A/N: I thank all the anonymous reviews given for the story. I can't reply to you directly, so I will give my thanks here. =) I hope this chapter gives some insight as to why Iruka behaved the way he did, and it's not entirely his fault. And to all those who wants a happy ending, don't worry. I'm a sucker for happy endings, so it will definitely end that way.

To Sara: Yes, I'm back. For a long while, I hope. As always, thank you for the review.

Chapter 3: When Thoughts Become Doubts

Kakashi sat on the rooftop, silently watching the village below him, his forehead protector grasped loosely in his left hand. His silvery, wild hair seemed to shimmer under the moonlight, as it hung low, covering his sharingan eye.

The conflict that evening had him completely drained. He had no idea how the rumour even began or how this fictitious woman that his lover talked about even came into being. He had never taken an interest in village gossips nor gave a care about them, being aware that these gossips only held a fraction or less of the truth. To him, outright clarification would have been the most sensible approach.

He had thought Iruka thought the same way, especially when it concerned their relationship. That was why, he had been exceptionally stunned when the chunin confronted him over a gossip and what shocked him even further was that Iruka opted to believe what was spreading through the grapevine than what he had said.

'Why is this happening again? I thought he trusted me.'

He never wanted to lose his temper, and he had tried to give in as much as he could. But no matter how he had tried to explain, the chunin seemed convinced that the rumours had been the truth and would rather believe it than what he had said.

That had made him snapped.

He knew Iruka probably had the right to be insecure about the whole thing. The hurts from the last time were perhaps, still fresh and raw to the chunin. But ever since they had reconciled, he had tried everything within his means to give Iruka the security that he needed in the relationship. And he thought, he would have set the younger man at ease and at least gained a little trust back.

Kakashi rubbed his face tiredly. Perhaps he didn't try hard enough. That was why Iruka still couldn't trust him completely. He had said all those noble things about being with Iruka, but in the end, he had left the chunin stranded alone in the middle of the streets, after he decided he didn't want to deal with the conflict any longer.

The regret in making that decision had hit him the moment he had teleported away to the memorial stone. But he had continued standing there for a good ten minutes before he realised that he couldn't keep his wandering mind from thinking about how Iruka was at that moment. By the time he got his mind to think clearly, he was already leaping across trees and roofs before he found Iruka making his way back to the shelters, alone and seemingly crying. That scene had almost tore the jounin apart.

He was glad that his instincts had acted when Iruka fainted and he caught his soon-to-be former lover before he hit the ground. If he had allowed Iruka to get hurt with him watching, he would never be able to forgive himself. But still, that did nothing to allay the guilt of what he had said to the younger man before he had left.

He reached into his vest pocket and pulled out the amulet Iruka had given him before. Gripping the cloth tightly, he closed his eyes, trying to shut out the pain in his heart as he tried to decipher what had led to the rumours.

It was true he had requested for a specific apartment from Tsunade and the older lady had granted it to him. It was true he had plans to move in once the building was completed. And it was true he had wanted someone to move in with him.

But that someone would have been Iruka.

Kakashi hadn't thought of how he should bring the topic up to the chunin because he knew Iruka still had his reservations about the relationship and perhaps even a little uncertainty. The younger man may perhaps even feel like they weren't ready to live together. He didn't want Iruka to think that he was only asking out of convenience and he might inadvertently end up hurting the chunin.

He had turned down Tsunade's initial offer of a unit in the jounins' apartment building, because he knew Iruka, while might not voice it out, would still feel uncomfortable living in a building that was specifically dedicated to the elites of the village. Besides, the apartment would not be big enough for two grown men to live in.

He had instead, taken upon himself to find an apartment, while private enough, would allow the chunin easy access to the places he frequent, like the academy, the mission room and the marketplace. He had put much thought into it because he didn't want Iruka to think that the suggestion to live together was done on a whim. He was even preparing himself to ask the question at the right time.

But after so much effort, what did he get in return? He was actually accused of being unfaithful and being a liar.

Kakashi chuckled humourlessly. 'After so much debating, there isn't even a point to ask anymore.'

He couldn't even bring himself to fault the younger man, because in the end, he still love Iruka, even if everything is shattered now.

