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CHAPTER THREE

Edward's POV

I was shaking from head to foot from the cold and my emotions and I would have collapsed on the doormat if Emmett hadn't suddenly gathered me up into his arms. I realised that somehow I was wrapped in his ski jacket and supposed Jasper must have put it on me when Emmett took Jacob his rug back.

"Wh-where's M-Mom?" I stammered. My teeth were chattering violently and I could barely feel my hands.

"At work, she got called in for an extra shift. Jas, make some hot chocolate or something," Emmett said and began to head upstairs, carrying me as if I weighed no more than a child.

I still had tears rolling down my face and I struggled to suppress them, feeling like a fool. Emmett would think I was stupid and I hated looking that way in front of him. He sat me down on the toilet seat in my bathroom and turned the hot water on to fill the bath. Then he turned back to me and kneeled on the mat, beginning to untie my ruined shoes. I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, that I would do it myself, but I knew my numb hands wouldn't have been capable of much. I looked down at them and realised that the ring had gone from my finger - I must have lost it in the struggle with Jacob. I flinched slightly. It wasn't that the diamond held good memories for me - far from it - but I could just imagine what Dad would say if he found out I lost it.

'Edward, your grandfather didn't become wealthy by throwing away four thousand dollars as if it were nothing. When are you going to learn the value of things?'

I put it out of my mind for the present and was instantly reminded that Jacob had told Emmett what I tried to do and I could only imagine what he was thinking - weak, pathetic Edward. I shuddered and closed my eyes as he pulled the ski jacket off me again. Oh, God - Jacob Black. He was probably already with his friends, telling them all how ridiculous I was, laughing about what I'd come to after I'd actually gloated that I took Bella away from him. I put my hands over my face with a groan.

Emmett was urging me to my feet so he could get my pants off and I obeyed him like a small helpless child, my eyes still squeezed shut until I heard my brother's shocked gasp.

"Fucking Christ, Edward, what the hell have you done to yourself?"

"I've been sick." I reluctantly opened my eyes as he gripped my shoulders. "I'm alright."

"You're not alright, Edward, you're half starved!"

To my horror, Emmett turned me around until I faced the full length mirror in the corner, something I had avoided looking in for quite a while. I knew what I looked like, but now Emmett was forcing me to face it and I reluctantly met the eyes of my reflection and cringed. My skin was pale - I had always been pale, I wasn't much of a sun-worshipper, which was probably just as well living in Forks; Emmett got his tan from a sunbed - but now my skin looked almost translucent, the veins visible in places. My arms and legs were so thin they looked as if they would snap with a little effort and my shoulder and hip bones and my ribs pushed against the skin which seemed to be stretched thinly over them with very little flesh in between. It was no surprise Bella hadn't wanted me and yet it had been her who started the whole stupid thing.

"Edward, you need to lose a few pounds, you're getting quite a paunch, it's really not attractive."

I hadn't thought that was the case at the time, but she made me feel unattractive and I ate less. Somehow it had gotten to be a habit until I could barely stomach a child's portion of food at a time and I slowly lost more and more weight. Although Mom had commented that I looked too thin when I came home, no one had picked up on my eating habits since the family rarely ate together and if I skipped a meal or several, no one noticed. In addition during the few months I had lived with Bella, my family had barely seen me.

"I told you, I've been sick," I repeated.

"Sick! Fucking hell, Edward, wait until Mom and Dad see you!" Emmett shook his head and steered me towards the bath. His shocked look had been replaced by one of sadness. "What the fuck did that bitch do to you? And how did we not even notice this last week?"

"Emmett, I don't want to talk about it, please," I begged.

"Fine. You know I'm shit at this stuff anyway. You can talk to Mom." He helped me into the bath and I lowered myself slowly into the scalding water. "Sorry if I sound...like I usually sound, I'm just...I'm upset," he said awkwardly. "You're my little brother, I hate seeing you hurt."

"I'll be ok," I said faintly.

