severely dehydrated. We hadn't expected you to live past the 3rd day. Especially with the number of infected wounds you had..."
"..."
"... Honestly... I don't really want to ask this but..."
The apprentice sighed
"... As I had mentioned earlier, we had been called in to investigate some abnormal aer activity in the area, The location was not entire specific but... About a couple hundred meters from here we found a... a cave... of sorts..."
Her eyes widened and she froze in horror upon hearing the girl's words as she continued
"... It... It wasn't a... It was a horribly gruesome sight... A few of us lost our meals to the ground when we came across it... T-There were bodies and blood all over the place, and even several body parts had littered the floors..."
She shuddered at the memory of that place, that horrible nightmare she thought she had escaped from... But she continued to listen as the girl struggled to get the words out.
"...We went further in to investigate and we found that the cores of the bohdi blastia the men were equipped with were activated and the aer concentration of the area was also above average... and there was… and we... we also came across a table with blood splatters and a man's... umm... uhh… body part... lying on it... "
She closed her eyes, hoping to forget that image of that aforementioned man above her, the feeling of helplessness as she was restrained while he...
"... I... I don't know how to ask this but... did you... I mean, were you the one who escaped from there...?"
For a while, there was no reaction. Her mind trying yet failing to shut out the vivid nightmares of that place and Linda not knowing how to proceed knowing she had already stepped on a landmine. Just as the apprentice was about to give up from ever getting an answer from the girl, the young girl gave a faint nod and pulled her knees close to hug herself.
"... Do you know what happened to cause such a chaotic mess in there...?"
"... I did..."
That answer shocked the healer apprentice; they had a feeling it might be the case when they found the girl not too far away from that macabre scene but to have their suspicions confirmed was another thing altogether. She was going to have to report this to her teacher about it later but for now it seemed like the had found the source of their investigation.
"... Would you like to tell me how it happened?"
The young girl removed her face from between her knees and creased her eyebrows trying to recall anything she could
"... I... I'm not sure... actually... The last thing I remembered was being thrown onto the table and being restrained by the men while he tried to... to..."
She took a deep breath to calm herself
"... All I remember is feeling the desperation to escape, my mind ran a mile a minute with blastia formulas and algorithms praying that any one of them would react and…"
Linda didn't interrupt as she struggled to get the words out
"... and then when he... forced himself onto... into... me, I just screamed and... and then everything just went white…
... When I woke up... everyone was dead... Even those other women... t-they were innocent and I... I...
... I... killed them..."
Just as soon as the last words left her mouth, the realisation sets in and the dam broke.
For the first time in years, she broke down as everything that she had endured and experienced over the past few years came crashing down on her. From the day she was made to leave and escape her town on her own as a young child, to the day she was betrayed by someone she thought she could grow to trust, and today when she realised that she had killed so many people, even though unintentionally, she had not only killed the villans, but she murdered innocents as well all because she could not control her emotions. Her hands were so stained with blood she didn't know if she could even wash it off
The healer apprentice had just sat there listening to the tale of the young girl... she was so young, yet had gone through so much more than most people would in a lifetime. Giving in to the urge to comfort the girl before her, she slowly approached her and drew her into her arms in a hug, allowing the girl to cry on her shoulder while she rubbed her back attempting to sooth her.
It was a while before the crying died down and breathing slowed to a regular rhythm. By the time the she pulled the girl out of her arms, the young child was fast asleep having exhausted herself with crying.
She tucked the girl back under and covers and left to report on to her teacher about confession of their charge.
The next day she was called into the Mages' tent to confirm her story and confession. After they had heard from her, they were certain that the issue they had been called into to investigate had been resolved. They had explained to her then that what she had done was not entirely her fault as no one had taught her how to control her 'gift'.