And right now, as he sat on the roof, he couldn't help worrying about the chunin, even though he had told Genma he would no longer do so.

Everyone was silent when Iruka finished recounting what had happened that evening with Kakashi on their way back to the quarters. Genma had a grim look on his face as he closed his eyes and massaged his temples.

"I heard the rumours." Genma began. "I tried to tell Kakashi, but him being himself, had no interest in rumours whatsoever." He eyed the academy teacher before him. "He assumed it was something along the line of gossips about the two of you. And he said whoever has any objections can voice it out to him, but he would never give you up."

Iruka head jerked up to look into Genma's frustrated eyes the moment he heard that statement.

"You know, I have to agree with him on this." Genma leaned back on his hands as he stared at the wooden ceiling. "You have too little faith in him. Even I am shocked that you would actually think that he is cheating on you."

Iruka looked away, guilty with the fact that he had doubted his lover. He, of all people, had doubted his own lover, who had done so much for him. Now that he thought about it, it should come as no surprise that the jounin had been angry. He knew how much effort Kakashi had put in, just to assure him about their relationship. The jounin had even allowed a breach in his privacy, and told anyone who asked about the two of them that they were together. For someone who had a track record of staying private, that had been a huge step out of his comfort zone.

And yet, when it came to a time where their trust for each other was put to the test, he had choose to believe what everyone else was saying and refused to believe the one man he had said he loved and trusted.

At that moment, he hated himself for not reassuring Kakashi when he had the chance. Why had he gone ahead and destroyed the relationship that they had both worked so hard to salvage?

"But if Kakashi-san isn't going to move in with a woman, why is he spotted around the village with the same woman, going in and out of apartment buildings?" Kotetsu mused, interrupting Iruka's thoughts, as he glanced at the honey-haired jounin, who was still fiddling endlessly with his senbon.

Genma shrugged. "If you want the answer to that, you will have to ask him. But I'm pretty sure Kakashi will have a good explanation for it."

There was silence for a while, as jounin and chunin alike tried to figure a way to fix this mess. Genma glanced at Iruka's dejected face sympathetically. He let out an inaudible sigh and landed a hand on the teacher's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Though, I can't say I blame you totally for this. I can probably understand how you feel at the time you heard about the rumours, given what you had to go through the last time with Kakashi. Your doubts and fears are understandable."

"But I…" Iruka trailed off, his eyes casted towards the blanket covering him, his voice a soft whisper. "I should have trusted him. I should have known him better than this. Yet I…" His voice hitched as a sob rose up his throat. "I pushed him away. I refused to listen. I did it again. I tore this relationship apart. I… I can't…"

"Iruka, calm down." Izumo swiped the flowing tears away with a napkin. "It's our fault too that we didn't get the facts right before telling you. We didn't think…" The chunin sighed.

Kotetsu went forward and crouched beside the academy teacher. "We are really sorry, Iruka. We didn't expect things to turn out the way it did. We thought you two would have a good talk about it." He held on to a trembling hand, his gaze apologetic. "Is there anything we can do? Talk to Kakashi-san, perhaps?"

Iruka shook his head. "It's not your fault." He croaked. "Whatever you or anyone else may have said, I should have trusted him. I should have listened to him explain. I should have…" Iruka choked back on his tears. "After all he has done for me… For us… I must have hurt him so deeply when I said he's a cheater and a liar."

"There's no point in finding faults with anyone now." Raidou gave the self-reproaching chunin a gentle pat on the back. "What's done is done. The thing now is how we are we going to fix this?" He turned his head towards the other jounin in the group. "Any good ideas, Genma?"

"Should we talk to Kakashi-sensei on Iruka-sensei's behalf?" A feminine voice cut into the conversation, while Genma was scratching his head and considering his options. All heads turned to see a worried-looking Sakura and a grim-looking Naruto standing a distance away.

"I will be damned. I didn't even hear the two of you coming in." Genma raised a brow at the two teens.

"We didn't mean to intrude. I was worried and wanted to come by and see how Iruka-sensei is doing." Sakura gave an apologetic smile. "Naruto said he couldn't sleep and he wanted to come with me."

