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Chapter Three: Listening to Silence

It was 12:07 A.M. Leonard lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet of his room. He loved listening to the silence. It was something someone wouldn't think possible; but if you listened closely enough, you could hear it. The silence. It was in the rustle of Leonard's bed sheets as his moved his foot. It was in the wind, tapping so quietly it almost wasn't audible on his windowpane. It was in Sheldon's room across from his own, where his roommate had not yet come back. And it was 12:07 A.M.

Suddenly he saw a green light on his ceiling, dancing in patterns over his eyes. He turned over, groaning, and grabbed his cell phone. Before he could say one word into it, he heard a shrill voice.

"Leonard, it's me." From simply hearing the voice, Leonard knew that Penny was biting on her nails. "Listen, I need to talk to you."

"What do you need?"

"Are you in bed?"

"Yeah, I have to be at work early tomorrow. What's this about?" Leonard turned on his bedside lamp and sat up, pinching the bridge of his nose. He heard Penny let out a shaky breath into the phone and stopped. The silence was stronger than ever.

"Penny, what's wrong? Do you need to come over?"

"It's about Sheldon."

Leonard felt his heart rise to his throat. A knot tied in his stomach, and then another, and then another. He remembered Sheldon's glare that morning, the way his voice wavered like it never had before. The way Leonard was unusually angry with him. What about Sheldon? What had he done? What had Sheldon done?

"Can you come over?"

Penny was silent for a moment. "I don't think he should be there when I talk to you."

Leonard felt sick before saying to Penny, "He's not here right now."

"It's…" Leonard could almost hear Penny shifting on her couch looking at her clock. He could almost feel the silk of her pajama pants. He could almost see her eyes, worried and confused, shining as she told him everything she needed to.

"12:09. Why isn't he home?" But before Leonard could answer, she had hung up the phone; and before he even got out of bed, he heard a knock on his door. Leonard's feet touched the cold floor and he winced. He shrugged on a hoodie and tiptoed to the door before realizing he didn't need to be quiet; Sheldon wouldn't be angry at him for waking him up. Sheldon wasn't there. Sheldon was gone.

Sheldon wasn't gone, Sheldon just wasn't here. Leonard's mind was racing as he opened the door and saw Penny in those pink silk pajama pants that he imagined just seconds earlier. She strode into the room, arms crossed against the cold. She paused at a spot by the kitchen counter, staring into one spot on the floor, as if seeing something that wasn't there. Leonard quietly closed the door. She knew something about Sheldon that he didn't, and for some reason, that angered him. He wanted Sheldon to tell him what was going on—he wanted Sheldon to talk to him, like a normal roommate, like a normal human being—

"He smashed two bowls right here," Penny said shakily, pointing at the ground. "He knocked them off the counter with his arm, and they fell and broke. I cleaned it up so you or Howard or Raj or Sheldon wouldn't step on any glass."

"Glass? Why did he knock it off?"

"He was angry."

"He deliberately did this? Were you hurt?"

"No, he was—confused—I don't know, but he was upset…"

"What happened, Penny?"

"That scar! That scar, have you ever seen it?"

As soon as she said it, Leonard felt his heart grow cold. He didn't know, of course not. But something in her voice, something in the way she was looking at him told Leonard that he should have known. That it wasn't just one of Sheldon's odd phases, but it was something much, much more.

"What are you talking about?" Leonard asked quietly.

"He has this huge fricken scar, right here!" Penny almost shrieked, grabbing her stomach. "It's bloody, and gross, and it looks like it really, really hurts!"

"How did he get it?" Leonard asked, feeling dizzy.

"I don't know, that's why I came to you!" Penny dropped her arms, and Leonard felt as though her hands were pulling at his shirt, begging for an answer. "He was really upset, he was almost—I don't know, crying or something…"

"He wasn't crying, I know that," Leonard said, turning to the countertop and running his hand along it.

"He was! And that scar!"