Emmett went to the door as Jasper appeared, but much to my relief sent him away again. He sat back down on the mat beside the bath and passed me a steaming mug of hot chocolate with cream and chocolate sprinkles, just like Mom always made us when we were kids. I sipped it and felt the heat of it warming my insides while the bath water heated me from the outside. The last few days since what should have been my wedding had seemed to pass by without me realising it and I could scarcely believe I was actually back home. I should have been relieved that it was all over, but since Dad and Emmett brought me back in the limo, all everyone had done was talk at me as if they thought it would take my mind off things. All I wanted was to be left alone and I sure as hell didn't want to talk about how I felt. That was the worst thing about Mom being a shrink - she thought she could help, that making me think and talk would help, when really I just wanted to forget it all. Like that was going to be possible now. What a fucking idiot I was. I failed at everything - even killing myself. Damn Jacob Black for turning up right then; I wished he had just driven by.

"...heard his car," Emmett was saying.

"What?"

"I said I think Dad's back." He got to his feet.

"Oh God, don't tell him about this, please," I groaned.

"Edward, there is no way we're covering this up. You need some help. It's not just about the fact that you almost threw yourself off the cliff; you're not eating either and you're going to end up really sick. I know that bitch broke your heart with what she did, but it's not worth all of this."

"Emmett, don't," I protested. "I'll be fine now I'm home."

He ignored me, opened the door and set off downstairs. Shit. I moved quickly, scrambling out of the bath, throwing one towel over the mirror and using another to dry myself off as fast as I could manage before I dragged on shorts, loose fitting jeans and two sweaters. By the time Dad appeared I was sitting on my bed with my laptop resting on my legs. He closed the door and sat on the end of the bed, talking about how hurt I must be over being jilted and how I would move on from it if I gave myself time and how it wasn't worth throwing my life away for and that I needed to start taking better care of myself. I listened and nodded and grunted when appropriate, but mostly I tried to tune his voice out. I didn't want to hear it. That was all everybody thought. Bella left me at the altar and my heart was broken. Me collapsing afterwards had apparently confirmed that and sure, I'd been shocked to the point of my legs giving way, but part of that had been relief. I considered telling Dad that for about a minute, but if I did that I would have to tell him everything else and I didn't even want to think about most of it; I was too ashamed. I wondered if Jacob Black had felt like this too. Probably not - he hadn't even lived with her and he was a lot tougher than me. He was a man and I was a stupid weak boy who hadn't known any better.

Dad left me alone eventually and when Mom came home, it was her turn to try talking to me in the same way she talked to her patients. She told me she had arranged to take two weeks' leave from work to look after me and that from now on, she and Emmett and Jasper would all be eating at the table with me three times a day. She was horrified that I appeared to be in such a bad way and told me she felt terrible that she had been too preoccupied to really notice. I protested that I needed some time to myself, but it was clear I wasn't going to get it. The whole family seemed convinced I was only waiting for another opportunity to 'do something silly' and that plenty of decent meals and love and attention was all I needed.

Every time Mom talked to me, I told her what I thought she wanted to hear. I let her go on thinking that my love for Bella and her ultimate rejection was responsible for my behaviour and three times a day I sat at the dining table with the others, occasionally with Dad as well when he was home and shoved the food around my plate, forcing some of it down my neck and grimacing with every bite. Even the small portions I was given were a struggle to swallow and the sight of the mountain of food on Emmett's plate only made me feel sick.

I learned that Dad had called Jacob to thank him for coming to my aid and in addition, promised to send all of the family cars to him for servicing in the future. The thought of the pair of them talking about me was mortifying and I dreaded the day when my Volvo may need work doing, forcing me to face Jacob again.