"How long have you been here?" Raidou rubbed the nape of his neck in frustration. He didn't think having so many people finding out about the fight would be a good thing.

"Just a couple of minutes ago. But we heard enough to make a guess as to what's going on." Sakura gave a nervous smile.

For the first time, Naruto was looking solemn, his voice grave and low. "So, should we talk to Kakashi-sensei?"

Genma beckoned them over with a wave as he stood from where he was sitting.

"No. Don't worry about it. Stay here with Iruka, check him over, comfort him, whatever. I will go and talk to Kakashi."

"But –" Naruto began, but Genma waved off the teen's protests as he walked out of the room.

"I will talk to him. I know enough of what's going on to fix this." Genma stated as he walked through the door even as a grim thought flashed through his mind.

'I hope.'

The sound of someone landing softly on the roof had Kakashi turning his head slightly to regard the person who had intrude on his privacy.

"Thought you would be here." Genma muttered as he approached the silver-haired nin.

"What is it?" The former ANBU captain turned his gaze back to the village, watching the activities that were still going on, despite it being late at night.

"Just thought I would let you know that Iruka is awake." Genma sat beside his friend, stretching out his legs to the front.

Kakashi felt the tension leaving him at the assurance. "How is he?"

"His fever hasn't subside completely. But it's not as bad as it was before. Guess the vaccine is working fine." Genma said, in an almost casual tone. "And he's awake."

"You said that already." Kakashi slipped the amulet he had been fiddling with before, back into his vest pocket in a single swift movement. Genma raised an eyebrow.

"He's awake and conscious now." The tokujo repeated, slowly and deliberately.

"I heard that the first time!" Kakashi finally turned to glare at his friend. "And what do you want me to do about that?"

"He was crying." Genma muttered in a soft voice. "Well, to be exact, he was trying to hold back his tears, but failed miserably."

That shut the silver-haired jounin up as he turned away, guilt flooding his entire being.

"He was breaking down. Badly. He told us what happened." The specialist continued as he stared at the sky, absently counting the stars. "And said he didn't want to lose you."

Kakashi clenched his fists, as he took in a deep, shaky breath, his eye staring into the distance. He didn't trust his voice enough to speak up then, so he remained quiet. But the flicker of hope that crossed the single grey eye did not go unnoticed by Genma, who was watching him.

"Goodness. I don't understand you, Kakashi!" Genma ruffled his hair with both his hands in frustration. "You can't blame him for reacting the way he did. It's as much your fault as it is his!"

"I know. That's why I'm not blaming him." The copy nin said quietly. "It's my fault that he doesn't trust me –"

"It's not that!" Genma had to rein in his emotions to keep from growling at the infuriating man. "Don't think I don't know what you are thinking. You and your over-analytical mind. Just stop it."

Kakashi raised a silver brow at his friend. Genma shook his head in exasperation. Perhaps it was Asuma's voice of reason speaking to him. But he could make a fairly good guess as to what the renowned jounin was thinking.

"If you had stopped your hesitations and asked him before the rumour started, do you think things would have gotten this out of hand?"

The silver-haired jounin frowned. "Genma, what –"

"You have been meaning to ask him. Am I wrong?" Genma stared into the single grey eye. "To live together."

Kakashi shrugged and looked away. Genma resisted the urge to literally beat some senses into the other jounin, as he continued calmly.

"But as usual, you over-analysed things. You think this is not the right time to ask because you two just got back together. You wondered what he would say or if he would reject you. You think about all the possible scenarios that could happen and how you are going to counter them. In the end, you have so much considerations building up in the back of your mind."

"And then you hold back." The honey-haired man stood and walked towards the edge of the roof, as he shoved his hands into his pocket and watched a couple of shinobi walking on the streets below. "You make decisions for Iruka by deducing how he will answer you before you even voiced out your thoughts and hear him out. Before you even ask him, you tell yourself that nothing will turn out in your favour. And, you end up not saying anything which leads to a whole chain of misunderstandings that wind up hurting both him and you."

Kakashi was silent.