"You have an extraordinary affinity with aer and blastia, being able to calculate and formulate the algorithms at such a young age is unheard of. What happened in there was an accident, a tragic one no doubt, but an accident none the less. You may not have heard of the term, but when your emotions went berserk with terror and desperation, you triggered the overlimit ability that the bandits had innate in their possession and all those formulas and algorithms you had recalled were, in a matter of fact, spells of elemental nature. Just so as you had reached out to the blastia, they had reacted to you, albeit in a violent manner."
"Blastia is a device that helps to amplify and retain skills that a user had already learned, this also include elemental magic spells and formulas. However, unlike with strength enhancement skills or physical attack and weapon skills which can be gain simply by equiping the required equipment, new elemental magic has to first have their formulas embedded into the blastia first before it can be used without the need of a formula. Which is exactly what had happened in that situation; the bohdi blastia the bandits were equipped with only had weapon and physical attribute skills. In your attempt to get the blastia to react to you, you had unintentionally imprinted the blastia with the formulas and were thus at your disposal there on forth.
Blastia is naturally a reactant according to its wearer's will. Which is how we can tap into the skills that have already been imbedded in a blastia once without then need of thinking up the right formulas everytime. not everyone has an affinity with magic, yet some fighters are able to use basic spells without knowing the formulas for it. The reason for that lies in the fact that said skills were already imprinted into the blastia.
Usually however, bohdi blastia only reacts to their wearer and no one else, same with magic, but when the aer concentration goes above a certain level, even the most experienced of mages can lose control of their spells and magic.
The aer concentration in that cave had been rather high and it is actually a wonder that you have managed to survive in it for so long. Anyway, that was what caused the bohdi blastia to be even more reactive than usual. That, on top of your natural affinity with aer and blastia had caused it to react to the surge of emotions and resulted in... well that incident in the cave..."
She bowed her head lower in shame remembering the incident
"Raise your head child, while you are not blameless, it is not entirely your fault. Tell me, what is your name?"
"... Rita Mordio..."
Her voice soft and hesitant with guilt
"Don't feel ashamed child. You have been proven a prodigy at your young age, however you lack the control required of your skill and it appears that you have not been taught it at all. Young Rita Mordio, we are proposing that you return with us to Aspio; there, we may find a teacher to guide you in the ways of a mage and how to control your 'gift'."
She remembers that voice failed her, and all she could do was nod.
The rest of the days and months passed in a blur, she remembers being introduced to an elderly man, a master of his craft, his name she no longer recalls. He taught her how to control the amount of aer she conducts through her blastia after several incidents where they miscalculated her affinity with the aer and it destroyed down a research facility or two.
She must have apologised over a hundred times over that mistake.
He simply laughed it off and told her that it happens sometimes with new apprentices and to not worry.
They affixed a limiter formula into her blastia choker after that day
She stayed with him during the course of her apprenticeship.
He was like a grandfather to her.
He was her teacher until he got severely ill. He taught her everything he knew and she picked everything up as though she had been a blastia mage for years.
He passed two years later, age had finally caught up with him.
She had also still kept in contact with Linda, who after a year from their first meeting, had finally graduated from her apprenticeship. The two met occasionally, just doing research together, or just sitting for a chat. They didn't have a horribly close relationship, but she was probably the closest thing she had to a friend.
And then that accident at expedition to aer krene happened.
And she lost Linda too.
By then she was already considered a master, and had built quite a reputation for herself as the youngest genius blastia Mage in existence. She continued to stay on in the shack her teacher used to live in. But refurbished it with her own stuff and added a second floor with some help.
… It may not be home… but it was the closest she's had in a long time…
She threw herself into her research then, finishing up whatever her predecessor had left behind and pcking up and starting up new projects along the way. Everything from figuring out new ways to improve the aer to blastia conversion efficiency, to working out new formulas or simply digging up old texts to read up on ancient blastia and the mythical beliefs of the Rizomata Formula.
She would find excuses and take up research expeditions from the capital just to get away from her memories.
The nightmares came and went, but she had found a way to deal with them.
Her tempers got worse as she started hitting puberty, everyone started leaving her alone then.
There were days when everything from grief to frustration caught up to her and she blew up...
Literally...