"Maybe it was just something from when he was a kid. He and his siblings used to fight a lot. I mean, it sucks, but he used to get beat up a lot. Hell, we all did!" Leonard said, suddenly angry with Penny. "Me, Raj, Howard, Sheldon—all of us. Nobody likes that one nerd in class, no one wanted to be friends with us. He's never brought it up, so it's probably not serious."

"You've got to be kidding," Penny breathed, tears stinging at her eyes. "It wasn't just from fooling around with the kids at school, it was different! I know it!"

"How do you know?"

"I just do!"

"It's nothing."

"God, Leonard, why are you being like this? What are you mad at me for? You don't even know!"

"Penny, let it go!" Leonard clutched the edge of the counter and turned to face Penny, shouting now. He didn't know what had made him so angry—but his face was red, his hands were shaking with rage. He felt a pang of guilt as he saw Penny's lip tremble. He had never seen her so scared—but at the same time, he had never seen her so confident and sure of herself. But not Sheldon, not Sheldon—she was wrong—Leonard had known Sheldon for so much longer, Penny was the one who didn't even know…

"Hello, Penny. Leonard."

Leonard jumped at the sound of Sheldon's voice from the doorway. Penny, forgetting her anger with Leonard, stepped closer to him, her hand just inches away from his. Suddenly Leonard was overcome with the urge to grab her hand, hold it tightly, and watch Sheldon go back in time to when he was calmly in his spot reading a comic book. But that wasn't possible. Penny's hand wasn't his to hold, and he certainly couldn't go back in time.

"I'm sorry, I realize I'm late." Sheldon dropped his bag on the floor. "I lost track of time. I was with Amy." But his eyes were fixated on undoing the snap buttons on his jacket. "I'm sorry if I kept you up, but you could have gone to bed."

Neither Penny nor Leonard spoke. Sheldon cleared his throat and tried to move past them, avoiding any contact with Penny—even a brush of her smooth, tan arm seemed like poison to him. Penny bit her lip. Leonard shot her a glare, but Penny was upset—she couldn't be stopped.

"We need to know what happened, Sheldon."

Sheldon stopped in his tracks, but did not turn to face his friends. Penny cleared her throat nervously and glanced at Leonard.

"I told Leonard, and…we just want to know."

"I could ask you what you're talking about, but I'll save us all time and assume you're talking about the scar you saw this morning." Sheldon turned around, his face emotionless, impossible to read. "Well, Leonard, Penny, since you are wondering, I will tell you."

Leonard felt sick. He didn't want to hear. He wanted to cover his ears and shout. He didn't want to hear. Why didn't he know about this?

"When I was young, my sister Missy and I were playing hide-and-seek. I hid in the closet, but heard her in just the other room. I thought that I had more of a chance to escape if I slipped out of the closet and down the stairs. But as I emerged at the top of the stairs, my older brother George startled me by jumping out from behind a closed door. I fell, and my shirt caught the top of the railing—as I continued to fall, the railing scratched me until I reached the floor, causing this scar. It is nothing more than a childish mistake that was made many, many years ago."

And then Sheldon looked at Leonard for the first time that day. Anyone but Leonard would have said that there was no change to the way Sheldon stared with those unseeing eyes. But Leonard knew. Leonard knew that it wasn't hide-and-seek that had given Sheldon that injury. Leonard knew that Sheldon had gotten beat up far worse than he had let any of the others know. Something in those ocean blue eyes told Leonard that there was much, much more than that. Leonard knew, and he wished he didn't.

And Penny saw the look between Sheldon and Leonard, and wished she didn't. She bit her lip so hard that she felt she might break the skin. Tears stung at her eyes, and she wiped them away with a perfectly polished hand.

"Fine. Fine. If you don't want to tell me, I'll just leave." She started towards the door, bare feet stomping on the wooden floor. Before she left, she gave one fleeting glare at Leonard and then slammed the door behind her. Leonard stared after her, still with her glassy eyes in his mind. When he turned back around, Sheldon was gone. On the counter sat his flash drive.

At three in the morning, Leonard heard the bathroom water running again. If he listened closely, he thought he could hear Sheldon's ragged breathing.