"This is not a battlefield, Kakashi." Genma continued quietly. "And Iruka is not your enemy. You don't need strategies and back-up plans to ensure a successful mission. Part of being in a relationship is exploring the unknowns about your partner. Stop assuming the worst. Stop making decisions for Iruka. Stop trying to predict what would happen." The long-haired jounin sighed. "I don't deny that your analytical skills are legendary. But please, reserve that for the real enemies. Sometimes, I think your genius brain is a curse to you."

Turning and walking back to Kakashi, Genma placed a firm yet comforting hand on his shoulder. "Think about it. It's obvious you can't let him go. Try to be honest with him and tell him what you really think. For once, don't try and assume how he would answer. Let Iruka make his own decision and tell you. Who knows, you might be surprised by the outcome."

With a final pat on Kakashi's shoulder, Genma turned to leave. Just before he leapt off the edge of the roof, he turned back one last time, casting a glance at the silent jounin. Then he dug into his pocket and threw something over, which Kakashi caught with ease.

"Like I said before and I'm saying again, he's awake. And he's your lover. If he still means anything to you, take care of him yourself. I'm not a babysitter."

With that, Genma leapt off the roof to return to the quarters, living Kakashi to his own thoughts.

The copy nin watched as the other man left him alone, before he turned his mismatched eyes towards the bag of medications in his hand.

All heads turned and eyes watched expectantly when the jounin walked into the room. Genma gave a shrug – vaguely noting that the group had two people less – as he walked to his futon and lay down, pulling the covers over his head.

"Genma?" Raidou frowned.

"I spoke with him. Give him some time to wrap his head around the idea that there are no enemies here." The jounin's muffled voice came from under the blanket.

"What?" Raidou stared baffled at the lump of body mass covered by the white sheet. He turned to look at the others in the room, who looked equally confused.

"What do you mean, Genma-san?" Izumo frowned.

The blanket was thrown aside and the jounin sat up in his futon, as he buried his face in his hands.

"He's overthinking again." Genma muttered, drawing more confused looks to him.

"Could you, perhaps, be a little clearer in what you say?" Kotetsu asked uncertainly.

Genma let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, I do not know how to explain this to you." He glanced around the room. "Where's Kakashi's two students anyway?"

"Hokage-sama called for Sakura." Raidou stretched, trying to relax his stiff back. "Naruto said he will go with her. Left a couple of minutes before you came back. They said they will be back later."

Genma nodded absently, as Izumo came up and crouched beside him.

"Would it be better if Kotetsu and I go talk to him? Explain to him or something?"

Raidou gave a wry smile. "If Genma can't even knock senses into him, I doubt you two will be able to do much. Kakashi has a really stubborn streak in him and he can be really difficult to deal with when he wants to be."

"Well…" Kotetsu scratched the side of his head. "It's still worth a try. I mean, we are partly responsible for this mess…"

"Is he on the rooftop?" A tired voice cut in, drawing the attention of everyone in the group.

Genma nodded and a brow hiked up when he saw the younger man began to shift the covers away and attempted to stand up.

"Where are you going, Iruka?" Genma frowned, watching as the academy teacher finally stood up, though a little wobbly on his feet.

"To look for him." Without looking at anyone, Iruka slipped on his sandals and made for the door.

Genma was on his feet in the flicker of an eye. He grabbed Iruka's arm, preventing him from leaving the room. "You are not well enough to be moving around yet."

"Yes, Iruka. You stay here and rest. Let Izumo and I –"

"No." Iruka cut in softly. "Let me deal with this myself."

"Look Iruka, it's not entirely your fault. You don't have to bend to him." Genma spoke softly, trying to soothe the academy teacher. "That idiot has his fair share of wrongs too. Let him sort out his thoughts and he will come to you when he is ready."

"Yes, Iruka. Come on, you need your rest." Izumo moved and stood in front of his friend, eyeing him worriedly, as he tried to get him back under the covers.

Iruka gently pushed the jounin's hand from his arm as he turned to regard the older man and the other chunin.

"I'm not bending myself over for him. If this is a matter that requires the two of us to resolve it together, wouldn't it be better to get it done sooner? So why does it matter who's taking the initiative?"