That was when it started wasn't it? That was when she gained a new reputation as a weirdo.
She didn't trust the other mages, she knew they didn't like her anyway.
And then came that fateful day when THEY barged into her house, calling her a thief
And she threw a fireball at them
She remembers that her first impression of the princess was that the girl reminded her of Linda...
She closes her eyes and allows her subconsciosness to claim her...
The familiar wood ceiling of the cabin in the Fiertia stares back at her.
She realises it's still dark out.
She blinks at the ceiling, and realises that it was all just a dream.
It's been awhile since she dreamt of her memories so vividly...
... Or whatever little she remembers of them anyway...
Knowing she's not going to be getting anymore sleep for now, she climbs out of her cot and heads for the deck.
She leans on the rails, staring out into the distance over the port side of the deck while she muses over how the ocean is as black if not darker as the night sky it reflects.
"Couldn't sleep too?"
She does even have to turn to the source of the voice to know who it is
"... Just the usual... issues..."
"Nightmares?"
"Close..."
"...?"
"Memories..."
The stillness of the night and the quiet ocean breeze is all the passes between them for a while.
"... Do you want to talk about it?"
"..."
"Well... I'm having trouble sleeping to. Everytime they're there... Ragou, Cumore and Bar-"
"You're not the only one with blood on their hands..."
The sudden interruption comes as a surprise to him
"... I...I've... killed, too. Pfft, not that they didn't deserve it. It was accidental"
"!?"
A self depreciating laugh at his speechlessness
"At least you didn't get any innocents dragged into your mess"
She states it like it was a matter of fact and ends it there. Surprised that her voice sounds steadier than the struggle she had felt to get those words out
"... Rita..."
"So don't go thinking you're the only one..."
Deciding that it was enough heart to heart for the day she turns to make her way back to the cabins.
Just as she was turning to leave he grabbed onto her arm
"Rita"
"..."
Her eyes followed the hand up the arm and back to its owner
"...How... How did you get over it?"
She stared directly into his eyes as gave him his answer
"I never said that I did"
She sighed and moved to remove his grip from her arm, once again turning to look over the deck into the night sky, returning to her previous position.
"...I still dream about it... sometimes you know..."
"... Tonight...?"
"... Yeah..."
She senses him moving closer to her, they were almost standing shoulder to shoulder now.
She feels the heat of his body through the clothing, warm in contrast with the cool ocean night breeze.
Her body now familiar to his warmth, his scent, is starting to react; already knowing how this is going to end judging from their current... position.
As innocent as it may seem now, the distance between them was slowly but surely closing in.
She tries to distract herself by talking, rambling to buy time despite the electricity she can already feel running through her veins just by being in such close proximity to him.
"... I... Lost control... The first time I performed magic, it was completely accidental... I was... I was in a bad situation, and in my panic I triggered overlimit in the surrounding blastia without knowing it... The result... was not pretty..."
Trying her best to cool the heat that's already starting to warm her up in more ways than one
"... So that's why..."
"You've probably realised by now some of my incantations are completely original, the bigger the spell the longer I create the incantation to focus my control on the spell..."
It finally made sense to him, the first time he heard Rita's chanting he had thought it something all mages did... Until he met enemy mages and realised that some of Rita's incantations were completely original...
It started to make more and more sense as to why Rita's casting and incantations were so much longer sometimes.
"... More effort goes into fire based spells because of my affinity with the element apparently..."
Now that he thinks about it, he's realised that the number of Rita's fireballs whenever she casts them has increased significantly in number compared to when they first met... Not to mention the new spells she has that he hasn't see any other mage perform before.
"...Heh... How ironic..."
He watches as her expression twists into one of pain and sadness and chooses not to prod further; instead he places a hand on her shoulder in a sign of comfort.
The warmth that passes through his hand and into her body makes her take a shuddering breath and her body reacts and and a shiver runs up her spine at his touch.
She turns to look at him. A small smile forms on her lips, thanking him for being there.