Ten days later I dared to glance at myself in my bathroom mirror again and discovered that there was already a surprising difference. I was definitely filling out, my bones no longer looking as if they were trying to cut through my skin and I didn't know how to feel about it. I was so used to seeing myself in a certain way that the change alarmed me. My parents and brothers were organising everything and I felt like I was being bulldozed, losing control of myself all over again. The biggest decision I seemed to be making was what to wear each day and the longer it went on, the more I withdrew into myself in an attempt to escape it.

The following morning I rose early - even before Emmett who was always in the gym by seven - and crept down there in sweats and a t-shirt. Damned if I was going to let them bully me. Much more of this and that ugly paunch would be back and no one would ever want me again, although it was highly unlikely they would anyway. Many of the things Bella had said to me continued to replay in my mind over and over, but one was more prominent than the others.

'You should think yourself lucky that you have me, Edward, no one else in their right mind would ever look twice at you.'

"Leave me alone," I muttered aloud. I switched on the treadmill, warmed up with a gentle jog and then increased the speed. I was probably the least fit person I knew and even eleven minutes per mile was hard work for me, but I ploughed on, gasping and sweating, clinging to the support bar in front of me until I physically could not run another step.

I continued this for the next couple of weeks without being found out and it seemed to be the ideal solution. Running daily prevented any more weight gain, but at the same time I developed an appetite and was able to eat with more enthusiasm, which in turn kept everybody else happy. Mom had gone back to work now, but Emmett and Jasper continued insisting on meals being eaten together at the table. I felt better for the first time since the wedding - I was in control of things again. I was in control of me and I remained so right up until the day Emmett had a fight with Rosalie. He stormed home one evening, slammed into his room and presumably tossed and turned all night. So when I was pounding the treadmill in the morning and Emmett was restless and in a temper, the first thing he did was come down to the gym to take it out on the punchbag. I wasn't even aware he had come in until he spoke, or rather yelled.

"Edward, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

I stumbled and almost flew off of the back of the treadmill, only just managing to save myself and lift my feet up onto the stationery edges while I turned the machine off. I stepped down and turned to face Emmett, who was glowering.

"No wonder you stopped putting weight on; Dad was starting to think you must have something wrong with you."

"There's nothing wrong with me other than all of you bullying me," I said. "I'm sick of it and I don't want to get fat again."

"Fat? You've never been fat, Edward, don't be ridiculous," Emmett said. "As for us bullying you - we're trying to help you. Hasn't it ever occurred to you that we might be worrying about you? That we want to take care of you?"

"I can take care of myself! I'm not a child! I wish you'd just all leave me the hell alone!" I shouted at him and ran from the gym and up to my room.

I slammed the door and locked it before heading into the shower, scrubbing myself vigorously and muttering under my breath the whole time about my interfering family not giving a damn about how I felt and how I knew what was best for me. By the time I was dried and dressed Mom was knocking on the door, calling out worriedly that Emmett had told her what I'd been doing and she needed to talk to me. I grabbed my wallet and car keys, purposefully leaving my cellphone turned off on the bed table, pulled on a coat and opened the door.

"Edward, where are you going?" Mom protested as I stepped past her and jogged down the stairs.

"Out!"

"Jesus, Edward, what's the rush?" Jasper grabbed my arm and halted me before I got to the door. "What's going on anyway?"

"Leave me alone, Jasper," I told him.

"Where are you going?"

"Just leave me alone, I want some time on my own for once!" I cried, shoving him hard in the chest. He let go of me suddenly and I jerked the door open. In less than a minute I was in my car heading down the driveway, watching Jasper and Emmett in my mirror as they stood on the porch watching me. I pressed my foot harder on the gas and sped towards the end of the drive. Finally I had my own space, for the first time in more than three weeks.

I headed into Forks. I didn't have any idea what I would do, but just escaping from Mom and Emmett and Jasper's constant 'helping' was a relief. I parked up in a lot close to the centre of town and began to wander about, window-shopping outside stores not yet open and quickly beginning to feel guilty that they were probably all worrying about me now and thinking I might do something to myself. Consequently my guilt only grew and spoiled what I had intended to be a couple of hours just enjoying my own space. Eventually I went back to the car and reluctantly began to head home, driving slowly and thinking about the third degree I would have to face when I got in.