"Iruka…" Izumo sighed. "But this is…"

"He did so much for me. But I still doubted him." Iruka closed his eyes, trying to keep his tears at bay. "I want to do something for him too. While I still have the chance, I want to do something. I…" The chunin swallowed hard. "I don't want to lose him."

"So are you now saying that you believe him? That he doesn't have any woman like what the rumours are saying?" Genma asked quietly. "You need to be sure, Iruka. It won't help matters if you go impulsively to talk to him now. Even if you do manage to work things out with him, but if your trust is not there, the same thing is bound to happen again."

"If you are not sure..." The jounin continued solemnly. "If you still do not know if you can place your trust in him, I suggest you don't rush into this. While giving him time to work out his own thoughts, you should also take the time to think about what you want. And after that, the two of you can talk."

Iruka contemplated silently for a moment. Then he shook his head. "I want to talk to him now. I need to talk to him. If I don't…" He took in a shuddering breath, his voice coming out barely above a whisper. "If I take my time to think, he will just get further away from me."

"But Iruka, Genma-san is right." Izumo tried to calm his friend down. "If this kind of thing were to happen again, you two will be badly hurt."

"I don't know if I can trust him yet. What happened before, the memories are still too fresh, the hurts still too intense. I'm still afraid." Iruka closed his eyes and admitted quietly. "And after what happened tonight, I realised, we both are just moving backwards instead of forward."

Genma and Izumo were both silent, as they listened to the chunin.

"I told him before, we will forget what happened and start afresh. But tonight, I found out that I have never truly let go of any of the past. I still let them haunt me. I let them influence my thoughts and I let them waver my trust in Kakashi." Iruka swallowed hard. "I was being unfair to him."

"Iruka…" Izumo held his friend's hand, offering a silent comfort.

"He was trying hard to put the past behind and move us forward. He did everything he could. But I let the past bind me and I refused to accept that he had truly changed." Iruka let out a bitter smile. "That is why, I need to talk to him. To explain to him. I don't know how I am going to do it, but I want to put my trust in him again."

The room was silent, neither shinobi knowing what to say. Finally, Genma cleared his throat, eyeing the chunin intently.

"You are not the only one, Iruka. Kakashi has his doubts too." The tokujo started, as he ran a hand through his hair, watching Iruka's stunned reaction to his statement. "I think he's also reminded of the hurts he had put you through before and he had probably sensed your discomfort. That could be the reason why he held back on saying so many things."

The jounin laid a gentle hand on the stiff shoulders. "I don't think you need me to say this to know. But Iruka, you two need to truly let go of the past and cherish what you have now. There's no knowing what's in store in the life of a shinobi." And then he added regretfully. "Just look at Asuma and Kurenai."

The chunin nodded quietly. Genma sighed.

"There's only so much all of us here can do or say. It's really up to you and him to work this out. You've let go of each other once. But now that you've made the decision to start over again, the both of you really need to work on moving past your doubts and hesitancies. There's no point in staying together if you are going to let the past continue haunting you and causing a drift in your relationship."

The jounin gave a dry smile. "Kakashi has his faults and there are moments when he could be really stubborn and infuriating. But even I can see he is trying his best. Surely you must have felt it more than me. Give him a chance to prove himself. I'm saying this, not just because he's my friend. But also because I think you two deserve to be together after having gone through so much. And I care for you as a friend. I would hate to see you getting so torn up over this."

Iruka swiped the tears from his eyes, as he forced a smile to his face. "Thank you, Genma-san."

"Well, you are in no condition to move around too much. I will teleport you to the rooftop. Have a good talk with him." Genma smiled as he pulled the chunin closer. Quickly flipping his fingers through the seals, the two of them disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Genma and Iruka rematerialised in one corner of the rooftop. The jounin pointed towards the direction where Kakashi was seated and gestured for the younger man to move forward.

"It's chilly tonight. Try not to stay here for too long. You wouldn't want your cold to get worse." Genma gave the chunin an encouraging smile. "Now go. I'm leaving."

With another quick flicking of his fingers, the jounin disappeared again in a puff of smoke. Iruka eyed his lover sitting a distance away before he took the first hesitant step towards him.