She thinks of how ironic it was that she had initially started sharing a bit about her past in an attempt to lighten his burden but ended up being the one comforted by him instead.
He returns her smile. They stay like that for a while before his smile starts to fade as he moves closer towards her; the hand on her shoulder moving to the back of her head as a support while he presses a kiss onto her forehead...
He pulls away and she looks up at him
The way he looks at her makes her wonder if her face betrays the fear she feels
He leans in again for another...
This time to her lips
She shut her eyes and simply accepts, leaning into him. She opens her mouth slightly to return the kiss
And feels his teeth pull on her lower lip
Her mouth opens wider and she feels his tongue play at her lips.
The slight ticklish sensation sends a shiver down her spine.
It is times like these that confuse her.
There are days when he is rough, when he forces her down into the mattress of whichever inn they are in, barely bothering to undress before he starts pushing himself into her, making her tether the fine line between pain and pleasure during times where she's barely prepared enough to accommodate him; and he barely looks at her face even as he takes her n a ferocious manner that makes all their clothing chafe against skin because of friction and it hurts and there are marks left in unnoticeable places and he bites into her skin hard enough to draw blood…
He doesn't even try to kiss her during days like these and she knows she is simply an outlet for him to vent. A possession for him to mark as his simply to keep him anchored.
And she lets him
There are those days when he pushes her up against a wall and takes her hard and fast and she claws and bites into his clothes to cover up her moans when he isn't smothering her mouth with his own to help her mask the sounds. And he simply takes and takes and takes all of her over and over again until he is satisfied and spent.
He doesn't even look at her during days like those and it convinces her that she is a replacement for that someone else he is imagining in the moment.
She has an idea who exactly, it's not much of a mystery after the she saw them that night in Mantaic…
There are also those days where he seems to know that she is the one who needs to vent and he seeks her out or simply goes to where he knows she would be and lets her dictate the intensity of their encounter according to her current disposition and it usually ends up being somewhere between rough and loving and it confuses the hell out of her because she knows she means nothing to him and yet he sometimes treats her as though she does and she knows it's not true but she is happy during those times and...
... And then there are days like these where he is gentle, treating her as a lover would;
Pressing soft and gentle kisses to her face and her lips, his tongue playful and teasing; his hands firm and calloused yet patient, rough yet soft at the same time, running down her body, touching her like she was something precious. The pads of his fingers sinking into her skin as though he was marveling at the softness of it...
His hands would reach for her sash, loosening it just enough to be able to part her robes. While her neck was a hand off zone, not wanting to allow the others even a hint of their immorality, he had free reign over her shoulders and chest; there he would sink his teeth in and leave his marks on the sensitive skin around her breast and collarbone. And she loves the feeling of his hands and mouth on her the way his touch electrifies every single nerve in her body making her beg for more of his touch and she's drowning in his scent, his touch and...
... She doesn't know what she feels for him, doesn't want to put a name to it… yet...
Her emotions are a jumble when it comes to him...
Her thoughts turn incoherent
What she feels doesn't make sense to her.
She knows they are comrades... friends, even.
But their current... situation... complicates things so much further
She didn't have any feelings for him when she first started... sleeping... with him…
So what's changed now...?
. . .
She feels his tongue prodding into her mouth as his hands reached lower and lower, the pads of his finger sinking into the soft skin as he coaxes a moan out of her.
He runs his hand up and down her thigh in a gentle caress...
The other hand moving up to her face to angle it and his thumb pushing down on her chin to open her mouth a little wider...
She loses herself in the sensations and her mind wanders to when it all started
To when she got trapped in this whole affair and the web of lies came entangled with it...
That first time when they had built a rapport between them only to somehow end up falling into bed together with him sometime back in Heliord...
A/N
This was SUPPOSED to be released during Christmas or at least New Years... got delayed severely due to life. Tried to make it in time for Valentines... failed that too...
Gave up waiting for proofreaders and editing to be done, posted without any major edits.
Sorry... Will try to make a much more satisfactory chapter the next time