I was brought out of my thoughts when the steering wheel began to shake suddenly in my hands and the car pulled to the left, attempting to cross the centre line of the cliff road. The whole vehicle started to feel sluggish and I fought to pull it back into line, touching the brake gently. Damnit - a flat. I muttered and cursed, guiding the car to the shoulder where I stopped and got out, looking in dismay at the front tyre which was almost off the rim. I had never changed a wheel in my life, but it looked like I was going to have to do it now. Stupid jerk Edward, leaving my phone at home. Well, how hard could it be? Unscrew the wheel, take it off, put the spare on. Even I couldn't fuck that up. Where's the spare?

I unlocked the trunk and looked inside. It had to be in there, right? The trunk of course, appeared empty except for the can of oil, bottle of water and rug I always kept in there. It took me a couple more minutes to figure out the wheel had to be underneath the carpet and then another ten minutes to get it out of the car and find the jack and the tyre iron. I knew in theory what to do, I'd just never done it in practise. I slid the jack beneath the car, just as a red truck pulled over and halted behind me. The very same red truck I had travelled home in after Jacob Black stopped me going over the cliff. Oh shit. It would be him. Out of everyone who could have driven past and seen me in this predicament, it had to be him.

"Need some help?" He halted a couple of feet from me. I could see his boots from the corner of my eye as I crouched on the ground with the jack and I didn't look up. I could feel my face turning red.

"No, I'm fine," I said quickly. "Thanks."

"Suit yourself." He backed off a couple of steps and I continued with what I was doing, well aware he was still watching. I pumped up the jack a little way and heard an alarming creaking noise. Hell, it was probably in the wrong place and about to break something. Completely mortified, I sat back on my heels.

"Jacob?"

"Yeah."

I got to my feet, hating to look at him. What must he be thinking? Useless Cullen, can't even change a wheel.

"I'm sorry, I just..." Be honest, I told myself. He offered to help, didn't he? "I'm embarrassed," I confessed. "You saw me at the lowest point I've ever been. I feel pretty ridiculous now."

"There's no need. I've been there remember - almost. I didn't try and throw myself off of a cliff, but I might have felt like it once or twice," he said easily. "And in case you're wondering, I didn't tell anyone. Are you ok now?"

"Yes," I lied.

"Good. So let's take a look at this."

I watched as Jacob removed the jack, grabbed the tyre iron and loosened the wheel nuts, making it look easy although his arm muscles bulged under the long sleeved t-shirt he was wearing. Once this was done he positioned the jack in a completely different place to where I had put it, raised the car and then finished unscrewing the wheel. In ten more minutes the spare was on, the jack removed and he was just tightening up the last nut. He put the original wheel in the trunk along with the tools and slammed the lid down. I pulled my wallet out quickly.

"Um...thanks, I really appreciate it. How much do I owe you?"

"Nothing, Edward, it was just changing a wheel, forget it," he said.

"Oh, but..."

"Put your money away. Your father sends me plenty of business."

"Ok." I put my wallet away again. "Well, thank you, for stopping."

"No problem." He gave me a slight smile, returned to his truck and a moment later he was gone.

I got back in the Volvo and sat staring at the steering wheel for a minute. I was still embarrassed that he had to come along and see how useless I was after he had already caught me about to finish myself off. He had said he didn't tell anyone what happened and that puzzled me. Somehow I had imagined him and his friends laughing and joking about me, gloating that the fool who took Bella from him had ended up jilted and suicidal. I grimaced, but I still wished he had let me pay for changing the wheel. Maybe I could repay him in some other way, for both that and for being discreet.

I drove home slowly and as predicted, had to face Mom, Emmett and Jasper worrying and demanding to know what I was thinking, trying to undo all the good work and then taking off without a word. As usual I said what I thought would appease them and promised to stay out of the gym in the future. Emmett took to locking it at night just in case, which basically said they didn't trust me and only made me feel more resentful. However, I had something else to do which I decided to concentrate on instead.

Two days later on Sunday afternoon, I found myself driving over to the La Push Reservation, a six-pack of Budweiser on the seat beside me, coming up with a dozen reasons in my head why it was a bad idea, the main one being that Jacob would think I was a jerk, but I still wanted to say thanks for helping me out so I went on with it anyway, my sweaty hands slipping on the steering wheel and my mouth dry as I went over in my head what I would say. A year ago it would have been easy - 'thanks for helping me out the other day, I appreciate it.' Simple. But a lot had happened in the last year, mostly my confidence completely deserting me.

Twice I slowed the car and almost turned around and went home, but suddenly I was in front of the garage, perhaps fifty yards from his house and it was too late to change my mind. If he was home he probably saw me out the window. I hesitated another minute, then grabbed the beers, got out of the car and walked up to the house, knocking quickly and then holding my breath. What the hell was I doing? Oh shit, what if he thought I was hitting on him? I almost turned tail and ran at the thought, but then the door opened and he was right in front of me, a surprised look on his face.

"Edward."

"Hello." I licked my dry lips. "I...um...I felt guilty that you wouldn't take any money for fixing my car the other day. I thought maybe...I don't know if you drink beer, but..." I stammered.

Jacob grinned. "It's my favourite brand." He reached out and took the six-pack from me. "Thanks, but you really didn't have to."

"Well, I wanted to. To say thanks." I heaved a sigh of relief. Job done. Now I could go home and...

"Do you want to come in and have one of these?"

"Sure," I heard myself say after a brief hesitation. "Ok." I stepped into the house, closed the door and followed him down the hall and into a lounge. I hovered until he waved me towards the sofa and passed me a beer before throwing himself into an armchair and sticking his feet up on the coffee table, boots and all. I gazed around the large room, taking in plain cream coloured walls, brown carpet, dark wood, a large television set, pictures on the walls of cars and motorcycles and a cabinet with several family photographs on it. One showed Jacob several years younger, his hair long, with a man who was clearly his father. Another showed the father as a young man with a pretty pregnant woman in his arms and yet another showed Jacob as he was now, a close-up of his face probably taken with a cellphone, a young shaggy-haired guy kissing him on the cheek and grinning. My eyes widened and I realised Jacob was watching me look at the photos. My face heated up as he smirked at me.

"That's Brady," he said and laughed. "After Bella, I guess I had enough of women."

"So you're gay? Just like that?" I blurted.

"Not exactly. I guess I was always curious."

"My brother Jasper's gay," I said. "You probably know that. How did you meet...Brady?"

"I just ran into him one day - I mean, literally, I hit his car with my truck," he laughed. "I repaired his car and the rest, as they say, is history." He grimaced slightly now. "It kind of works."

"You don't sound so sure," I said boldly, surprised that it was so easy to talk to him.

He shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I expected something more out of it. What about you? Don't suppose you'll be seeing anyone else yet."

"No, definitely not."

Somehow I managed to spend an hour talking to him and drink two of the beers before I suggested it was time I took off. It was the first time in weeks I had felt relaxed, like I wasn't being judged or scrutinised, but I didn't want to outstay my welcome. As it was, I ended up hanging around the shop for another half hour while Jacob put a new tyre on my wheel and switched it for the spare, telling me he would add it to the next invoice he sent to my Dad.

"Where have you been, Edward?" Mom asked the minute I walked into the kitchen. She was making dinner and now turned to look at me rather anxiously.

"I just went to get Jacob Black to put a new tyre on my car, I got a flat," I said.

"Oh!"

"What's for dinner?" I asked to prevent her quizzing me any more about what had obviously given her a surprise. I was surprised myself, that something as simple as sharing a beer with someone I scarcely knew could have made me feel so much better.